Is it worth trying to convince her?

[splash]

My SIL in having a baby in January... and of course it's a boy.
Now, I will not go into my opinion of her (and her husband's) ability to parent a child... nor will I comment on her unhealthy lifestyle, her aversion to cloth diapers (for Mexicans) or breast feeding (for poor people)... but I was wondering... if it was even worth trying to convince her not to circ her son.
Charlie is intact, obviously. She was horrified when she found out he wasn't going to be circ'ed. She asked, when he was a few hours old, when he was going to be circumcised. I said he wasn't, and she immediately started in with "OMG that is so gross. Don't do that to him. uncirc'ed men are nasty" Then my younger BIL (her brother, not husband) pipes up "Oh man, trust me, you gotta do it. I'm a guy, I know." So I said to him "Yes, but have you ever been an intact guy? What are you comparing it to?" and he actually agreed I had a point, that maybe it was okay to leave him alone.
Anyway... I know she plans on circumcising her baby. Just like I know she plans on being induced or having a section at 37 weeks (so her husband can be there) which I also... anyway. On to circumcision...
Someone who obviously has their head so far up their rear... is it even worth it? And how would I go about it? And it's not even her... I might be able to convince her... but her husband (whom I deplore for many reasons, not the least of which is his abuse towards my formerly wonderful SIL and I am assuming his soon to be son) I don't think would be willing to budge at all.
Anything that shows what a horribly painful procedure it is? If there was one super graphic video she could watch, complete with a lot of screaming... maybe she would change her mind...
Or should I just cut my losses, accept that it is going to happen and I cannot stop it, and move on?

[Momma Aimee]

wellllllllllllllllllllll

1. i don't think you'd ever be successful

but

i have a cousion who is very educated, but very mainstream....and thus clueless about anything more than storllers and formula....

i don't expect to convince her of anything

but erhe is what i am doing

1. send lots of education material -- without comment. Notes like "thought you'd like a copy of the APA newest statement on the important of breastfeeding. Hope you are feeling good". no follow up, no dicussion.

2. when i send her stuff i do not act like i know she isn't on the same page as me. for example a book on natrual child birth "I loved this and though you might find it useful. we all know any decision is a good decision if it is an educated decsion consioucly made and not blindly accepted". talk to her as if i assume she is breastfeeding, natural child birth or whatever -- not like i am trying to talk her into it.

3. I act like i am just handing down stuff i have used, gotten or found useful. "here are some books i loved that helped me choose my midwife". or "here is a really great magizen artial in my most recent mothering all about circ; i thought i'd share". again no comment and no pursuation.

I doubt your SIL or my cousion will "see the light" but.......at least i can sleep knowing i tried, i shared the best inofmation with her i have....so she can't say to me later "why didn't you tell me..."

Aimee

[Guest*]

Well, it doesn't sound like she'd be able to get over her issues with penises and say no to circing her son, but every little boy is worth trying. He needs you to be his voice, even if his mother doesn't hear it, you must try.

I decided that when I learn a friend is having a boy, I have to do what I can to let them know intact is best and circumcision is torture, because I couldn't live with myself if I don't at least try.

Best of luck to you.

[calngavinsmom]

Yikes! Sounds like you have your work cut out for ya! I would give it a go though, you never can tell. As for the baby screaming circ video, here's one for you, download the longest version, it is much more effective,
http://www.intact.ca/video.html

Check out the sticky up top too, "Web Resources" lots of good info in there. There is a link in my siggy that has even more circ footage in it, and one with pics of circumcision complications. Sounds like you are going to need the big guns on this one.

Good luck to you!

Tara

[Quirky]

would they be the kind of people who find profanity and d!ck jokes and dildos funny? if so send them a copy of penn & teller's show bullsh!t on circ - it's short, rude, and very well done!

eta: here's a link to a copy on ebay (legal): http://tinyurl.com/7a63x

one thing I wouldn't do is bury them in links or reading material. talk to them directly, send them the penn and teller if you think they'll watch it, send them the mothering mag reprints or a printed version of the second link in my siggie. if you bury them in info odds are they'll read none of it.

[Eman'smom]

Any chance your SIL is my sister :LOL

Ok I started out by saying causal things like "you know the AAP no longer recommends it" Ds is intact and fine...... sent her a link or two.

It quickly went downhill and it's a real bad scene now Anyway I felt and still do feel that I have to fight for him, someone needs to stand up and say it's wrong. I feel better knowing I at least tried to save him, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say something.

Oh and she came to visit me when ds was 2 weeks old, at a dinner out with about 10 people she said in a rather loud voice across the table "so when does he go in for his little surgery" (and made a scissor motion with her hand). We said he doesn't there is no reason. You should have seen the look on her face, not to mention you could here a pin drop in the place.