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I need some support and advice please! I think I'm going crazy. :)

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
I am 36 weeks pregnant with my first child (dd yay!), 3 cm dialated, and 75% effaced. I'm not in labor yet, but my doc is absolutely positive that I will be going within the week, maybe next. My dh and I decided that we were going to have an unmedicated hospital birth, but I've only recently begun to come to terms with the actual notion of not having the epidural. The more I find out about it, the less I want it, which I've deemed a positive thing, as I don't want all the ridiculous contraptions that come along with it, nor the nasty side effects of the medication itself.
However, I had always thought that I would have an epidural, which I guess tied in some sort of sense of control that I would have over the labor itself. Now that I've made the decision not to have medication, I'm realizing that I'm going to have to come to terms with losing some control of myself, which is both exciting and terrifying.
I am growing more and more comfortable with the idea of going through most of the labor at home with my dh, and am actually quite looking forward to it. The thing that worries me the most, is when we get to the hospital. Luckily, the hospital we're birthing at is family friendly, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we weren't able to take the preperation classes at the hospital we're delivering at (we were able to get classes at another hospital though), and the tour that we're scheduled for will most likely come after the baby does! I'm terrified that once we get to the hospital, I'm going to lose all control over what happens to me during labor and delivery.
I don't want stirrups, but my doc mentioned at our last visit, that she uses them during delivery. Is this normal?
I'm worried that the nurses are going to pressure me about when to push, and when not to push, and how long to push, etc. I'm scared that they're going to be more concerned about they're time table, then my natural one, and am not sure how to come to terms with this. Is this normal?

I guess I'm just freaking out about the loss of control. That's what it all seems to boil down to. Although, I've been alternating back and forth between utter elation about labor, and terror, so I'm not quite sure what to think these days, except for that I must be insane. Did anyone else go through this, is this normal? How did you cope?

Sorry about the rambling, I hope some of this made sense.
post #2 of 7
if I were you, I'd look for a doula fast! they are very experienced at advocating for the mother - it can be really hard to advocate for yourself and say no to routine when you're in a lot of pain. She will also be able to help you cope with labor without meds, and help talk you out of them if you start begging for an epidural during transition. I know you're going to give birth soon, but I'd start making phone calls to doulas in your area and see if anyone is free right now!. If a doula you talk to can't take any clients, ask for a recommendation - a lot of doulas are friendly with other doulas and pass clients to each other. good luck!
post #3 of 7
Oh Gosh! You really are freaking out!

I'm happy to hear that you are hoping for an unmedicated hospital birth !! I wouldn't rule anything out though since you have thought of it forever and just recently decided not to have meds. ALTHOUGH I would put your birth wishes in writing (birth plan) and tell DH that if you really think that you can't do it then have a sign between the two of you. Your DH should try to keep encouraging you through contractions...they get hard but... YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

I would concentrate on being in control though, it's your baby and your labor and your delivery and you can and should have it the way you want. I HIGHLY recommend going in to your next appt with a birth plan (there are several sites-just google birth plan and they come up) that is one way to stay in control and get what you want. One thing you need to remember though is that you need to be positive in the plan (you don't want to have negative communications at this time in life ) AND go over it with your doctor. If she uses stirrups (not all docs do) and you don't want them put that in your BP, but also you need to be able to compromise with things too. If you do that and go over it with the doctor have the doctor sign it and then no one should (I guess they still can) give you any trouble about it.

Another thing I was thinking was that you don't have to listen to the doctor unless the baby is in some sort of trouble. What I'm talking about is when she said that you should be having this baby soon...realistically it could go for another 6 weeks, but that is up to baby to decide. Not the doctors...it sounds like she has induction on her mind when she says that. :

It's not too late to get some good birth books. Find out all you can about the stages of labor and the signs to look for. Usually when you are getting to the point of "I can't do this anymore" you are almost there~seriously.

Try looking at Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by McCutcheon (excellent and EASY to read), The Birth Book by Dr Sears, The Pregnant Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. There are others that I'm sure someone else can recommend... Ina May's book (I don't know the name)

This site and due date club has a lot of experienced women that can help you. Post away and ask all the questions you want. We are here to help each other out!

hth!
post #4 of 7
I see you are in Tempe. I live in Gilbert and know several doulas in the area. PM me if you would like some names or would just like to chat. I had a hospital delivery for my first son so if you'd like to talk about that we can too. I also have all the books that lovebnhome mentioned if you'd like to borrow them.

I think it's perfectly normal to "go crazy" at this time during pregnancy--I know I am.
post #5 of 7
Yep, I would definately write out a birth plan and go over with my dr. Why not go ahead and call and ask them to schedule you some extra time at your next appointment? That way you're assured of the dr. having time to discuss things with you and to answer any questions about the birth you may have. Your dr. should also be able to tell you what to expect from the hospital where you'll deliver. I recently had this conversation with my own dr. and feel pretty confidant about what I can push the nurses on and what I'll have to compromise on. What made me feel best was my dr. saying, "It's your birth. If they need to be reminded of that they can call me." Because as we all know, what the dr. agrees to and what's hospital "policy" (ick!!) can be different things.

As far as pain meds, I think it's great that you're going to attempt a non-medicated birth! Just remember that an epidural is not the only thing you can take for pain relief. However, as another momma said, your dh being supportive during contractions will be a *huge* help, as will relaxation techniques, etc. And you can do it! When I delivered my daughter I planned an epidural...nature had another thing in mind. When I got to the hospital I was 8 cm. and there wasn't any time - I delivered her about 40 minutes later. I had no idea I could do it until I did!
post #6 of 7
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so very much for your advice and kind words. I did end up following your advice, and completing my birth plan, which made me feel a little better. I'll definately bring it with me to my next appointment, to have my doc look over it and sign it. I've also taken your advice and have thought more about at least reserving the right to change my mind about the medication. I'd love to go unmedicated, and will go into labor with that intention. But, it's nice to have the affirmation that it is in fact, okay to change your mind. I also printed out a list of questions to call the hospital with, so that even if I don't make it to the tour, I'll at least have some idea as to what to expect when I get there. That way, I'll hopefully have no surprises.
I keep going up and down with the euphoria/terror, and it's driving me nuts! I guess a big part of it, is that we're all so conditioned to believe in having the upmost control of ourselves at all times, and the idea of relinquishing that control it a bit overwhelming. However, looking through the forums and seeing how other people did it, brings me quite a bit of comfort. My dh has been wonderfully supportive, but so far I think one of the best things he has done for me was bring home this magazine which introduced me to so many people who either veterans, or anxious beginners like myself.
I think that next time around, I will certainly make a couple of different decisions, such as hiring a doula, and exploring my options a bit more. For now, I'll certainly be looking through here and asking more questions, I think that continuing the education process will certainly be helpful.
Again, thank you sooo much. As you can probably tell, I'm a little less frazzled.
post #7 of 7
You're welcome!
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