I don't think I want the birth I have planned anymore. - Page 2

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by Galatea

Problem - last night I really thought I was in labor and had all the feelings - contrax, some with 2 peaks, low back pain, thigh pain, baby moved lower and sent shooting pains through my legs, nausea, downward pressue, everything. I seriously thought I was in transition. And I was freaking terrified. I kept praying (and I am an atheist) that it would stop b/c I didn't want to go through labor. I kept thinking that I couldn't take the pain and nausea and didn't want to do it. I got panicked. Luckily it stopped by morning and I am still pg. Every time I had a strong contraction today, I panicked again that I couldn't take the pain.

What things were you doing to cope with the pain? What things had you been planning to do? What about getting some help with trying something other than what it was that didn't go well for you? Do you have a friend who could come over and help you when you're laboring? I second the suggestion to see if there is something in BFW that might help. I really think that birth is only part phsyical and that the emotional and spirtual parts are huge. If you can find a way to settle yourself I think it will help you with managing the physical aspect.

I think it is really common to have anxieties about the birth beforehand. I know I get bouts of it! My main strategy has been to have as much fun/pleasure in my life in these days before the birth to get the happy hormones flowing.

Originally Posted by Galatea

Dh has told everyone that we are going to the birth center without an epidural, and I am afraid to give the mainstream ILs something to talk about. Or seem like a wimp to the midwives.

I think birth is a time to be really selfish and go with what feels right to you in your gut. I would try to let go of feelings that you need to please/impress others.

Originally Posted by Galatea

Dh said we should go to the hospital and try it natural there but the epidural would be readily available. He does not want to see me in pain. Or we could go to the birth center and then transfer if I couldn't handle the pain.

The thing I don't like about the idea of going to the hospital to try the natural route when you have the option of a BC is there are more barriers/fewer supports for doing the things you need to do birth naturally there. I had a preterm labor scare last time and had to go to the hospital for EFM, IV fluids, and drugs. It was a horrible experience. For me I really believe the hospital environment/lack of support created pain. This experience ended up being a good thing for me in the end because it made me approach things very differently when I went back for my son's birth a month later--and I had a very good experience. But that was my experience. Again, I think you need to go with what feels right to you.

Also, if you are getting the message from your DH while you are laboring that he can't stand to see you in pain (or if he tunes out because of this issue) it will make it harder for you. You need validation and support duing this time. I wonder if it would help to write down/discuss things it would be helpful for him to say/do so he can be present and supportive.

Originally Posted by Galatea

You know, typing this out, I think I realized I want the hospital with the fetal monitoring. I liked it. It was reassuring. Esp. with all that has been going on here in our group. But I don't know. Maybe I am just thinking about Amy and Ally.

I agree with the reader about EFM. The reason they do this in the hospital is not because it is affords better outcomes than other methods of checking on the baby. But, if there is something about it that is a comfort to you, I think that is a valid factor to take into account. And that's what I think about birthing in a hospital in general. For me, there is nothing about that environment that is a comort to me, and it's a tremendous relief to know I don't have to go there unless there is a problem. But if there was something about the hospital that was a comfnort to me, I might have made a different choice about where to birth to this baby.

I agree that it is hard thinking about Ally and Amy's experiences when you are preparing to have a baby yourself. The things is though, regardless of where you birth, that rare, terrible outcome that none of us want is a possibility, and going to the hospital isn't necessarily going to lower the odds of that.

I support you in doing whatever you feel is best for you and your baby and wish you a wonderful birth! Sending good labor vibes!

[NowOrNever]

I don't know what an epi feels like nor will I ever. I have a back problem and because of it, I can't have one. I dialate really quickly and wouldn't have time to get it though, either. :LOL

Out of all my 4 births (one which was induced), they were ALL different in reguard to pain. Three of them were posterier and two of them had nucheal hands. I found my smallest baby to be my hardest and my nucheals to be a piece of cake to push out! I don't think you can gauge what your pain will be like on the previous birth. In fact, worrying about it can actually make the pain much, much worse. Another thing is, not all epis take the same way.

Hospitals aren't necessarily safer than BCs or hbs. Both of the tragedy's on our board happened at hospitals, so what happened would have had happened any where else.

You need to relax and pick where YOU are comfortable. Know that pregnancy and labor are very temporary and you can make it through it. You CAN do it! You're body is made for this!

One of my labors was 1hr and 20mins. My body did the same amount of work in that labor as my longest labor at 6hrs. It was very hard for me, but I made it through. I wouldn't have made it to the hospital, so I'm glad I worked on positive thoughts and plans about dealing with it.

Good luck and follow your heart.

[lillian]

i just gave birth about 48 hours ago. totally unmedicated, the way i wanted it. it was an awesome and empowering experience and i will never regret any of the pain.

my mw commented that i really trusted my body and followed my instincts. i really did. however, if i doubted myself at all i am not sure how i could have gotten through it. it was tough and it was painful and scary. but i did it the way i wanted. i went home 5 hours later and feel great.

trust yourself and your body and you will make the best decision for you.

lillian

[allbrightmama]

I also just had the most amazing birth. It was in a bc. I decided to go into it with only positive thoughts and to really let go and trust my body. Baby and I were a team. Every time I felt a contraction about to start I would say "Okay baby I am ready." and we would get through it together. If I hadn't felt safe and comfortable I would not have enjoyed my birth experience so much. For me that meant being someplace where I was in control and able to stay positive. What do you need to enjoy your birth?

These warm ups you are having are surely saving you work in labor. Every contraction you have now is one less you will have later, right? Embrace them!

I am sending you ELV and wishing you clarity on your true birthing needs.

[sbm1001]

There's some great advice here. I'd say take each contraction as it comes & worry about the uncomfort of the next when it arrives....if you're able to stay focused you may not panic. If you can, get a doula. She'll be a wonderful tool in helping you to work through those fears when faced with them. Don't be embarassed about wanting to not have to deal with the pain of childbirth. And don't listen to those negative people who will give you a hard time for doing what you feel is right for you. If you feel safest in a hospital, that's the place for you to be. If you fear pain, the pain will be worse.....the tension you create will make it worse. If pain relief is what you need to get the birth you want/need without feeling traumatized afterwards, get it. I wish you well, momma. :

Shannon

[curlyfry]

Aww, Lilli...I have a lot of the same fears, especially because I've never gone through this before! I was having some strong contrax last night and honestly kind of doubted my ability to deal with the pain also.

So, I thought I'd mention...I was just watching Birth Day yesterday (on Discovery Health) which I'm usually frustrated with, but this one was about Birth Centers and it actually made me jealous that we don't have one here and that I *have* to deliver at a hospital (not brave enough to do homebirth for #1...maybe next time!)

The midwife made a really good point. She said it's not that women who deliver at birth centers have less pain recepters than other women or that they're a stronger breed...it's just that the hospital sometimes makes pain that would normally be bearable, unbearable, because of the scary environment. So, if you've never had a birth other than at a hospital, you just never know...your body may be able to handle that pain if you're in a relaxed setting.

Unfortunately, I'm planning an unmedicated hospital birth, which is scary to me because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. But, with reassurance from dh, and deep relaxation, birth positions, etc...I'm sure going to give it a try!

Having said all that, it's a very personal decision...and you should love yourself and be proud of yourself no matter how you birth! We'll all be proud of you too...

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by curlyfry

you should love yourself and be proud of yourself no matter how you birth! We'll all be proud of you too...

Well said!

[Galatea]

Well, I had a little panic attack today in the car, crying and unable to talk and it sucked. I called the midwife in tears and she suggested a psych consult at the hospital. I said I'd pass. Then we were driving by the birth center anyway so I stopped in and she checked me and the baby is fine and my BP is slightly up but no problem. She said she thinks I have so many stress hormones and that is what is giving me these panic attacks and nausea and diarrhea and headaches and insomnia. Then I just burst out with "I don't think I can have the baby here," and she said, "That is fine, you can have an epidural at the hospital and that is fine, too. Maybe if we schedule a date for an induction and you know you can have pain relief then your anxiety will lessen." So that is what we are doing (the date is Tuesday morning; I'll be 39w) and we will see and hope my anxiety will stop and maybe I'll even be able to begin labor before then without the fear. I hope that is what will happen. Dh and I discussed it and we think I am just such a type A person that all the uncertainty and my unexamined feelings about the birth center and pain were too much for my brain to handle and now my body is showing it. Also we both really enjoyed our first birth at the hospital and I liked the epidural so we are happy to be there again. I know it seems counterintuitive but for me knowing I can have all the pain relief in the world if I want it makes me better able to not need it, b/c I don't feel like it can get out of control. Even though my mind may know the birth center is as safe/safer than the hospital, my emotions just can't deal. So I am going to stop beating myself up over this. So I want a hospital birth with an epidural. Big deal. I just need to realize this and own it.

I thank you all sooooo much for listening to me and helping me. You have been great and reading all your perspectives has helped me sort out what mine is. I feel so much love on our board and am so grateful for you all.

[hemo-mommy]

I'd have to agree with music-mommy here. We know that fear, tension, anxiety - that any or all of these can slow down or even stop labor. Do whatever it is that you need to do in order to alleviate your fears, if it's switching to a hospital, talking to your midwives to see what options they can offer you at the birth center, and above all, just acknowledging and accepting your fears. They are part of you, they are real, honest and it's better that you work with them than focussing on what DH has been telling everybody.

Hang in there, mama. The best birth for you is so individual, and my hope is that you find a plan that gives you confidence, but more importantly, an outcome that brings you a baby - and joy.

-Ziva, wife to Ezra the scribe : , mama to Elisha the boy , and mama in waiting to a new baby bean. ODD 9/13.

[Katt2005]

I'm so happy you figured out what is best for you! I'm sure you feel so much relief right now! I hope you have a wonderful birth!!

[mamabeth]

Yes, I hope you feel totally relieved and maybe rid of some of those stress hormones. s Here's hoping you can post a birth story you are happy with very soon!

That's funny (sort of) about the psych consult...I'd say it's pretty common for full-term pregnant women to break down once or twice??? Definitely happening here.

[BennyPai]

Galatea, I am glad you've been able to recognize your fears and come to a conclusion so you can relax and prepare yourself for labor.

Labor takes so much physical, mental & emotional energy, relaxation is the most important thing right now.
I had a nonmedicated hospital birth--- bragging rights are not what is important to me. What is important is DH & I wrote our birth plan exactly the way we wanted it, and we're thankful that we were mostly able to follow it. (Part of our birth plan was to follow my lead as far as medications went.) I didn't rule out the possibility, just left myself open. I tried not to have too many specific expectations, especially in that department. Luckily, laboring in the tub worked for me during that labor.

Every person is different. Each birth is unique and special. Trust your instincts. Trust your body.

Jenny

[marieangela]

I'm glad you're doing what feels right for you, Lilli. Hopefully knowing that things are set up will help you to relax and go into labor before the induction. Sorry I didn't respond sooner-been a bit busy with ds. I've had my two unmedicated hospital births. Dh wouldn't go for anything but a hospital and I think that deep down I knew that I felt more comfortable there, too. I'm terribly afraid and paranoid about anything to do with my spine, so an epidural was a scarier option than pain for me. To each her own! Sending positive thoughts and wishes for a beautiful labor and delivery for you.

[allbrightmama]

I am so glad you have worked through this and figured out what you need to relax and look forward to your birth! You are a strong woman and you will have a beautiful birth. I look forward to hearing about it!

[curlyfry]

Lilli, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow morning! I hope it all goes the way you want it to go, that's the most important part...not striving to reach some "ideal" that is going to just wind up stressing you out in the end...Keep us posted, ok?

***Lots of ELV***

I'm so glad you and dh were able to sort through this! He sounds wonderfully supportive of what you want.