Sneaky little teen - Page 2

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by kelly_belly

What teen isn't nosey and sneaky? They are just curious. Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.

I think that's a serious oversimplification. When I was a teenager, I did drugs (pot & acid mostly), drank, smoked, had sex, and hung out with a very rough crowd - it freaks me to think of how many of them are now living on the streets, in jail or dead. But, I wasn't nosey or sneaky - if anything, I was too upfront, direct and brutally honest - it got me into trouble. Teens are just like everybody else, in that they come in all kinds of personalities.

I do agree, though, that it's necessary to look at our children and teens as real people, instead of deluding ourselves.

[curious_04]

First, I want to thank all whose support me.

Second, I don't think that calling my daughter a sneaky little teen is such a horrible thing. I thought I could ask a question and get others ideas and opinions on the subject without others assuming I have a bad relationship with my daughter.

My daughter and I have a great relationship, although at times it can be hard and it takes a little extra effort with her being bipolar. Also, I have many adult friends with teens who also have some issues that are a "little" hard to handle at times. They also say their teens can be sneaky at times.

I have talked to my daughter about the medication, we have discussed it several times. If I was not concerned about her feelings I would not feel the need to lock it away from her I would just leave it out in the open and "trust" she wouldn't be tempted with it. But, I do love her very much, and I do not want her to get hurt, so if I can do anything at all to help her to keep away from trouble I will. My daughter is sneaky, and she is nosey, and if I pretended she wasn't then we would have bigger issues than her being locked out of a bedroom.

Thank you to Joline especially because I believe you know exactly where I'm coming from.

[irinam]

Originally Posted by kelly_belly

No, you judged curious before even trying to understand her predicament.

I did not judge. I stated what I would do (that was "talk to him"). In my later post, I suggested a combination lock.

Originally Posted by kelly_belly

Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.

With all due respect, I think I know my teen better than you, hence I do not see a reason to "wake up".

Blah... derailing the thread.

Curious - were you able to figure something that might work for you? (asking honestly, no hostility )

[Wugmama]

My dd is only 3. But this morning she tried to tell my mom she had eaten breakfast at our house before getting to my mom's house so it was ok if she had candy she saw on the counter there. She hadn't had breakfast. When my mom told me, I laughed and called my dd a sneaky little thing. I really don't understand why anyone would jump on someone for the title of the post. You can't even tell the tone of things that are just in print (without the little smileys) and I never assumed she meant it in a derrogatory way. Anyone who breaks into a locked door they aren't supposed to enter seems a little bit sneaky and nosey to me!

Welcome to MDC Curious! Some threads are like this one, others are helpful, informative and sometimes even supportive!

~Tracy

[DragonflyBlue]

Curious-

I may be able to help.

A bit of background on me: I have a daughter who had bipolar who took her own life a little over 2.5 years ago. I have a 16 year old newly diagnosed daughter with bipolar. I myself have bipolar. (isn't that enough to make you scream? LOL)

We keep meds, including my own in a tacklebox with a lock. Once a week, we sort meds and put them into the plastic daily med boxes. It also helps remind us to take our pills to have them that way.

Any non lethal meds are left out, such as teething tablets, etc. I also keep one or two doses out of other meds such as tylenol, immodium AD, etc.

This not only helps to ensure safety, but also gives Caite the ability to feel responsible for her daily meds. She doesn't feel like we don't trust her.

I do understand the concerns for medication safety. My late daughter tried to OD several times and Caite has tried twice.

Bipolar can be a very scary illness. Moods can swing so fast and so drastically that horrible things can happen before you are even aware that they have gone wrong.

I can also recommend a few excellent books on parenting children with bipolar as well as web sites that will not only offer information but support.

Parenting is difficult enough but factoring in a mental illness/disorder and it can become even more daunting.

Yes, often teens can be sneaky and nosey. Teens with BP can be even more so. But one thing that does help is venting. We have to monitor what we say to our kids, around our kids so having a way to let off steam can be vital to our own sanity.

Caite can be sneaky and nosey too. She has a very difficult time with boundaries, limits and curiousity. She has little problem with going through others things, but boy, don't you dare look in her room for anything. Even if it is yours. HAHA

Impulsiveness is big issue with bipolar. Especially if moods are not stable. Stability is key to making things run smoothly.

If you'd like to talk further or would like me to get those book titles and web resources to you, just let me know. I'll try and help/support in any way I can.

Janis

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by kelly_belly

What teen isn't nosey and sneaky? They are just curious. Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.

My teen is neither sneaky or nosey.

Regarding the OP: If she said her teen was struggling with Bi-polar issues in the first post I missed it. I suppose that could cause some problems. Best of luck in getting the advice you need.

[Curious Me]

Originally Posted by Wugmama

Anyone who breaks into a locked door they aren't supposed to enter seems a little bit sneaky and nosey to me!

Welcome to MDC Curious! Some threads are like this one, others are helpful, informative and sometimes even supportive! ~Tracy

I agree with both points!

Again, welcome, Curious. I have a 15 year-old and she is AT TIMES both sneaky and nosy. She tries to get away with things which involve the act of sneaking. She has gone through my filing cabinet (among other things) for WHATEVER reason, and regardless, that is being nosy. I consider both things to be 100% NORMAL -- it was normal when I was a teen and did similar things -- and it is noraml in billions of people around the world.

[pranamama]

I wonder where boundaries fit in here. If I have things I want to keep private than I would expect my wishes to be respected, I think breaking into a locked area is quite disrespectful. Since when do teenagers have the right to know everything about their mothers. I know I have been quite upset over my teen going through my purse and diary.

Sorry you are having trouble and hope you get some good advice

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by curious_04

Geez,

I feel liked I've been attacked. Yes, I do have reasons I don't want my daughter in a medicine cabinet. She is bipolar and has some med's she takes that could be very dangerous if abused. Obviously, I have come to the wrong place for advice.

If you have a situation that is out of the ordinary you should give that information in your original post. No one here has magic eyes that can see in your house and say, "Oh wow! I bet her daughter is bi-polar!"

~Nay

[ericswifey27]

I think she may have felt attacked because she's getting responses that indicate she doesn't know what's best for her child-it really shouldn't be relevant whether her child is bipolar or not - If she feels the med cabinet needs to be locked or says her teen is being sneaky, then that must be the case- Mama knows best!

I personally don't see what is "non-AP" about calling your child sneaky- Don't many of us remember being sneaky as a child? I was considered a "good" kid and yet I remember being sneaky at times- lying about whether I did my homework, or saying I was going to be somewhere when I planned on going somewhere else. I am not saying all kids do this. But even kids that turn out to be productive adults ARE sneaky at times. You CAN love your child and recognize that he or she can be sneaky at the same time! Even my 1 1/2 year old can be mischeivous at times. Isn't AP all about knowing your child and helping her to do her best??

[Red]

I know nothing about bipolar teens, but a lot about locked doors.

My parents had adopted kids and foster kids who had the habit of stealing money. They finally installed a lock on their bedroom door. It just gave the kids more of a challenge, but it didn't help with the behavior.

First, I would throw away everything I didn't absolutely HAVE to have on hand. No little stash for 'just in case'.

Then, I'd lock it securely in a lock box, or small safe. I'd get a combination lock so I wasn't always trying to keep the key away from her.

At some point your dd is going to have to assume responsibility for her own meds. I'd be thinking about making that transition.

When my son was on chemo, he had many pills to take each day. I got one of those pill sorters the elderly use, put each dose in there. Then he had only to be reminded to take his medicine. I didn't have to go over it with him each time, or worry that he might get confused. He knew to watch the clock, be sure to get them on time, etc. He learned responsiblilty for his own health.

In the past I have posted without enough facts for people to understand my issues. It's hard to write out enough so everyone understands. If you use words like sneaky and nosey, it sounds more like the locked up items are just personal items of yours that you don't want found, or dangerous meds that you're storing, as opposed to nec meds for your dd. It's hard for people to respond without enough info.

[DragonflyBlue]

There is a huge difference between bipolar and chemo. HUGE difference. Not saying one is worse than the other, they are very different.

Bipolar brings with it a 20% risk of suicide. Often when that happens it is an impulsive act. As in thought occurs, and they are gone. No thinking it through, very little planning, just acting. Meds should be locked up until stability, long term stability has been achieved. Anything that has the potential for harm should be. Guns should never be in the house.

This mom is doing exactly the right thing in locking up meds.

BP teens stryggle with wanting to be normal. (whatever normal is) Taking "crazy pills" every day does not make them feel normal. Many will fight being med compliant. Careful management of medications is required.

Rapid cycling bipolar carries even greater risk. The person can be high/manic one day and suicidal the next.

Suicide can happen in the blink of an eye. Before you know anything is wrong, your child/loved one can be dead.

Please never underestimate the lethality of this or any other mental illness. If parents are locking up medications, be assured they have a damn good reason for doing so. We know our kids, we know what the docotrs have told us.

As for not mentioning the BP in the first post, no biggie. People should have reacted to the plea for help instead of getting bothered by words. Many teens ARE sneaky. Just because yours might not be, doesn't mean there aren't others who are.

Janis

[Red]

JanisB, I feel you misunderstood me. I am not comparing chemo and bipolar disease. I am well aware of the differences. My sons cancer threatened his life immediately, and his health long-term. I was only attempting to point out that my child had needed a lot of medication, and that I could relate to trying to get a kid to take what they needed, when they need it. I was sharing MY experience, pointing out how I handled it. I was not suggesting that she treat her child the same, unless it would be safe.

ANd I started my post with the fact that I was responding to the idea of keeping a room of your house locked. It creates distrust and offers the child a challenge.

At some point, this child will HAVE to be able to medicate herself. HOwever, her parents have the responsibility of figuring out WHEN their child is competent. It's important to get the kid on board with the meds, not to alienate them. And to give them a feeling of being trusted, while still keeping them safe.

The OP said her 'little' teen was sneaky and nosy, and asked for suggestions keeping her out of her locked bedroom. I and many others, suggested locking the meds in a safe or lock box. And saying, "My child did a sneaky thing" is different than saying my teen is sneaky. It implies that the childs personality is set, that they will always be sneaky. THe OP asked what WE do with nosey little teens.

KNowing she was trying to protect her dd from her own meds made it easier to give advice.

If you ask for help, and folks don't have all the facts, they give advice based on the info they have.

[supernatural]

Welcome Curious

I think the best way to handle this depends on the reasons for breaking into your room. When I was a preteen/teenager, I frequently went through my mom's stuff, drawers, cabinets, whatever. I can't even tell you why I did it, I wasn't looking for anything specific. I think teenagers are just curious what kind of things their parents have in there. Its like finding clues to the kind of person your parent is. After I was grown and having children of my own, my mom told me things about her life that I never knew, so obviously she was able to hide the most embarassing/private issues from my sneaky snooping.

I agree with the posters suggesting a locked safe or other form of unpickable locking box for the dangerous meds. However, to discourage attempts at break-ins solely out of curiosity, I would open the safe and distribute meds right in front of her, even shuffling around whatever else is in there, so she's aware of everything in the box and why you lock it up. (If suicide is really an issue, you might consider locking other dangers - razors, etc. - in a safe as well.) I also agree with keeping the bedroom open if only the meds are an issue. And don't make a big deal out of curious snooping as long as you know she's safe.

I don't know much about bipolar disorder, so I can't make any suggestions based on the mentality associated with it. But I know that the feeling of being trusted is very important to any teenager. I think it would help your dd to know that you take precautions not out of mistrust for her, but out of the risks of her condition. Let her know that everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions. Point out some of your own. Give examples of families in different situations and the precautions they must take. (Parents of children in wheelchairs put guards on stairways, not because they think their kid is too dumb to avoid the stairs, but because accidents DO happen.)

Good luck to you, I hope you find a solution that works well for your family.

[curious_04]

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin

If you have a situation that is out of the ordinary you should give that information in your original post. No one here has magic eyes that can see in your house and say, "Oh wow! I bet her daughter is bi-polar!"

~Nay

I'm sorry you don't have magic eyes, and I don't believe I should have to post all the personal details about my daughter. I was asking a general question with enough information for anyone with a "sneaky, nosey little teen" to answer.

[Missy]

Curious--I'm not trying to attack you, just trying to explain. Mothering and MDC lean pretty heavily on the respect thing; IOW, most mamas on here make a very strong effort to listen to our children and to meet their needs respectfully--and, somehow, describing your child as a sneaky, nosy little teen in your very first post to the board just doesn't grab a lot of folks the right way. If you had given us a little more insight into your specific situation, perhaps the response would have been gentler. Please notice, too, that most of the responses that support your initial words are from relatively (or very) new members who are probably feeling their way around the boards, too. This is a wonderful site, but one of the things that I love the most about it is the overwhelming belief that our children deserve the same respect we do. If your first post refers to your own child as a sneaky little teen with no additional insight, how do you expect a group of AP mamas to respond?

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by curious_04

I'm sorry you don't have magic eyes, and I don't believe I should have to post all the personal details about my daughter. I was asking a general question with enough information for anyone with a "sneaky, nosey little teen" to answer.

I should apologize for my words. I was responding to a post you wrote earlier in the thread: When you said that "Geez, I feel liked I've been attacked. Yes, I do have reasons I don't want my daughter in a medicine cabinet. She is bipolar and has some med's she takes that could be very dangerous if abused. Obviously, I have come to the wrong place for advice." That last line made me feel angry. Everyone on here loves kids and cares about people and communities and that made me feel attacked. How was I supposed to know that your teen has mental problems without you even giving an indication to that? By saying "sneaky" you really made it sound like she is simply defying you "just because." I don't know much about bi-polar disorder, but I do know enough that it's a serious condition that needs to be carefully monitored. Again I apologize, but I think we should all give all relative information in our original posts before requesting advice from strangers.

~Nay

[ericswifey27]

Originally Posted by Missy

Please notice, too, that most of the responses that support your initial words are from relatively (or very) new members who are probably feeling their way around the boards, too.

True, but as a "new" member I want to add that it is a bit dangerous (and counterproductive) to assume how AP a mama may or may not be, or how valuable her opinion may be, based on the number of posts she has. Not to mention unwelcoming to anyone who is in fact trying to learn more about AP.

[Missy]

Originally Posted by ericswifey27

True, but as a "new" member I want to add that it is a bit dangerous (and counterproductive) to assume how AP a mama may or may not be, or how valuable her opinion may be, based on the number of posts she has. Not to mention unwelcoming to anyone who is in fact trying to learn more about AP.

That would be why I said most and described the newbies as "feeling their way around"...The OP jumped straight into the board, and then couldn't understand why she was "attacked". And one of her most aggressive supporters posted her first post in this thread...Anytime you're new to a community, it's best to get a feel for the place before you post something waaay off track. Most AP moms, even moms to teens, wouldn't use that wording. Or would, at the very least, offer a little more info. My post was not harsh and it has been suggested time and time again that newcomers who are learning would do well to read through the boards a little to gain a stronger understanding of AP.

[curious_04]

Originally Posted by Missy

That would be why I said most and described the newbies as "feeling their way around"...The OP jumped straight into the board, and then couldn't understand why she was "attacked". And one of her most aggressive supporters posted her first post in this thread...Anytime you're new to a community, it's best to get a feel for the place before you post something waaay off track. Most AP moms, even moms to teens, wouldn't use that wording. Or would, at the very least, offer a little more info. My post was not harsh and it has been suggested time and time again that newcomers who are learning would do well to read through the boards a little to gain a stronger understanding of AP.

How do you know I just jumped "straight into this board? Have you been lurking over my shoulder? Just because it was my first post doesn't mean I hadn't read through messages on this board before posting. I did not intend to offend anyone and I still feel I was attacked, some of the replies I received were just mean. In my opinion, and it is only my opinion, I feel that if my referring to my daughter as a "sneaky little teen" is bothersome to people reading the post then those people should not have even bothered to offer their opinion on the subject. Hence, if a reader understood, as many did, the idea of their teens perhaps being "sneaky" then I truly value their opinion and advice. I don't wish to have anyone judge my parenting skills I was just looking for ideas.