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Lesbian or single mamas of boys

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
It suddenly occurred to me that I haven't thought out the whole public bathroom thing when it comes to ds later on. My first reaction is "Hell no he won't be walking into a men's bathroom by himself, what if there's a perv in there?" but what about when he's old enough to know the difference (and probably balk at entering the ladies room) but still young enough for me to be concerned? Has anyone had to deal with this? If yes, what solutions did you come up with? I know I don't have to think of this for awhile, but I'm not going to rest easy until I decide how to approach it. :LOL
post #2 of 21
I remember a thread about this somewhere else on MDC. One mama said she requires her son to sing the entire time he's in the bathroom without her (so she can hear from outside that he's ok). Cracks me up, but sounds effective. Mamas are so inventive.

I can't imagine letting my boy go into a men's room alone until he's, oh, 7 or something. He might be embarassed, but I've seen plenty of boys that age in the women's room.
post #3 of 21
I'm dealing with this right now and it's a little tricky. My son HATES having to go into the womans room with me and balks everytime. I just had to explain to him that there are some creepy adults who hang out in bathrooms and he needs to be with a trusted adult if he goes into a public washroom---even if that means he has to go in the girls' with me. Like wearing a bike helmet or a seatblet, it's a non-compromised issue with me.
post #4 of 21
my son really hates going into the womens room at this point. Now a days I let him go into the mens room himself, but the only exception would be if we were someplace really really crowded or something, where there was a lot of activity in the mens room. (which pretty much doesn't happen since I live in a pretty quiet area). I always wait right outside the mens room until he comes out.
post #5 of 21
My son is only 2, so I have a ways to go before that is a concern, but we have thought about it. We are lucky that we live in a fairly large city, so there are lots of family restrooms around. We try to find them in all the airports we travel to, as well.
post #6 of 21
For some reason, I can totally see myself hollering in the door before I head on in with my son.
post #7 of 21
You could always ask a male employee to stand in the bathroom while your son is in there or many places now have a family bathroom or uni-sex.
post #8 of 21
Like one mom already mentioned, I heard one mom tells her son to count aloud while she stands outside of the bathroom.

My son is 8 and I let him go in most restrooms alone (just started that about 2 months ago), but I still stand outside of it. If we are in an arena, a large stadium or the like, then he still has to come into the bathroom with me and I don't care that he doesn't like it. Fortunately where I live, a lot of mommas do that so many times he's not the only boy his age in the ladies room
post #9 of 21
Charlie doesn't go to the bathroom by himself yet, so that doesn't matter
But, I grew up with a single father and my dad covered my eyes and carried me into the men's bathroom until I was 11 years old. Yes, 11 years old. He was totally over protective..
I never suffered. Eventually I just had to close my eyes and walk... but he would never have let me go into a bathroom by myself. No way no how.
post #10 of 21
I live in a small town and we're never in an arena-type situation. My boy's still pretty little, but when the time comes, we'll stick to private/small restrooms (0-2 stalls) or find a family bathroom. Around here, that isn't hard to do at all.
post #11 of 21
Get a couple of those tiny family walkie talkies, and if he doesnt answer in 10 seconds, go in after him. Asking an employee is a good idea, if you can find one that has time to do that. Perverts pick on boys up to 12 years old, maybe even older.
post #12 of 21
I am a single Mom, but I have a dd not a ds, and I am admit to being
paranoid on this subject. I lived in San Diego when 9-year-old Matthew
Cecchi was murdered in a park restroom in Oceanside. His aunt was
waiting for him outside the bathroom.
I usually don't buy the scare that media sends where we should all be
looking over our shoulders, scared, but not with this issue.
My Father takes my dd places a lot. He tries to find or remember the
bathrooms in public that are only one stall. One person at a time, and
then she (5 yo) can go in and do her business alone. If he only knows
of Men's/Women's bathrooms he peeks in the Men's rooms then escorts
her in.

I love the singing out loud idea. I will be passing this one along to my
Dad. My dd would love this idea as well.
post #13 of 21
This has occurred to me, only because I know far too many people who have been sexually abused (including myself - though not horribly). Some malls here have family bathrooms, so I use those now when I take my ds out in his stroller. The family ones are good for later too, since it's one toilet in a large-ish room and not a series of stalls.

I saw a boy of about 6 in the women's change room at the local pool and I didn't even blink. It's obvious why his mother didn't want him being alone in the men's change room.
post #14 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ebony
Like one mom already mentioned, I heard one mom tells her son to count aloud while she stands outside of the bathroom.

My son is 8 and I let him go in most restrooms alone (just started that about 2 months ago), but I still stand outside of it. If we are in an arena, a large stadium or the like, then he still has to come into the bathroom with me and I don't care that he doesn't like it. Fortunately where I live, a lot of mommas do that so many times he's not the only boy his age in the ladies room
I don't quite understand how being crowded makes it worse (?). If there's multiple males in there, a pervert couldn't touch your son w/ all these other males around.

Honestly, if I were a woman, I would feel it to be kind of creepy having an 8-year-old in a bathroom w/ me and other females.
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Microsoap
I don't quite understand how being crowded makes it worse (?). If there's multiple males in there, a pervert couldn't touch your son w/ all these other males around.

Honestly, if I were a woman, I would feel it to be kind of creepy having an 8-year-old in a bathroom w/ me and other females.

LOL. you're not a woman, though, right? Most women don't care, especially since all your "business" is done behind a closed door (the stall). We don't have the equivalent of urinals in our restrooms. The only thing a boy might be able to see you do, is wash your hands or reapply lipgloss

ETA _ I am a straight mom, but this thread caught my eye, because I have boys, and there are lots of times that I am out with my kids without their father, so I have faced this issue as well. FTR, I always take my kids in with me, even my 7yo ds. I will continue to do so for a long time.
post #16 of 21
My DS is 4, we live in a VERY rural area, he goes with me into the bathroom. I stand in there while he goes in a stall by himself, I don't see him going alone ANYTIME soon.
post #17 of 21
Thread Starter 
I really appreciate all the thoughts and ideas and will most definitely be filing them all away for use. I most likely will end up using different ideas based on the situation - I like the counting out loud idea!

Microsoap, imo it is a bit naive to think that nothing would happen to a little boy (or any child) just because there are lots of other people around. More people means more chaos, more people entering/leaving the bathroom, more crowds outside the bathroom.. am I getting my point across?
post #18 of 21
I'm a straight female who had straight married parents, but I had two much younger brothers and went out alone with my father a lot. My mom (when we went out without my dad) took my brothers into the women's bathroom with her till they were about 7-8. She let them go into the men's dressing room at the pool as long as they were with a friend when they were 6-8 and alone once they hit 9 or so. My dad took me into the men's room with him (if my mom wasn't with us) till I was 6 and then I was allowed to go into the ladies' room alone. I had a little brother so seeing men standing at the urinals wasn't a huge deal and my dad told me it wasn't polite to look anyhow.

love and peace.
post #19 of 21
My DS is 3.5 but he has already started to not want to go in the women's room (because he's been in the men's with his dad -- the only reason). I just told him that the women's room is for mamas and kids, and that seemed to satisfy him. (Or at least buy me a few more years.)
post #20 of 21
oh cute! i love the singing thing! my 9 year old will be doing that now! There are time that i still have him come with me into the ladies room. Most women don't bat an eye at him in there as he is usually making it VERY obvious that he is looking at the floor and only the floor, LOL
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