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post #21 of 37
9/7/05 at 1:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
... I am feeling so sorry for my children as well as they will never know their Daddy like I did. ds is 18mo and doesn't even really know what's going on. he looks for DH but I don't think he realizes he's gone. how can I help him not forget him? where do I even begin the healing process when I have so much stuff to do and decisions to make? I am so overwhelmed.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

One thought I had after reading your post was to start a journal for your children. It could be like a scrapbook, or not so formal. I do this for my daughter...I used a blank book & put in a little thing that she did that day or a milestone that was reached, or my thoughts on something that is occurring in the world right now. It's somewhat sporadic but I try to write often & include quotes or pictures if they're handy. This way you could put down all the things you want your children to know about their father and it may also help you through the grieving process.

I can't even imagine the place you are at right now nor all the decisions you have to make. Is there anyone close by to help you? It sounds trite but try to take it one step at a time.


Many hugs.
post #22 of 37
9/8/05 at 9:09am
I have no advice or words of wisdom, but I am so very sorry for your loss.
post #23 of 37
9/9/05 at 11:32am
Sending you love & strength Rainbowmoon.

((((Rainbowmoon))))

post #24 of 37
9/10/05 at 9:06pm

Go ahead and cry your fool head off...

<-- two for you and one each for the babies

You've been chosen to have a special purpose in life; I know, cause I was too My babies were only 4 & 2 when they lost their wonderful daddy. They don't remember him with their minds, but they do with their hearts
People asked (and still do) "how do you do it??" and I wish I had an answer... all I know is that you do what you have to do and somehow it begins to make some sense after a while.

Right now, focus on keeping yourself HEALTHY and your children LOVED... when the stone on your chest feels a bit lighter and you can breathe again, you can focus on how to keep Darren's memory alive for you and your babes -- I'll be happy to help.

Til then... remember you're where you need to be - right now - whole, complete and perfect. Feel free to PM if you've got questions or would like to scream at someone who will understand and absolutely not take it personally

~diana
post #25 of 37
9/10/05 at 9:35pm
Thread Starter 
diana and everyone, thank you for your words of wisdom and condolences. I am crying reading your responses.

right now I feel like I am on autopilot..then there's the family to deal with which adds alot of pressure. as well as financial issues to straighten out and being PP and trying to enjoy my babe at the same time. I feel like I'm getting an ulcer! I never wanted to be a single parent. and still so sad (and in shock) he's gone. not sure how I will do it. I am coping some how and trying to live each day at a time taking care of me and my kids.
post #26 of 37
9/11/05 at 2:53am
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your beautiful family in my prayers. God Bless!
post #27 of 37
9/11/05 at 4:39pm


so sorry for your loss April - I can't imagine your pain. and having those feelings mixed with the joy and exhaustion of a new baby!! Take care of yourself!

diana - your post was so kind. hugs to you and your kids too.
post #28 of 37
9/12/05 at 3:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
I never wanted to be a single parent.
Me neither!! In fact, I used to have a really big soapbox I would drag out about it... then the universe gave it to me in the ONE way I couldn't control : Luckily, it came with the resolve to do it as only Diana can (I'm now a flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants expert!)... so far, we're all still alive and well , most of my marbles are still intact , and we all love each other and cherish one another more than we could have if Mitch were still here.

Breathe honey don't let your body turn upon itself. Drink some of your own milk to settle your angry tummy, buy some Rescue Remedy for when you just can't make it thru the next minute, rub your babies' feet & smell their heads, appreciate how precious each and every mundane, sad, waiting-to-be-joyful moment really is -- oh great, now I'm

If no one's directed you yet, you should contact SSA and find out about Survivor's Benefits -- you won't live in luxury, but it does allow certain freedoms to mourn and raise your babies yourself.

diana
post #29 of 37
9/12/05 at 5:20pm
Diana, I am also sorry for the loss of your DH.

* and * April and Diana
post #30 of 37
9/12/05 at 7:35pm
Hugs to you both April and Diana. You are both so strong. Much love to you and your families.

post #31 of 37
9/12/05 at 10:06pm
Thread Starter 
Diana- I actually recieved my survivor benefits packet from SSA today it makes me extremely sad, but I know he would have definitly wanted the kids to be taken care of. this will definitly help. it just makes me sick to my stomach though..I'm sure you can understand.
post #32 of 37
9/13/05 at 9:51pm
I hope you are doing well rainbowmoon...:

G-d bless you and your babies.

PM me if you want.
post #33 of 37
9/16/05 at 12:44am
Rainbowmoon,

I just found out about your loss. I'm so sorry.

~Nay
post #34 of 37
9/26/05 at 3:19am
I am so sorry for you. I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. My Daddy died when I was 2 and my Mom was 26, and I wanted to share with you some things that were done that helped me to remember him. One of the most special was to have friends of his (and also family) write letters to me about him. Just the day to day stuff that you forget--the way his voice sounded, how he laughed, the funny stories you spend you life trying to live down, those types of things. Qualities that people admired about him. These were given to me on my thirteenth birthday, and it was a very special day to get to share in that way. We talked about him constantly, and my mom would point out traits in me that reminded her of him. Even now, she points out personality traits in my ds that are like him. She would tell me on special days (graduation, wedding, etc) that my Daddy would be so proud of me. She had me pick a special memory and play it over in my mind every night so that I would remember it. To this day, I have a clear image of him in this memory. She kept his pictures up, although they were not in direct sight (they were in a hallway) so that when I wanted to look I could, but when I couldn't handle it, I didn't have to. My mom also told me that I could talk to him whenever I needed to, and that I could think about him at bedtime and I could talk to him in my dreams. She shared her grief with me--it is so important to let your children see you cry and to tell them it is okay to be sad and mad and whatever else. It is also important to tell them that it is not their fault.

Again, I want you to know how sorry I am, and if I can help you in any way, please let me know. Feel free to PM me.
post #35 of 37
9/26/05 at 4:53am
Rainbow:

My children set up a "shrine" to their Poppy with photographs, medals, prayerbooks, jewelry and candles. My children are older and his death was expected as he had been ill for a very long time, but perhaps you can do the same.

YOu can put a picture of your wedding and then change it with a picture of your 18 month old with his daddy. Make it a living, changing, meaningful shrine that later your son can participate in. Perhaps as the big brother, he can tell your new baby about their daddy later on.

April, Diana
post #36 of 37
9/26/05 at 9:11am
Sorry for your loss mama.
I don't know what to say just hope that your family to heal from this sadness.
Be strong and God Bless...
post #37 of 37
9/28/05 at 9:32pm
: and
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Mothering › Forums › Natural Family Living › Grief and Loss › 2 weeks ago.