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What would you do...

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
if dc's dad had a record for DV?

I just learned that ds's father was recently arrested for domestic violence (GF is staying put and denied a no contact order; they live togther). She says he is getting help and they would like to see ds. We have no parenting plan and I have sole custody. Do I let ds go? What are the legal ramifications? I am not up for a big court fight. Oh, there are also two other children who live in the home with them. If these two children are there then wouldn't a court grant visitation for ds? I just don't know how this works. Also (long post -sorry) GF and I are trying to forge a friendship. Hmm, complicated...

Thank you in advance for any advice. I really appreciate it.
post #2 of 8
I would seek legal advice on this one.

I personally would not want to let my child go and would definitely want some real proof, like proof that he is seeing a counselor or in an anger management class or something. It's one thing to say you are sorry or something for violence, it's another to actually be taking steps to prevent further violence.

Do what your gut says to keep your child safe. Keeping your child safe is the only thing that matters here. If you truly feel your child is safe, proceed. If you are concerned, seek legal advice and make sure you know what your rights are on this issue.
post #3 of 8
I agree, I would seek legal advice on this matter as nothing else matters more than the safety of your child/ren. This is a tough situation to be in and is never easy but seek the proper legal advice and follow your motherly intuition and you should be fine.
post #4 of 8
Not legal advice, but we were discussing in my criminal law class the issue of whether people can be guilty of not protecting little ones from crime, and one of the note cases said that a mother was prosecuted when she let the children go with the father, who abused them...

Since this is a legal issue on many fronts, I would definitely get advice.
post #5 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
Not legal advice, but we were discussing in my criminal law class the issue of whether people can be guilty of not protecting little ones from crime, and one of the note cases said that a mother was prosecuted when she let the children go with the father, who abused them...

Since this is a legal issue on many fronts, I would definitely get advice.

Very good point, i agree with all of the above posters. I think you can get legal questions answered for free.
post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for the responses. I am definitely seeking legal advice (hopefully free -our state has a free legal aid program) and in the meantime keeping ds protected. I also learned today (went to look at the court record) that there is a non-waivable 2 year no contact order so both parties are in violation right now. Her older dd witnessed the attack and I imagine that the order pertains to her as well. I am very nervous to tell x that ds will not be going with him this weekend, he can become very abusive over the phone. Blech, my stomach turns just thinking about it...

Thanks again!
post #7 of 8
You might be able to make a stipulation in your parenting plan that he complete a batterer treatment plan before any unsupervised visitation takes place. I think witnessing domestic violence is very traumatic for children. If the authorities knew he was violating the no contact order they would might arrest him. Good luck, I hope that you and your child stay safe!
post #8 of 8
If he starts to get abusive or yell on the phone, you have every right to tell him you will not be talked to that way and will be hanging up now. As soon as he knows that your little one won't be coming, you have nothing more to say and at that point, can hang up.

I used to put up with a lot of garbage and abusive talk from my ex and have finally drawn the line. And it feels good!
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