Maybe I just need a hug?

[because]

This pregnancy has been great. Nothing that would make a rational person worry about the baby.

But... (and this sounds so stupid when I write it but it's been haunting me for weeks)...

I keep having this feeling like something bad is going to happen and the words "cord accident" keep popping into my head. I know all pregnant mamas have a certain level of anxiety and I had some with DD but never a specific fear like this. Maybe it's because this one is so active and is always dramatically moving position and I just can't see how it wouldn't end up tangled in its cord. I try meditating on my fantasy birth scenario but I have a really hard time getting through it; I get really distracted and usually fall asleep before the birth part. Is there something else that I can do? I know the baby's fine right now but I just can't shake this feeling of doom...

Thanks! Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer but I'm hoping someone here understands where I am.

****** UPDATE 2 years later*******

After this very fast homebirth, I retained the placenta, bled heavily, and transported from home to the ER by ambulance. I underwent a d&c and blood transfusion. Everyone ended up healthy but shaken by the experience. Our midwife, who had not seen surgical records or lab reports, said that she thought it was a placenta accreta.

Recently (September 2007), I was able to get my records and have them analyzed by a high-risk OB during a consultation to determine our risks for having another baby. The answer? Velamentous cord insertion. This is a situation where the cord attaches to the membranes, rather than the placenta itself, and vulnerable vessels embedded in the membranes connect the cord to the placenta. It can be nothing or it can be deadly depending on a variety of factors. In our case, the baby passed meconium sometime before labor which irritated the placenta. Then during the delivery, the cord ripped out - not unusual for VCI. The baby was fine, however! My retained placenta was probably because of the fast labor caused uterine atony (where it won't clamp down properly) plus its imflamed condition from the mec.

All very strange given this feeling and dream and post from the 5th month of pregnancy... just more proof that we should listen to our intuition!

[ehsclt]

I think it's really healthy just to express your worry, as you did. Hopefully, it will dissipate as you progress in your pg. I always find it hard to find the line between listening to and honoring my intuitive feelings, which I think are so important, and putting irrational worries to rest. It sounds like you are also struggling with that. Hugs to you!

[Persephone]

I pretty much second everything ehsclt said. It's really good to get those worries out in the open. I often find that they get much lighter when I do. If you really want to work on resolving this fear, ask yourself what would happen if it DID come true. What would you do? I think that having a plan of action can make the worries much lighter too.

[Slightlycrunchymama]

I dont know what to say but here is your hug ((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I think its normal to think about worse case senarios and it shows your a loving, thoughtful mother to be worried about everything, even your unborn baby ykwim? I think visualizing the birth is best and maybe do some research on cord accidents and see what can be done to prevent/fix them at birth. Id also discuss it with your dr or wm and have them reassure you how extremely rare that is.

[eorr]

Sending good thoughts your way.

[Jlse]

(((HUGS)))

I have wondered the same thing - this little one not dropping b/c of being tangled in the cord. The baby is constantly moving to the point of my shirt moving - never in the same place either. I have almost thought I would feel better if there were two in there so I woudn't worry about the one wrapping itself all up. Not that that makes much sense...

I will be having one ultrasound done - very late and only one due to my first birth. I did have a very bad feeling with ds and lots of dreams etc. It was traumatic but not as bad as I thought - did have a week NICU stay and breathing prob. that lasted over a year. This time I don't have that feeling of doom so not as worried - maybe b/c of having a high res. u/s late. I am homebirthing and wasn't going to have any done but after talking w/ the midwife (and a few others too) they did recommend having one done.

I know there are very rare things that can happen - so far ds has had 3 such rare 'conditions' so I'm probably on the more cautious side. Listen to your mothering insticts!

[MamaTaraX]

Two thoughts: First, I think that fears are normal and healthy and they need tobe worked through. I think it's incredibly healthy to talk about your fears.
Second, I believe in listening to things that you are being told from your body and baby. Your baby might be telling you something there. Talkto your baby. If you are having trouble seeingyour birth and keep thinking the same thing, theremight be some truthto it. I don't say things like that to freak people out, but rather because we tend to overlook things we hear internally and then when they happen we are left wondering. A cord accident is obviously something unavoidable, but that doens't mean you can't plan or imagine what you would do in sucha case. Perhaps all you need to do is think of the scenario and what would be done and that will resolve the fear itself. Talk to your baby, get help fromthem. They know what theyare talking about, you just have to listen.

Namaste, Tara
mama to Doodle (6), Butterfly (2), and Rythm (due at home 1/06)

[zjandosmom]

I'm glad you started this thread. My last two had cords around their necks. ds3 had it twice and VERY tight....so tight it had to be cut as soon as it was discovered. His head was out and then the cord was cut. His face was purple from the bruising and his eyes filled with blood. He did end up in NICU for 12 hrs and we weren't allowed to leave for 48hrs. He is fine and very healthy now. I have a niggling fear this time that something similiar will happen again, but worse. I know in my head that it is not rational......but it's hard to make it go away. I think pp are right in that sometiimes just getting it out helps ease the fear. I didn't mean to add to your fear, but did want to commiserate and air my own .

[because]

Thank you all for your wisdom.

I did some googling. Reading everything made me just realize that there really is nothing one can do about the freak cord accident and I really believe that my midwife won't mismanage anything during the birth. The advice to think about what I would do in that situation and then let it go was very helpful. The only thing worrying about the unavoidable would do is wash this baby in stress hormones and bad energy - and THAT can't help, YK?

Thank you all.

[because]

Does anyone else think that this post from September plus the weird, related dream I had was actually related to the complications I ended up having?

Coincidence or freaky intuition?

[Nature]

I am a firm believer of intuition. Clairvoyance in my own life is something that has *always* happened to me. Many times what I picture, see, or feel isn't something thats very happy. I also have the gift (if you want to call it that) of seeming to know when someone is going to pass on soon. For years it caused much anxiety and fear. I didn't quite know how to handle it. How do you handle knowing information that isn't good? About yourself, about others..

And then I just learned to relax and let things be. It still happens all the time, but I don't feel the need to try to change the course of things.

In your situation, I'm glad you and your baby are well. But yes, I do think subconciously you or your body was aware of something being just a bit "off."

[Persephone]

I definitely believe in intuition working like that... it's part of trusting our bodies, and trusting birth to know when to write off something like that, and when to trust it. The hard part is knowing when to do so! Sounds like you were indeed getting a message from your body about it, and even if there was nothing you could do about it, at least you were aware of it on some level. Very cool! Keep looking for things like this in your life, and as time goes on, you'll get better at listening to your intuition!

[coloradoalice]

Wow, I wasn't a part of the DDC back when you made the origional post, so I was confused at first. Then I read your follow up and I was blown away!!! It's intuition all the way girl!! I totally believe our bodies communicate with us sometimes very loudly!! I have had situations like that also, and it's weird to think that you can have such a subconscious life going on that can tune you into everything going on with your body. Listen to yourself more often, I bet you'll be surprised how right you are about things!!!!

[ehsclt]

Intuition, yup! We women are too wise to think otherwise. Did it help prepare you in any way, do you think, for the reality of the situation?

[Jlse]

Hmm I had forgotten about this thread. I also think there is a lot to intuition. I had replied earlier that I had a similar fear and would have one ultrasound. On that u/s it did show the cord around the neck already. My m/w assured me it would be fine and I do have a good feeling about it.

Maybe you'll have increased confidence in your own insticts as you parent your little one?! I hope you are feeling well.

[because]

Originally Posted by ehsclt

Intuition, yup! We women are too wise to think otherwise. Did it help prepare you in any way, do you think, for the reality of the situation?

well, I just assumed that this kind of issue was a baby thing and so I tried not to dwell on the idea of baby injury/death. Since this was my complication, not his, I hadn't really planned for these feelings (vulnerability, my own mortality...).

I just feel so lucky that this was a fairly "good" complication with no real damage or lasting problems.

[MamaTaraX]

I have nothing to add at the moment, just wanted to give a *nod* about intuition and say that its very interesting to see the original post again and know what happened.

Namaste, Tara