how do you know wether things are ok at school?

[sunbaby]

how do you know wether k is going well for your child? or rather, how do i know k is going well for MY dd?

i had an awful time in school and never seemed to really realize it until i was much older. i guess to some degree i just sort of expected to feel bad and so i couldnt quite figure out that there was something wrong with my school and teachers rather than something innately wrong with me.

anyway, because my own experience was so painful, i am having lots of worries about dd in her first weeks of k. and if i ask, she tells me she likes it, but wont tell me anything about what she did or who she played with. i did observe her today from a distance, and wasnt very happy with what i saw- she seemed to be having a really hard time negotiating social stuff such as sharing a swing, and was quickly resorting to screaming out and crying in anger rather than using words. really more like a preschooler than a kindergartener it seemed to me. is this normal?

i am wondering if she wouldnt be better served at a smaller school where she could get more help figuring out the social stuff. she did very well in preschool, by the way.

how do i know what are my good mama instincts and what are my fears based on projection of my own crummy experience? maybe i should cross post in personal growth?

[siddie]

I consider myself an expert on this My parents never cared to ask not even *once how school was going for me so I tend to lean the other way with my ds. I visited over 17 preschools and over 7 K's.

First off, go with your instinct. If you are feeling uneasy, something is prolly up.

I really like to know what's going on at school. I will walk my ds to class a few minutes early and take my time getting him settled in to watch how the kids and teacher interact with each other. Today he forgot his blankie for nap so I got to bring it to him and I chose to drop in at lunch to see how it was going. Watch the kids on the playground and as they leave school, are they happy? Does your dd want to go to school or is she reluctant? Is she happy when you pick her up? What are the school rules? Does your dd know them?

I have been working on good communication with my ds since we first tried preschool at age 4. I will start with a general, did you have a fun day? Then ask him what was fun about it. Later I might say, was your school lunch good? Who do you eat with? Who do you like to play with at recess? What do you play? Did the teacher read a story today? What was it about, did you like it? I also find that relaxing times like driving home slowly or at bedtime after story he remembers things about school and likes to talk about them. CAn you volunteer at the school to help deliver lunches, tutor, read stories to see what's up?

I think K is a big adjustment for both parents and kids, the swing incident may have just been part of it but I still say go with your gut feelings. She's getting used to the new routines and there is usually a lot less outside play in K then they are used to in preschool.

OF course, when all else fails, ask the teacher!

[siddie]

My ds had a bad experience in preschool and it was evident because he was unhappy to go to school, had sleep disturbances and even regressed to wetting his pants twice in school. Pretty obvious if you think about it

[lauren]

Talk to the teacher, honestly, if you can (meaning if it is the kind of teacher that is receptive to this kind of conversation.) If s/he is experienced s/he can tell you how your child is doing, socially as well as academically. I have worried about this kind of thing with my ds, in a medium sized school, and the teachers have always been aware of what was going on, pro or con. Provide a lot of support at home and perhaps role play social situations. If you bring up examples she is struggling with, she may be glad to 'practice' them through. But it is also a big adjustment, and she might not want to do that. I think it may be too soon to tell, but I agree if she was in serious discomfort, you would probably be seeing some other symptoms and signs from her.

[CarrieMF]

The swing incident sounds pretty normal, especially in the first couple of weeks and if K is all day instead of half days. The kids are more tired in the first couple of weeks and tend to get grumpier quicker.

A big personality change is usually shown when something not right is happening at school.

My oldest is in grade 2 and if I ask her how school was I get a "fine", if I ask what did she do I get a "I don't remember". Me and my siblings were the same way right up until we graduated. Every day was a what did you do at school today - "nothing" day. You have to learn to ask the right questions and their memories need to be jogged.

Who did you play with, if they don't remember their names ask if it was a girl or a boy, what colour hair did they have.

Did you play on the swings.

Did you do art(gym, french, library, etc) today?

What did you do in circle time.

Were any kids sad today.

The type of question you ask can get alot more answers.

[wildmonkeys]

Ds started last week and he won't tell me anything either....we have always eaten family dinners and talked about our days and worked on good communication, but it has been like pulling teeth to find out anything about K. Last night I started a game of "spin the bottle" (it was grated cheese) at dinner and whomever the bottle pointed to had to say something about their day...I don't know if it will ever work again but if you are feeling desperate for info it worked for us ONCE :LOL :LOL :LOL

Your anxiety may be rooted in your own bad experiences - I didn't have a very bad time at school (with the exception of a few mistakes in friend selection when I was older) I thought school was fun and am hoping that my kids have the same experience (though I am not assuming this will be so either and do in fact want INFO so I know what is up).

BJ
Barney & Ben

[ABand3]

ITA with asking the teacher. If you have a halfway decent one, s/he will be glad to talk to you about your concerns.

My DS is in K and also tends to answer "I don't remember" if I ask anything about school (same as in preschool). I found that if I actually waited until a bit later in the day, and asked specific questions such as was was the best part / worse part of your day, what was the story about, he does better at finding the answer.