Reassure me Mamas....

[Anguschick1]

I know my body can do this. I know that my body was built for this. But can I turn off my brain long enough for my body to function?

Despite being doped up to all mighty heck and back w/ds's birth, I remember pushing. During those 72 hours that I lost of labor, delivery and ds's first 24 hours, I remember the 20 minutes that it took to push his body out of mine into this world and for that I am eternally grateful.

But as I approach my birthing time w/this babe, I am worried. Not about health issues w/me or the babe, but about accepting labor and just going w/it. I have my affirmations up all over the house, and like I said, I KNOW my body can do this, but I'm not too sure about my brain stepping out of the way to allow me to birth the way my body is meant to birth.

So, Mamas, I come to you to reassure me that I can and WILL do this. How did you get your brain out of the way? Is it just something that will happen naturally as my birthing time progresses?

Tips, Tricks, Stories? Doc was "just guessing" but said that he'd be out to my house this weekend, I'm not holding my breath, but this is my main fear/concern about this pregnancy/birth so I thought I should get it out there.

Thanks for any input...

[wendy1221]

I've been fighting those feelings this whole pregnancy as well. I had a wonderful birth w/ my first, so I at least have that to tell me I *can* and *have* done this. But my 2nd birth was not so good. In the last few weeks I have finally started feeling more I don't know, powerful again. I noticed your siggy says you're due Aug/Sep. Maybe you're waiting to get over these feelings before the baby will come? I found that talking to other women, like my mw, and here in MDC, about my birth experience w/ ds2 and everything that went wrong (mainly how the nurses at the hospital treated me), and having them discuss it with me and agree w/ me that it was awful and I should be disappointed and angry, etc, has really helped me feel better about the whole thing. KWIM? Why don't you post your birth story from your first and get it out there in the open. All the shame and pain, etc, etc. And we'll talk about it.

[MelissaEvans]

Sometimes being civilized is a hinderance; I've noticed there's a difference between knowing and feeling.
Do you have a good support team? DP ready to help, someone to act as a doula? People to help you let go?
If you have time, perhaps try the birth art from Birthing from Within?
I found writing out DS's birth story to be really helpful - and I wrote it all out. It was 10 pages, very raw, and so healing! I used it to yell at everyone who did things that upset me and released that anger. Writing very long birth plans was helpful too; making sure everyone knew what they're supposed to be doing so we're all on the same page.
May I have your affirmations? I need some! =)

[RachelGS]

I know what you mean. After a hard first birth, it's much harder to just take labor as it comes. One thing I'm remembering is that my brain got itself out of the way during my first labor. Birth is not a cognitive process. You might worry beforehand, but when your body is doing the work of birth, you're not going to be thinking all that much. You'll just be birthing.

The other thing I've done is just to be very clear about what kind of support I anticipate needing, and to try to set it up.

Hang in there, mama. You can do it.

[~Megan~]

If you are anything like me you will not have a choice. For me it just happened and I felt like I was on a huge wave I had no choice but to go with it. To fight against it just exhausted me and got me no where. And at some points (pushing in particular) I felt like if I tried to help it along I was careening out of control. I just had to let it happen. I certainly wasn't relaxed or "in control". I yelled a lot. Complained and whinned a lot, but it still happened.

[WinterBaby]

I agree with the brain naturally getting out of the way when having the space to anyway. I'm an overthinker about most things... Or is that obsessive worrier? lol - Anyway, me and anxiety are well aquainted. But during birth... after things got to active labor, it was one contraction, then the next. I don't think there's anything that I thought about - not the arrival of the baby, not the time it was taking or when/how it would end, not the people around me, nothing. And that's not really me. So I think the hormonal chemical concoction of a normal uninterfered with labor gives us a generous helping hand in putting us in that right frame of mind to ride out labor.

[veggiekicks]

Originally Posted by mamao'two

If you are anything like me you will not have a choice. For me it just happened and I felt like I was on a huge wave I had no choice but to go with it. To fight against it just exhausted me and got me no where. And at some points (pushing in particular) I felt like if I tried to help it along I was careening out of control. I just had to let it happen. I certainly wasn't relaxed or "in control". I yelled a lot. Complained and whinned a lot, but it still happened.

This was very similar to my experience, too. But, there was a point that I felt like I was holding things back because of what was going on in my head. When I realized it was happening, I voiced my fears. Just giving voice to them got them out of my head and I was able to let go of them and let my body take over.

[Persephone]

I'm dealing with issues like that, because this is my first, and I've never done it before, and I'm nervous cause I don't know what to expect. Early on in my pregnancy, I felt like I was suddenly more fragile, that I had a "condition". Then I realized that that's exactly the WRONG way to feel when you're pg, and that was society's attitude I was internalizing. So, I tried to think of a way to make me feel less fragile. I came up with an image of myself with legs that are sturdy and strong like tree trunks. I imagined my tree trunk legs squatting to birth. And that helped me feel stronger too. Whenever I felt weak, I just brought up the image. And I imagine I will also in labor.

Another thing I want to do in labor is be able to open wide and let the baby through. So, I used Ina May's mantra, "My vagina is HUGE!" And I intend to have that going through labor, along with an image of a sheela-na-gig as a focal point. (http://www.thewhitemoon.com/gallery/Sila.html)

So, those are a couple of examples of specific issues I have, and how I've customized images and such to help me past them. I think it's best if you identify exactly what your anxiety is, and devise a way to overcome it.

As for turning off your thinking mind, well, I haven't experienced it myself, but from what I hear, you won't be able to HELP it. You'll have to get to that place in your head, and you won't be able to stop it from happening even if you wanted to.

[Aka mommy]

I had thought i had no fears or concerns for this homebirth. But i was wrong. At the insistance of a few dear friends I wrote down my emergency birth plan for transfer. While my brain scoffed at the idea (why would i jinx myself??) it was the best healing i've had in a long while.

I wrote down 4 pages of what would NOT be allowed. While many may say 'oh they will never read that' it doesnt matter. What matters is that my brain was able to grasp the amazing fact that this is my body and my child and while i am alive no one shall ever take away basic rights i feel strongly about in regards to childbirth. I finished this birth plan and after having my mw's read it i felt . .. EMPOWERED!!! I can do this and i will have no problems. The cleansing of all my fears and hidden thoughts in regards to my first hospital birth have been amazing in helping me realize the power that we each hold inside us. I could go on and on about this but i know you already know deep down. I strongly recommend doing something similar. Get it in writing, prove to yourself what you already know you can do. I am currently working on writing out this ones dear birth story. It hasnt happened yet, but i can visualize it and that is enough for me.

You can do this and you WILL do it!!! I know you can and while the saying is kind of lame, We are women hear us roar!! We are so very blessed to be able to have the gift of being able to create and give birth to a new life. My DH at times has said 'How lucky for a woman to be able to see what natural strength and power she holds, from natural childbirth' HOW TRUE!!!! Hugs and hugs and hugs as you prepare to take on such an amazing event!

[ZeldasMom]

Things that I have found helpful in getting in touch with my deep self to prepare for birth:

-audible sighing
-blowing my lips out in a sputtery way like a cow (Ina May suggests this)
-prenatal yoga (not so much to learn some fancy, magic techniques that will make labor a snap, but more to get practice really feeling what is going on with my body/doing deep listening and then going with what feels right. I especially kripalu instructors. But even more important than their style imo is that you affirmed in their presence).
-along the same lines as yoga, figuring out where I tend to hold tension in my body, and come up with strategies for relaxing that area. Face and shoulders tend to be big ones for me. For my shoulders I do big, fast arms circles (like 20 in each direction) to loosen up. For my face I let my mouth/jaw drop open and let this orgasmy expression come over my face (sorry if TMI!). I have been having prenatal massages now that I am at the end of this pregnancy to help me with being open and relaxed.
-I second the birth art suggestion. This is so good imo because it helps you engage with your right brain and let go of some of that left-brained stuff.
-Imprint positive images of birth on my brain. Read positive things about birth. Don't read/watch negative stuff (I stay away from those birth shows on cable). Two of my fav birth books are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing from Within. One thing Pam England says in BFW that helped my let go alot of anxiety about being prepared enough for DS's birth was something along the lines of birth not being an exam you're cramming for. Ina May alsp has a passage about "letting your monkey do it" that I like.

I believe your body tells you what to do during birth. Just go with that and don't worry about whether it is the "right" way or not. My old prental yoga instructor used to end relaxation saying "Know that you are perfect, just as you are...nothing to change...nothing to fix"--I loved this!

Have a wonderful birth!

[nancy926]

I had the same issues....I had a crying meltdown the day before my DD was born - I think that might have helped, lol.

Once actual labor began, I seemed to "get out of my own way" without too much trouble.

It helped that my midwives and husband and daughter were all awesome during the labor and the birth. Plus I was at home where I was comfortable, and not having to deal w/people I had never met/regulations I didn't like/choices I did not have the brain cells to make.



Nancy

[Sweetiemommy]

During labor, my midwife thought I was suddenly progressing very quickly (mostly because I was making a lot of noises that she thought sounded like I might start pushing soon). She checked me and I was thinking, wow I must be further along than I thought. She said I was 5 cm and I started crying and got really upset and freaked out, thinking that I would never ever be finished. Looking back, I was probably going to go through transition fairly soon and might have delivered rather quickly, but instead, I got so upset that I stalled my labor.

So basically, I messed myself up and got off track for about 2hrs. I was really mad at myself because I felt stupid for making noises, stupid for only being 5cm, and stupid for getting upset and making my progress slow down. I just could not get over feeling angry and upset at myself. So finally, my midwife said, "accept that you have these feelings, acknowledge them and let them go."

It helped me tremendously. If you feel upset during labor, maybe you can try to acknowledge what you are feeling and then let go it. I don't know, it worked for me! Good luck.

[foehnjye]

Hi Mamas, it's been a while since I've posted. Despite my knowing I can do this since I've done it once before, I've been feeling the same apprehensions.

Things I've been feeling/thinking in anticipation of this new baby's arrival:

I'm also taking Persephone's stance on the Ina May "I'm going to get HUGE" mantra.

When labor comes, don't pay attention too much. Just take the day as it comes, eat, drink, clean or cook, just try to make the day as normal as possible without focusing too much on contractions and minutes and "what can I do to hurry this along??"

With my first dd I spent the entire day counting minutes (I actually have it written down in a notebook, and when I read it now, I'm like, "good god, was I really counting every dang interval for that many hours???") I read too many things on what I could do to increase my labor and tried just about every one of them, thus not heeding my midwife's advice when she gave it. I was feeling confident with what I thought I knew and discounted her experience, which in the end would've helped me get my dd out sooner. (perhaps there is a connection between my long labor and my trying to retain too much information??)

If there are issues that seem to be holding me back, try to get them aired out early: Do I feel like my husband is supporting me? Is my toddler okay, does she need to go to grandma's? Am I holding on and in for any reason? Anything else holding me back?

One thing that seems a positive thing is that nearly every birth that has happened here recently, among friends and colleagues, is that all the births have been early by about a week. All the births happened fairly quickly. One good friend who chose to birth in the hospital (her 2nd), said she cleaned, grocery shopped, went to a BBQ and had a normal day. She went to the hospital at 12:30am, when after sitting in the bath for an hour or so, decided it was time to move. She gave birth at 1:10 am.

You can do it!!!

[jerawo]

I found that my animal side really kicked in during labor, and I didn't think at all. I just focused on getting through each contraction (first with breathing then with sounds when the breathing didn't cut it) and before I knew it, I had a baby in my arms. I was worried about labor too, especially it being my first and not knowing what my body/mind in labor would be like but it worked out. I think our mind knows to shut off at a certain point, and just let our body do what it feels it needs to do.

[valeria_vi]

I had huge fears about not being able to let go during birth. I was convinced I was gonna be in excrutiating labor for like 3 days because of it.
so whe I did actually go into labor ... I kept reasoning why this wasn't the real deal. i kept reasoning all night long until my water broke in the morning. then it hit me "i guess there is no turnign back now". it was a scary though, but labor got quite intense after my water broke, so I had to concentrate on contractions. my baby was born about an hour or may be an hour and a half after the water broke and my mw didn't even make it on time.
looking back, I got the labor I needed to get. i just didn't believe that was IT, so there was nothing to trigger my mind to fight labor, so i did not interfere with my body doing the work. this is probably not a very common scenario, but this is my story.

[cathicog]

There is something else Ina May says (she is probably quoted more often than any other birth professional I know!)
"Let your monkey do it!" That is the instinctual, primal part of all of us, that will guide us to do the best thing for our labor, if we let our monkey do it!! Let go, and let monkey.....oh, and "your body is not a lemon" is what she wrote in my copy of "Guide to Childbirth" where the previous quotes are found....monkey on......