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Watch your girls!!!! Please! - Page 2

post #21 of 65
UNBELIEVABLE! I def. the mom must be in la-la land at some point you can recognize some sort of premiscuous behavior.Thank God seriously that my babies are only 21 mos and 9 mos..........How sad!

I just wonder what the girl is missing in life?
post #22 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by eemamahob
UNBELIEVABLE! I def. the mom must be in la-la land at some point you can recognize some sort of premiscuous behavior.Thank God seriously that my babies are only 21 mos and 9 mos..........How sad!

I just wonder what the girl is missing in life?

That's what I think. This is about a whole lot more than just 'watching our girls'. One starts to think about the mental stability of a *child* who laughs at sex and painful sexual diseases. It's easier for us to think that such a child is hearltess about her needs and about sex.

We don't know enough about this child to draw any conclusions.

I am agreeing with what Dar said at the get go of this thread. Of course, i have been agreeing with Dar for about a decade now. lol
post #23 of 65
UUmom, while I agree with a lot of what you've had to say here I think it might be a touch nieve about the level of sexual activity among pre-teens and teens. Not everyone is doing it, of course, but the reality is that many many teens are having sex, oral and otherwise for a variety of reasons. I can't be sure as to what all of those reasons are but I know that for me it was a combination of not having a high enough self esteem to differentiate sexual attention from "want to get to know you better" interest (ie, boys liked my body and I thought that meant they liked me. Confusing emotion for lust etc)
post #24 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
UUmom, while I agree with a lot of what you've had to say here I think it might be a touch nieve about the level of sexual activity among pre-teens and teens. Not everyone is doing it, of course, but the reality is that many many teens are having sex, oral and otherwise for a variety of reasons. I can't be sure as to what all of those reasons are but I know that for me it was a combination of not having a high enough self esteem to differentiate sexual attention from "want to get to know you better" interest (ie, boys liked my body and I thought that meant they liked me. Confusing emotion for lust etc)
\

I think 12 yr olds are sexual beings, but i don't think 12 yr olds are really about multiple partners and laughing off STDs. Wanting love and doing every boy you know for a gummy band, no matter if you like him, isn't about simple sexual desire.
post #25 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by kama'aina mama
I would assume that the bracelets in question are those rubber bracelets a la the Lance Armstrong one? Am I wrong? If so they have really only been around a bit over a year, I think.
No, they're the skinny little ones that were big during the eighties, like these:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...category=92727

My daughter is wearing 10 or 12 of them right now, red and black...

Dar
post #26 of 65
But, I don't think 12 year olds are mature enough to really understand STDs and the long term implications. And, the fact that it really could happen to them, not just "someone else way out there somewhere." What they understand is that it's cool to be cool and if everyone else is giving blow jobs at parties, why not them? No big deal... They may think they're sophisticated but emotionally they're still so young & naive. Peer pressure is pretty strong and I can totally see some young teens laughing about it just as they'd laugh among their friends; ie. their cliques.

On that note, I'm just starting to read Hold on to Your Kids. Heard it recommended here.

ANd, of course, I mean some, not all, by any means. Just saying it could be possible.
post #27 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by kama'aina mama
I would assume that the bracelets in question are those rubber bracelets a la the Lance Armstrong one? Am I wrong? If so they have really only been around a bit over a year, I think.
I'm pretty sure they're talking about the jelly bracelets.

I graduated high school in '98 and (in my area) the bracelets were just getting popular. Back then it was more of a joke than anything. I didn't know a single person who used them.

~Nay
post #28 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by pfamilygal

A moral choice doesn't have to be religious in nature. Being temperate, punctual and thoughtful are not necessarilly religious values. But having these moral characteristics will help you get ahead in life. Just as delaying sex will help you avoid STDs and pregnancies: two things that can certainly change your life.
That is a fantastic quote! A real gem Any way you'd let me quote that on my website? You can remain anonymous or use initials, real name, whatever.

~Nay
post #29 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMommy
But, I don't think 12 year olds are mature enough to really understand STDs and the long term implications. And, the fact that it really could happen to them, not just "someone else way out there somewhere." What they understand is that it's cool to be cool and if everyone else is giving blow jobs at parties, why not them? No big deal... They may think they're sophisticated but emotionally they're still so young & naive. Peer pressure is pretty strong and I can totally see some young teens laughing about it just as they'd laugh among their friends; ie. their cliques.

On that note, I'm just starting to read Hold on to Your Kids. Heard it recommended here.

ANd, of course, I mean some, not all, by any means. Just saying it could be possible.

That's right, exactly.

A child's ER giggling was interpreted to mean 'no big deal', when in reality, she is proabably in great emotional pain & distress. Perhaps she cannot even identify and/or trust her own pain & her own emotions, so the adults assume she is willingly particpating and not caring...
post #30 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by pfamilygal
I had a 16 yr old patient with pubic lice a few weeks ago who didn't even know how many "holes" she had down there or what came out of each one. I had to draw her a freaking diagram. I asked if she was having vaginal discharge and she said "you mean 'cum'?"
Now how this ignorance in 16 yo can be explained?

Did her Mom ever tell her anything about her body?

Sheesh... I am not saying that everything (and everytime) that teens do comes from ignorance - but man, I am totally not surprised at the way this particular girl behaved. She had no clue what she was doing! Forget about talking morals, behaviors, responsibility - she was never told the BASICS about her own body!

Lets first educate our kids and then "watch them"...
post #31 of 65
Please excuse me for jumping in, but I have to say that there are 12 year old girls who think oral sex and other sexual activities are no big deal. We just had a huge ordeal here a few weeks ago when my husband's 12 year old daughter was here visiting. She was reading a book called, "Four Blonds." I was curious, and picked it up to read the back cover. For those that haven't heard of it, it is written by the writters of, "Sex in the City." In just the first few pages I read, there was talk of giving blow jobs to strangers, having sex with a random man for a place to stay in the Hamptons, and a paragraph that talked about having sex after a blind date and describing that it started with uncomfortable kissing and then the man sat on the side of the bed stroking himself until he was hard enough to put on a condom. Now, I of course brought this to my husband's attention. Turns out, her mother let her buy the book after she had read it herself. In my husband's attempt to talk to his daughter, she said things such as, "It's no big deal," "Why do you have to treat me like a kid," "I'm growing up, dad," etc. Now, while I have no idea what her sexual activity has or has not included in real life, her attitude about this (in my opinion) pornographic book was that the stuff in it was no big deal. If a kid her age can think while reading it that it's no big deal, they are certainly capable of thinking it is no big deal for them to do the things as well.
post #32 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommystinch
Please excuse me for jumping in, but I have to say that there are 12 year old girls who think oral sex and other sexual activities are no big deal. We just had a huge ordeal here a few weeks ago when my husband's 12 year old daughter was here visiting. She was reading a book called, "Four Blonds." I was curious, and picked it up to read the back cover. For those that haven't heard of it, it is written by the writters of, "Sex in the City." In just the first few pages I read, there was talk of giving blow jobs to strangers, having sex with a random man for a place to stay in the Hamptons, and a paragraph that talked about having sex after a blind date and describing that it started with uncomfortable kissing and then the man sat on the side of the bed stroking himself until he was hard enough to put on a condom. Now, I of course brought this to my husband's attention. Turns out, her mother let her buy the book after she had read it herself. In my husband's attempt to talk to his daughter, she said things such as, "It's no big deal," "Why do you have to treat me like a kid," "I'm growing up, dad," etc. Now, while I have no idea what her sexual activity has or has not included in real life, her attitude about this (in my opinion) pornographic book was that the stuff in it was no big deal. If a kid her age can think while reading it that it's no big deal, they are certainly capable of thinking it is no big deal for them to do the things as well.

I've no doubt that there are some little girls *think* they think sex is no big deal. Or feel it is the only way to be loved. Since we do live in a soceity which the pop culture at large doesn't resepct developing sexuality, gives little guidance, leaves children to fend for themselves, teaches them nothing about their bodies, and feeds them MTV in it's current oreientation, it's not a great leap for these girls to *think* that's the way it should be.

I've no doubt many people, 12 yr old girls included, are desentizied to the point of no return by our neglect.

Girls are in *pain* from our lack of care and our parental & societal neglect.

it's also important to note that *most* 12 yr old girls are *not* doing this. This is a media event. The more media presents this as the norm and the more paretns ignore their children, the more children will fall into this emotional abyss. We also send our boys a terrible message when we say it is OK to treat girls this way. Most 12 yr old girls don't want multiple sex partners and they esp don't want them in one night.

As a nation we are ignoring the emotional needs of our children when we say "yeah, some girls and boys love putting themselves in sexual danger. That's how it is today. the girls don't think it's a big deal and the boys love it.

We're not headed to hell, we *are* in hell, if we truly accept that little girls want it to be this way. So we think 12 yr olds are really happy with saying 'Yeah, I did my whole class last night at a party. It was so cool and I can't wait to do it again". i think if kids had some people around giving a darn, they would find activities that are more respectful of themselves.


So sure, some little girls are having sex, but in all likehood they probably aren't enjoying these sexual orgies much.

That says something about *us*--not about children themseleves.
post #33 of 65
I agree with you. I certainly don't think it is the majority of girls, nor do I think it is okay. I am disgusted that dh's ex wife has not taken more responsibility in communicating with her daughter. I just wanted to point out that there are young girls that think this stuff is okay.

I completely agree that with most of the kids getting involved in sexual activity at a young age, it has something to do with their parents. They are either not getting the love and attention they need and are searching elsewhere, or they are just not taught enough about their bodies, sex, and consequences.

My 2 year old already knows her different body parts by their correct name. She might get them confused sometime, but hey, she's two. She will be talked to more than she will probably ever care to about choices involving her body and how to make good choices and keep herself safe and healthy. Unfortunately,we can't do much about my husband's 12 year old. We only see her about twice a year since we can't afford more plane tickets than that, and she actually locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't talk to us for an entire afternoon and night because we tried explaining why what she was reading was not okay.

I think so many people miss the boat because they think their kids are too young to talk to them about sex or they are scared that by talking about it, they will encourage it to happen. These dialouges need to start early on so that kids are prepared with whatever they encounter!
post #34 of 65
Okay, this thread has me annoyed for quite a few reasons....

#1 Boys can catch STDs easily, as well as pass them along even easier. Why should we not "watch our boys" as well? A boy can be a victim of peer pressure and parental neglect just as quickly as a girl. Talk about sexism.

#2 The giggling does NOT mean that she thought it was no big deal. Giggling is a common response to embarassment and stress. Also, girls often minimize their feelings, they've been raised to (ever hear of "Well, he hit me, but it was no big deal", or yeah, he yells and screams at me a lot, but he doesn't mean to" or "Well, I said no, but it's my fault, because I led him on"?? Any of tihs ring a bell) I've done it, and I know many others have as well.

#3 Mommystinch--I read those types of books when I was 12. it was the only place where I could get *any* info about sex at that age, aside from the "penis goes in vagina, man ejaculates" textbook crap...when I discovered the educational books at the library that had details and answered my questions, i read them in secret. Okay, you and dh did not like the book, but the childs custodial parent okayed it. Did either of you (dh or yourself) get her a good "here's the real deal, here are some well presented details" type of book to satiate her curiousity?

#4 "Little girls" get horny. Surprise! Gasp! 12, 13, 14....hormones are beginning to really surge, girls are discovering that when they read things as mentioned in #3, they get wet, their heart races, when they kiss a boy they get a different feeling, etc. Same with boys. (I hope this is not against the UA, it truly is related to parenting and normal adolescent development, and I've not been vulgar)

#5 Delaying sex will NOT help you avoid STDs and pregnancy, it will DELAY that. Just look at the increasing geriatric HIV cases. A 30 year old has the same chances of catching chlamydia as a 13 year old with similar immunologic factors. Quantity is what counts (and is obviously an issue with this girl).

kelly
post #35 of 65
I read Fear of Flying when I was twelve (and also found it an invaluable source of information!) I've read Four Blondes. I would let a 12 year old read it.

I think that fiction is a great way for people of all ages to work through their reflections and reactions about contemporary issues. It's an intellectually active process, unlike watching TV. I would much rather my child read Four Blondes than watch Saturday morning cartoons!

OK, I just dated myself. I know that cartoons have been on all day, every day for a long time now...

ITA what CookieMonsterMommy said about boys!
post #36 of 65
ITA, CookieMonsterMommy!

This thread seems to have a lot of unintentional sexism running through it. Where's the mention of the boys' role in all this, eh?
post #37 of 65
That was terrible. Thanks for the information.
Ignorance and misguidance are the main reason why teens do such things that result to early pregnancy or even HIV.


I just feel so sad about that young girl.
post #38 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by pfamilygal
This poor girl may end up being infertile because of the damage to her young reproductive system. How sad and stupid. I just wanted to shake her mama and tell her to start watching her child!(
How do you know that she was not already watching her child?

Judgemental, aren't we?

Hello, Mother here of a former teenager who was extremely rebellious. She started her rebellious years when she was 11. She was out all night long and would refuse to go to school; she brought strange people in the house and stole $. I took her bedroom door off the hinges. I went to Toughlove, BILY, and parent education meetings. I reported her to the police. I denied her a trip to France which her class was taking. The police turned on me and told me I was crazy and that nothing was wrong with my daughter. CPS believed my daughter also.

I am the oldest of nine children and I watched as each of my six younger sisters acted out the rites of puberty. Nothing new here.

I was told to butt out of my daughter's business. I was told it was unreasonable to expect my daughter to tell me everywhere she went. I was told it was unreasonable for a 15 year old to be in by one o'clock in the morning on a school night/morning.

I found a man of majority age in my daughter's room at midnight when she was fifteen. I chased the guy down the street and called the police...the police told me to shut up, that I did not know what I was talking about, and they told me this in front of my sons, then age 13, 11, and 4. NIce example, huh, telling the mother she is crazy in front of her young sons whose DH/FAther was dying?!

What did CPS do? They told me my DD was exhibiting normal behavior. WTF? These were the people who were telling me I was crazy.

I did watch my daughter. I was told to shut up.

So I shut up.

Maybe you should be shaking someone else. The Juvenile Police Department for one.
post #39 of 65
Quote:
What did CPS do? They told me my DD was exhibiting normal behavior. WTF? These were the people who were telling me I was crazy.
So sorry you had to go through this. I hope things have improved with your dd. I do not know why our society considers this normal behaviour, it is not. Why are we ,as a society, trying to sexualize children at such a young age. I'm talking about the entertainment industry, the clothing industry, and those who act like children aren't capable of controlling their sexual urges.

I totally agree with keeping close tabs on your kids, but the reality is that there is no way you can do that 24/7. I'm annoyingly careful with my 13 yo dd. I have a brother and sister who where molested by people we know. I've told my dd about these things and why I"m so careful with her so that she understands that I"m not not totally nuts.
post #40 of 65
First off from what my 15 yo bros say these bracelet things are really happening. They live in a small town and it seems to be the normal thing to talk about, but I am pretty sure that it is mostly talk and very little action.

Second, I can relate with the little girl. I was active with everything but actual intercourse for years. I didnt see it as a "big deal" when I talked about it with everyone. (Everyone being my friends who were doing the exact smae things I was.) I laughed and giggled about it, my friends and I made jokes about it, we had special codes to talk about it. It wasnt a big deal. I blew my parents off if they ever asked about it (they very very rarely did). It wasnt about ignorance with me either, my parent were more graphic and open minded than I could handle (ie mom told me the best ways and places to have sex). All that said it was a HUGE deal. Inside I was so unhappy with myself and family, I hated everything about my life. When I was involved with a guy I was completely numb, I never felt a single thing. My body had reactions that were completly against my control and I didnt enjoy any of it. I hate every second and everything I was doing. If anyone would have told me I could get an STD I would have been horrified but it wouldnt have stopped me. Its that invincible kid thing, it can happen to anyone but you.

We need to teach our children to be strong and respectful. We need to teach them that there are consequences for their actions. We need to teach and SHOW them that emotions and feelings are okay.

I think as a society we are so embaressed with emotion that we would rather have a child turn it inside and become destructive. We would rather keep them at arms length so they dont become dependent and then wonder what we did wrong when they can communicate with us.

I think "watching our girls" needs to start at birth by teaching/showing them it is possible to be a strong, feeling, emotional, lovable and sexual person without being destructive.
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