Alzheimer’s Parent anyone?

[Shiloh]

I am beginning to notice some very odd things...
I know its Alzheimer’s ....I just know it.

Now she's forgetting my past and its so hurtful as I feel I am loosing her, just when we should be really close (I am in my thirties). She is filling in gaps and making up stuff. She used to be an amazing cook now she finds making a simple lunch a horrifyingly painful task for me as she can't do more than one thing at one time - like chop broccoli then she will ask where to put it.

I know the basics, nursing homes, power of attorney, etc. But what do I watch out for to know when its right to 'step in' to take her to get tested etc?

[lisamarie]

First off, I want to tell you how sorry I am and how you are not alone. There have been and are many of us here who have taken care of our parents and its a special, loving, exhausting, draining position to be in. It can be such a gift to be there for them and their care, but hard to care for our little ones as well.

My Mom didn't have Alzheimer’s, but due to her illness, she would forget alot and would have bouts of utter confusion. Even though my Dad was there to be her primary caregiver, she would get upset w/him, when he would try to step in. So that left us kids. I would get creative at times, on how to get her to the hospital or doctor's office. It sounds like now is the time to step in. Even just to get some information on her care and what she needs. Does she have a primary care doctor? If so, call their office and talk w/them about the situation you are in. I'm sure they have dealt with this alot and they could assist you in how to deal w/your sweet mama.

Hugs~

Lisa

[mamimapster]

Oh, man. I'm where you're at, and I've been where you are, though not as directly, since my biological mom hasn't been affected. My Foster Mom and her partner provided care in their home for Mom E and Aunt S who both died from alzheimers. We are now also caring for my Aunt M who is my Bio-mom's sister and to whom I am very close. My advice is to absolutely convince your Mother to go and have thorough test with you there. You will need to both interpret and "referee" since she probably won't remember the doc's info. Currently my sister has Medical Power of Attorney for my Aunt, and my sister and I trade off taking her to dr's appointments etc. There are things that do mimic alzheimers sometimes, such as if she has had a few repeated minor strokes, or very high blood pressure which can cause dementia. The only way to begin to get help is to get a diagnosis. There are current advances in both western and holistic medicine that could be helpful once you know what you are dealing with. Also, get support for yourself, especially since it soulds like you don't have family around. We live in a major city and were able to find a support group. The situation with my Aunt M is very tricky since unlike the other side of my family, this Aunt has lived alone for 25 years, and before that lived with her mother. She has no interest in living with anyone else, or having outside caregivers who aren't family come in. We are currently rotating days, and my Bio-Mom is handling a good share of the care necessary to keep her in her house. I know this is hard and painful, to see someone you love fading into a complete stranger, and struggling to remember what they are doing, etc. etc. I wish you strength to handle what lies ahead.

[Shiloh]

The only way to begin to get help is to get a diagnosis.

Thats part of my biggest issue is how to really tell her she's slipping, we've talked 'around it' like if you ever got alz./dementia what would you want me to say or do. But I know she will deny it....as she knows where the road leads...

I've asked her to talk to her doctor about her symptoms but she won't.
I can call him, but...sigh.... ahhahah....

[Shiloh]

It sounds like now is the time to step in. Even just to get some information on her care and what she needs. Does she have a primary care doctor? If so, call their office and talk w/them about the situation you are in. I'm sure they have dealt with this alot and they could assist you in how to deal w/your sweet mama.

Yes her Gp is my old family doctor but I don't want her getting paranoid..
I know that I probably shouldn't wait...but ....

[sprout 1]

Oh I'm sorry Shiloh.
We went through a struggle with my grandma as she faded away (due to brain cancer, so although not the same it's similar in a way) and it is really hard and draining.
We didn't want to step in because she was sooooo independent, but we finally did when her safety/health was becoming an issue.
I just wanted to add that something I learned to be really important is getting involved with her care. Know what meds she's on and what they do/ side effects, etc. It's a pain but it's so necessary. My g-ma was put on Zoloft (antidepressant) in her final weeks, and the stuff takes weeks to kick in. And she wasn't depressed, she was dying. They also had her on all sorts of whacked out stuff, and we noticed and started keeping track of what worked best for her, because the doctors didn't.
I also wanted to say hang in there and try to appreciate the pieces of "her" that are still there. I'd give anything to be annoyed by my grandma again! :

[mamadodson]

Alison, I am sooo sorry, I know it is a hard thing to go through and see, my grandma had it, and it is a journey, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..

[Shiloh]

I got her to agree to ask her doctor for referrals to an endocrinologist *rule out any thryriod, diabetis (all of those test have been perfect) and a neurologist to see about the brain fog stuff.....but she when she tells me stuff she does....she's not functioning 'well'.....kinda confused, not getting anything done...addressing letters to the right first name wrong last name.

And her 'specialist' she couldn't remember who, where the office was, nothing...turns out it was a rheumatologist - ...sigh.

So she is admitting that the brain fog and sweating might not be estrogen deprivation after all. wheh its a first step - now i got to step in before her appointment andmeet with her doctor...

[Shantimama]

You aren't alone here, although I have to warn you, having a parent with Alzheimer's at our age can feel awfully lonely sometimes. I was still tandem nusing my daughters when my mother was diagnosed - most of my friends still rely on their mothers for help - it is our mothers' generation that is mostly dealing with aging parents, not ours.

Start with your local Alzheimer's Society - they have tons of free info to give you and have support groups for family members.

It is essential that you go with your mother to her medical appointments. I remember it being very difficult to get my head around that, but when I didn't go there were problems. Ask the doctor before you go or someone at the Alzheimer Society for what the evaluation process is on your arehe disease progressed, we were able to have her assessed by a geriatric outreach team - full medical exam, observation in her home environment, interviews with family members and thorough testing of her cognitive abilities.

Take care of your stress level. I have 3 kids too and it has been very stressful at times, being a mama and learning the ropes of how to support/care for someone with Alzheiemer's. Feel free to pm me if you like - my mom was diagnosed 3 years ago but we have been dealing with this for longer than that.There is a lot of grief that comes with this disease that needs to be dealt with while you navigate your way through helping your mom - good for you for coming here to ask for support.

peace,
Shantimama

[sraplayas]

bless you!

my dad was diagnosed several years ago, and has been on a steady decline since. it has been so hard on the family, to be sure.

i am in my mid-30´s and he is 79. he is still living at home and his wife (my stepmother, my mom died 10 years ago) who was trained as a nurse and feels it is her calling to care for him as long as she can (amazing, huh?)

i don't have any advice for you, just know that you aren't alone and have support.

there is also a non-profit alzheimer's association in big cities that is a fount of resources, if it is determined that it is indeed what she is dealing with.

[debbieh]

I'm so sorry that you are facing this. I don't have a parent with Alzheimer's, but my husband (of 35 years) was diagnosed at the very young age of 50. (he's 54 yo now) Some days you would never know anything is wrong with him, and other days, he tells you the same story 6 or 7 times, can't remember our youngest dd's name and so forth. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and offer you hugs.

[annamama]

I gently urge you to get her to see a doctor for a diagnosis. It may not be Altzheimers, but either way, a diagnosis is a good start to begin planning for changes and generally dealing with the changes to her health. ((hugs))

[Shiloh]

Hi wow old thread
I tried to get her to see someone but to no avail...
Her absent mindedness doesn't seem to be getting worse maybe its just age related...
or maybe one of those ministrokes really did some damage although the stroke specialist seemed not to think so after she went after a bizzare episode in the summer....

[Shantimama]

Wow - hi old thread is right! Shiloh, I am glad your mother's absentmindedness isn't getting worse.




My mom is in the end stages of Alzheimer's now. I am so tired. My grief is so deep and so complex because we didn't have the easiest relationship before she got Alzheimer's.

Mostly I am just tired. She barely speaks any more, can't walk and has not been able to do any self care (feeding included)for a long time now. It is just one hard decision at a time, always trying to do the best I can and always honor her dignity and comfort.

I have learned so much and been privileged to meet and support some other families along the way. I am grateful to have found a good nursing home when that time came, even though that part (placing her in a nursing home) was pure hell. My dh has been great and I have had an amazing therapist to support me through this - but it just hurt so bad.

With Alzheimer's, the grief just keeps on coming, wave after wave, change after change.

I hate this.

[Shiloh]

I think I've also just begun to accept it.
Although it still bothers me a great deal and that I have to play everything is okay....that she will ask me questions I can't know the answer to (like what would dh drink with dinner....I mean what wife doesn't know that? lol mine can have anything from coffee and steak BLETCH to wine, beer, water, coke...)

She prepares days and days in advance for things that make no sense...everything is stressful for her and requires multiple phone calls...which she will forget the answer to like what vegetables will my kids eat....and then will deny she's asked me 10 times in the last two hours the same question...

but utimately the cheating at scrabble drives me mental (every word played with dictionary in hand...its not cheating

I'm trying not to let it upset me but her coping skills say that she must convince me I am wrong about stuff if she forgets....even if dh will back me up and repeat the conversation we never had to her....I hate the targeting of me in that, so I resign not to be right all the time....and not to take to heart the mindless things she can sometimes say...

but the overall lack of connection is odd for me, that she has little ability to put herself in my shoes, is loosing those higher forms of critical thinking....and covers it....sigh I guess we will all get old one day...its just sad to watch how slow she's getting and the excuses around why...there is a large gap between what she thinks she should be able to do and actually can do sometimes ....

[riversong]

Wow, I'm glad this old thread got resurrected. I started a thread on this topic in Finding Your Tribe awhile ago, but no one responded.

My mom has Alzheimer's. I first noticed that she had really lost day-to-day functioning when she came out to "help" me after dd was born. It was one of the most wonderful times in my life and it was also one of the saddest times in my life. We have lived on opposite coasts for years, so I wouldn't see her for months at a time. Her decline was painfully obvious to me because we had long periods of separation. Now I look back at what she could do when dd was born (almost four years ago) and think about how it was so much more than she can do now.

My parents are in the process of moving out to the city where we live. They're back in NJ packing up their apartment right now. Having my mom nearby is great because we can see her more often in her last years of knowing us, but it is also really hard. I want so much to be able to snap my fingers and turn her back into the person she was ten years ago. It just can't be possible that that woman is gone.

I know what you mean, Shiloh, when you say that the lack of connection is odd. There was a time when her sister (my aunt) was being really rude to me and I tried to talk with my mom about it, but she just sat in silence. I was so frustrated with her and kept trying to get her to understand me, but I don't think she ever did.

My mom knows she's not functioning normally and I've told that she has Alzheimer's, but she also thinks she can do more than she's capable of. She hasn't driven a car in a couple of years, but she'll still say things like, "I have a driver's license. I can drive a car if I want to." It gives me chills to think of her getting behind the wheel, but I know she wouldn't even be able to figure out how to start the car.

Shantimama, I would love to hear more about your journey with your mom's Alzheimer's, if you're willing to share. I have a friend whose mom has MS, but I don't know anyone else dealing with Alzheimer's. Most of my friends have moms who babysit and knit beautiful things for their babies. Sigh.

Sraplayas, debbieh, if you ever feel like sharing more, I would love to read what you have to say about your experiences with Alzheimer's.

[Shiloh]

How long did it take from when you started noticing the slippage to when it became obvious to other people? People know she's tired, not as quick as she used to be etc...

Shantimama, I would love to hear more about your journey with your mom's Alzheimer's, if you're willing to share. I have a friend whose mom has MS, but I don't know anyone else dealing with Alzheimer's. Most of my friends have moms who babysit and knit beautiful things for their babies. Sigh.

my mom can watch the kids if they are older than 3, but that 1-3 range...she will say she will watch them - I leave the room - then I will find her asleep on the couch...she stresses out about small things and wants me to do them for her (like driving to see her...we are 5 soon to be 6 people she is just one)

and easter we went to my local church - its a really cool new building...she really liked it as she'd never been there before...(she's been there 2x before). But the logic loss drives me crazy, when she said she was comming easter weekend for dinner - she wanted right then and there to know what I was making for dinner...she had to know...and I know she writes the silliest things down...

she also had a ministroke type episode last summer where she lost the ablity to talk for a half hour - the stroke clinic said she was fine for stroke nothing in the brain (she had a few of these when I was younger) but had some small scar tissue in her brain (she's wacked her head a few times...concussions) It could be something like post concussion syndrome, or undiagnosed seizures...but the odd thing is it doesn't phase her...If I couldn't talk for a half hour I'd be FREAKED out...

ooh rethinking that scar tissue stuff:

earlyin the disease process, damage occurs to a tiny structure in the brain called the hippocampus.The hippocampus is responsible for translating short-term memory (the first 5 seconds orso of learning) into stored long-term memory. It is this damage that renders the person withAlzheimer’s disease unable to recall new information consistently. This explains why peoplewith Alzheimer’s disease repeat questions they’ve just asked

http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache...n&ct=clnk&cd=1

[Shantimama]

It is hard when you have friends whose mothers are knitting, helping out, etc and you are helping your mother get dressed in the morning. There is no way around it - it is really hard to be mothering young children and a parent at the same time.

My mom was diagnosed 5 or 6 years ago. At that point her memory wasn't great and her judgement was getting worse and worse. She started doing things that were really out of character. The diagnosis sent her into a deep depression, which is not uncommon. For a long time she was able to keep up appearances even while things were falling apart. She could carry on a pleasant social conversation but was exhausted for the rest of the day afetrwards. She had so many ways of covering for her mistakes that the average person didn't notice what was going on - she was very resourceful. When safety and wandering became issues I had to make the choice to move her into a nursing home and that was hard - completely lhorrible, in fact. As the disease progressed it got easier, but that was the worst of all of this for me. Now she is in the last stage of Alzheiemer's and it really isn't so hard any more. She is simply in the present moment and as long as she is comfortable she is content. She doesn't remember much of her own life any more. She is very frail and weak, but this is so much easier than the rage and depression she felt for so long earlier in all of this.

There is no way I could have made it through this with her without some amazing friends - starting with my dh - and lots of support.

[mamameeyah]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lost my mom 5 years ago to Alzheimers. One thing you should know about the test, if they determine she has Alz. they will report it to the DMV and she will have to give up her drivers' license. It's for her own safety, but it's something that you may want to prepare her for. Another thing, my Dad waited too long to get a power of attorney, so you might want to get that sooner rather than later. By the time my Dad wanted to get it (so he could sell some of her separate assets to pay for her care) she was not legally competent to consent. So see if you can get that taken care of now.

[aurora_skys]

try to remember to take time to relaxe and allow yourself to unwind. my moms dad had alzheimers and my grandparents moved in with us which i think, in retrospect, was a really bad idea. grand dad was obviously upset about being displaced and kept trying to walk "back to miami." my grand ma missed all her friends and just expected my mom to be able to take care of them both. and it was all just too close for comfort for my mom. how could she relax when her stress was right next door trying to smoke cigarettes in the bathroom? so it just about ruined our house and i know it put my parents marriage under huge stress. having them live in an in law suit didnt make anything easier for my mom, it just made it impossible to escape when she needed to.

so i guess what im trying to say is give yourself time and space to escape from the stress and feeling sad.

i remember my grand dad used to get really mad when he couldnt do something, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum bc he doesnt know the right words to say. it was frustrating, drawn out and sad. im sorry you are going through this