Is it "okay" to be Bi?? - Page 2

[canadianchick]

Originally Posted by Sharlla

I guess everyone has boundries that they are more comfortable with.

Yup, to each his own....

[bjorker]

Originally Posted by canadianchick

Two previous posts stated that their husbands/partners would not "let" them have a GF. Doesn't that sound a little controlling??

Well, I think you got your answer by now, but since I'm one of the people who originally said that...

No, not controlling in the slightest. I'd be a little worried about any relationship where either or both partners slept with another person/ had a relationship with another person without their partner's consent. Even if one of them asks firsts, that's not an automatic yes for sure. All kiiiiinds of things need to be comfortable and agreed upon beforehand, or else the relationship will suffer.
I think the wording was making it sound worse than it was. I can see why the word "let" could be triggering.

[canadianchick]

Yeah it was the word "let" that got me...

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by canadianchick

Yeah it was the word "let" that got me...

I suppose I could have said Dh doesn't want me to, instead of let. If I cheated on him, with a guy or girl, he would likely leave me. So I chose to use the word "let" as most people don't allow their spouces have sex with other people.

[Divina]

My DH and I are both bi, so we are both on the "of course it's okay!" side of things. You have to abide by whatever agreements you and DP have about your relationship, i.e. monogamous or poly, etc. But if you were het and in a monogamous relationship, you would still probably notice/appreciate cute guys, you just wouldn't approach them for a sexual relationship. Same for being bi in a monogamous relationship--you can acknowledge your sexuality and allow yourself the appreciation, but, unless you and your partner negotiate a new agreement, you're still monogamous.

If you have an open relationship, you have to decide exactly what that means for you. DH and I have an open relationship, with a full disclosure requirement. Others prefer not to know in any specific way what the other is doing outside of their relationship. In our case, our agreement is that our relationship is the "primary" one, and if either of us feels this is threatened by our partner's behavior, we have veto power over any outside relationship--but only after discussion. So far, neither of us has needed to exercise a veto.

[chkpea]

I just came upon this thread

just wanted to tell my story. I too am bi (not openly) and I have recently become very close with a friend. She too being bi. About a month ago we were watching a movie (my husband was out) and we held hands. After the movie was over we were still holding hands and I asked if she was ok with this, she said yea, then I blurted that I was bi, and she was surprised. She said that she thought I was just being loving. Anyhow, she came out to me as well that night, I told her that I was very attracted to her...she brought up about me being married, etc. So, we have been still hanging out a lot. I asked her the other day ....if she would be attracted to me if I was not married, she said that she is attracted to me. Then I had her over again last week for another movie and we snuggled on the couch. At the end of the movie she told me that I needed to set some boundaries and pretty much that she was not going any further. I know what she is saying, she doesn't want it to wreck our friendship, my relationship, etc. I just don't know how to turn off these feelings. I have never been with another woman. I too feel that I am missing something. Anyhow, just wanted to get me story out there too.

[canadianchick]

to you. I know what ya mean by saying you feel like you are missing something.

[Mamma Mia]

I prefer the term "queer" since bisexual doesn't really incorporate the spectrum of genders. Some people identify as pansexual. Bisexual is a little too narrow for me. (I mean me as in me and me as in general use.)

But it's okay to be whatever/whoever you are. Unless you are GWB. In that case, there's no excuse for you.

I'll be back when I'm not nak to really address your question/issue.

[Konur's Mom]

To the OP question, I would say YES, it is okay to be bi. My best friend and I have started a message board just for bisexual moms as a support board. Its bimamas.net There are SO many just like you there. I have no problem being bi and my dh is uber supportive expecially since he is bi also.

[chkpea]

another question

Do you still consider yourself bi if you are married? Also, if friends get a little too friendly, is that cheating?

[Konur's Mom]

I dont think it matters if you are married or not or if you are monogamous or not. I think being bi is so much more than that. As for the cheating part, that is something different between every couple. It's not cheating for me as long as I let him know before hand, if applicable, or right after.

[TigerTail]

Originally Posted by Konur's Mom

I dont think it matters if you are married or not or if you are monogamous or not. I think being bi is so much more than that.

:
bi is what you are, not what you do.

susan

[max_4477]

I'm married to a woman and I consider myself bi not a lesbian. For me it's an internal identity thing.

And IMO "cheating" is breaking an agreement. So whether an action is cheating depends on the agreement you have with a current partner.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by max_4477

I'm married to a woman and I consider myself bi not a lesbian. For me it's an internal identity thing.

And IMO "cheating" is breaking an agreement. So whether an action is cheating depends on the agreement you have with a current partner.

:

Replace "married" with "unmarried", "woman" with "man" and "not a lesbian" with "not straight", and I could have written that.

I tried writing a bit on the question of "what's cheating?" and then thought "Wow, I really sound like a slut when I write it down like that. Stupid cultural baggage and impossible madonna/whore dichotomy!" so let me try putting it this way: my partner was the first person I ever kissed (leaving aside kindergarten), he's not the only person I've ever kissed or been sexually playful with, I'm bisexual, we're monogamous, I've never cheated on him, and I don't think any of those statements are contradictory.

[Ravin]

Sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with relationship type or status. I'm bi, in an open marriage, but haven't ventured outside my rel w/ DH in several years. Mostly because I was in a stage that was as much "nonsexual" as anything else, focused on the baby. With my libido waking up, I've still been too busy for "outside pursuits", as has DH. So I am monogamous and in a hetero relationship by default, not because that's what my relationship boundaries or orientation actually are.

I went through a period where I had to "come out" a second time as bi, because I came out as Lesbian when I was 16 then joined the Navy and noticed the readily available opposite sex. Now that I'm older and wiser, I know that how I identify myself is as much a sociopolitical statement as anything else.

If I hadn't gone so baby-crazy in my early 20's, and hadn't been in an environment where the male-to-female ratio was 10:1, I might never have really admitted to myself that "boys on the side" were possible relationship centerpieces.

And while I identify as bi, I don't think that shuts me off to attraction only to the 2 standard genders. I had a huge crush on a MTM transexual woman when I was 16 (right before I came out as a lesbian, lol).

One of these days, I hope to wade back into the dating pool. I've never been in a relationship with a woman, yet. Someday I hope that changes.