How does your partner REALLY feel about homebirth?

[RachelGS]

My DH is supportive in that he is willing for us to have a homebirth and he recognizes that's what I want. And he is willing to put aside his own fears and prejudices about it in order to help me seek the right birth experience for ME. But honestly, if this whole thing were up to him, I'd be in a hospital with an OB and plenty of good drugs. He just has such a hard time wrapping his brain around this one.

Our last birth was in a birth center, and it wasn't until after it was over that he was really able to get his head around the benefits. We were planning another BC birth and he was comfortable with that. I know that throwing studies at him won't make much difference-- he's the kind of person who needs to experience something before he gets comfortable with it. My reaction has been to step up my own support and to let him feel however he needs to feel while I attend to the process of preparing for birth.

I'm not asking for advice here, just stories. I'm just curious how other partners are taking to the whole homebirth idea.

[Aka mommy]

My DH was the biggest critic and antihomebirth person ever. It was a miracle in my eyes to get him to agree to birth in a freestanding birth center 45 mins away. But the match wasnt right for me and the CNM and the center was just not what i had dreamed of. Nor was the fear of delivering in a car if getting stuck in traffic to the center. I mentioned homebirth a few times and he said no way no how. Finally i convinced him to just meet with the midwives i had interviewed over the phone, he agreed.

Now he loves them as much as i do and we both feel that they are part of our family. He goes on and on to anyone who will listen about our midwives and the 5 star care and treatment we receive from them. He also will support me when ever anyone tries to back me into a corner over our choice of homebirth. BUT with all that being said, i know deep down he is incredibly nervous about any 'emergency' popping up. He hasnt come out and said so, but little comments like how he is worried about what to do with DD if we must leave the house let me know he is concerned. I have finally resigned to the fact that it is my body doing the work and it must be hard for him to have 100% faith in a job only i can do. Men are pretty helpless in this area (not saying they are useless or helpless in supporting us or in their seperate roles during this time). And i imagine alog with their inate sense of 'responsibilty' to care for us, it must be pretty overwhelming.

Hope i didnt spurt out any advice, just wanted to let you know that im pretty sure my DH is still digesting the homebirth choice and probably working it out in his head!

[Peppamint]

That's an interesting question. At the beginning of my first pg I mentioned homebirth and dh was . I didn't bring it up again. Just barely into my secong pg I was getting really fed up with the "care" I was receiving and once again mentioned homebirth. A friend/coworker invited me to one of her prenatals with the midwife so I happily went along and I immediately liked the mw. Over the course of a few weeks I convinced dh to meet with her so she came to our house and just sat with us awhile, chatting and answering dh's questions (although I had to make a list of questions for him to ask because he didn't know what to ask :LOL). He agreed to the homebirth but I knew he was still nervous. After all, his mom had six vaginal births knocked out on ether. I just kept talking positive and showed him statistics from The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.

Fast foward to after the birth; I heard him on the phone with his buddy announcing ds' birth, giving stats etc and he was really positive about the whole experience. Now he says homebirth is the way to go and neither of us can imagine going to the hospital!

[camprunner]

I mentioned it during my first pregnancy and he was so against it and I didn't know how to find a midwife since they are so underground here that I just dropped it, sucked it up and had a hospital birth (which turned out to be ok).

This time I had my heart set on a homebirth and found a midwife. DH expressed to me several times that he just wasn't sure about it but at the same time would rather pay a midwife than to have a hospital birth where they did NOTHING because nothing needed to be done (no IV hookup, no monitoring, no saving any lives because we were all fine). I told my midwife that he should be at my upcoming appointment so she could put his mind at ease. He got there before I did and they talked. she asked what his main concern was and to my surprise he informed her that getting a birth certificate was his main concern. he was afraid they would try to say the baby wasn't ours.

It had never occurred to me to have that fear. I just always figured that if they doubted it, we'd have to get blood tests of some sort but since it isn't illegal to have your baby at home (just for midwives to attend them in our state), I didn't think it would be a problem!

[MelMel]

I just asked dh waht he REALLY felt about the homebirth and he said 'relieved'.

we just really dont trust the hospital, and know how victimized they can make you feel..after trying to make it work the first time.. i am glad he also feels safer and more secure at home. he did say also that its because we will have 'professional' people here to help....lol. i guess thats the doula and my midwife.

[HeartsOpenWide]

My hubby is supportive. His mother birthed 6 of his brothers and sisters at home. After she had a hospital birth with him she said "no more" and it was at home unless emergancy after that

[Jenne]

We're not there yet but DH and I have been talking about homebirth even before we got married. DH hates hospitals because he associates them with death. So I think he is relieved that barring any need we won't be having to deal with being at a hospital.

I think, just knowing him, that the labor part may be hard on him as he doesn't like to feel powerless. And seeing me in pain makes him feel powerless. But I think that feeling will be less intense at home than it would be in a hospital or BC setting.

Jenne

[annakiss]

I asked. He said that he thinks it should be the default way to give birth in America. Then he said (in a mock manly voice), "My wife comes up with these silly things and I just go along with them. So long as she knows I'm the man." Then he explained that if left to his own devices he probably wouldn't have even thought of it. But we've had 2 homebirths now and from day one of my first pregnancy, he's pretty much been a convert.

[kote80]

Well when I first mentioned it I could see in his look he wasn't not for it at all, esp with our history and us having twins. When he realized I was serious about it and had educated myself about it he started listening and when we met w/ the mw he felt alot better about it I think because he realized these women know what they are doing. I think he just wanted to know it was safe and ppl really do it more than he thought. All he knows is hospital birth, it was really just a lack of knowlegde. Now I think he sees its better for me and babies and this is what I want but I also think his own comfort lvl would be higher if we were in the hospital.

[De-lovely]

Dh is scared-not that we are preg. but for our next child I am hoping for a homebirth.We had mega complications with both of our dd's and he associates that with "chance" more than a hospital and my ob who I feel now is C-sec crazy! I am praying to atleast get him into a birthing center.....though at home is where I prefer.

[Sagesgirl]

We're planning not a usual homebirth but a UC. My husband worried some, but he never believed it was his place to tell me where to give birth, since I am the one who's doing it.

He agreed with me back in my first pregnancy that it was rather silly that I, who'd never been even close to hospitalization before, should check into the hospital just to give birth. But we didn't know about UC back then, and though I've heard tales of getting TriCare to pay for homebirth, everyone we talked to said there was no way Prime would cover us even for a midwife. So we were kind of stuck.

It was much the same with our second daughter. I say a lot that if I'd known then what I know now, I'd just have stayed at home and had a UC with Linda, and things would probably have turned out much better. But he kind of freaked out when my water broke and wanted to rush to the hospital right away (I still regret not taking a nap first, and then telling him my water broke).

But he knew how incredibly unhappy I was with both experiences, and he trusts my intelligence more than he listens to his own worries. So it works out well. I rather expect to have him preaching the benefits of homebirth/UC once this one's here, much as he now preaches the benefits of breastfeeding.

[kiahnsmum]

My homebirth was totally unplanned, we were supposed to be at a birthing centre, didnt make it, delivered dd myself on the toilet! If we hadnt had this surprise expereience there would have been no way I could have talked dh into a homebirth but now he is totally confident that if I can do it myself then we will be perfectly fine at home with a midwife.
Pregnancy care here is totally different most women can choose their own midwife and homebirths arent that unordinary so it wasnt that dh didnt think it wasnt the norm just that he was overwhelmed with the resposibility of making that choice.

[jplain]

Dh is very happy with having homebirths, even though we pay out-of-pocket and wouldn't have to pay a dime for a hospital birth.

He has never loved hospitals, so he wasn't thrilled about going to one for birthing. I talked to him about homebirth in an exploratory way when I was early in pregnancy with DD. I was playing with the idea in my head, but not too seriously. At that time he said he'd be happy to have future babies at home. By the time I got fed up with my hospital-based caregivers in second trimester, he was completely willing to plan a homebirth.

This time around he's even more positive about it, because he knows what to expect and can't imagine doing it any other way.

Carolyn

[kerikadi]

I had my first 2 in a hospital with my ex so #3 was my first homebirth and DH's first baby.
When I first brought up homebirth he was a bit concerned but did tons of research online playing devils advocate and found NOTHING negative about homebirth.
In my second tri I had some bleeding we were a bit concerned about over the weekend so we went to the hospital to check for a previa. On the way out we walked by the nursery and DH said "I never want to come back here again!"
We had a lovely homebirth and then another. DH considers himself spoiled that he has only experienced birth the 'right' way and believes if we ever had to have a hospital birth it would be just as hard on him as it would be me. He feels that for us homebirth is the only way to go Now if I could just convince him that we should have another One of his concerns about having another is the birth, he wants to finish on a high note

Keri

[famousmockngbrd]

DH was a little freaked out at first, but after we talked about it he was really supportive. We weren't really happy with DS's hospital birth and it was clear we would have to fight to have the birth we wanted at the hospital. It made sense to him to stay home and not have to argue with anyone. He also felt better after he met the midwife. He was very concerned about making sure we had competent, professional help, which is ironic because we ended up having an unplanned UC and DH caught the baby, lol. Of course that just made him feel like Superman and everybody is in awe of him so he is the biggest homebirth advocate ever, now.

[ashleep]

Dh is very happy with having homebirths, even though we pay out-of-pocket and wouldn't have to pay a dime for a hospital birth.

Dh was not on board when I mentioned it at about 25 weeks. I wanted a water birth sooo bad, and the MW at our OB practice knew it. During one of our prenatals she told me how if she were on call on 'Labor Day' that she ouldn't make me get out of the tub. But there were two OBs and 1 other MW that could be oncall, and they would make me. Then she quietly asked how I felt about HB. (Her OB was apparently very anit-hb) I told her I was fine with it but DH wasn't. She told me she ahd her last 2 kids at home (20 years ago!) and gave me the name of her HB MW.

After bombarding DH w/ stats, a couple of pitiful conversations with me b/c I wanted it so bad, he finally gave in.

Now, I have to remind *him* not to judge others if they choose a hospital birth. He is very pro-homebirth and even brought up going UC next time.

[alegna]

My dh wasn't sure about the idea when we first got married, but by the time our dd was born and after he's a 100% advocate.

-Angela

[crunchymomof2]

My dh was supportive and familiar because his mother had her last at home and his sister had her second at home. I had been talking about maybe doing a uc and he was NOT ok with that. So homebirth sounded alot better. And while he was nervous he knew it was best. But after he got used to it he was telling all the guys he worked with how much better it was and how bad the hospital had been for us the first time. He is a big advocate now that we've had it. He loved the experience.

[jerawo]

I guess I feel lucky because DH is 100% for homebirth just like me. Of course I brainwashed him many years before we were even pregnant, but he couldn't ignore the amazing statistics of the Farm midwives. The more he learned about hospital birth, the more he realized that so much unnecessary and harmfull stuff occurs there that hurt mom and baby. Now that we've had a homebirth, he is even more convinced that it's the best way to insure you'll have a low/no intervention, natural, gentle birth.

Now, my parents (a doctor and a nurse practitioner) were another story. I still think they don't see homebirth as a wise birthing option even after I had a wonderful one.

[ZeldasMom]

My DP is a total rockstar and is very into the homebirth. Our first child's birth was in a hospital with a midwife and a doula. He was worried beforehand he would freak out and not be supportive enough or not be supportive in the right way, but he was great. I think having the doula really helped him.

This time right after he met our HB midwife he said, "Of all the birth attendants/helpers we've met, she seems the most knowledgeble." The only sticking point was figuring out how to pay for it, and he worked an extra job this summer to do it.