my family wont get OFF MY BACK!!!

[Lisa Lubner]

i am under a lot of stress... car related, money related, housework related... and my family knows it. one of the FEW things that i love and enjoy and do WELL is homeschooling my son. for some reason though, my family firmly believes that if i would just send my oldest of three to PUBLIC SCHOOL, that a load will be taken off my shoulders and everything will be A-OK! my dad spent all evening talking about it, even going to the extreme by suggesting that if i do it, he will HELP ME BUY A CAR. i mean, SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

so it wouldn't help to help me pay for a mother's helper a few days a week, or to help us pay for kiddie soccer, or to join a co-op daycare... the only realistic thing to do is to send (since i'm too idealistic, according to my dad) my five year old son to kindergarten???

what do i do??? how do i get them off my back? i mean, it's bad enough that i don't get any sort of support or encouragement... but to have them on my back to coerce me into making a parenting decision that REALLY MINE TO MAKE, is just NUTS!

[Ann-Marita]

"Dad, homeschooling is a PARENTAL decision, and it's not up for debate. If you really want to help out, please offer help without strings attached."

I totally understand! I have relatives who are, well, downright beligerant about sending my DD to school.

Maybe you dad doesn't understand that sending your ds to school would only CREATE more stress?!

(Oh, thank goodness my SIL lives in another state!)

Sorry you are going through this.

[Lisa Lubner]

it's a weird situation because my dad is helping us out A LOT, when it comes to money... i don't want to make them feel like i'm ungrateful for their help, while politely side-stepping their parenting advice. my dad is also pretty severe... like, arguing with him is hard. he's not a bad dude, just very VERY opinionated. *sigh*

[wynkenblynken&nod]

I am going to make a million dollars

by patenting my idea. I'll sell little spray bottles of "anti-unsolicited opinion" spray. What do you think?

Of course, I'll use all my supply on my own family before I get to market it right.

I have no advice, just understanding and love.



Liv

[white_feather]

How about, "Dad, I love you and I really appreciate your concern here. However, I've read alot about homeschool, and school theory, and the bottom line is that I'm not going to change my mind about that. It would mean so much to me if you'd read this book (insert favorite book here, maybe something by HOLT?) - it might help you understand where I'm coming from a bit better. I could really use your support on this, because the stress of knowing that you don't support me makes breaks my heart, and makes the other stressors of my life seem more looming."

[Lisa Lubner]

he readily admits that he doesn't know squat about homeschooling. and he has all the normal concerns... socialization, college admission (um, he's only five, haha), what will i do when he's a teenager a.k.a. can i teach calc... lol

[Jen123]

What I said to my dad..... " You raised your kids , let me raise mine. The subject is closed. You won't change my mind. Period. If you have concerns I will be happy to direct you to books and websites that will answer them. I've got too much going on right now to take on criticism."

It took a couple of years before he came full circle , but now it appears he's swinging the other way now that my son is a teenager.

[Wolfmeis]

Yikes.

I am so glad i don't have to deal with this. It really is a very difficult place to be, when money and love intersect.

Daddy needs to learn he can't buy your path in life, and especially not your son's.

ETA: I was just looking at the links I ut up yesterday and I cam across thos Mom's page:
http://members.tripod.com/~sandy_buns/index-2.html

You know... there's a lot of good rationale on that page! Maybe you can use some of it when talking to your Dad.

[AprilDaisy]

I wanted to reply to your post and say that I understand. I've tried to say to my parents, "the topic isn't up for discussion"...which doesn't make them happy, yet...I refuse to discuss it with them anymore. I have two children, a daughter in public school and a son that I homeschool. My son was in public school, but they were not tending to his slower paced needs and flunking him. My husband and I made the decision to take him out and he does much better with the one-on-one teaching I give him. My parents keep asking me when I'll send my son back to public school and I'm like, "we don't know yet". Which irritates me because the public school was flunking him and not giving any regard to his individual needs...yet, somehow, I'm supposed to send him back.

So, I just try not to discuss it with them....among everything else in my life I try not to discuss with them.... I just wanted to say I understand.

Be Blessed,
April
www.connectingconnections.com

[umbrella]

My neighbors have been acting this way, like sending dd to school is exactly what I need, to make my life easier.

All summer, I was hearing about how of course I'll need to send dd1 to school, since dd2 was due to be born right at that same time school would start.

One: dd1 is not actually "hard" on/for me. She's just turned 5. She's actually pretty easy, day-to-day.

Two: like anything would really be easier on me if I were sending my barely 5 year old to all-day kindergarten in a huge school, who would have to take a bus, that also carts high schoolers even, during the very same week I'm due to give birth? Like it would be easy to help a small child adjust to two things as huge as school AND a whole new family member, at the exact same time?

But my response is usually a very brief, "Actually, she's pretty easy."

[m&m]

Well You actually have 3 issues here:

1- financial difficulties with your dad helping out, and willing to do more... but this will always come with strings it is human nature. Even if the strings are just guilt, they're there. You could try to get a loan or find another way not to have him be involved in your financial business. or continue how you are with the knowledge that he does have some power here.

2- the HS issue. Easier to convince your dad that this is the best option for your kids (find books, articles, etc.) Or you can just say that it is none of his business. You can also say that because you have more than one child, putting only 1 in school will only add more stress to your routine, not take away from it. Once your kids start showing how confident and how much they are learning with you - they will see that your decision was an ok one. (I'd say a great one, but he might never feel totally convinced).

I had to take my dd out after kindergarten for many reasons. But a lot of these reasons give me answers to give out to people. I also have a few doctors behind me because my dd is gifted and the school system just doesn't fit her well. Because they agree that I made the best decision - I have a professional to back me up when the inlaws complain.

3- your stress and who you are getting your support from. You may need to stop talking to your parents about your troubles. They will only try to fix it, or create more stress for you by argueing with you over every problem. This again is human nature. So If you want to not have them involved, you must not get them involved. Keep your relationship seperate from what is stressing you. Find someone else to talk to about it, or even write it all down in a journal. Only go to them when you want their advice and need their help. Otherwise act like everything is great and that you don't care if things are tight, and your place is messy. After all they probably only want your happiness.

I hope you can find a solution that will work for you.