Apologies in advance for a pretty self-punishing post...
I have a 3 year old daughter and a 5 week old daughter. My 3 year old was the most wonderful, easy-going, delightful child on earth until the last two weeks. While she is thrilled to have a sister, and loves to kiss her, talk to her, try to make her feel better when she cries, etc., she has become SO difficult with her dad and I. I knew something would change with her when the baby came, but this is just breaking my heart.
Example: she was 95% potty trained when dd2 arrived. I knew there would be setbacks, but this is bizarre -- she won't go to the potty when reminded, won't discuss it rationally like she used to (i.e., if you go now, you won't have to stop playing with your friend to go later OR if you don't go, you'll probably pee in your underpants and that's no fun, etc.), and throws an absolute fit when we even discuss it. We've tried suggesting she call her grandmother each night she stays dry all day, we've tried just letting her pee in her pants, we've tried natural consequences (you can't sit on the couch which could stain until you've used the potty), all of it is just met with tantrums. Which brings me to the other thing...
Tantrums. She never EVER had them before. Ever. I had no idea what to do when she started a few weeks ago. They are so sad...she sobs and cries and becomes totally irrational, insisting on things that make no sense (like, for example, NO mommy, this is NOT our house...or NO, I'm NOT yelling and crying). It breaks my heart. It's difficult for me, yes, but mostly I know that she must be feeling just terrible to act that way, yelling and spitting and crying and running away to hide under a table. I've tried to make time just with her and I since the baby arrived, and to include her in baby care (which she loves), but she is still just floundering, and it makes me want to fall apart myself.
This little girl is my sweetheart, somewhere under there -- where did she go? Will she come back? What can I do to help her? We still have mostly the same life we did before -- going to the park, napping together, eating the same things, etc. We just bring dd2 with us, and there's a bit more of me on the couch unable to move (nursing), but never ignoring dd1. I feel like having a baby has ruined my dd1's life. I look in her eyes and see so much struggle and tumult. It's eating me up inside.
Other 2nd (or more) time mamas -- how did this play out for you? PLEASE tell me your first children returned to their previous personalities eventually. I miss my little girl!
I have a 3 year old daughter and a 5 week old daughter. My 3 year old was the most wonderful, easy-going, delightful child on earth until the last two weeks. While she is thrilled to have a sister, and loves to kiss her, talk to her, try to make her feel better when she cries, etc., she has become SO difficult with her dad and I. I knew something would change with her when the baby came, but this is just breaking my heart.
Example: she was 95% potty trained when dd2 arrived. I knew there would be setbacks, but this is bizarre -- she won't go to the potty when reminded, won't discuss it rationally like she used to (i.e., if you go now, you won't have to stop playing with your friend to go later OR if you don't go, you'll probably pee in your underpants and that's no fun, etc.), and throws an absolute fit when we even discuss it. We've tried suggesting she call her grandmother each night she stays dry all day, we've tried just letting her pee in her pants, we've tried natural consequences (you can't sit on the couch which could stain until you've used the potty), all of it is just met with tantrums. Which brings me to the other thing...
Tantrums. She never EVER had them before. Ever. I had no idea what to do when she started a few weeks ago. They are so sad...she sobs and cries and becomes totally irrational, insisting on things that make no sense (like, for example, NO mommy, this is NOT our house...or NO, I'm NOT yelling and crying). It breaks my heart. It's difficult for me, yes, but mostly I know that she must be feeling just terrible to act that way, yelling and spitting and crying and running away to hide under a table. I've tried to make time just with her and I since the baby arrived, and to include her in baby care (which she loves), but she is still just floundering, and it makes me want to fall apart myself.
This little girl is my sweetheart, somewhere under there -- where did she go? Will she come back? What can I do to help her? We still have mostly the same life we did before -- going to the park, napping together, eating the same things, etc. We just bring dd2 with us, and there's a bit more of me on the couch unable to move (nursing), but never ignoring dd1. I feel like having a baby has ruined my dd1's life. I look in her eyes and see so much struggle and tumult. It's eating me up inside.
Other 2nd (or more) time mamas -- how did this play out for you? PLEASE tell me your first children returned to their previous personalities eventually. I miss my little girl!
