Mindful Parenting Book Club Part III - Page 2

[Breathe]

and I'm just too zonked to read.

must . . . get . . . sleep

when . . . will . . . teething . . . and . . . wretched . . . nightwaking . . . end?!?!

[Curly Locks]

Just wanted to pop in to say I'm still here...and thinking of our little group on Christmas Eve. Also, dh has half of next week off so I hope we can play hooky for a another week or so. That way we can ring in the new year and have lots of time to reflect on 2002 and visualize our hopes for the new year ahead. May you all be happy and warm wherever you are. I look forward to continuing our discussion in the new year. You all are very important to me and have greatly impacted my spiritual journey and I am so grateful for you all!

[Curly Locks]

Welcome back to reality everyone!!!! I'm so glad I have you all to keep me sane!

Thank you Mamakarata and Breathe for your input about Part IV on the Support Thread. Your input is appreciated!

A few months ago we decided to discuss one chapter a week and that we would decide in January if that's working for everyone. Well it's now January and I'm looking for feedback about how you think things are going? I want honesty. We have a very long way to go at one chapter a week. But yet I'm not sure how else we can make this manageable any other way. Also, I'd like to propose a discussion calendar w/ a planned week off this spring and to get us through by June. I will make it as slow a pace as possible. Any thoughts?

I'd like to propose that this coming week we discuss Parening Is the Full Catastrophe and Live in Zen Master (pages 89-95). PIFC is only two pages so I think it would be o.k. to lump those two chapters together. If you all agree then I'll post my thoughts about those chapters on Sunday.

P.S. I'm really excited about Part IV and hearing how it relates to your lives. I'm so thankful for your friendship and for sharing your lives here.

[Curly Locks]

Well skip the finish by June idea. At one or two chapters a week it would not be possible. Does anyone want to take the summer off and just keep our one chapter a week pace and take some weeks off this spring? I want to keep this fun and simple for us. I'm in no rush.

[nuggetsmom]

I think the later parts are more "stories" and meditations, so I think we can take a different approach for instance reading a section per month and discussing the stories that eally meant something to you. I think though that different stories will speak to you at different days or weeks of your life so maybe the later parts are just part of an ongoing dialogue of mindfulness...

In fact, maybe we can find other stories like that that speak to us. Lets worry about it later and right now we can worry or rather think only about right now (that is, part iV)

Jacqueline

[Curly Locks]

Jacqueline~Thanks for the reminder about staying in the moment! I'm great with taking it one week at a time. I agree there are a lot of stories in the second half. If anyone feels differently please let me know. We should have an "Open Door Policy" Just speak up if you have an idea or suggestion about anything or are unhappy about something. We can work through anything and figure this out as we go.

gotta go..be back on Sunday.

[mamabutterfly]

Looking forward to reading and beginning the discussion again!

mb

[Devi]

New Here

Hello,
Im new here and just got my copy of the book from half.com. I ordered the book previously and the person who I ordered from never responded (thus delaying my enlightenment process)...

Anyway, I am glad you are moving slow, as I need time to catch up. Hope its not to late to chime in. I will try not to post until I am caught up to you all.

Thanks,

[Breathe]

Gully, POST AWAY!!!! No pre-reqs here! And welcome!

[Curly Locks]

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from "Parenting Is the Full Catastrophe" on pages 89 and 90 (1st chapter of Part IV).

Children give us the opportunity to share in the vibrancy of life itself in ways we would not touch were they not a part of our lives. Especially when children are young, our job as a parent is to be there for them and as best we can, nurture them and protect them so that they are free to experiece the innocence and genius of childhood, gently providing what guidance we can out of our own hearts and our own wisdom as they learn to find and define their own paths.

We may find ourselves feeling connected to the hopefulness and the pain in others in ways that we might not have felt before. Our sphere of compassion tends to broaden.

For our own on-going growth is an absolute necessity if we are to serve as effective parents of our children over the long haul, so that they may be sheltered and grow well in their own ways and in their own time.

I'm sure these quotes speak to us all in similar ways and we can relate to them in our experiences as mothers. Our discussion and MDC is a huge part of my on-going growth. And I can see El (Breathe) in the first quote thru her new thread for toddler activities. And all of you are the empitomy of compassion IMO. I have learned so much about compassion thru being a mother but I've also learned a lot about seeing things from other mother's point of views from reading your posts. My way works for me (most of the time) but it may not work for you. And learning to express that w/o offending is important to me.

Well dh needs me and I am zonked from a busy week. I hope you all are well. I am so excited to see what you all got out of this chapter.

P.S. Here are some interesting links that I thought may interest you~ Jon Kabat Zinn's book review on "Full Catastrope Living and the table of contents:
http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/bibli...6-0385303122-2 and the Table of Contents to "FCL": http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...16#reader-link
Table of Contents to "Wherever You Go": http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...12#reader-link
These books are very interconnected and overlapping to "EB" as I'm sure you will notice from the Table of Contents.

[momcat]

Quick thought about Heather's comment re: finishing (or not) by June - I am so enjoying everyone's company (as it were!) and everyone's thoughts, I'm not sure I want to give you all up by June! Let's just take it as it comes, and when we're done, we're done. I like putting together the two chapters you mentioned - the first is short. I work Sun and Mon nights, but will look forward to reading posts!

[Curly Locks]

Hi all!

Karen~ Thanks for sharing your life details with us! You are one busy mama!

Gully~Sorry it is taking so long for you to get the book. I'm glad you're persistant.

Jacqueline~Ditto on what El said about being WHOLE. You gotta do what is right for you! I'm glad to have you in our group and for your honesty. It helps those of us that are at home to relate to WOHM.

Just out of curiosity I read the review about "Zorbo the Greek" since it is referenced in this chapter (Parenting is the Full Catastrophe) and thought it may interest you (once the link is opened scroll down the page to read reviews). It's neat to read book reviews and learn more about what is referenced in "EB." It helps me to understand more of the background for the book's creation. However, it's not necessary for our discussion. Just a hobby of mine.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...books&n=507846

[Breathe]

And just to clarify, I had hoped that once we finished this book, we'd begin another (TBA), so Momcat, you've got us as long as you want us!

Heather, I need you to crack the whip to get me reading EB -- for some reason I seem to keep choosing to do other things with my free time (like read the latest Mothering, work on the toddler thread,etc) -- but I do promise that I will read and contribute very soon.

Have you ever had the image of your life as a runaway train, with you hanging on for dear life as you're being swished along in mid-air behind it?!?! :

[Curly Locks]

Ditto, El, about having us for a long time! Some book groups have been around for over 30 years. We may still be discussing books when we're 75 years old. I think our group is sooooooo cool! And Karen, I'm glad you aren't sick of us!!! That's a sign!

O.k. I hate to beat a dead horse w/ my links but I found an interesting link to an interview w/ JKZ. It's kinda long but I enjoyed it. http://www.commongroundmag.com/jonkz.html

El, don't worry about not reading and the runaway train! My life is a lot like that! When you're ready to read and chime in about the book we'll be here w/ open arms! BTW, I liked how you organized the toddler activity thread and I'm psyched about my week.

[nuggetsmom]

Originally posted by momcat
Quick thought about Heather's comment re: finishing (or not) by June - I am so enjoying everyone's company (as it were!) and everyone's thoughts, I'm not sure I want to give you all up by June!

Who said we were going anywhere! I plan on staying right here is some other thread with you guys

And what else would I do at work? Actual labwork? Nah:

Actually, I really do work, but I don't keep up with my literature (unless you count this, and my advisor doesn't. Well, I haven't asked )

[Deirdre]

Hi everyone

I asked for and received (love it when that happens) this book for Christmas. I knew that many of you have been reading it and decided to read it myself. I hope to catch up with you and begin joining these heartfelt discussions. I enjoyed reading this thread and seeing how much conversation this book has stimulated.

I'll check back soon and let you know where I am at

-Deirdre

[mamabutterfly]

Welcome Dierdre! So happy yoy are joining us -- I have enjoyed your posts in activism since before I joined MDC. This conversation has really been a source of support and grounding for me.

Hey it's the 6th and I'm still doing my daily yoga, lol. How's it going for others?

I was struck at the opening of the first chapter by the phrases about parenting "making us vulnerable in ways we weren't before" and "making us responsible in ways we were before." That has been so true for me. I feel like I am out there in front of my family and the world with my parenting choices, mistakes, etc. Yesterday I had a bad day, and my husband seemed so hurt to see the way I treated Sophie, and it was horrible. Having a bad day has a much higher cost now - I can't hide from the consequences of my moods. There is a greater feeling of responsibility for every choice.

gotta run.

[mamakarata]

okay, just reviewing the pages of this week's read (89-95 right?) and one thing that popped out for me was how children challenge every place that we might be holding an expectation.

i thought how true. i think one of my biggest challenges has been letting go of my expectations. i notice over time that when i have, a spontaeneous fun thing often happens that totally surprises me and my child.

my brain gets so set in "when this happens, i do that, when that happens, i do this"

i have to consciously create a new memory pathway to say "when this happens, what of the many options will i do?"

i don't mean to be so vague. my ds is not what mainstreamers would call an "easy" baby- however, up to recently, i have felt pretty up to the challenge.

but this last week, i found myself less imaginative in my responses, and finally falling back on the word "no, no" instead of my usual interception and redirection.

another silly expectation (on myself), but i feel disappointed. not because i think he'll be traumatized by the word, but because i didn't want to set the precedence in the household in general.

dh and dd really look to me for guidance in dealing with ds, just because i have more experience and have read endless books.

i fear it has initiated a tendancy to stop attempting the creative redirection or assistance we have always taken. i am pretty sure i am back on course and it isn't the beginning of the end, but the team effort is so delicate and i was a little disappointed in myself.

just thought i'd share. i am so grateful for the slow pace of this club, as for me, it offers maximum absorption!

take care all

[Curly Locks]

~How I feel when I read your posts!

You all make me so proud to be an MDCer and mama! BTW, to our group Deirdre! We like our slow pace here and we don't always stick to the discussion but we do have our intellectual times, too! Whatever happens we always try to keep it ! Are we discussing the first two chapters of Part IV this week? It's only seven pages.

We just got home from a yoga class and 13 month old ds stayed in the nursery for 45 minutes. It was his first time away from me w/o being w/ dh. It was a hard step for me but I really wanted to expand my horizons and I thought he would do well. A friend is the instructor and ds is friends w/ her little dd who was in the nursery w/ ds. He was so upset when I went to get him! But the class was awesome and much different than doing a 20 minute video in the basement while ds is climbing all over me.

[quote] I was struck at the opening of the first chapter by the phrases about parenting "making us vulnerable in ways we weren't before" and "making us responsible in ways we were before." That has been so true for me. I feel like I am out there in front of my family and the world with my parenting choices, mistakes, etc. Yesterday I had a bad day, and my husband seemed so hurt to see the way I treated Sophie, and it was horrible. Having a bad day has a much higher cost now - I can't hide from the consequences of my moods. There is a greater feeling of responsibility for every choice.[/qoute]

[Curly Locks]

~How I feel when I read your posts! You all make me so proud to be an MDCer and mama! BTW, WELCOME to our group Deirdre! We like our slow pace here and we don't always stick to the discussion but we do have our intellectual times, too! Whatever happens we always try to keep it ! Are we discussing the first two chapters of Part IV this week? It's only seven pages total. Just say the word, Mamas! I don't want anyone to feel [freaked out].

We just got home from a yoga class and 13 month old ds stayed in the nursery for 45 minutes. It was his first time away from me w/o being w/ dh. It was a hard step for me but I really wanted to expand my horizons and I thought he would do well. A friend is the instructor and ds is friends w/ her little dd who was in the nursery w/ ds. He was so upset when I went to get him! But the class was awesome and much different than doing a 20 minute video in the basement while ds is climbing all over me.

Posted by MB: I was struck at the opening of the first chapter by the phrases about parenting "making us vulnerable in ways we weren't before" and "making us responsible in ways we were before." That has been so true for me. I feel like I am out there in front of my family and the world with my parenting choices, mistakes, etc. Yesterday I had a bad day, and my husband seemed so hurt to see the way I treated Sophie, and it was horrible. Having a bad day has a much higher cost now - I can't hide from the consequences of my moods. There is a greater feeling of responsibility for every choice. I can totally relate to this and what Mamakarata just posted about saying "no, no" and dh being disapointed in me and being disapointed in myself. Our group does help me to stay grounded as well and to stretch when I don't always want to. I am learning to stay in touch w/ my moods a little better now and my needs too. Finding a balance there is the goal. And being so imperfect and screwing up helps give me more motivation to try harder. I'm glad to know we are all human and that we can struggle through motherhood together.