support for mommas pregnant after a loss

[gabry]

Don't know if there are many of you around here, but I feel this pregnancy is definitely a whole different experience already because of my recent m/c, and would love to be able to talk with other mommas who are going through something similar. It took me five days to even get here after my bfp, I was so worried and skeptical.
Been testing everyday since, just to see it, and the line is finally getting a little darker (I know, I know, doesn't mean a thing), and next week will see my ob. One of the things that freaks me out a little is that I'm on progesterone, just like last time, and I would likely not start spotting or bleeding if it didn't stick. Last time nothing happened until I stopped the progesterone (after finding out the embryos had died). I also had bfp's til the very end, even when growth had already stopped two weeks before. I have to try to accept the fact that time will tell, and that no amount of testing, US, serum hcg's will totally reassure me or do anything to make this pregnancy last. Patience is a beautiful virtue...
Anyways, enough about me for now. Who else is here?

[nydiagonz]

Hi Gabry!

I mostly lurk on the Pregnancy after loss page, but I was also kinda nervous about jumping in to this one : My son was born and died just 12 weeks ago, so I guess I am just jumping into everything. Feeling pretty anxious, but happy. I really think that I won't feel great about this until I am past 30 weeks, and even then... sigh

[gabry]

Hi Nydia, good to see you back here, I remember you posted a few times on the ttc after a loss thread. I am so glad you are pregnant again.
I experienced a loss much earlier than you did, and can't even imagine what that must have been like (and still is..) for you. When are you due?

[djinneyah]

i lost my first pregnancy...with ds, i was a basketcase. constantly checking the toilet paper every time i went to the bathroom, freaking out over little cramps and pains...i never could really relax. i'm a little more confident this time around, but still checking the toilet paper...

[nydiagonz]

I think I am due early, May around the 5th, but this is a EDD that I got from a pregnancy calculator online. I have not had my OB appt yet. I don't have an appt until the 21st (7weeks) are people getting earlier appts?? I was told that that would be the earliest we could get a heartbeat or anything.

[kathteach]

Hi, I'd like to join this thread too. I have had 2 m/c in the last year and I'm terrified. I'm glad to meet all of you and I hope we can support each other.

[ksmommy]

Hello,

I am joinning you all... I had an ectopic in MArch and my hormons are still outta wack. I fear this pregnancy might not stick or not make it if it stuck...
I am "careful" to make sure I feel sick enough, since I wasn't THAT sick last time. I try no to worry about it and stay busy, but it's on my mind... Hopefully, we will all gonna make it to May safe and sound!

[gabry]

Glad to meet you all! (or again ) I'm sorry about your losses, and wishing for happy healthy pregnancies for all of us!
Nydia, that's correct, about the heartbeat at 7 weeks. I had looked it up, thinking I would schedule my appt. around that time so at least I would get some reassurance from the visit. Anyways, when I called they gave me an appt. on the 9th at 5 weeks (at first on the 2nd at 4!) and when I asked the secretary was she sure that wasn't too early, she said no. I imagine they might do an US, but all that will be visible would be a gestational sac +/- fetal pole, and maybe she'll recommend a serum hcg. It seems a little silly to go so early, but at least it'll make me feel like I'm doing something.

[mamacatsbaby]

Hi there ladies. I haven't lost any babies to the best of my knowledge but I've watched my sister go through this a couple of times too many and just wanted to say much love to you. Wishing for healthy PGs for us all.

[dshields]

Hi all,
We had a very early miscarriage last month and have noticed that we're having tough time getting excited this time around. I'm trying to feel confident, but dh keeps saying that it just doesn't feel like last time. When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.

[gabry]

When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.

It's hard, isn't it? Even harder to make any kind of rational decision about it.. Sure, at 12 weeks you're 'safer' than at 5, but really, anything can happen at any time. As for me, I've decided that I feel better being optimistic and trying to bond somewhat at least with the baby, and that it's probably healthier for everyone to try and have a positive outlook. Of course, I realize this is not something you can just decide to feel /do on command.
I think it will definitely be somewhat related to the timing of the previous loss, that I will feel more confident after 8-9 weeks (the embryos had stopped growing at 7 weeks before).

[nydiagonz]

When can we feel like it's safe to attach to this idea, to this baby? It's easy to say 12 weeks but that 2 months from now. I can't imagine living two months detached just in case.

sigh... very tough question for me. I don't know about being "detached", but I definitely have to have a grasp on *reality* and know that the universe is in charge. After losing my son at 24 weeks and talking to soooo many mothers who have had stillbirths, I just have to know in my heart that anything could happen. I don't want to be "detached" from my pregnancy or baby, but I also don't want to go completely insane if something does happen.

I am trying to be as positive and loving to this baby as possible. I want my baby to end up alive in my arms. It is just to hard to see past the vast sea of possible complications... I'm gonna go crazy!

I'm rambling... positive thoughts and to everyone.

[gabry]

Anybody else charted to get pregnant and still checking temps? I know I should quit already, but this morning my temp dropped a bit, and now of course i'm worried about it. It's silly anyways, because even if I tell myself it's the only thing I have to go by (I likely wouldn't spot/bleed b/o progesterone), the temps also could stay artificially high because of progesterone.
Just gotta remind myself, time will tell...

[FireWithin]

I had a m/c before conceiving ds. I was a mess during his pregnancy. I just tried to honor those feelings. My midwives were great and allowed me to come in as often as I wanted to hear a heartbeat. It was tough.

This time around I am feeling a bit better. I am far from convinced that everything is ok. I am just feeling that what will be will be. If I do m/c I don't wish to have another D&C. Which case, I would rather not know right away if I'm having a problem pregancy until the time of my miscarriage.

For preg #1, I had a blighted ovum. We waited a week after we found out to decide to have a d&c. It was an awful wait.

[gabry]

Feeling scared and worried today. I had a little bit of spotting three days ago and again last night. Or, I think it's spotting, it's some brownish stuff mixed in with the progesterone. (sorry if tmi)
I try to be optimistic and positive, telling myself that I spotted with ds who is fine, and that lots of women spot, but there are moments that I feel this pregnancy is doomed already And then I worry that feeling that way is 'bad for the baby' and might 'make it happen', which of course I know isn't true, but still..
Anyone have anything uplifting to tell me?

[nydiagonz]

Oh Gabry!!

Brown is better than red. Just keep those good thoughts flowing today. I will be sending love and peace your way. I feel the same way at some point most days right now, but I just try and remember that I have no control over what happens and though that can be frustrating, it is liberating at the same time. Much love to you mama!!!!

[JuicyPakwan]

Hey all, So sorry we have to meet like this but very grateful for the support groups here at mdc. I hope you are feeling better gabry. I will continue to temp and chart as well. I feel like it is something tangible to rely on. I will be going in to ob at 4w 1d. I feel like on both my mc's the babies died in the 4-5wk stage. My sister who is a RN says the blood work they do at this stage can give lots of info. I don't have much confidence they can do anything for me but I am hoping she is right!

[gabry]

Welcome Ana! And congrats! The bloodwork that they can do is mainly progesterone levels (to make sure they're adequate, and possibly put you on supplementation) and hcg levels. Hcg levels are only helpful if you do at least two or more, because they can vary a lot, but for everyone they're supposed to double every 2-3 days. Aside from that, it's all about the wait
I do feel a bit better, had my first ob appt. today and US showed a gestational sac and yolk sac, which is what you'd expect to see at 5 weeks. Phew..

[happeeevraftr]

Gabry, I'm on progesterone too, only I'm using the natural cream and it sounds like you're using something else...something that can come out?

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 6 weeks (spontaneously started bleeding red blood) but then got pregnant soon after with Sariah, who is now 2. I was pregnant last November but miscarried in January. We've been trying ever since. There were at least 2 cycles where I was SURE I was pregnant--I had undeniable morning sickness, but then AF came only a day or 2 late and I never had a positive test. I started thinking I was progesterone deficient--not enough to sustain the uterine lining and keep me from bleeding. So I started taking progesterone 10 dpo (although at the time I thought it was only 5dpo, but now I'm thinking that O date was wrong).

How long are you supposed to keep taking the progesterone?

I too am so worried about another miscarriage, although I do feel some comfort taking the progesterone. This is my first month trying it, and maybe it's just a coincidence but I got pregnant! The other thing is, I'm not sick at all! I think it's totally the progesterone. Maybe I should start a progesterone thread though, since Im' getting way off topic.

[gabry]

Happeee, welcome, and sorry about your losses. I use prescription progesterone (crinone) that you insert with an applicator. I think it's a little thicker than cream, and sometimes some of it comes out.
You're supposed to continue the progesterone until 10-12 weeks, check with your mw/ob what they recommend.
Oh, and I forgot before, Nydia, thanks for your encouraging words the other day, it helped!