Weekly Chat, Sept 12th - 18th - Page 3

[MelW]

MamaFern~ I admire your attitude about having what you need. I was raised my a single mama on income assistance, and always felt well looked after. I've often felt guilty in recent years for having so much more that I've been used to...but I have so much experience with stretching my resources and making do with what I have that I'll need to draw on again during my maternity leave.

My exciting discovery of the day...my heartburn over the past few weeks was very stress related. I mostly had it when at work, and in the middle of the night when I was stressed and worried about having to move. Since we've moved and life has settled down- the heartburn was gone. Then today at work it came back. I'm so glad to almost be done...

[gonnabeamom]

Somebody asked me if my wierdo midwife visit caused concern about having that midwife on call when I give birth, and I'd rather not if I get to pick, but this is one of three in a practice where you get two at your birth.

I like her in general, I think she was tired and simply did too much of her thinking outloud. I may mention it to the other midwives next visit. I had a very reassuring phone call with her today, so since the odds are 10,000 to 1 against having her solo I'm not really worried.

[*Amy*]

Hallelujah!

I had the BEST night's sleep last night and I woke up this morning feeling like I'd just had amazing sex (that good!). God I had forgotten what a peaceful night's rest could do for a girl. I don't think I woke up once, even to use the bathroom. Woo hoo!!

Today I get to go buy new tennis shoes and new nursing bras so I'm excited about that, and then DH and I are going on a "date" to watch the Texas football game at some sports bar because we don't get the channel that it's going to be on. Not as bad as it sounds; I do love watching college football.

Thanks to those who posted over in December for Littlemomma. She called me last night and said she is VERY excited about exploring the possibility of homebirth, so I am really happy for her. Jenn, she said she's going to be emailing you today to ask for more advice!

Hope everyone has a loverly Saturday!

[PicnicBear]

Yes, everyone have a good weekend -- we are off to the Celtic Festival today in downtown Chicago -- I hope it's fun and not too much of a madhouse. Then try to get some housework or schoolwork, or other work (I really have my choice since so much neeeds doing) done. And tomorrow is appointment with doula.

I think it is this thread that we were talking about evil Old Navy -- well I need some Fall clothes and went to the website and they have a 25% off maternity sale -- I got 2 more pairs of black yoga pants for ~$18 each, not bad considering how much use I get out of them. Just FYI.

[MamaFern]

*amy* life with a babe is where most of the Due date clubs go after.. im not sure how many stick together, i guess some DDC are closer than others i wasnt part of MDC when elwynn was in utero, not till he was a year old and i joined in with the nov/dec 02 group and we are still talking, almost 3 years later for some of us! its really nice. i hope that we continue sharing with eachother on life with a babe and then toddlers...

so i went to the pool the other night and swam lengths and joined into the super dorky but really fun water exercise class.. i felt so good being in water.. and when i woke up my body felt really healed. its a bromine pool so i didnt feel all sick from chlorine after, which is a big issue for me usually. i hate having a hangover from going swimming.. im going to go at least 2wice a week now till baby comes. yum. swimming.

oh..anyone else waking at 3 am starving? last night something outside woke me up and i lay in bed a while and i couldnt fall back to asleep..and then i realised that i was sooo hungry! i didnt want to get up so i tried to get back to sleep and after about an hour i finally gave up and got an apple and some cheese and bread and climbed back into bed and munched it and read my book.. even after i couldnt fall back asleep till my body had assimilated the food, then i slept till 9am.. which is late for me.. i ate a really good meal at about 8 pm ( late dinner) of miso soup and a samwich, lots of protein and veggies and stuff.. and its not normal that i wake up so hungry. do you think it correlates with baby having a growth spurt?

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by *Amy*

I was wondering, after our babies come and we post our birth stories here in the November DDC, where are we all going to go? I think I remember seeing a "Life with a Babe" forum out there. The rest of MDC just seems so huge; I'm scared to venture out of our little cul-de-sac!

I always wondered the same thing- what happens after our due month is over- do we still exist? I saw some of the other DDC's moved to the other section.

I think we should start a yahoogroup at that time- I am still in my yahoogroup I joined for AP Dec. 02 mamas after ds was born (wish I knew about it when I was pg!!) and we are all really close friends now, 3 yrs later. I hope to stay close with you ladies as well! It is kind of a lot easier to chat when you get all the emails rather than sorting through topics.

[HoneyTree]

Hi gals.

Two days ago baby left his comfy head-down spot and started traveling around the womb. Man, does it feel WEIRD when he stretches into some corner or really pushes against the front with some BIG part. Today he was lying with some pokey part at my belly button, and when he pushed outward my belly button popped out, then popped back in again when he relaxed. I tell ya, this being inhabited by another sentient being thing is FAR OUT.

So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? I have tried to talk to my midwife, my mother, and my husband about these feelings, but they all have these really simplistic (but well-intended, I'm sure) answers that leave me feeling kind of alone with my negative thoughts. I just tend to spin out all the possibilities of a situation, over-analyze things, and hardly ever see the world from rosy glasses -- I'm scared that this personality trait is going to sabotage the birth, and then I'm scared that by obsessing over it I'm going to will it into being. Shall I start a separate thread, November Neurotics?

Teresa

[PicnicBear]

Teresa -- I think it's totally normal -- I was noticing how, when I first got pregnant, I thought a lot in terms of what would be the best birth experience for ME, then I started to shift over the thinking it in terms of what would be best for BABY -- the good thing is that is that most research shows that what is best for mom and baby is the same, nevertheless, it was interesting how my perception changed. I guess that' part of becoming a mother. If you have any mixed feelings I think it just means you are thinking about things.

[BensMom]

Yeah, I wonder all the time whether I can handle labor. I feel pressure to get it right, being a doula myself and all...like people are watching me to see if I can "walk the walk". I think it's setting me up for a bit of stress. But all I can do is prepare as much as I can, surround myself with good support (2 doulas of my own :LOL ) and hope for the best. I had terrible back labor with DS, never even felt a contraction in the front, so I worry whether that will happen again or if all the chiro work I have done will help with that. And then there is the issue of this babe turning vertex already...um, get on with it, little one!

One a positive note, we finally finished the floor in the nursery/playroom. I moved some of Bens big stuff and toys in there since it will only be a PT nursery (and maybe not even at all if we sell the house in early spring) and it is so cool. Bens room was sooo crowded (the 2 bedrooms are tiny) and now he has so much space and we got most of the toys and clutter out of his room. He loves both rooms now, has a huge open space in the nursery to play in. Now we just need to clear out some furniture in our room so we can fit the Amby in there and set up a makeshift changing table for midnight changes on our dressor. I also can start setting up things for the babe - I bought a bunch of cheap baskets from the thrift store today, since we dont have a dresser in the nursery and will just use shelves and baskets for stuff that doesnt hang - diapers, onsies, socks, etc. I can't wait to see it all come together. It's great to feel like I am finally getting ready for this babe!

And the fact that an Oct mama has already had a baby...scary! I wonder who will be first to go here...

[*Amy*]

And the fact that an Oct mama has already had a baby...scary! I wonder who will be first to go here...

I've been thinking about that the past few days too! I'm one of the last due dates in our DDC and I'm 30.5 weeks, so I know we must have mamas who are 34-35 weeks among us! It is possible that we'll be having our own celebrations in the next few weeks. It's kind of mind-boggling, isn't it?

I'm finally starting to feel a bit more prepared though. The only major necessity we don't yet have is diapers, and I'm making that purchase in about 2 weeks. I'm really excited.

Yesterday I visited a friend's brother and sister-in-law who have a 3-week old little girl, and it was so cool! I don't have a lot of exposure to newborn-type babies (other than the one LLL meeting I've been to so far) so it was really cool for me to be able to see what a newborn looks and feels and acts like. It made me so excited to meet my own little bambina!! Are you all starting to feel really giddy about meeting your babes?

[BensMom]

I did some major nesting this morning. We finally got the floor done in the nursery, so I started going through boxes of stuff. I have a lot of stuff! I don't want this much stuff, but even the little things need a place - burp clothes, bibs, hats, blankets, etc etc. I have 18 infant prefolds, so I think I need a dozen more of those and maybe some kissaluvs if i can find the $$. The only other things I *need* are the mattress and sheets for the Amby bed (the one I got at consignment did not have these, : ) and an infant careseat, which I hope to get from someone. Other than that, I think I'm ready. Scary! Now I just need to get ready for the actual birth.

[zjande]

Originally Posted by BeTheEarth

Hi gals. Two days ago baby left his comfy head-down spot and started traveling around the womb. Man, does it feel WEIRD when he stretches into some corner or really pushes against the front with some BIG part. Today he was lying with some pokey part at my belly button, and when he pushed outward my belly button popped out, then popped back in again when he relaxed. I tell ya, this being inhabited by another sentient being thing is FAR OUT.

So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? ..............
Teresa

Yeah, isn't it just bizarre to know there's a little human in there & those are it's cute, tiny body parts protruding from your own body?? It is mind boggling.

And I think it's so fun to describe those movements to people who haven't been close to someone who's pg. My DP is the 1st in his group of friends to have a baby & it is so awesome to hear him talk excitedly about it to his friends. Last night he was describing how TOTALLY WEIRD it is to see these body parts traveling around & poking out & how bizarre it feels when he puts his hand on my belly. He's admitted that he didn't even know babies moved much at all while gestating. And friends are often shocked, y'know, it's like everyone thinks babies just "kick" here & there in the belly, not thrust your belly button inside out with their knee & cause you to look like an alien is bursting forth from you.

And on another note, I've been dealing with the fear that my labor is going to be intensely short since the very beginning of my pg. I'm worried DP won't get here in time, that my mom won't get here, that I'll not be able to handle the sudden intensity, that I'll suddenly get the pushing urge in the middle of our huge staircase, that I'll scare my kids to death as I suddenly go into transition alone at home, or that I'll birth in the car. Whew, that's a lot of worries. I have no idea if it's just fear of if it's intuition. My dd's labor was 24 hours, my son's only 5. What will happen this time??? I only hope labor comes on during the night when DP's right next to me.

I can't believe the 1st Oct baby is here!!!!! Do you guys remember when we were all excited just because people had started posting in the December DDC?? Haha. :LOL I wonder who will be the 1st from our group?? I'll fall out of my chair (well, off my birth ball) with excitement & shock & nervousness & joy when I see the 1st announcement. Wow, we're so close.......

[MelW]

Originally Posted by BeTheEarth

Hi gals.
So are any of you having some doubts or fears about your natural births, or having some hypothetical unpleasant outcomes intrude upon what is supposed to be your positive visualization of the birth? I have tried to talk to my midwife, my mother, and my husband about these feelings, but they all have these really simplistic (but well-intended, I'm sure) answers that leave me feeling kind of alone with my negative thoughts. I just tend to spin out all the possibilities of a situation, over-analyze things, and hardly ever see the world from rosy glasses -- I'm scared that this personality trait is going to sabotage the birth, and then I'm scared that by obsessing over it I'm going to will it into being. Shall I start a separate thread, November Neurotics?

Teresa

I've been thinking about a separate thread to deal with some fear and performance issues around labour and birth- and considered popping over to the midwives and doulas forum to ask those mamas, too. As a maternity nurse I've been exposed to WAAAY to much intervention and scary stuff, and can easy think of lots of crazy unpleasant things to obsess and worry about.

And I feel the pressure, too BensMom of being "tested" in a way- like I'm a "professional" and should know how to do this well. In my initial questionnaire with my midwives where they asked about my expectations of care, I basically wrote- to be treated and recognized as a new mother, to have my knowledge and experience respected but not expected and for them to realise that the pregnancy, birth and motherhood are all totally new experiences for me. My midwife and I had a talk at my last visit about how many "expert" women- doulas, midwives, nurses, doctors take a while to "get out of their heads" and into their labours... a huge letting go process in labour. The story in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth about the couple that are both OBs shows a similar thing.

So what to do??? I'm starting with an early maternity leave, to get out of the hospital and away from some of the intervention and spend more time "just" as a mama-to-be. (Some stupid co-workers last night were trading "worst PPH" stories, until I told them to stop...thoughtless). I have spent a lot of time analyzing "what went wrong" with births I've been at- almost trying to see what I would/wouldn't have done differently, in a "that wouldn't happen to me because of X or Y"- though this is really a futile exercise that I'm trying to stop. And my most helpful way of dealing with fear so far is LOTS of visualization, meditation, and some naming of fears and sharing them and crying over them, then trying to put them aside. My husband is a big help, too- he has an amazing faith in birth and my ability to birth our baby naturally at home. My midwives do, too. The constant affirmation from them and their expectations that everything will proceed normally gives me more confidence in my body and my baby and my birth, and helps me to put some of the fears in perspective.

Loooong answer, I know, but you hit a on a topic I've been thinking a lot about.

Your fellow Novemeber Neurotic (who is hoping to avoid the curse of the nurse),
Melanie

[Kavita]

November neurotics--count me amongst you! I can relate especially to what Jenn and MelW are saying about dealing with birth as a profession--it's interesting to have not only the regular "woman" fear of the unknown in approaching birth, but the professional fear of the known! Since I have a belief in home birth and natural birth, but also have seen my share of scary stuff, it is hard to sort out. I have some performance anxiety issues--I would like to imagine me being like one of the ladies I have seen serenely breathing and concentrating and being reasonably positive and in control, rather than having a big freak out at some point or the whole time. I have to remind myself that this is not some sort of test of my grooviness! I have seen people who were having a birth in a freestanding birthcenter with CPM's basically because it was cheaper and they were uninsured do great in labor. I also know someone who was becoming a midwife and had started doing births by herself and had already had four or five kids and was like, MILITANT about homebirth and very anti-hospital, and she ended up screaming for her midwife to take her to the hospital for an epidural! Which was what ended up happenning . . . who could have predicted THAT? I guess you just never know what you'll get, and it's harder I think if you're someone who's used to being in control.

Well, the weekend is almost over. I am bummed about going back to work tomorrow--things just feel really negative at my job and it's stressful feeling like I'm under so much scrutiny and I can't please anyone. It just feels futile. On the good side, I did get a chance to go today and picked out my beads for the swap, so I'll send those to Jenn and not be the bead swap slacker!

[MelW]

Originally Posted by Kavita

I have some performance anxiety issues--I would like to imagine me being like one of the ladies I have seen serenely breathing and concentrating and being reasonably positive and in control, rather than having a big freak out at some point or the whole time. I have to remind myself that this is not some sort of test of my grooviness!

The "in control" stuff is a big issue for me, too- I try to focus some of my meditation and visualization on being okay with not being in control...
As for it not being a test of my grooviness- I should write this out and paste it on the bathroom mirror as a reminder

Thanks, Kavita- I was anticipating that you'd chime in with something helpful on this issue. I appreciate your wisdom as a fellow pregnant woman and a maternity caregiver

[gonnabeamom]

On the whole birth anxiety/being in your head thing. I'm currently feeling pretty good about this myself, but I think that's from years of being a birth junkie before even TTC, and then having such an extend TTC period. Also because of injuries, I've had to deal a lot with issues of trusting my body, and trying to be in control when I clearly wasn't.

A couple of things to pass along, one is that the most inspiring thing I've read is a description of a birth in Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, about a women who wants a homebirth where they aren't legal, and so has a friend of hers (I can't remember if the friend was an OB or midwife) come just as an observer. Somehow she manages to simply do everything that her body and her instincts tell her, and she has a wonderful labor and birth experience. It totally changes the perspective of her friend. Combine that with reading lots of Ina May early in pregnancy, and what constantly got reinforced for me, is that we don't really have to do labor, at least not in the same way you would run a marathon, our bodies know how to labor, and all we have to do is be open to that process.

The second is that Birthing from Within has great exercises for dealing with anxieties, and fears about birth. I don't think any of that stuff goes away just because someone says "Don't worry" or "It'll be okay". The author really encourages you to confront those fears and worries, plan around them, draw about them, and get them out of your way.

So I hope some of that is helpful to some of you. I don't want it to sound like it was a snap for me to get where I am now, it wasn't, but I know that it is possible to get to that place.