|See now, that scares me. My "former life" is pretty good--nice husband, nice house, really no major complaints. What on Earth have I gotten myself into?!
Yes, yes! I remember those exact feelings. Everything changes, and I think it's okay (important even) to grieve that. I wouldn't go back, but there are definitely times when I kind of yearn for the way things used to be. I understand feeling worried about losing a life and identity that are basically okay with you for something completely unknown. I don't think we allow mothers enough room to share or experience those feelings, but I think they're pretty universal.
Parenting is HARD. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, period, and at the same time is the thing that has come most naturally to me. You're in for all the wonder you hear about, but also some tough times. Both are okay, although the tough times are certainly more anxiety-producing.
But here we all are, the mamas of more than one child in this DDC-- we've done it once (some even more), and we're doing it again. That's because it's a flat-out miracle to meet your own child, to see her grow and learn and develop, to hear what's going on in HER world, HER life, HER experience. It's so miraculous and astonishing that the shock and awe I felt at my daughter's birth have just never worn off. I have more patience now for waiting and seeing what life is going to bring me, more faith that things turn out basically okay most of the time, and more confidence that I can weather whatever storms I need to. You'll see. Motherhood will bring you all those gifts, too.