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Mindful Parenting Book Club Part III - Page 10

post #181 of 197
Hey all

I'll be quick b/c I'm supposed to be working on schoolwork and dh leaves in 5 minutes (shhh!). I've been thinking a lot about my comment about failure and then I went to read the chapter (finally in the right place in the book again) and the way he defines "practice" really helped me. Originally, I meant failure with a little bit of sarcasm, but I didn't really have another concept to replace it with and sometimes it does feel like failure given my, uhhm, personality. But the kzs talk about how practice is not about noticeable improvement like playing the piano, etc. It's not a dress rehearsal for the real play, but it is the real play. Practice always seems like preparation, like what you have to do to get where you want to go, but in this case the practice is where I need to be (even if I don't always want to be there on the surface as mamabutterfly was mentioning). So, maybe there is no failure just awareness that there's something that I can't let go at the moment (even if it is the shopping list, which probably means that I'm feeling that life is so stretched thin that the grind is beginning to take over). Like mamabutterfly said, you should get "points" for being aware that you're not being mindful.

off but thinking of you and your dreams

angie
post #182 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by Curly Locks Analisa~No hellhole updates??? Has your book arrived yet? I get voice messaging on my phone the day you move! That means when I'm on-line people can leave us a message! High speed int. access is $55 a month... O.k. so my happy news isn't as exciting as a first house... And "YES" I will try to go easier on myself! It's the rest of the world (not you guys) that I wish would "back off!"


Hellhole update: SOMEONE (dh) left CHIPS on the floor last night & now it's covered with ants! I HATE IT HERE.

I keep getting the max user message too, that's what I meant about my post getting eaten.
post #183 of 197
Hi all ~

Good to see everyone still humming along. I had a computer virus take down my entire system last week. We got most of the things I lost back, but some things (including the main website I've been designing for my local AP site that I was almost finished with and preparing to publish up to the web) are gone forever. *sigh* I've cruised around Mothering a bit over the last day or two, but I've been kinda bummed and haven't been up to mindfulness discussions!

At any rate, thank you to everyone who has pitched in to organize things here, both now and in the weeks to come. It's so nice to come in and rest and take part in something that's being taken such good care of.

Couple of quick thoughts (quick because I have a squirmy toddler on my lap who seems intent upon hitting keyboard combos that change functions of my new OS that I'm not familiar with yet LOL) ~

* Who else relies on external cues to keep them focused? I have a variety of meaningful objects around my house that remind me of certain things, but the thing that really keeps me humming these days are my Tibetan bracelets. Both were gifts from DH. One has the symbols for "om mani pedme hum" on it, and the other is simpler but was blessed by the Dalai Lama himself. I wear one or the other every day. They never cease to remind me (a) that DH loves me and (b) that I should pause and enjoy both the beauty of the bracelets I'm wearing and the beauty of the moment. They really help me. Anyone else use external cues?

* Pg. 109, "We each have all the equipment we need to do this inner and outer work." This is affirming to me because I used to always look ahead to the next thing or stage: "When I own a good car, I'll be able to ..." or "After I've graduated from college, I'll be able to ..." or "Once we move, we'll have more space and I can ...". I have been aware of this pattern and have worked to change it for many years now, but it's a hard road. *sigh* It's good to come across statements like this one that remind me that I don't have to wait for anything else to happen in my life -- I can make the things I want to happen occur right now, this very moment!

Mamaste ~
post #184 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by Curly Locks
terms were very similar to EB. Wish I would have known about these beliefs years ago, before my beliefs became sooo ingrained in my personality! I feel like I need a chisel to get my onion layers peeled.
I am reading that book now. It is pretty god. I am really into this Now, mindfulness stuff right now.

I don't have much time, but I have to say that BOY, I don't pay attention for a couple of days and you guys make two pages of posts for me to read. Heather, be ready to do a lot of readin when you get back

Book club IRL sounds good too, but I also appreciate the slow pace. When I get really good at this mindfulness thing I am going to start leading discussions aobut mindful parenting. Just a thought.

post #185 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by LiminalOne
Hey all

So, maybe there is no failure just awareness that there's something that I can't let go at the moment (even if it is the shopping list, which probably means that I'm feeling that life is so stretched thin that the grind is beginning to take over). Like mamabutterfly said, you should get "points" for being aware that you're not being mindful.

angie
Yeah, Angie!!! That's what I wanted to say to you when you said you "fail" at meditation, but I knew it would be better if you came to it yourself. (not to be patronizing, but I do struggle with my old pedantic ways -- that education training has been SO hard to undo!)

And ABSOLUTELY, being aware that you "aren't" mindful *IS* being mindful! That's all anyone can be expected to do, right? To be MINDFUL of their thoughts and feelings -- remember that even the kzs say you aren't supposed to try to change yourself -- just observe -- and in the observing, you may see changes that you feel are improvements.

Wanna reply to mamaste but don't know how to quote 2 people in one post!
post #186 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by Mamaste


* Who else relies on external cues to keep them focused?
What a fabulous idea! I need something like this to help me remember that dh is ON MY TEAM. For some reason, that concept keeps fading from my memory and by the end of the day, I'm acting like he's the opponent. I loved what you said about the bracelets . . . will have to think about this. THX!

Quote:
Originally posted by Mamaste

* Pg. 109, "We each have all the equipment we need to do this inner and outer work." This is affirming to me because I used to always look ahead to the next thing or stage: "When I own a good car, I'll be able to ..." or "After I've graduated from college, I'll be able to ..." or "Once we move, we'll have more space and I can ...". I have been aware of this pattern and have worked to change it for many years now, but it's a hard road. *sigh* It's good to come across statements like this one that remind me that I don't have to wait for anything else to happen in my life -- I can make the things I want to happen occur right now, this very moment!

Mamaste ~
Oh, I LOVE this concept, too. I know that the search for bliss is one of the ways we westerners have lost the point of eastern spiritual practices, but that FEELING (that comes after deep meditation or an awesome yoga practice) can be an amazing one to someone who thinks happiness comes from external sources. I'll never forget the first time I felt inner peace at the end of a meditation practice and my WONDERFUL teacher said something like, "You have what you need to feel this way WITHIN you. You didn't need anything else to get you there today and you don't need anything else the rest of your days."

That IS a powerful realization.

I still get caught up in the "when, when, when" way of thinking, but it is nice to be reminded.
post #187 of 197
OT: Has anyone contacted Cynthia and told her about these problems? I'm having it with all the thread, so I don't think it's just this one. If not, I will.

Also, H: Let's start a new thread since this one is so long. (We're about to get rid of our cable access, so I'm afraid I'll NEVER be able to download this thread!) Shall I do it?
post #188 of 197
I believe Cynthia is aware of the problem.

I just have so many thoughts that I can't sort them out.

I think the hardest part is the remebering part. Remembering to breathe and be preset at any particular time. But I have found that when I do remember I get the same thing that El descibed, namely that a bad moment is actually not so bad. SOmetimes now I even see the anger coming. It's like I say "Oh here I am about to get angry, why?" And I observe it for a minute. Bt I get angry anyway. It makes it possible for me to understand the anger later though and it doesn't last as long.

External cues sound like a good idea. Buteven without them, I sometimes just remember that I should be mindful and if I am not, sometimes I notice that. And I think you DO get "points" for that because once you start to remember, you remember.

Anyway, sounds like I am not the only one who loses it. Even the KZ's describe "breathing and having lost it!"

DD and I both have Bronchitis, so I missed work and I have a huge backlog so I am in and out trying to organize my thoughts at the same time.

I think a new thread is a good idea. I'll be back later.

I loved your dream el.
post #189 of 197
Thread Starter 
Hi, gang! I'm having a better day and trying to declutter my house (if that's possible) cuz tomorrow I have a visitor coming. And dh and I are trying to get ready for next week by getting some things done we've been putting off for months. Don't want anything big hanging over our heads next week!

I will start a new thread for us, but it won't be anything fancy. I have been thinking of doing it and glad someone mentioned it. I'm so used to slow motion with my computer that I don't always notice how long it takes to load the thread. I hope that max_user_connection thing doesn't have to do with the fact that MDC needs us to donate again so it won't be shut down, but I have a feeling that is part of it.

Bless you all for your commitment here, as someone else mentioned. Your support, input, and thoughts here have made a huge impact on my decisions and ability to keep coming back here and not giving up on this quest to be present and in the "now" as much a possible. Some days I feel like giving up and never coming back to MDC b/c this is a painful and exhausting journey for me somedays, but then I read your thoughts and struggles and know I can keep going b/c you and this book have greatly inspired me.
post #190 of 197
Thread Starter 

PART IV

Mindful Parenting Book Club Part IV~ http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...threadid=39995

Please use the new thread now, mamas. Thanks!!!
post #191 of 197

Re: I should be napping w/my child!

Quote:
Originally posted by Breathe
One feeling I do NOT want to model so much, however, is my anger. I'm not like Jacqueline (at least I think it was Jac who said this), I hardly ever blow up -- instead I'm one of those silent types who holds everything in and lets it bubble out as cynicism, sarcasm, bitterness, and ultimately, depression. And it often comes out directed at people, altho almost ALWAYS behind their backs.

Nice, huh? Makes you wanna move right next door and be my buddy, doesn't it?!?! :


This is also how I do anger...but it is a learned behavior. I have spent five years in therapy unlearning it and I will continue to work on it.
post #192 of 197
Hey Women, I know we're onto a new thread, but check your pms later . . . I need a little support and that's a better place for it. THX! E.
post #193 of 197
Thread Starter 
Mamaste~ I don't have anything tangiable to help me stay focused, other than ds and dh, but I dont thhink that counts. But I think a necklace or bracelet is a neat idea!! I think that is so sweet that your dh gave you a gift that was blessed from the D.L. I have my wedding ring, but I don't wear it often. We bought dh a nice wedding ring with diamonds a few years back and it was misplaced (short version of the story). I keep thinking I'll sell mine and buy us a matching set...but my ring isn't worth more than $300 used. Maybe we could have a special ceremony and have our rings blessed to renew our vows. BTW, I'm so glad to see how everyone else cherishes there dh's. It makes me want to try harder and gives me ideas on what we can do as a couple to stay commmited. I have been PMSing and so tired this week. My dh has been a saint to put up with me.
post #194 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by Breathe
I know there's no way I can convince anyone that this was a 6th-sense kind of thing (I frequently dream things before they happen and no one ever does believe me), but thought I'd share in case some of you are "believers" . . . (cue the Twilight ZOne music).



I'm a believer.

Oh, and I know we're on another thread but I'm STILL answering things from this thread, so please please can I finish up here while I try to catch up with you all who have lapped me?
post #195 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by mamabutterfly
I personally have been very much hiding from mindfulness lately -- um, does it make a difference that i have been *aware* I am hiding from myself, even as I'm doing it? : This has meant not writing in my journal, not taking time in silence... not even tolerating silence lately (NPR, TV, reading, or computer constantly).

...

The 3 of us are going on a vacation too, Feb 5-12... except dh being who he is, he's bringing his laptop along, sigh. :
YES, it makes a difference that you are aware of hiding from mindfulness! Yes! Once you have changed, you can never totally go back, right?

My DH always takes his laptop on trips, too.
post #196 of 197
Quote:
Originally posted by Mamaste
* Who else relies on external cues to keep them focused? I have a variety of meaningful objects around my house that remind me of certain things, but the thing that really keeps me humming these days are my Tibetan bracelets. Both were gifts from DH. One has the symbols for "om mani pedme hum" on it, and the other is simpler but was blessed by the Dalai Lama himself. I wear one or the other every day. They never cease to remind me (a) that DH loves me and (b) that I should pause and enjoy both the beauty of the bracelets I'm wearing and the beauty of the moment. They really help me. Anyone else use external cues?

* Pg. 109, "We each have all the equipment we need to do this inner and outer work." This is affirming to me because I used to always look ahead to the next thing or stage: "When I own a good car, I'll be able to ..." or "After I've graduated from college, I'll be able to ..." or "Once we move, we'll have more space and I can ...". I have been aware of this pattern and have worked to change it for many years now, but it's a hard road. *sigh* It's good to come across statements like this one that remind me that I don't have to wait for anything else to happen in my life -- I can make the things I want to happen occur right now, this very moment!

Mamaste ~


The external cues is a great idea, I'll have to try it...

I gave a speech at my high school graduation, and I actually said something to the effect of, "Don't wait until you have more time, more money, or more whatever to follow your dreams b/c you'll never have enough time or money or whatever and you have to follow them anyway." Something like that. Anyway, I really ought to take my own advice...
post #197 of 197
analisa, come over to this thread. you are on the old one!

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...5&goto=newpost

cheryl
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