Question about parental involvement...

[vsgaz]

Hi, new to this forum!
My dd (4yo) started a Montessori last week. A friend's children (twins, 3.5yo) started then too. My dd is doing fine, the twins have expressed unhappiness.

My friend had an awful interaction with the teacher and the director - result of wanting to know more about what was happening during the day in circle time. She was told they wouldn't be able to provide that information on a daily basis and that she needed to "back off" and let them do their jobs, and trust the environment. (Parents are discouraged from being in the classroom during circle time and the morning "work" time.) The school is AMS.

She was treated rudely and harshly it sounds like - she is very upset andt hinking of leaving the school.

I've been told that it's a difficult transition for many parents, to adjust to a more "backed off" role in our child's educational day. At this school, parental involvement doesn't seem to be *fostered* -- I asked if starting a garden would be ok (wouldn't interrupt class time) and they said that would be great. On the other hand, there's not an active parent council or anything, and no sign in sheets for any committees that I can see.

This school has a great reputation and I like it so far - but I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the approach to parents, which seems to be pretty hands off and even cold.

Is this typical with Montessori schools in your experiences? I read the posts about "what's bad about Montessori" but only saw a brief reference to the issue of parental involvement...

Any advice would be great! thank you

[thyme]

My son's AMI school is not like that. It has a hugely active Parent's Guild which is very involved in many aspects of the school. It encourages parents who have special skills to come in and talk to the kids -- whether it's about acting, knitting, photography, etc. Aside from special situations like this, parents are not permitted in the classroom, but there is an observation area where we can view our kids for as long as we like, at any time, with no warning provided. And they are happy to answer any questions we have -- they have never made me feel like I was asking too many questions.

[Tine]

I'm a very new Montessori parent (this is DS's 1st week at school), so I don't have tons of experience. But it seems that in terms of parental involvement, our school is very different from that described by the OP. Parents are invited/encouraged/practically required to participate in all aspects of the school. We're welcome to observe anytime, encouraged to contribute to decision-making and material-making, invited to parent education sessions, etc. In the first week of school we've had several phone calls from the teachers to update us on DS's day, 2 digital photos e-mailed to us of DS at work, notes sent home to describe DS's accomplishments, and so on. So far, I feel very much "in the loop" and confident about the school-family connection, even though the adjustment is a challenge for us and DS.

[butternut]

I am a bit of an "old" Montessori mamma, having been involved in Montessori for almost six years with my kids in preschool and now grade school. My experience has always been one of actively encouraged involvement, as I have written on other threads here. Our first Montessori preschool was a parent coop--which meant we had to clean the preschool for two weeks each year and wash and iron all those little cloth napkins. We also all took turns helping out with the garden. We were told something about our boys every day, plus they had a portfolio with photos, work and notes which we could look at whenever we wanted, and we had parent-teacher meetings at least once per term. Afer the first couple weeks of introduction time, we were welcome to visit anytime we wanted, but we were asked to sit on a visitor's chair (several were placed throughout the room) and not to interrupt the children--that is we did not talk to them unless they talked to us first. Most children wanted to make coffee for me every time I visited.
We moved to another city and our younger son went to a public M-preschool. We had regular newsletters with information, a portfolio for our own child, development discussions at least once per term about our child, verbal information every day about him, daily written information about the class as a whole, and we were welcome to visit any time. This school was more relaxed about the parents interacting with the kids when we visited. We also had a PTA and parent work evenings as well as several social activities planned for all the families.
Now my boys are in M-grade school. We have parent work groups covering everything from traffic safety to connecting with business in the community to running social events. Our boys bring their planning books home once per week for us to read and comment on, we have at least one teacher conference per term, at least one whole class parent meeting per term, a weekly newsletter sent by e-mail, weekly photos of the kids at work posted at school, and we are welcome to visit any time. I have visited several times just to observe and am allowed to roam freely, talking with all of the students. I have also visited and helped with special themes, like Halloween. I also talk with at least one teacher every day about my sons.

So for me, if a M-school is discouraging parental involvement or interaction, that is not in line with what I know about Montessori.

[ebethmom]

I'm a new Montessori parent, too. Our school is very small - two 3-6 classrooms with room for 20 children in each room. The director and the Parent Handbook both encourage parent participation.

Both rooms have mirrored windows to the hallway, so parents can observe anytime during the day. It isn't soundproof, so watching with my 14 month old is tricky. But my dh and I both have used the observation times.

There are scheduled parent participation times throughout the schoolyear. They have activities like apple milling and holiday celebrations that parents help with. These require that a parent come without younger siblings, so my husband is planning to go to a few.

We also have a parents meeting in the Fall, and a parent/teacher conference each term.

Before I enrolled my son, I spoke with the director at length about things like gentle discipline and parent participation. I really wrestled with our decision to send ds to school at all. I chose this school because they seem to treat both students and parents with respect.

[G-love]

Unfortunately, my experience (of the past 2 weeks!) seems closer to the OP's. My son just started at an AMS Catholic school, and there is very much the attitude that "we know what we're doing", and minimal communication. Parents can observe Weds. from 8:30-9:30, which I just did this week, and got a very defensive reaction from one of the teachers ("lots of parents can't believe the chaos of the first few days settles in, but it has". Well, I just missed my son and want to know what he's doing, actually, didn't mean to question her competence!).
My son seems to LOVE it there, though. Totally engaged with the work, connecting with kids and making friends (despite their efforts to keep everyone "doing their work"), etc. So for now it's my issue. I'm thinking of just randomly calling and asking for feedback/ input on what he's up to. That kind of parent updating doesn't seem to be part of what they offer. Definitely thinking about other options for next year, but not bad enough to pull him out right now.

[mom2a2z]

Our school (elementary) seems to want parental involvement, but it can be difficult to do because they don't do a good job with letting parents know what their needs are. There are parents that are heavily involved who do know what needs to be done and volunteer to help a lot, but if you aren't already involved, it's difficult to "break in", if you will.

Aside from that, though, our school has an open door policy. Many of the classrooms have the one way glass so you can observe without being observed. They welcome the parents to join the kids for lunch, too. The teachers did ask this year that parents not observe the first two weeks of school (except for the classes with the one way glass) because the kids need to get settled in their routines and won't do that with mom or dad hanging out. The other thing that was suggested is that when you do observe a classroom, you really should observe the other kids, because your kid does not behave or interact the same way when you're there as when you aren't.