Feeling bullied into weaning

[BabyBumblebee]

Hope this is the right forum - if not, please feel free to move.

'k, so my situation is this: my psychiatrist is pushing me to wean dd - not so that we can change my meds, but because 'She doesn't need to nurse anymore; she is not getting any benefit from it' , and also because he feels that dd still nursing is 'a sign of an unhealthy attachment between the two of you'

What can I take to him to back up my decision to CLW? How on earth do I answer these assertions? I really worry about the kind of judgement that's being passed on me as a mother.

I know in my heart that she is *not* ready to wean at this point... I just hate feeling this kind of pressure

[elmh23]

I have no help to give you but wanted to give you a hug! Just keep doing what your doing and what you feel is right! Good luck!

[paquerette]

Well, there's the WHO recommendations and the AAP recommendations.

But honestly, it might be time to find a new psychiatrist. How helpful will he be to you with his head that far up his ?

[Shaunam]

This is what I show people who question nursing past a year. Your doc obviously doesn't know much about nursing because saying she doesn't get anything from it at all just isn't true. If she wasn't getting anything from it she wouldn't be nursing!

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

[westernmamomma]

Grrr, it makes me so mad when weaning is forced on other people! It's obviously healthy for you mentally to continue. It gives you peace of mind knowing you're giving your child the best food there is. The attatchment you form will last you the rest of your life. Not to mention the documented health benefits. You go to a therapist for peace of mind and help, not frustration and confusion. So sorry you're going through this.

[bobandjess99]

What the heck?

Originally Posted by BabyBumblebee

Hope this is the right forum - if not, please feel free to move.

'k, so my situation is this: my psychiatrist is pushing me to wean dd - not so that we can change my meds, but because 'She doesn't need to nurse anymore; she is not getting any benefit from it' , and also because he feels that dd still nursing is 'a sign of an unhealthy attachment between the two of you'

What can I take to him to back up my decision to CLW? How on earth do I answer these assertions? I really worry about the kind of judgement that's being passed on me as a mother.

I know in my heart that she is *not* ready to wean at this point... I just hate feeling this kind of pressure

uumm, am i reading your siggy right, your dd is only 15 months????? (my first thought was..how old is this kid, 4, 5? Then i saw your sig.) First off, I would tell the psych(or anyone who told me to wean a 15 month old) to shove it..and I'd use the type of colorful language I'm not allowed to use on MDC. I mean, truly, anyone who thinks that BM does not have nutritional value after 1 year is just an ignorant $#$$%$ who truly does not deserve any of your time. However, If you would like to use ammo against this idiot, how about the new AAP statement which clearly states that breastfeeding into the 3rd year or beyond does NOT have harmful psychological effects? How about the new study about BM after one year being more concentrated, in which a doctor clearly states that BM does have nutritional value after 1 year? Ugh. Ask the idiot what he means by "no nutritional value?" Does he believe BM stops having calories, healthy fats, carbs, and protein? Large quantities of immunolgical benefits? ugh. i dont have all my facts and citations available right now, and im just mad and not thinking all that clearly, but I wouldn't put up with it at all. My only reponse would be , again, interspered with a bit of color, "you ignorant butt, you obviously know nothing about BF and your personal *Opinions* on what constitute a "healthy" parent-child relationship are obviously not at all similar to mine, so I don't care to work with you, since I am frightened as to the type of "healthy peson" you would try to turn me into, and I don't care to give you any more of my (or my insurance company's) money, you silly idiot. "


Hugs momma!

[sapphire_chan]

Hmm, wasn't there a post recently about how they've come up with a supplement to toddler food because 3-4 year olds are missing an key nutrient that's found in bm? Sounds like children should nurse to age 5 for health.

[Finch]

Well that sucks. My psychiatrist tried to push at weaning too, but I pretty much told her that we are doing CLW, I have no intention of weaning, thanks. If she pushed it, I'd drop her. Seriously. It's that important to me. My son NEEDS to nurse still. Some people just don't get that. Sounds like your psych has an "unhealthy perspective" on EN and needs to get educated and get a grip. I'm so sorry she's said those things to you.

[rupiezum]

First off - :s:: . This is just the worst kind of pressure, and IMO, the most unethical. Your doctor has no business attemtping to use his influence and authority in this manner, and you are right to feel upset about it.

What is your ultimate goal here? Do you want to stay with this doctor, or find a new one? I know it can be exhausting to even think of finding a new provider, but that is a question you may need to ask yourself.

The references mentioned above are all good (WHO, AAP, kellymom) - print them out and bring them to your doctor.

And you need to tell him that you feel bullied. If you can't say it, then write a letter. (I'd actually write a letter anyway, so there's a permanent record of this) And quite frankly, I'd write a letter and copy folks - practice manager, health insurance, etc - because his advice is both medically unsound and unethical.

Your heart is right. :s::

[Kia]

I have a June 2004 baby, too, and heaven help the doctor (psychiatrist or otherwise) who tried to convince me to wean!!! You just keep on doing what is right for you and your baby and if possible, find another psychiatrist.

Sending you lots of hugs,

Kia

[NYCVeg]

Your therapist is there to deal with your emotional well-being--not to treat your child's physical health. He is not your child's doctor and has no business giving you (misguided) nutritional "advice." As hard as it will be, I would tell him so in no uncertain terms. You could also print out some of the info on the health benefits of bfing past one year to educate him.

Or, find a new therapist.

[Elastagirl]

Sorry you're feeling this pressure to wean at FIFTEEN MONTHS!! Sheesh...ds was stll nursing a LOT at that age and he's now a "robust" 40-lb 2.5 year-old!
No nutritional value?!? Even now he still has his days where I swear all he eats are crackers and "other side."

I'd like to know what your psych means by "unhealthy" attachment. (maybe you should ask! ) 15 mos old is such a baby still, and if a sweet baby can't be attached to her mother at that age, when CAN she? I think in our society, we are so independence-driven, that we think any attachment is unhealthy. so untrue!!

Can you discuss this further with your psychiatrist, or do you feel too uncomfortable/nervous/pressured to do so? If it's the latter, find a new therapist.

Good luck!

[Elastagirl]

oh...and I just noticed that your dr. is a man...really, what does he even know about it?

[timneh_mom]

I agree with all the other posts!! I would tell him that either he will work with you or you will be finding another doctor. If the meds you take now are working for the time being well ENOUGH, he needs to back off and let you finish nursing when your babe is ready.

This is another alarming example of lactation NOT being taken SERIOUSLY as a medical condition!! Makes me so :

[callmemama]

Hugs mama. This is another example of a medical professional (and I use the term loosely!) giving personal opinion as medical advice. If you want to educate the doctor, by all means provide the info from WHO, the AAP, the new study on the nutritional value of breastmilk past one year, Katherine Dettwyler's research showing the natural weaning age of humans falls within the range of 2.5 - 7 YEARS (give or take)! And maybe ask him if he believes cow's breastmilk is better for babies than breastmilk from their own mothers!!!

[BabyBumblebee]

Wow! Thank you so much for all of the advice and support - you have *no* idea how much better that makes me feel.

Overall, unhelpful attitude to bf'ing aside, I am reasonably comfortable with this psychiatrist; he is certainly the best of all the MH professionals that I have seen, and I'm not terribly anxious to find a new one I think my best approach is to go in next time armed with lots of information (thank you for all of the links, BTW), and make it clear that weaning my daughter is no longer a topic for discussion. Yes, this means a less than optimal medication, but feeling that I have not done the right thing for my babe is going to be far more harmful to me in the long run...

And as you have all reminded me, dd is 15 months old - she's still a baby. She is healthy, beautiful and happy, and is clearly doing very well on mamas milk - she doesn't like a great deal of 'solid' foods. Yes, she's attached to me, but she's also attached to her daddy, her puppies, her books and her toys.

So, thank you again. You've all helped me to crystallise how I really feel about this, and what the right way to approach this will be. I know that it's not necessarily going to be easy to stand up for myself and dd - heck, that's partly why I'm in therapy in the first place : - but that's part of learning to be a strong mama, and a good role model for my daughter.

[Meiri]

[alegna]

If you don't want to leave this psychiatrist then I would just tell him in no uncertain terms- I'm sorry, clearly you're uneducated about breastfeeding. Since I know more on the subject than you do, this is the end of the discussion on this matter.

-Angela

[thismama]

Oh my. I would run run run from that psychiatrist. S/he is pathologizing your nursing relationship as unhealthy? I would be wary of trusting this person with my mental health.

Psychiatrists are trained to diagnose "conditions" as outlined in the DSM and to prescribe medications. I would be cautious of doing psychotherapy or "talk" therapy with a psychiatrist under any conditions, but given this situation I would quit therapy and find someone else, preferably a psychotherapist.

[phathui5]

Sounds like he didn't get to nurse long enough.