UC Post Partum Support Thread (Calling all UC Mamas!) - Page 2

[laurata]

Not around much, but it's nice to come back occasionally and read how everyone is doing.

My littlest babe is 9 months old and WALKING. Like a mad man. He's lovely and happy, and has been going to bed very early at night, which makes bedtime with the girls more pleasant.

I too, can relate to the question of whether or not to have another. TBH, I don't want to go through pregnancy or birth again AT ALL, though I would like to have another baby to love an raise up. In reality though, I don't think I could handle any more than I have now. I put my oldest in public school last month, and I've backed off on my expectations for everything else, and still, I'm really struggling. I hate that I can't live up to my positive parenting expectations. I feel like not only is my house a mess and my body unhappy, I'm a mean, grumpy mama who's always throwing out threats and such. Blah. Luckily, I have an IUD, so I feel like I can put the issue on the backburner for a few years and not stress over it. In the mean time, I'm working on loving the littles I've already got!

I sorta EC my littlest too. I say sorta because I mostly suck at it. It seems that for me, once they get mobile, and aren't in the sling so much, I get really busy and don't chance signals (and forget all about timing too!). I am part of a DFB group, and it helps a LOT to hang out with other ECing mamas.

[hoppytoad]

nak...

michelle, i make the psss sound for poop and pee. sounds like you're doing great with ec. soon enough he'll be strong enough for you to hold him on a little potty. i bet he'll like that more. with dd i used to hold her on the big potty too. I'd sit down, then hold her in front of me. not sure if it'd work with a newborn, though.

take care!

[shell024]

Hey everyone. Every is one month old. I'm beginning to understand how everyone who has had kids and watched them grow says "it goes by so fast". It seems like he was born last week! Well, I feel normal now, I think. Today was the first time that he and I drove around by ourselves. I even managed to go shopping! (The fitting room tested out my sling maneuvering techniques. :LOL ) He was so good the whole time, I think he made a sound ONCE in almost 2 hours.
I'm noticing that he's awake more during the day...and *dont wanna jinx myself* sleeping more at night. He only woke up twice last night at 2 & 6 to nurse and went back to sleep! Ahhh.... I am thanking my lucky stars for now...
I have been researching vaccines and am moving closer and closer to no-vax...but still getting so much pressure from friends/family: "you haven't gotten him immunized yet???" Me: He's four weeks old!! :

I am counting down the days (even though I don't really have a date to count down to) till I finally move back to Guam... HOME SWEET HOME. It will be tough initially, because I will fly with Every and DP wont get there for another month or two. So, I will have to get around by myself, AND I have to get a part time job, since we wont have any income for awhile. I am VERY VERY nervous about this. I am so paranoid about nipple confusion, even if I were to pump and he got a bottle only once or twice a day or something. There's the alternative feeding methods right? (cup, spoon, dropper..etc) I've done some research and been lurking around the breastfeeding forum, but what do you all think about that issue?? It really kinda freaks me out...

[majazama]

michelle~ guam? isn't that in asia? If you are worried about going there, then you probably shouldn't. Did you grow up there? I mean, BFing is my #1 concern when my babies are really little. I wouldn't even consider moving to another country where I would have to get a job to support myself. But that's just me, mind you. Do you have support there (family, close friends), or would Every be going into a daycare?

[shell024]

Yes I was born and raised there and most of my family and friends live there. It is a U.S. territory, a tiny island in the pacific ocean, part of the marianas islands, near philippines...japan, etc..
I am VERY excited and relieved (because I have little support right now here in California...just me, DP, Every, & MIL lives an hour n a half away) actually.

[KateSt.]

uggghhhh...I wrote out a long response, complete with personals, and dh accidentally deleted it! It's so hard to find time to write one response, let alone two --- I actually almost cried!

Okay, let's see if I can duplicate it...

Shel -- I can't believe someone in your family called the cops on you! With family like that, who needs enemies, right? I hope your move comes sooner than later. It sounds as though that's what you really want and I'm sure it'll be nice to have support. Did you ever end up painting a turtle for your birth?

Majazama -- You're right! Marsupialmama's siggy does say #9, doesn't it? :LOL I saw only one name and jumped to conclusions. Marsupialmama, where's my bowing down smilie?!

Hoppytoad -- I also sit on the toilet (backwards) and then place Finn in front of me. That's usually for poo's though. His stream can be out of control :LOL so we mostly pee in the tub. He hasn't had a poopy diaper in months now! It's great!

Laurata -- I can't believe your 9 month old is walking already! Actually, I can't believe he's 9 months, I remember when you gave birth! It does go by far too fast.

4littlebirds -- it's so nice to see you!

cathicog -- thanks for the supportive post. You're right, I feel very fortunate to have this wonderful forum.

Rockie -- I love what you said about "never regretting a human being." Your post was wonderful and really spoke to me.

Amyjeans -- I saw on the other thread that you just bought a house -- congratulations!!!

Shell -- we also got so many of the "have you immunized him yet?" comments. Finally, I got some info from a naturopath that recommends we don't get ANY shots until he's 2 years old. That shut our families up...and maybe by the time he's 2 they'll have forgotten about it.

So, Finn is crawling, pulling himself up to standing, and his 2 botttom teeth are almost fully in. I was hoping he wouldn't get teeth for a little longer, but alas! I cannot control nature! He doesn't bite me, but the teeth scraping along my nipples caused me severe pain for a week or so. It's just starting to go away. He still is latching a little differently though, so it can be uncomfortable. It's a bummer since nursing him has been such a joy until now. I hope we readjust smoothly so it's a joy again.

Hoppytoad, I noticed you're homeschooling. Any other homeschoolinhg mamas? I just recently discovered unschooling and it's singing as loudly to me as unassisted childbirth did. I'm really excited to learn about it! It speaks to my soul and seems so freeing!

Okay -- guess that's enough for now (dh felt so guilty for deleting my response that he took time away from his desk to watch Finn while I wrote another). One more thing -- I'm reading "Playful Parenting" right now. Anyone else read it? Anyone have a favorite book to recommend?

Talk to you mamas soon!

[Aurora]

Hello mamas! My little UC babe will be 2 next month! I can't believe it! He is such a joy and I am amazed that he chose me to be his mama. He is still nursing a few times a day and he hasn't nursed at night for the last 4 nights. He nurses to sleep but then hasn't nursed again till morning. I am a little sad about this. At least he still loves to sleep right up against me.

I really want another little one but I don't know if it will happen. I have miscarried twice this year and I am afraid I won't have another chance to grow, birth, nurse and raise another sweet babe.

KateSt., we homeschool too. I LOVE it and am so glad my children do too! :

[ChildoftheMoon]

Let's see how much I can get in before Thorin wakes up!
He is one month old and weighs in at 13 lbs. 13 oz. Big Boy!
I am feeling pretty good. Starting to get the hang of three to tend to. We are so busy every day, even when we have nothing to do outside the home. Busy homeschooling and keeping up with laundry!
We are doing minimal Ec right now. Hoping to up our toilet times soon. Dh peed him for the first time last night. He was pretty impressed.
I am not on the computer much these days, but I try and catch up as I can.
Hope everyone is well. My milk is letting down-so Thorin will be waking soon!
Brandi

[KateSt.]

Aurora -- I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriages. I know how painful that is. I hope you were able to find comfort in your dear children. ((hugs)) to you. I do hope you get to bring another babe into your family.

Hi Brandi! Can't believe it's been a month since Thorin was born. It goes by so fast!

It's so great to see so many UC mamas who also homeschool -- but it makes sense that they go hand-in-hand, doesn't it?

So, I'm hoping some of you mamas may be able to lend me some insight.
My 7 and 1/2 old Finn is such a joy of a babe. He wakes ups happy, goes to bed happy, and instead of having a "fussy time" of a day he has a "laughing time" of day. BUT! He really loves to be with me, near me, latched to me 24/7. I'm getting absolutely NO TIME to myself and I'm beginning to wear thin.

He loves his papa but will only tolerate being alone with him for 20-25 minutes (if that) even though he's just been nursed. He needs me to lie down with him to sleep (even with naps) or he'll wake up. He hates his jolly jumper or anything that restrains him. Now his bedtime is later than it used to be - around 9:30pm. And when he finally does fall asleep he stays latched on for a long time (so that dh and I get no alone time). When I try to unlatch him he wakes within minutes (which is why I'm trying to type at record speed!).

I tell myself that he's little for such a short amount of time and that I'm doing the best thing for him. But...I don't want to start resenting the situation. I guess what bugs me the most is that he's not happy with his papa for longer amounts of time. I know books say that he should learn to cry and be comforted by papa, but I've never let him cry when I know what I can do to comfort him. If I'm trying to do yoga in another room and I hear him crying with papa, how can I not go to him? SHOULD I not go to him?
Have I "conditioned" him to only want me?

Have I also "conditioned" him to not be able to sleep alone?

This is the first time I've really been questioning my parenting. I mother by following my heart, but it seems to be backfiring.

I think of my SIL who raises her child in a way I DO NOT agree with -- but yet, her daughter goes to bed (by herself) at 7 every night and takes naps by herself. I know it's a trade off (and that many of my neice's needs have not been met), but I would LOVE to have an hour to myself and/or an hour alone with my husband.

I guess I just need support. I know it won't be this way forever (this too shall pass, yadda, yadda, yadda). I know I have Finn's best interests in mind and that I'm doing right by him. But I have to do right by ME, too -- don't I? I know I'll be a better, more patient mother if I do.

How can I do both?

So! To recap (in case you've lost your place -- heh-heh): Should I let Finn cry when he's with Papa (even though I never let him cry?).
Should I just be patient with the fact he needs to be latched to me to sleep?
How can I take care of both of us without either of of us suffering?

thanks, mamas....

[FreeRangeMama]

It really won't last forever The first year is definitely hard, but it is such a short time in the bigger picture. You have "conditioned" him, just not in the way you are referring. You are teaching him that you are there for him, that you respond when he needs you, etc. Does that mean you should have no time for yourself? No, of course not. My ds1 was so far beyond "high needs" I can't even describe it. He still can't be away from me for long at 4 years old (ASD and anxiety disorder). When he was a babe my MIL could take him for short walks in the sling on occasion. He would be distracted enough when he was outside that he was okay for 20 minutes or so. Not long, but at least I could grab a quick shower.

For naps and sleeping in the evening I would put the baby monitor on the bed. If I heard him stirring I would run across the house to get to him before he even opened his eyes. Eventually he started stretching out the time he would sleep for. He still woke every hour for a long time, but at least he would go back to sleep (eventually) and I could sneak away again. He sleeps better now

Thankfully ds2 is a sleeper. Slept through the night since birth, nothing wakes him. Dd is another non-sleeper, but nowhere near as much as ds1.

I hope you get some relief soon.

[gr8fulmom]

No, don't worry! This time will pass! You are doing the right thing... one day he will be ready... I am amazed right now by my third little man... he is 14 months and is SO ready to explore and be without me more and more... but being my third I carried him almost all day ever day so he was always always with me, always fell asleep with me whatever... now he is starting to go off with his dad or brothers and is so happy and excited about it When it was my first baby I totally felt like you... when you don't know how long it will be and it's all you've known as a mom, it seems like forever but all of sudden they get big and then you can't believe how fast it was :LOL my 6 year old learned to tie his shoes this spring and it blew my mind!! For me, I think of it as the transition from being one mother+baby while pregnant to two mother + baby and that process takes a while, so certainly for the first year I expect to be tied to baby so to speak, I can't 'just be me' because I am still connected to another... does that make sense? its hard to explain... but with my second and definitely my third I was able to give into this completely and I felt way less frustrated and this time I was a little surprised and even sad when he showed me he was ready before me!

We are home learning with our eldest and love it! He was in kindergarden at the local school last fall for a few months and it just did not work for our family on SO many levels... it was a hard decision to take him out but looking back my only regret is putting him in public school in the first place

Jen

[laurata]

KateSt:

My 9 1/2 mo is sometimes unwilling to hang out w/ dh for more than a bit, and tends to be REALLY miserable if I leave him while I go out. He's go around the house looking for me and crying because he can't find me. but if dh takes him out, for a walk, he's fine! Maybe dh could take him for a walk, to the park, or just around the block while you do yoga. The more often he does it (for short periods of time, of course) the better they'll get used to one another. And dh can come back right away if baby is unhappy. It's hard, but I do believe that Daddy's need to practice fathering just as mama's need to practice mothering. JMO, of course. In retrospect, I feel like I actually TOOK something AWAY from my dh by doing all the mothering when my oldest was a baby. His relationship with our younger two is so much better. He's been a much more involved daddy with their babyhoods. But then maybe that's just 'cause they were UC-born. ;-)

[KateSt.]

Thanks so much for your replies and support, Mamas. I really appreciate your feedback Freerangemama, gr8fulmom, and laurata. It helps so much to hear of your experiences. I have gotten 2 days of yoga in (40 minutes yesterday! and 30 today...but I think I hear Finn wanting me now).

Most days I can keep it in perspective, others not so much. But at least I know I'm doing the best by my babes.

thanks again. Hope to hear more from you other uc mamas soon.

Laurata -- one of your comments raised a question I'd been thinking about. To you mamas with more than one baby (and not all UC's) -- do you attribute any differences in your babe to UC? Does that make sense? I've been wondering...

[KateSt.]

Should I let this thread die gracefully? :LOL Or does anyone want to keep talking?

[laurata]

Oh lets beat on it a little first. :LOL

I'm subscribed, and rarely make it to the MDC board, but when someone posts, I read it and sometimes come post a response.

So as for the question about attributing differences in kids to UC vs not: I find it very hard to say. My kids are all so different. Does birth shape personality? There's definitely a difference in my husbands relationship with my younger two, both UC babies. Of course, the question is, would that have happened anyway?

When my first was a wee babe, her dad said he'd be more involved with her when she got bigger and could play with him. And he is, but he was also very involved with the littles right from day one.

[laurata]

On another note (slightly OT)

Has anyone had a very old episiotomy scar tear during sex? Not super agressive sex or anything, just normally enthusiastic, moderately lubed sex? I'm so freaked out. It didn't hurt until I peed, and now I'm FREAKING OUT. What can I put on it? I've had two UCs where it didn't tear and now it seems to be a surface wound out of the blue, almost 7 years after the fact?! And what do I tell my dh? He's already afraid to have sex w/ me because he might hurt me. :-(

[KateSt.]

Laura, thanks for joining me in giving this thread CPR. :LOL
Uggghhh...I don't know about your epis. scar, but from what I"ve been told about scar tissue is that it's even tougher than regular skin and therefore harder to tear. But perhaps subsequent childbirths have left it vulnerable?
Have you looked at it?
Hugs to you because I can really relate, having had problems down there 4 months pp. It's awful to be afraid of sex! Please keep us updated.

And thanks for answering my ? about multiple kids and UC differences. I guess it's hard to know for sure when all children and relationships are different.

[shell024]

rant and rave

whew...one handed typing here...hard stuff!

Every is 6 weeks old! how did that happen??? He is holding his head up more, looking around and staring at things longer. He's becomming vocal as he discovers noises when he coughs/sneezes/hiccups. His cries arevery sing-song like. so cute. I tried having sex for the first time the other night (well it was more of just an entry test) and couldn't really do it. I'm not sure why, and hope its nothing to really worry about, but (TMI warning) I can see my vaginal wall swollen sometimes kinda bulging between the lips. its been like this since the birth. is it just taking long to heal?? i'm going to try some epsom salt baths (i was doing this in the beginning but stopped...it was starting to feel okay) again.

on the emotional side... DP hasn't been around much (he was gone for 3 weeks, now he's here for a week and then gone again ) and while I enjoy the fact that I can clean the house and have it STAY that way, along with not having to listen to his complaining/needs....I was lonely. Every and I have a bond like no other now, and I wish DP was here to do the same. It's almost like I feel resentful, because I said go ahead and leave for the job (it was paying a lot), but also wishing he would have said no or something. Does that make sense??? I feel like I am supermom for being able to do everything by myself (ds doesn't really require hard work...just love and attention, easy enough!) quite easily, but at the same time, its like being a martyr you know? Like I want to bitch about having to do everything by myself, and being lonely, and just the fact that DP has the freedom to basically do whatever he wants (because a baby doesn't require his nipple about every 2 hours). I don't want to MAKE him hang around, because then we won't have any money. UGH. I HATE money... : What happened to bartering?

End of rant & rave

[ecurlycue]

typing one handed here...
Avery is 11 weeks old yesterday!
Well so much has happened,
I went to my SIL's for my nephews birthday when she was about 5 days old and she got pink eye from there. Then she developed thrush. I developed a severly lacerated nipple as a result, which really sucked because I am tandem nursing! Then I got a plugged duct which got infected while I was out at my dads for my grandfathers funeral.
My grandfather died in August so when Avery was 3 weeks old we traveled by plane. Me my dd Arwen who was 18 months at the time and Avery all by myself, it was not very fun as we went from CA to VA! Then I had to come back home. When I came home I was told that my dear partners(dp) son who had just turned 18 had moved in with us while I was away, so I had to move everything out of his room, as I had just moved all the girls clothes into that room.
I started watching a friends 2 kids 3 days a week in the beggining of Sept. Her kids K.(24 months) and B. (16 weeks) So things have just not slowed down. I had just started to get a hold of the daily chores of my home and finished putting things into a place from our move into this house in May!!!

Then to top things off my dp buys his ds a car. I downloaded forms for dp so he could register the car to ds and make himself the lien holder, but when he went to the dmv he got the paperwork screwed up and made them both registered owners. He still hadnt insured the vehicle when on Saturday the 8th of October his ds went out and decided to make the biggest mistake of his still young life. He tried to drive home while heavily intoxicated and ran into a house. He injured an older couple 76 yo woman and 80 yo man. Then man was treated and released but the woman is still in critical condition in the hospital. Any prayers you can offer for this woman and her family and my dss and our family would be appreciated. The whole thing stinks and I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

This is getting long and drawn out sorry. If you mad eit this far thanks for reading...

Avery is still dealing with the thrush and a plugged/clogged tear duct, but other than that She is a whopping 15 pound happy healthy baby!!!She is also pooping and peeing in her potty regularly:-)

I just wish I could slow down a little and enjoy her being little cause she isnt little anymore!I am also feeling like I am spinning with all the phone calls to lawyers and the like!

[KateSt.]

OMG, ecurlycue! I can't believe all you've been through... and with a new babe! I'm so sorry for your troubles. I will keep that woman in my prayers and hope things get straightened out with you stepson. Big hugs to you.
You've probably already tried this, but breast milk on my ds's plugged tear duct worked like a charm. I hope you get some relief soon.

Shel -- I feel for you. I, too, have felt a bit like a martyr and I *hate* feeling like that. My dh has been working so much since Finn was born and part of me is so thankful because it allows me to be home with my baby, but part of me is sometimes resentful because I thought we'd share a lot more of the parenting. I felt like that the first 3 months or so, but now I'm over it and bascially have found a groove (and it's definitely better now that I'm getting 45 minutes to myself most days of the week!). I'm so sorry your dh has to be away so much. That must be very hard. Any word on when you can move? I remember you said you'd have a lot more support in Guam.

Laura -- what's the latest on your tear? Are you okay?