is it wrong to want to get someone to come around *after* they circed their son?

[CluckyInAZ]

My cousin gave birth to and circed her son 2 months after I had my intact son. While we were pregnant she asked me my opinion on circ, and I gave it. I have her tons of links, I told her how my husband feels about being circed I told her how I feel about my husband being circed, and she did it anyway.

At first I thought I would never talk to her again, but I posted on here and people told convinced me that I should not do that. So I have been hoping to rub some crunchiness off on her. Sometimes it is really hard to listen to her though...

Anyway, is it wrong to want to send her circ articles (like in the new mothering) to get her to see the light? Or should I hold off until she gets pregnant again? She has a lot of friends who are having babies, so I am thinking if I can get her to see the light it might not only save her future children, but also some of her friends.

She is under a lot of stress right now because she messed up her nursing relationship (which I think is at least somewhat related to the circ) and her baby has colic from the supplemented formula he is getting and she is up pumping all night (I a proud of her for still pumping at least) so maybe if she had to come to terms with what she did she would go crazy? She has never been the most stable person IMO.

Any advice?

[Quirky]

I would say hold off for now - concentrate on supporting her in her nursing relationship. What is done on circ is done for her son, but she still has a chance to get the nursing part right, and that is hugely important for his health and wellbeing.

Later on, when things are stable and she's either nursing or she isn't, and she's adjusted to parenthood, might be an appropriate time to approach her once again on circ. But right now, with things as hard as they are with nursing (and let me tell you it is HARD pumping and nursing - I did it for 3 months), I think it would be kicking her when she is down to tackle her on circ.

[Eman'smom]

Is it wrong no, and I think you should try but I agree with Quirky, since it's done focus on BFing for now.

Oh and the lastest Mothering has a great BFing section so you could still give her the magazine.

[Past_VNE]

Yeah, Yeah!! That's a great idea. Give her the latest issue of Mothering and say, "Here, I thought you could get some good advice from the breastfeeding article(s) in this mag. I hope it helps you out." Don't even mention the two apparently great anti-circ pieces. She'll see 'em!!

[sleepies]

id hold off , until if/when she gets pg again.

i think some discovery channel type documentaries are the most helpful.

also, i think great works of art and such are good influences for not circ'

[Frankly Speaking]

I think it is a good idea to keep bringing it up occasionally for two reasons.

There is a good chance she will have another son and her son(s) have a better than even chance of having sons.

Second, this is an issue that has become very public in the last few years and it will only become more public. There is a very good chance that he will ask her about it and also a very good chance that he will not be happy for her decision. Bringing it to her attention may help her formulate a response and if she has the heads up early, she may admit that she really had no right to do that to him and that he should seriously think about the decision when he has a son.



Frank

[Ilaria]

As my Sr title says...I would 'plant crunchy seeds' ....no need to be pushy on it now, no need to hurry anymore. i would stay close to her, help her with BFing and 'plant a seed' every now and then...the latest MOthering mag idea is good one, for example.

[njeb]

Originally Posted by Ilaria

As my Sr title says...I would 'plant crunchy seeds' ....no need to be pushy on it now, no need to hurry anymore. i would stay close to her, help her with BFing and 'plant a seed' every now and then...the latest MOthering mag idea is good one, for example.

:

[Karah R]

I agree 100% with "planting seeds" with people who are otherwise not likely to decide against circ'ing on their own, and seeing what positive information you can slip in along with any breastfeeding support or articles you're already helping her out with. It's often the best way to bring around someone who is indifferent on the subject--soft selling the idea and dropping a little info every now and then so that they open up to the idea without even realizing it.

[calngavinsmom]

I vote for sending her the newest Mothering mag too. To support her nursing of course! That is a great idea and not too in your face.

Take care,
Tara

[CluckyInAZ]

I don't think she would get anything out of the breastfeeding articles in the Mothering issue, because she is pumping and supplementing with formula. She isn't doing any breastfeeding. Her son has a tongue tie and latch problems that she has decided not to try to change so she is pumping for him. (she wouldn't clip a tongue tie, but she circed : )

I have decided not to bring anything up in person, but I think I might send her the magazine anyway.

[Quirky]

Oh man, can you work on her on getting the frenulum clipped? Her baby may face lifelong health consequences if she doesn't breastfeed, and exclusive pumping gets old fast.

How ironic....getting a tongue tie clipped is something that is usually painless and has no lifelong negative effects, while circ is painful and damaging for life!

What the heck is wrong with her priorities.... :

[CluckyInAZ]

I tried all I could to get her to clip the tongue. I offered to give her my naturopath's info (my son was also tongue-tied and she clipped it for me -- no blood no pain what-so-ever and only took a second) but her insurance doesn't cover naturopathy, so she went to see an ear nose and throat surgeon who belittled her and told her that clipping a tongue tie is too dangerous with a baby so she should wait until he is older and can go under general anesthesia for the procedure

I am surprised she has been pumping this long really, since she isn't getting any sleep at all, with feeding and pumping during the night. Her baby often doesn't sleep between feedings. I wish there was something I could do to help her. I gave her a link to an ep yahoo group and a link to an ep website that someone said was helpful. I don't know what to do beyond that.

When I saw her in the hospital a couple of days after her baby was born she told me nursing was going great and she had no soreness and everything was peachy. The next day she had him circed and then I was hearing about how he was losing weight and he wouldn't latch on right and she was having a hard time of it. Could that be coincidence? It definitely sounds like the circ was involved at least a little to me.

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by CluckyInAZ

When I saw her in the hospital a couple of days after her baby was born she told me nursing was going great and she had no soreness and everything was peachy. The next day she had him circed and then I was hearing about how he was losing weight and he wouldn't latch on right and she was having a hard time of it. Could that be coincidence? It definitely sounds like the circ was involved at least a little to me.

Sounds like it to me.

http://www.nocirc.org/statements/breastfeeding.php

Tara

[katerkat]

Honestly, I had problems with breastfeeding in the beginning, and if anyone came at me with circ articles and whatnot at that point in time, I would have snapped at them. And it would NOT have been pretty. Right now, I would support her in the breastfeeding relationship, and worry about her future circ decisions later. It's too late to un-circ this baby but you can be a supportive friend and help their breastfeeding.

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by katerkat

Honestly, I had problems with breastfeeding in the beginning, and if anyone came at me with circ articles and whatnot at that point in time, I would have snapped at them. And it would NOT have been pretty. Right now, I would support her in the breastfeeding relationship, and worry about her future circ decisions later. It's too late to un-circ this baby but you can be a supportive friend and help their breastfeeding.

Pick your battles wisely. Now is not the time to bash her over the head with anti-circ stuff. I think she'll see right through it if you send the Mothering issue now.

I would, however, talk to her more about tongue-tie and getting her baby to the breast -that ENT is a frickin' moron. :

The risks of not breastfeeding are far greater than the risks of clipping the frenulum.

Maybe you could find and print out some info from www.kellymom.com and/or www.lalecheleague.org on tongue-tie for her.