Ann-Marita. I have to congratulate you. For not only being an honorable pet owner and animal lover,but for knowing when and how to best help your beloved dog. It takes a truly devoted pet owner,as well as an unselfish and considerate soul to do what's best for your companion[s]. I know it's hard. I've gone through this 3 times already. The first time was when I was 10 yr. old. I had a husky mix [my 1st dog] whom I adored. When she was 4yrs. old she started having seizures back to back. She had 5 seizures in a 30 minute time span,and we had her euthanized at the E.R. Vet's office. [The seizure meds wouldn't work on her type of seizures,they were uncontrolable.] It cost ALOT more than the day time vet,but no one here could handle her pitiful looks,or my wails of despair. That's the hardest decision I EVER had to make in my childhood years,and it's been the hardest decision each time in my adult life as well. My mom had a 22yr. old pekingese [sp?] that we finally had euthanized b/c of irreversible renal failure. Then we adopted an old beagle about a year after that,who quickly became my first son's guardian doggie angel [he was 1yr. old then]. Sadly,we had to put her down as well,cancer. Each and every time I held them and cried and apologized to them while they were drifting off,and explained to them that I did the best I could. I think all of them understood that. Just as I think your baby understands that too. My coping method that's worked the best for me is to remember the memories we had/have together,and takes LOTS of pictures of all of my animals when I have them. I have a 12yr. old feist who's quickly slowing down,and I know her day is coming closer and closer. A piece of me will die when she does,but I'll know that she's lived a long happy life with us,and we'll never forget her. The best thing you can do for your dog now is to always remember them. That way they'll never completely die.
If I were a dog I'd hope I had such a caring and compassionate mother as you.