I've been skimming through these posts and I wanted to introduce myself.
I have one dd who is almost 6 months. I work FT out of the home as an attorney for Legal Aid. My DH is a SAHD and works PT on weekends. He used to own his own business, but was working 6 long days/week, so we took a good look at our situation and decided to try this until dd was at least a year.
I really understand you other ladies who are lawyers (and other moms in similar careers). Law is truly not a family-friendly field. I have worked as a prosecutor and for 2 different law firms and can honestly say that this is the most family-friendly situation - at a cost. I make A LOT less than I did at the last law firm I was with, but the benefits (tangible and intangible) are much better. I get lots of paid leave, with really flexible, regular hours. My job really is a 40-hour-per-week job, as opposed to the firms where I was expected to be at the office at least one day each weekend and/or to work late every day. My job is the one with health insurance and 401(k). I also get a lot of assistance with my student loans through a state program and another program through my school bc I'm doing public interest law. And I get to love what I do now bc this is what I wanted to do when I first went to law school, but didn't feel I could afford to do it bc of student loans. I went to a "top-25" law school, which also demonstrated time and again how not family friendly it was and, when challenged, the dean essentially said that this was how it was in the real world and get used to it. As a result, a good friend who had a baby at the end of our first year ended up transferring to a much more family friendly school. The school wouldn't let her be a part-time student during the day, only during the evening program.
Jane, your situation with your boss sounds terrible. What is it about some people and micromanagement? In the past, one of my male bosses micromanaged everything we did and I resented it bc I felt like he hired me and my coworkers bc of our great professional qualifications and then totally forgot about them when making his rules.
Like a lot of the others, dd was a great sleeper while I was home on maternity leave from about 7 wks to about 12 wks (before that she'd wake as often as most newborns do). She'd sleep in our room in a bassinet pack&play from about 8 or 9pm until 4 or 5am and then I'd nurse her in bed and she'd stay there until we woke up at about 7 or 7:30. Then I went back to work and she's gotten up at least every 2 1/2 hours (usually more often) ever since. I also just take this as something she needs and we now cosleep full-time to allow me to get some sleep and retain my sanity.
About DH and the housework, etc... I can honestly say DH is so much better about this than I am. He has always been the one more likely to cook, even when we were both working FT. He is also much tidier than me (I like things to be CLEAN, but I'm not good with clutter and he is much better about making sure everything is in its place). He has actually been getting on me about making a mess.
My problem is that when I am home with dd on the weekends, I feel that my time with her is so precious that I don't want to "waste" it by spending that time cleaning. Plus I know that if I was the one home more, I'd be the one expected to keep everything clean. The one thing that is unequal to me (although I'm not sure I'd have it any other way) is that when I'm home, I'm taking care of Hannah about 95% and DH almost gets annoyed if I ask him to even hold her while I go change out of my work clothes. Yet on the 2 days he works, he barely helps with her at all. Then he had the nerve to complain one time about having to work "every day" bc he takes care of Hannah all day 5 days a week and then he has to work on the weekends, too. I pointed out that is what I (and every mom, employed or unemployed) do also and that is what happens when you become a parent. Also, he has NEVER given her a bath. He helped me give her baths when she was a floppy newborn, but when I ask him to do it now from the cell phone as I begin my 40-minute commute home bc I'm feeling too tired to do it myself that night, he says, "but you enjoy that time with her so much." And he's serious and not even being sarcastic. So I end up doing it myself anyway. Even though he is a wonderful SAHD, I think both of us wish I could be the stay-at-home parent. Unfortunately, though, because of my student loans that will probably never happen.
Oh, someone asked something about pumping. I'm pumping at work and dd is EBF. Pumping has been going really well for us and dd has become somewhat of a "reverse cycler" so I usually pump more than I need and do not need to pump when I'm not at work at all. I frequent another message board devoted to working and pumping, though, and I would agree that you might need to add some pumping sessions while you are not at work to increase your supply. Also, I can attest that oatmeal really does help increase supply. I ate oatmeal one morning and pumped about 2 more ounces than normal at my first pumping session. This has happened every time I eat oatmeal now.
I am so glad someone started this thread and hope we can get our own forum, too.