Toss her a blanket... - Page 3

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by wannabe

LOL @ sapphire clan

When you've breastfed a baby you'll understand. I don't say that to be patronising, but simply to counter your assertion that you know exactly how it 'should' be done without ever having done it yourself.

But, pray tell, how would YOU cope with writhing screaming child (doing their best to launch themselves out of your arms), exposed nipple and milk spurting everywhere. Which one is your priority?

At my local library? I'd immediately go into one of the conference rooms where there isn't as much stimulation causing my baby to not be able to settle down and eat and work at soothing my child and getting them fed. Frankly, if the baby is writhing and screaming a library story hour is not the place to try to get the latch going. (and yes, I have seen my SIL and my cousin breastfeed with varied success, so I do know what a difficult vs an easy latch looks like, and I do know that a baby who's had no problems for weeks might suddenly have problems). Since I would have introduced my children to the librarian and the librarian would know me quite well (they already do), I'd be able to just slip out and either thank the librarian when I returned or thank them when they brought my older child to me.

I had assumed that the situation was that the baby was nursing happily and that some exposure may or may not have been occuring inadvertently. By exposure, I mean of the breast not being used for feeding (yes, tandem feeding, or a baby that switches sides every minute would mean that both breasts were in use at once). Oh, and I know the quietest location of every place I go to regularly, some of them are not completely ideal, none are restrooms, but all are better than dealing with a screaming child in front of a room full of people. My inclination would be to make a space where I was comfortable and where I could make my child comfortable, even if all I could do was sit in a corner to make a little cave out of my body (that would be before bathrooms, but after most other options). Pretty much, my attitude about how I think I'd deal with breastfeeding problems is the same as why I'm planning to homebirth. Now as for how I actually picture breastfeeding will work for me? Watch the movie Tampopo at the end there's a woman breastfeeding her baby on a park bench, now, imagine that the baby, instead of being lulled to sleep by nursing, is really curious about the world and has trouble focusing on nursing. That's what I envision when I envision nursing in the future. That and nursing in a sling.

Incidentally, I've only seen people breastfeeding the way I plan to, with the shirt moved aside rather than removed, do you guys all go topless to NIP or something? : (double smilies cause the confused smilie isn't smiling)

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by Chunklin'sMommy

:

Twas I. I was having a really bad day and that image just totally had me I wish I had thought of that idea - it's awesome. So now I can laugh at it again every time I see one of your posts, vmom!

Well I'm glad I could bring a moment of merriment to your day, and thank you, because I love it! It is especially appropriate considering the site I created, lol, wish I could actually produce such a coverup and offer it on my site - that would be fun.

Sapphire, I see your point about intent but the thing is, I don't know of any mom who NIP with her priority not being to feed the baby.(ok I latched ds on once specifically to take a photo, lol, but it's not like I had to coerce him, lol) I personally have never seen a mom bare both breasts in public to nurse her baby from one, probably because at letdown milk sprays from both and would shoot across the room,so I don't see how it would be practical or even comfortable. But if a mom needed to open her shirt up and get that baby on, and that's how she's comfortable doing it, it isn't her responsibility to make me feel comfortable too. An adult is responsible for their own comfort needs, and why our society thinks their needs suddenly become the job of the nursing mom when she feeds her baby is quite beyond me.

I don't really have a strong disagreement with anything you've said, I think time and experience will tell, but I do think your descriptions could be taken as just a long way of saying the old cliche, "as long as she's discreet, it's ok". I don't think you are trying to say that, I think you are just trying to describe how you think you personally would be comfortable NIP. Not all moms share the same comfort level with NIP though. There's nothing wrong with that. So I hope if you do see that mom with both breasts bared one day, you'll realize her intent was not to flash you. When you have that screaming baby and you would have to pack up and move from where you are to go find a new spot, you often realize that would just delay the entire process and dc would be screaming the whole time so it's just easier and faster and more efficient to go ahead and take the time to do what you need to get dc latched on. You won't always have the luxury of knowing the people around you and being supported by them the way you describe the way you know your librarian, or the energy to shchlepp around finding perfect nursing spots everywhere you go.

Part of the benefit of breastfeeding is that you don't have to go out of your way during your normal activities to do it.


Alison, I hope the library doesn't end up with a precedent in place that sets some kind of policy, I know that I have always found the library a pleasant place to nurse and I think lots of moms feel the same, so it may not be as unlikely as it seems. It may even be more likely that library staff would say something to a mom if they know there is a "policy" regarding breastfeeding moms.

[Alison]

Just to clarify things for sapphire_chan, most of our programmes have one library staff member present. They would not be able to bring your older child to you. If your older child was under three, it would be against library policy for you to leave them alone in a programme. There is nto likely to be a free empty conference room or place like that for you to nurse anyway, other than the couches inthe preschool area of the library. The person in the programme is generally NOT a librarian (I'm the only librarian in the children's department, for example, and we do 8 or more different programmes in a week--I rely on my staff of three programmers to do most of those!). If you have an older child and a baby, you'd end up with both screaming because you were making the older child leave before things were over. Also, nothing in the scenario refers to a child who is distracted or being noisy or anything like that. Just a nursing baby. Nothing in the scenario refers to the mother having her shirt off or exposing both breasts, it merely states that she "is not worried about who sees what". To be honest, that probably applies to most of us on this list now. I would have been horrified if I exposed a boob before having kids, but having had DS, the entire birth experience, and the problems we had getting started breastfeeding, I have very little modesty left! I've lost count of the number of people who have had their hands on my boobs, from nurses to doctors to lactation consultants. No mother nurses her child with intent to expose breast, but probably doesn't really care that much if breast ends up exposed.

And none of that is relevant here anyway. Because we have laws in place in this province that would allow that mother to go to the human rights commission and charge you with harassment if you said anything to even make her *feel* uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public, regardless of your intent when you approached her. While not all mothers would do this, it has happened in Nova Scotia before.

Just an update--I still have heard nothing from the managers that I e-mailed with my concerns about this.

Alison

ETA in some provinces in Canada it is legal to go completely topless in public places, regardless of whether or not you're breastfeeding. Just an interesting aside! I sometimes wish someone would challenge that issue here in NS, because then there's no way someone could accuse a breastfeeding mother of being indiscreet no matter what was showing!

[gottaknit]

Originally Posted by heket

As another children's librarian, I feel your pain. I'm not terribly surprised though, by your colleagues' comments. Generally, many in the library realm that I encounter with those views are from an older generation than myself. I'm not sure about your library system, but IME the ones I've worked for are bastions of traditional, conformed thought. Good job on trying to educate them! That's about the only way you're going to be able to start changing their ideas.

I agree. I was a student in an MLS program, and these "hypothetical scenario" exercises came up all the time. The Homeless Guy Who Hangs Out at the Library was a big topic of discussion. You wouldn't believe how many of my fellow students thought homeless/smelly/funny-looking/weird-acting/whatever people shouldn't be allowed in libraries. Because they make people uncomfortable.

I dropped out of the program.

[wannabe]

I had assumed that the situation was that the baby was nursing happily and that some exposure may or may not have been occuring inadvertently

SO, if the baby is latching quickly and quietly, what's the issue?

[wannabe]

lol, wish I could actually produce such a coverup and offer it on my site - that would be fun.

You know, a hat for the baby with a boob screenprinted on it would do the job, too...

[Alison]

Originally Posted by wannabe

You know, a hat for the baby with a boob screenprinted on it would do the job, too...

I like that idea too!

How about a knitted boob hat? Big nipple in the middle of the baby's head. Oh, someone could design one of those. That would be hilarious!

Alison

[wannabe]

YES! I have to get my needles out...

[sapphire_chan]

One last clarification from me, then on to knitting boob hats :LOL

The main point of my first post was that the library's staff should be the ones to evaluate and handle any and all discretion issues whether from bfing mamas (unlikely) or from teenage boys with those uber-baggy tanktops (highly likely). [people in general going topless in public bothers me, but then, I'm a D-cup so I'm probably just thinking of jogging like that, ouch!, which is :LOL cause the only people around here who go topless are guys and most of them don't have any sort of boob]

K. Now, I think it'd be cute to make several styled like all different colors and shape of breast and nipple. If it wouldn't interfere with clearly making out the breast shape you could also embroider on tattoos and henna designs. Hmm, maybe a little slogan "now warming heads as well as hearts" or "now also good for the head". OOOOooooo, and what about little white streamers?

[Alison]

white streamers for overactive letdown! I like it.