How to Deal With Relatives Who Like to Contribute Clutter

[HelloKitty]

Inspried by a Waldorf book I was reading yesterday I decided I am going to symplify my toddler's and baby's toy collection. We are getting rid of the toy boxes (AKA pits of doom) and all the toys that they don't use or that are too commerical or don't inspire imagination. DH is on board - I don't even think the boys will notice because they hardly use all this stuff. Anything that we are keeping will be displayed and within easy reach. Etc., etc.

The problem is - my in laws LOVE to buy the boys cheap junk toys from the discount stores. I would like to encourage them to instead just buy one nice wooden toy or something instead of a ton of cheap things but they aren't easy to deal with in regards to that type of thing. (I have a feeling they will just ignore me and then we will have more crap coming in that we are trying to get rid of.) Does anyone else deal with this type of thing? Any advice for me?

[kewb]

I have not had any success in that department. My relatives believe they are showing their love and truthfully, for me, I can't rob them of the joy I see when they give the presents to my kids. The junk toy hangs around for awhile and then disappears.

[Wolfmeis]

You're fighting a losing battle there. The only relative I EVER got to listen to me was my stepmother, and that was only because she had been a preschool teacher and knew what I meant, and because she could feed her need for SPENDING on the kids by buying the big-ticket stuff. She got a wooden Melissa and Doug castle for them one day 50% off because it was a display on sale.

The rest of them? Squeaky, plastic noisemakers, some of which the kids fall in love with. Most of it I can cull pretty quickly.

I miss my family. I hope they "get" soon, the whole experience-over-material wish.

[HelloKitty]

OK - not the advice I was hoping for ladies!! :LOL

I've spoken with my Mom about it and she totally "gets" it and will be behind us for sure (which is awesome because she loves to spend so she can be in charge of getting those big ticket items). My in laws though *sigh* well I guess I'll just have to donate the stuff to the local swap shop when they aren't paying attention...

[abclan]

My MIl is a complusive consumer. We are sure to provide her with a list of toys/clothes/whatever and places of commerce we support. She never shops from it though.

SOOOO . . when the annoying toys/clothes show up, we tell her.....

"Wow. Little Johnny would love to keep this at YOUR house. That way everytime he comes over you can play with this special toy together. Isn't that great?"

And then leave the toy at their house.

If she says, "Don't forget to take your new toy". Just smile and say "we are not forgetting it. We want to leave it here so we can play with it with you."

Since we have started this, my MIL now has a toy vac. cleaner, a singing duck, a remote control car, a firetruck, a play guitar - all of which light up and make really loud annoying sounds.

She hates it when that duck accidently starts singing in the middle of the night but lately we have been getting gift certificate instead. LOL

[HelloKitty]

I must admit I would get a perverse joy out of some stupid duck waking my MIL up and annoying her...

[Wolfmeis]

Roflmao At The Duck

Oh Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aeress]

*oy* My mom has her heart in the right place but just doesn't get it. She really looks at what the girls are interested in and trys to find things to go with it. my oldest dd loves, knights, castles, and such but my mom tends to buy main stream things like fp or barbie.
oh well, at least she gets the girls toys that aren't the latest greatest thing unlike my mil.
though I have to say mil bought us a sweet backpack to move youngest dd into....she agree and thought that that was a good idea.

[Marlaina]

And where do we get one of these ducks? Maybe I can ask my MIL to buy one for her house...

Seriously though.... We have the SAME issues and I have tried to stop them to no avail. My own mother is the worst offender. She is a sale shopper and buys all sorts of crap for the whole family that we really don't need. She just can't to pass up a good deal. I try to act grateful (even though I continually ask her NOT to buy stuff) but many times the stuff ends up on Freecycle or at Goodwill.

[Sherra]

My relatives believe they are showing their love and truthfully, for me, I can't rob them of the joy I see when they give the presents to my kids. The junk toy hangs around for awhile and then disappears.

:

I'm not judging you when I say this, I'm just letting you know how I'd feel in this situation. I do understand completely your position and frustration with the situation.

I actually think it's so sweet of them to think of your kids. While it can be irritating, I'd just do what this poster suggested and toss it if they don't play with it. I was taught that it's the thought that counts, not the quality.

I would be embarassed personally to ask people to buy better toys for my kids lol..other than my mom of course. I would feel like I was being rude..but that is just me.


Sherra

[HelloKitty]

Edited because I misread Sherra's post a bit... :LOL I thought you were saying that you did "not" understand my frustration but I reread and that's not really what you said...

My issue is that they don't have a lot of money and I'd hate for them to be getting toys that the kids aren't going to use. I would feel much better if they took that money and bought say one nice wooden toy or something that we won't have to give away - that the kids will get use out of and everyone will be happy.

Of course I don't want to rob them of the joy of giving things to my children - but I also don't want to hurt their feeling if they come over and look around and notice that the things they bought aren't getting used.

If for example I was buying things for my neice and nephew and found out my SIL was throwing them away - ouch that would hurt. I would much rather she gave me some direction in terms of what they need and or want.

[jane-t-mommy]

I don't recall if you mentioned if space was a problem at your house, but I keep "annoying" toys in my basement and on rainy/cranky/snowy/too hot to go out/or sick days I have a stash of stuff that is new and exciting and helps to lift everyone's moods.

[Sherra]

My issue is that they don't have a lot of money and I'd hate for them to be getting toys that the kids aren't going to use. I would feel much better if they took that money and bought say one nice wooden toy or something that we won't have to give away - that the kids will get use out of and everyone will be happy.

I still would never tell anyone what to buy for my kids. I just think I'd be rude for doing it. Maybe that is jsut my perspective on things. I'm not always right :P . We can't control everything around us..wouldn't it be nice? hehe. If they don't have a lot of money, maybe a comment of..wow they have so many toys..you really don't have to do that. But another way to view it is that this gives them joy. Sometimes the act of giving to someone who doesn't have much money makes them feel whole. Doesn't mean you have to keep it though!

Of course I don't want to rob them of the joy of giving things to my children - but I also don't want to hurt their feeling if they come over and look around and notice that the things they bought aren't getting used.

I think most people who buy stuff know the reality of the situation that just because they buy it, doesn't mean it will be the top on the priority list to play with. Most of the time I can't even remember what I gave haha. Unless it was a big ticket item of course but I don't do those types of gifts.

If for example I was buying things for my neice and nephew and found out my SIL was throwing them away - ouch that would hurt. I would much rather she gave me some direction in terms of what they need and or want.

I'd like to say that is how I am, however, I do know that I am not sure how I'd feel if someone I wasn't really really close to told me to buy better toys! I probably would go hmm.... I am the type of person though that would ask a parent first what the child likes..but that is me..not everyone else. It's taken me a long time to realize and sometimes I think I still am not there yet, that we aren't all alike..hehe..what offends you, wouldn't offend me..etc. I'm sorry if I didn't give the answer you were looking for. It might work for you if you find in the convo a place to inject what your kids LIKE as toys in general...hoping they catch a clue. Johnny..really loves such and such. I know I would make a mental note of it...so hopefully they would?

You know your family better than I do and what could possibly offend them or not..so go with what you feel comfortable with. I can only tell you what I'd do in the situation as it's presented to me .


Sherra

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by Sherra

I'd like to say that is how I am, however, I do know that I am not sure how I'd feel if someone I wasn't really really close to told me to buy better toys!

I am talking about my in-laws here - I'm married to their son who could easily be the one to get the idea accross instead of me. I'm not sure you can get much closer to someone then your own parents...

And geesh way to make me sound like a wench - I'd like them to buy toys that we won't throw away - not just "better toys".

My in laws are strange but they actually do look around for the toys that they buy and ask about them. So they would totally notice if the stuff they bought wasn't around.

I'm just looking for advice about how to do something difficult in a kind way. Maybe you don't agree with my desire to do so but I hate waste so it's important to me to try. Thanks for your perspective though.

[pilesoflaundry]

My mil does the look around for toys thing! And she will call 6 months later and ask if they still play with it and get pissed off if the kids aren't. She got mad the last time she came to visit because I wasn't using the umbrella stroller she got us a year ago.

I know it's because she doesn't see them often (they live far away) and maybe she wants the kids to remember her with the toys?? I think it's odd but knowing her that is probably it.

I don't think it's too much to ask to give a little advice on what to get the kids. If money is tight for them Toys R Us sells imaginarium stuff that is made mostly by kidkraft, it's just packaged different and half the price and they also sell the Melissa and Doug stuff.

My sil loves to buy the battery operated loud and crappy stuff on purpose because I don't like it. I told her I give it all away and she stopped. Now the kids get gift cards or clothes .

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by pilesoflaundry

If money is tight for them Toys R Us sells imaginarium stuff that is made mostly by kidkraft, it's just packaged different and half the price and they also sell the Melissa and Doug stuff.

Oooh that's good to know thanx!! I think pointing them to certain stuff at Toys R Us might totally work.

[the_lissa]

I don't think there is anything wrong with explicitly stating what toys you prefer. I won't let my ILs take my kid to McDonalds. I think all the plasticy, battery toys are kinda like "fast food" toys.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by the_lissa

I won't let my ILs take my kid to McDonalds. I think all the plasticy, battery toys are kinda like "fast food" toys.

First I read that as plastic, battery toys are like kid's meal toys, which I totally agree with.
Then I realized that you mean that plastic, battery toys lack creative calories. Which I also totally agree with.

I swayed family members towards getting wooden and other creative toys by stating that I was trying to encourage creativity in my child. And I gave examples. A battery-operated "guitar" that just plays ugly tunes when you press a button isn't creative in the way that a kid-size instrument is creative - where the child makes his own music. Plastic, battery-operated dolls that talk aren't as creative as cloth dolls that the child gives voice to. I gave countless examples until the family members started seeing how much creativity various toys would need as they passed them in the toy aisles. I even explained that they could just bring over boxes for playing, as DS would have a blast making them into his own cars, boats, or trains. The *bling* toys just don't foster creativity.
Now my family members actually check with me before buying DS toys, and I give them feedback. I've also recommended web sites and various natural toy catalogs.

If you want to be more passive-aggressive about it you can sign up your inlaws to receive natural toy catalogs in the mail.

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

Then I realized that you mean that plastic, battery toys lack creative calories. Which I also totally agree with.

Yep that is what I mean.

[mamachandi]

I can totally relate!! I don't completely follow waldorf philosophy but I have learned alot about NFL and keeping things simple through reading about it. I got rid of alot of plasticy junk and have scaled down alot. We just moved and the kids were in need of shelving for their room and the cost of what we needed was well over 150.00 so I saved up and I found a playstand on ebay for 235.00 and it was the best purchase! Their toys are within reach in baskets (I keep a look out for baskets at garage sales and thrift stores and on clearance) and they use it to play store and such. I (oops I mean 'they' :LOL ) love it! I think my house looks better and less cluttered with all the wooden toys and very little plastic now when I go to peoples houses where there are alot of plastic its just a turn off to me.
Anyway, this is a very touchy subject with my IL - my dh family is divorced so there are 2 to deal with (my mom buys thrift store or antique toys! because she doesn't have the money to buy new!)
Anyway I tell my IL's every holiday not to buy plastic they rarely listen! It is so frustrating! I am specific about (learning store,melissa and doug etc forget catalogs I went that route,comp. ignored) what to get and they still don't listen. This year I am telling them the kids have enough toys and to buy books! Or dress up clothes. I should be safe with that Unless they buy commercial character books which I hate... thats a whole 'nother battle... :LOL