I have a friend, P, who is due the same day I am. Her first son, who is six months older than my DD, weighed almost 11 lbs when he was born. That's not surprising -- P and her partner are both very large people, as is everyone in their families. With her DS, P was induced at 42 weeks, and the labour was very fast -- just three hours from 1cm to delivery. She ended up with 4th degree tears, and needed surgery to reconstruct things. The doula they'd hired wasn't able to do much to help, given the circumstances (P hooked up to every monitor imaginable, in bed, with a big bag of pitocin). I ended up having DD by "emergency" c-section (which, of course, wasn't so much an emergency at all), P's partner (who will compete about anything) kept going on and on about how P had this wonderful, "natural" birth. I guess -- if you consider pitocin, monitors, and birthing flat on your back to be "natural". P didn't say much about it, at all.
P is really having a hard time with this pregnancy. Everything is fine, but the baby is measuring even bigger than her first DS did, and that has her scared. She was really traumatized by her DS's birth, the surgery that followed, and the impact it had on her sex life. Her partner claims that she's measuring 6 weeks ahead, but I don't know if that's the uterus or the baby. If it's the baby, that seems like a pretty big discrepency. If it's her, it's not as surprising. I mean, I'm a very small person, and my babe is measuring five days or so ahead (according to a 20 wk ultrasound), but my fundal height is measuring three weeks ahead. I'm not convinced these measurements are a reliable indicator of anything. I just worry that she's reading too much into it, panicking, and looking for an easy way out.
Yesterday, she emailed me that she's asked her dr to schedule a c-section, or to induce her as early as possible , because she's so scared of the labour and tearing again. Unfortunatley, drs here are far too happy to perform c-sections (it's up to a third of all deliveries at our maternity hosptial). I don't think anyone in the medical community is really going to talk her through the options, or reassure her about a vaginal birth. She seems to think a c-section will be like magic, no pain, no suffering. I didn't have a bad time recovering from mine, but I certainly don't want another one -- things will be very different trying to keep a toddler off an incision, not being able to pick up the toddler, etc. It's just not the easy answer P is looking for.
I'm wondering how I can help her discuss her fears about vaginal birth without seeming like a big buttinsky. I'm worried for her. Last time, she had a doula and was committed to an unmedicated birth. This time, she all but wants to be knocked out, and her fears about the delivery really seem to be negatively influencing how she feels about the pregnancy. She's pretty unhappy.
Any thoughts on how I might be able to help her? I should add, in case you haven't already guessed, that her partner is a bit of an unsupportive @ss.
P is really having a hard time with this pregnancy. Everything is fine, but the baby is measuring even bigger than her first DS did, and that has her scared. She was really traumatized by her DS's birth, the surgery that followed, and the impact it had on her sex life. Her partner claims that she's measuring 6 weeks ahead, but I don't know if that's the uterus or the baby. If it's the baby, that seems like a pretty big discrepency. If it's her, it's not as surprising. I mean, I'm a very small person, and my babe is measuring five days or so ahead (according to a 20 wk ultrasound), but my fundal height is measuring three weeks ahead. I'm not convinced these measurements are a reliable indicator of anything. I just worry that she's reading too much into it, panicking, and looking for an easy way out.
Yesterday, she emailed me that she's asked her dr to schedule a c-section, or to induce her as early as possible , because she's so scared of the labour and tearing again. Unfortunatley, drs here are far too happy to perform c-sections (it's up to a third of all deliveries at our maternity hosptial). I don't think anyone in the medical community is really going to talk her through the options, or reassure her about a vaginal birth. She seems to think a c-section will be like magic, no pain, no suffering. I didn't have a bad time recovering from mine, but I certainly don't want another one -- things will be very different trying to keep a toddler off an incision, not being able to pick up the toddler, etc. It's just not the easy answer P is looking for.
I'm wondering how I can help her discuss her fears about vaginal birth without seeming like a big buttinsky. I'm worried for her. Last time, she had a doula and was committed to an unmedicated birth. This time, she all but wants to be knocked out, and her fears about the delivery really seem to be negatively influencing how she feels about the pregnancy. She's pretty unhappy.
Any thoughts on how I might be able to help her? I should add, in case you haven't already guessed, that her partner is a bit of an unsupportive @ss.
to you, mama, and 
to your friend. I would reccomend the book "Birthing From Within" to BOTH of you. It deals a lot with birth trauma and finding strength and grace to heal with the next birth (regardless of the birthing method). If your friend wants to talk about it then there is no reason not to be available to debrief from both of your last experiences and examine resources/options for the future. If she is determined, however, that a scheduled c/s is what she wants then the best you can do is continue to support and love her the way you already are.
