How do u teach a toddler to fall asleep lying down? - Page 2

[EllasMama]

Sorry, I should have said changes started to occur at 24 months, but it's been a gradual thing and she's now sleeping as I described at nearly 29 months.

Carol

[Breathe]

Hey Carol, Thanks so much for your reassuring words. ITA about letting intuition guide us, and I guess that is the best explanation for why we *haven't* made a permanent change yet. Every time we have tried to encourage more independence on ds's part, it has been met with LOTS of tears, and while people like Jay Gordon say that at this age the tears are about anger, not sadness, we disagreed completely and felt like his tears were quite serious and not something we were willing to "work through." Dh and I do believe that he will be ready one day, and probably not too far in the future.

The interesting thing that's happening right now is that the dancing and singing and bouncing and listening to music at night don't seem to be helping him to wind down. He IS falling asleep lying down, without trying to crawl away, but it is taking anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes. And that's AFTER all the other stuff. This feels like insanity to us, especially after he is SO tired from playing and bathing, and reading, and singing, etc.

He also seems to be going thru some serious separation anxiety and much time is wasted with him asking for me and dh trying to hold him off (so I can get a much-needed break after being with him all day).

So my intuition is telling me 2 things: 1) skip the dancing and go right to the bed after stories, 'bc 1 hour is better than 2! and 2) he may need me to put him to sleep at night for a while. I really have to think about whether or not I can do this -- I have to look carefully at my own resources in order to avoid burnout, and this will help me decide what to do next.

But I do so appreciate you talking this out with me . . . There are two common themes here at MDC that I really take exception to . . . that mothers who "care" won't worry about helping their children to sleep, 'cause it's "such a short time in their lives" -- I think this totally ignores the possibility that SOME mothers may not have the energy to do this intense kind of work for many YEARS, and it's not out of a lack of caring or dedication. And the second theme is "children sleep when they are sleepy" -- some may, but MINE DOESN'T! So it's nice to hear of other parents who have found the same to be true, but have come out the other side of it.

Thanks for listening!

[EllasMama]

". . . There are two common themes here at MDC that I really take exception to . . . that mothers who "care" won't worry about helping their children to sleep, 'cause it's "such a short time in their lives" -- I think this totally ignores the possibility that SOME mothers may not have the energy to do this intense kind of work for many YEARS, and it's not out of a lack of caring or dedication. And the second theme is "children sleep when they are sleepy" -- some may, but MINE DOESN'T!"


Amen, sister! I feel your pain. If anything, being sleepy makes my DD want to NOT sleep. And I am not misinterpreting signals and letting her get over-tired to begin with, which is the oft-heard comment I get when I say that. DD goes through phases of fighting it more or less, and over time it has gotten easier, but I still wouldn't say she's a delightfully willing sleeper. Never has been, possibly never will be. I take great comfort in the progress, though. When you've been to the dark reaches of sleepfighting, things that other moms would find awful seem fabulous, LOL!

I also want to let you know I completely and wholeheartedly understand what you are saying about not necessarily having the energy to do what seems to others (who clearly aren't presently living through the situation) like a "short time." My husband travels a lot. When he is here he usually takes the lead in getting DD to sleep. But several days a week it's just me, 24 hours a day. Perhaps there is a happy pill out there that could make me feel grand about carrying her around and waiting and waiting till she's ready to sleep, but for a normal human, it is excruciating. That's mostly the reason for my resolve in helping her learn to sleep better. Sheer and utter exhaustion and praying to the heavens that tonight might be the night she'll be receptive. We've never pushed it hard or resorted to CIO tactics (though I've been soooo tempted sometimes) but we have tried new things from time to time and been really grateful when at last they were accepted by DD.

I'm sure in retrospect all this will seem like a short time, but let me tell you, at present these last 2.5 years feel awfully darn slow and long!!

{{{Hugs}}}
Carol

[Breathe]

Hey Carol, Come read this thread, if you haven't already:

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/sho...158#post658158

I bet you'll get a chuckle or two out of it!

Oh, and P.S. A child development expert (seriously, someone who is world-renowned and *highly* respected) once told me that intelligent children don't have time to sleep. I'm choosing to take great comfort in this.

One day, when the Heavens smile down upon me and bless me with a Sleeper (you know the ones . . . you've heard about them but maybe never met one!), THEN I will dispute this theory. But for now, it works for me!