Overcoming my homebirth fear

[ajsgirl]

I'm 22 weeks along and considering my first homebirth.

The group of midwives I currently see only deliver at a hospital 45 minutes away in no traffic (1 1/2 hours in traffic). It's supposed to be the best, baby-friendly hospital on Long Island. I called the midwife on call twice in one night when I had some spotting and cramping and they never called me back. That bugs me. I just don't feel like I'm getting very personal, attentive service.

All these things make me want to consider a homebirth. That, plus everyone I know who has had one is SO happy they did. But I still have reservations. Here they are:

1. Although my first labor was short and smooth, I worry that this time something awful will happen and the hospital 10 minutes away just won't be close enough to prevent this awful thing from turning fatal. I could never forgive myself if my choice to have a homebirth cost my baby her life.

2. My ds had minor breathing trouble after his birth and needed oxygen. But I assume that homebirth midwives bring oxygen with them?

Can anyone who has BTDT help me alleviate some of these fears? Maybe they're just my issues and I shouldn't do it if I have those fears. But I just can't imagine my little girl being born anywhere but at home.

[Hayes]

Congrats Elizabeth.

I just had my 4th baby and he was my first homebirth. My first labor was long and slow. My second was very quick. My third was longer, but pushing was super fast. This baby, labor was long, but very easy, until trasition when I pushed for 2 hours.

To be honest, I had a homebirth because of all the things that can go wrong at a hospital. When y our son was born, did they immediately clamp and cut the cord? When Samuel was born, he came out and wouldn't start breathing. However, the MW was smart enough to leave the cord intact. He received oxygen from me just as he had for nine full months.

My suggestion, go for it. I worried about germs in the hospital, strangers being near my baby, and lots of other stuff. A good friend of mine delivered her 2nd baby 3 weeks after I delivered Samuel. She ended up back in the hospital with a 5 day old baby because mom had an infection fromt he hospital.

Check out Henci Goer's website for TONS of information on the safety of homebirth.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by ajsgirl

1. Although my first labor was short and smooth, I worry that this time something awful will happen and the hospital 10 minutes away just won't be close enough to prevent this awful thing from turning fatal. I could never forgive myself if my choice to have a homebirth cost my baby her life.

2. My ds had minor breathing trouble after his birth and needed oxygen. But I assume that homebirth midwives bring oxygen with them?

1. Like what? Homebirth midwives are trained to handle the immediate needs and you can get to a hospital pretty quickly. It takes time even in a hospital to get the right people and equipment there. If something went wrong at home your midwife could call on the way and they'd be ready when you got there.

2. Yes, most midwives bring oxygen- but I bet he wouldn't have needed it at home. In the hospital they cut the cord way too soon.

-Angela

[momto l&a]

I home birth to avoid all the interventions that then lead to problems.

My mw brings oxygen, and is keeps updated in all thing baby and mommy.

If we had something seriously wrong the nearest hospital couldn’t help anyway, so there would be no difference in time from there to a capable hospital or home to the NICU.

Having a home birth is incredible, it relaxing to be in your own home with all its comforts. No strangers, our own dirt :LOL, no traveling in a car in labor or after the birth. It sooooo nice to climb into my OWN bed after the birth and take a nap with the new bundle.

[Barcino]

I am also doing a homebirth. I am totally scared of the germs in a hospital. I had to transport from a birth center with #1 and ended up with a csection and now I know homebirth is the way to go. I mean the germs really really scare me, because all sorts of people with all sorts of stuff are in a hospital and the nurses can carry those germs from one patient to another... the whole setting in my head is just nasty. I hate hospitals... they are for the sick not for the newborns! Also I am terrified of interventions that lead to trouble.
I think that a midwife is more prone to find ANY problems before any nurses would and by leaving things alone if labor is normal you dont run into half the problems anyway... I have a lot of peace about the homebirth... now if I could just get my house clean and keep it that way until baby comes. He is due in 1 1/2 weeks So much to do ... looking forward to the homebirth! Good luck with your decision! Do your research you will feel better.

[jerawo]

I think your first fear is one that you are going to have to figure out a way to be okay with. Yes, something bad can happen at home and sometimes 5-10 minutes isn't enough time. However the same bad things can happen in the hospital and then 30-60 seconds isn't enough time. The maternal and fetal death rates for homebirth are so low, I felt like this "what if" wasn't even a concern. For me, the more I learned about homebirth, the more convinced I became that it was a safer option for me and my baby.

For your second concern, MWs do bring oxygen and are trained in how to revive a newborn. This is a good question to ask about in the interview, and you can also ask how often is oxygen used. I bet MW have to use it less than they do at the hospital.

[mandib50]

1. Although my first labor was short and smooth, I worry that this time something awful will happen and the hospital 10 minutes away just won't be close enough to prevent this awful thing from turning fatal. I could never forgive myself if my choice to have a homebirth cost my baby her life.

well, even in a hospital if something terrible happened it would still take generally more than 10 minutes to set up the OR. you could phone the hospital from home and have them set up while you are in transit to the hospital anyway.

the nice thing about having a midwife present through your labor is that she will be aware of when something concerning is happening long before something awful could happen. that was always comforting to me knowing that my midwife would recognize if something funny was going on alot sooner than they would in the hospital. also, i reminded myself that if my baby was going to die, my baby was going to die, whether at home or in the hospital (sorry if this sounds callous, i don't mean it to, but i did spend alot of time reflecting on this). i felt that having my baby die at home (if this were to happen) was important to me.

midwives are trained to handle emergencies, there are situations where a hospital and doctor is needed, but transfer is always possible.

as mentioned already in another post, by virtue of stepping into a hospital to birth, the likelihood of things going wrong is much higher than at a homebirth.

2. My ds had minor breathing trouble after his birth and needed oxygen. But I assume that homebirth midwives bring oxygen with them?

well, ask your midwife. my 2nd homebirth baby needed oxygen which was fine. it's not a big deal. they are also trained to rescucitate a baby if needed as well.

i would recommend discussing your concerns with a midwife, she will put you at ease.

good luck to you!
mandi

[Mamapits]

Hello Elizabeth,
I am not sure where on LI you are but on Monday the 19th we will be having a homebirth support meeting in Patchougue. There you can meet other women who have birthed at home and our experiences. It is a free meeting. PM me if you want directions. If you can't make it at that time we can make a play date and you can meet some of the LI homebirth Moms as well.

[honeybee]

I found reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth really helped alleviate those last "what if" questions. The first half is full of homebirth stories, and some included instances where "something" happened or mom had to be transferred to the hospital. And The Farm was more than 10 minutes away from the hospital! Reading stories about how everything turned out really reassured me. Interviewing a midwife and asking about those specific "what ifs" can also help. You should feel reassured by your midwife, and trust in her competence. Then you can make a decision as to whether or not homebirth is for you at this point.

Good luck!

[starbarrett]

You will definantly find the attentiveness you seek from a private practice midwife.

2. yes--- Midwives always bring oxygen with them to a homebirth. I'm sure there are other precautionary items they bring that I don't know of off hand, you may want to ask the midwife when you find one.

1. I try not to arrange my life around the worst case senarios. As my mom says, "you can kill yourself falling down stairs, but you don't stop using stairs." :LOL You don't plan a road trip around the trama-one hospitals just in case you're in a terrible car accident. No need to be in a hospital in case a worst case senario happens while birthing.

Luckily, homebirths are just as safe as hospital births for low-risk pregnancies and with much lower rates of interventions and c-sections. So you don't have to worry about taking a risk if you have a low-risk pregnancy. The advantage of planning for a homebirth with a midwife, is that they are very conscious of indicators of possible complications, much more so than OBs simply because they are aware that they don't have a c-section in their back pocket. A good midwife will know ahead of time what complications could be on the horizen and would suggest a hospital birth if they anticipated any of them likely rather than wait until it happens then rush you to a hospital.

But more than likely, your birth will go fine so no need to worry. =) In the book, Birthing from Within, there's a chapter to the effect that those who worry ahead of time are least likely to encounter their fears-- or rather are most prepared to deal with them should they face them. So it bodes well that you're doing your worrying ahead of time!

[ajsgirl]

I guess that does make sense. I tend to overprepare. The people that I know (not saying everyone, just some folks I've met recently) that ended up with unwanted c-sections were generally people who either didn't educate themselves or were very inflexible in their birth plans and only prepared for exactly what they wanted.

I'm already feeling better. Thanks for all of your confident words. I'm going to meet with a very accomplished HB midwife on October 1st. I can't wait!

[AngelBee]

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[alicia9178]

I completly understand your fears associated with homebirth, I am also just planning my 1st homebirth in February. All of my other births have been in the hospital and I have never felt empowered or in control at all. While I have been lucky enough not to have a C-section, I have been inundated with so many other interventions that it was rediculous.

I am diabetic so I am treated in the hospital as some sort of medical experiment...poked and prodded on some Dr's schedule that is "hospital protocol" and told that my pregnancies and labors are dangerous so I must stay in bed fully monitored....only allowed to get up to use the bathroom. I know know though that hospitals are only interested in covering their butts....so because of that, protocols are developed and shoved down everyone's throat.

My total change in heart about the hospital came though after working in a hospital. I worked in postpartum at a large metropolitan hospital. I watched Drs and nurses go from one baby to the next changing diapers, drawing blood, doing assessments....PASSING GERMS without stopping to wash their hands inbetween. I watched moms who were forced to share rooms call to me to wipe the blood off of shared toilets, it was NASTY!!!!!! After leaving postpartum and switching to the ER at the same hospital though my eyes were greatly opened. Women would come in a week or so after discharge with fevers, incisions that had opened up, and horrible systematic infections.

Hospitals are dirty nasty places. Nosocomail (hospital acquired) infections are rampant and mostly due to unnecessary invasive procedures and a lack of something as simple as WASING HANDS!!!!! If you are sick....it might be a good place for you, hospitals can do good for the sick, but pregnancy and birth most of the time is not associated with an illness.

Being a medical person myself I sometimes worry about "what might go wrong", but I see it as weighing the risks and the benefits. I know at home that the germs we are exposed to are our own and that no unnecessary medical interventions will be shoved on me or my baby. Are their risks associated with homebirth, yes...some, but there are plenty of risks associated with hospital births also. The benefits of being in a safe, clean, and comfortable environment when I welcome this baby into the world though outweights the risks.

JMO
Alicia

[gonnabeamom]

I think it helps to take the fear out of the general. It's hard to combat something so generic-Something bad might happen, is pretty much true in any situation. Are you worried about specific things? Can you try to focus on what they are?

Second, I think it's good to understand what HB midwives do in specific situations-breech birth, cord around the neck, hemorage, etc. and understand that most of these can be handled at home and most of what can't be handled at home can be dealt with by transfer to a hospital. Even amongst hospital transfers the vast majority are not emergencies, they are anticipated a head of time.

I also think it's really good to understand how homebirth works for the most part and how hospital birth works. Sense & Sensibility in Childbirth is a great book for explaining the connection between hospital policies and the way they result in a cascade of interventions. Bad birth position, leading to more drugs, risk associated with drugs leading to more restrictions on food intake, and more monitoring, leading to more stalled labors, leading to more C-sections. Also Ina May Gaskin does a great job explain why the typical hospital environment inhibits labor and birth, by setting up conditions that are very difficult for mammals to give birth under.

Birthing from Within has great exercises for dealing with fear around birth, no matter what kind you are going to have. I think that it's really important, no matter where you decide to give birth, that it's really what you want, and where you feel comfortable and not what you think you are supposed to want.

[ajsgirl]

All of your posts have been so helpful, and I'm feeling so much more confident about a home birth. We're meeting with a wonderful midwife next week too. And I've been doing LOTS of reading, all from your recommendations. It's looking like a homebirth is the way to go for me. I should trust my instincts... they seem so ON lately... and it's funny, when I think about this baby being born, I only imagine it at home.

[applejuice]

I hope your birth goes smoothly. Good luck and I hope you chose homebirth because that is what you really want.

[guestmama9911]

I asked my midwife what circumstances would require a transfer to the hospital. She said if the placenta detaches before the baby is born, there is a 50/50 chance of him dying whether we're at a hospital or not. The other situation is if the cord comes out before the baby. These two circumstances are very rare.

What might help is for you to do what I did, which is ask your midwife what she has done in the past during certain circumstances, such as a breech presentation, excessive bleeding, large perenial tears, and babies who needed reviving. Ask her how many baby deaths there have been in her experience (my midwife has had none in her 20 years of practice, most doctors have had several). Ask her how many emergency transfers she has had. Once you know what your midwife is capable of handling, you may begin to feel more confident in your home birth decision.

[homebirthing]

A midwife I know has had two in 25 years. Both were heart and brain abnormalities that the babies had no chance of surviving with. They were both stillborn and would have no chance at the hospital or home. Being born at home was much gentler for the families. No healthy baby has ever died in her practice! Amen to that!