My MIL and Circ

[Gunter]

Dh and I decided early on not to circ our baby. We shared this with his mom b/c we are super close with her. Well, she was surprised at first b/c she had not really heard of people chosing to not circ. But, she has read up on it and watched a video with us about it. She totally supports us.

This past weekend, she was in town for my mother's blessing. One night, we were all sitting around looking at circ stuff online. She started crying and asked her son to forgive her for circing him as a babe. She said she didn't know any better but of course, wouldn't have wanted to hurt him. We assured her that it was not her fault, DH is okay, etc...it was really powerful to see that happen.

Anyone else chosing to not circ?

[DreamsInDigital]

I have one cut and one intact son and my third will be intact as well.
Yay for you having a supportive MIL. I'm sorry she feels so bad about circing your DH. I regret having my oldest circd as well, but when you know better you do better and I just never thought about it back then.

[Juliacat]

My MIL regrets having my dh circed, too.

[flyingspaghettimama]

We aren't! First in either family to choose not to...all cousins, husbands, brothers, fathers, etc are circ'ed in the family.

Of course, we haven't brought it up at all. I posted in the circ forum about how to tell them - we will after he's born. Either I'll make a joke of it (What? He's not circ'ed?!) or we'll just say that his doctor said it wasn't necessary. They all think we're weirdos anyhow, so this will just be one more way we're scarring our child for life. Or not scarring him. Ha ha.

[trmpetplaya]

We're not if we have a son (or if we have a daughter :LOL ). Both my brothers and my father are cut, but dh isn't so it wasn't a difficult decision for us, especially once we looked into it in more depth. If we have a boy then I will definitely bring it up with my mother. I'm sure my FIL knows that since dh isn't, our baby won't be and since he was apparently okay with not circing dh... yeah. My step-MIL will be told on a need to know basis. If we have a boy (she has two boys and we don't know their status, nor do we really want to since they're our age and older...) she'll find out, but if not then I see no reason to bring it up with her!

If my MIL was still alive, I know she would support us given the fact that it was probably her decision regarding dh's status His mother was a great lady!

love and peace.

[Belleweather]

We're not circ'ing, but since no one in either of our families IS circ'ed it would be a much bigger deal if we did.

Interestingly enough, neither my father nor his brother were apparently circumcized, even though my grandmother is from a Jewish background! Normally, I can't stand the woman and think she's the wicked witch of the Midwest, but on this point, I've gotta say "Way to go, Grandma!"

[deathbygodiva]

My MIL Bf'ed and was non-circ in the early 60's. Very uncommon in her circle. She was obviously supportive. Dh was mortified to think that we would even consider removing his ds's "sweater". :LOL (We have 3 boys).

My mom, on the other hand, was mortified we wouldn't circ. We just don't discuss it.

[deathbygodiva]

Oh, on the same note...Ds came to me the other day with irritation on the tip of his penis. Since he's non-circ'e, I knew it wasn't an issue of abrasion or detergent irritation. He was alittle embarrased, (he's almost 10) and I said, "Umm, hold on a minute... I have to ask Dad. I'm clueless". It was cute that he asked me and then I had to ask Dad.

[birthjunkie27]

We have one boy circed and if this one is a boy he WILL NOT be circed....not going through that traumatic event again, or putting another innocent baby through it. Dh who is circed actually came to this decision after being there for the circ of first Ds.

[s_kristina]

Our ds will be intact as well. It has a caused a little friction with dh because he is circ'd. My dad and brothers were not circ'd as infants and I can't really see a reason for it though. My father did recently get circ'd due to medical issues and he thought being able to have pain medicine and being totally out for the surgery sounds much better then what they put brand new baby boys through. To my understanding my sister's ds is circ'd like his dad and that was harder for my parents to understand then my not wanting to hurt our ds. I am realizing more and more how lucky I am with my family. My mom bf all 4 of us in the 70's to early 80's, didn't circ her sons and used some sort of cloth carrier similar to a mei tai with all of us. I guess she was pretty crunchy for her times.

[samsmamma]

My son is not circ'd. If this is a boy, he will not be either.

I'll be honest though - not having had experience with it has made it all tough for me. The biggest source of my neurosis has been around care of the intact boy. MIL did not have DH circ'd, but she was from a time when you pulled the foreskin back gently every day etc and DH was fully retractable by aroudn 5 or so. Sam is still super tight and has had a couple of infections and while I know I have done the right thing and that each boy will experience retraction in his own time, I jsut gte so nervous that something is not going to be right and it is just hard for me sometimes. I would never do it another way, it just honestly is the one thing that I really worry about with him and his health. My ped is very supportive and is not trying to get us to cut even though Sam did have the ballinitis a few months ago, which just totally freaked me out.

It's funny, it's like I just don't know what to do with a penis, if you know what I mean...

[*Amy*]

So just out of curiosity, do those of you with DS#1 circ'ed worry at all about the boys being different? A friend of mine is choosing not to have DS#2 circ'ed because neither her DS#1 nor DH are.

[DreamsInDigital]

I don't worry because all my children are going to be different in many ways. Their penises are not something I am concerned about.

[flapjack]

Samsmom . I know exactly what you mean. Given that I have an intact husband and only one of my previous partners was circ'ed (the boys daddy), then you'd think I'd have a rough idea of what to do with a penis, but I still feel mostly clueless. Standard practice here is not to circ except if medically indicated- right now, my boys are kind of borderline and we're waiting to see what happens as they grow up.

[samsmamma]

When it all comes down to it, for the most part none of us when we had our first boys had cared for a baby boy's penis before, so it is a foreign thing!

[crsta33]

It's taking a bit of convincing dh (he's circed and not only had his ds circed, but was there for it and was still pro-circ afterward, saying it wasn't a big deal that his ds didn't even cry) but he finally has agreed that we will leave this little guy intact, and had actually stood up for our decision to a friend of ours (it even sounded like he was trying to convince her not to circ if her baby is a boy). It's so odd b/c my FIL is intact (he was a homebirth in the 40s) and he told dh if it's not necessary, why do it. My mom is really on board too.

I'm worried about some doctor retracting him at an office visit. I'm not sure how to keep that from happening other than being really assertive, which is not one of my strong points. I'm also a little worried that somewhere down the line there will be some problem at which his physician will recommend circing and I'll get some sort of "I told you so" from dh. Though, I think it must be better to have it done with proper anesthetic and pain relief afterwards than the way they do newborns.

Christa

[tryingitnatural]

I wish I could say that I had changed my dh mind about this but nt a chance. He just told me today that a guy he works with isn't and feels wierd about. The guy is Canadian (he is wierd anyway :-) lol - just kidding. I told him that he only feels wierd about it b/c he has been in the US for a very long time. I told him that it was common in Canada not to be but that here people just do unnesscary surgeries. I am hispanic and none of my family members are so I don't understand why it is so important for him. My brother and my father are both very healthy guys. I think that I will be more traumitzed by it than the baby will. We have had many an argument over this but I still can not make him see my side. Here is his argument for it - get ready - it is a good one - "I don't want him to feel wierd in gym class. I want my son to look like his daddy" - I told him was the F**k he was talk about. His son was going to be way different then him. He is going to be a biracial kid for havens sake. (my husband is white) any I am rambling - I will stop here.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Christa - I think that's why it's so important to pick out a good ped BEFORE the baby is born. I messed that up last time. Now, I go in with my list of questions to make sure that either the doctor is compatible or won't give me a hard time about our selective vaccinations, cosleeping, extended BF, no circ, no retraction. Because they're usually pretty upfront with what their standard of care is if you're direct during the interview stage...and no money has exchanged hands yet!

Tryingitnatural - my husband wasn't sure at first either but then I showed him some of the photos of circed babies being strapped down on those boards. It looks so horrible. And then of what their penises look like after circumcision. And, I said, if circed, I wasn't going to be in the room for it nor do the aftercare (and there is apparently a lot of aftercare - ointments, etc). I would take no part nor responsibility for a choice like that. He wasn't hard to convince though after the photos...more upset at what he had previously thought of as "normal."

I think that is the funniest excuse ever (although it's the one I hear most frequently) - aren't you afraid that he won't look like dad? I usually say, Uh, is his **** gonna look just like his dad's in any case? And who's looking at their dad's penis still after a certain age (i.e. the age that it matters).

[MelW]

We're not circing, and dh isn't circed either. Actually none of the boys in our families are since the grandfather's generation.

As for the penis care- "teaching" about it will be my dh's realm. He was taught by his mum, and still thinks that it was strange and cowardly of his dad to not teach him about looking after his penis- though I guess his dad didn't have a foreskin, so didn't really have the knowledge of what to do.

And for the record, my husband has never felt weird about being uncirc'ed (and he's Canadian :LOL ), or thought that it was strange that he didn't look like his dad. I think that our generation was about 50-50 circ'ed or not, so neither group was a minority in the locker room. Though since I think its beginning to swing towards less and less circs (they're not covered by our health insurance), so uncirc'ed boys will be the minority in the locker room for our kids....

[AmandaBL]

I'm crashing this thread so to speak as I am not in your due date club, but I just had to say how sweet I think it is that she apoligized so sincerely. I have a lot of compassion for moms like her who did what they thought was right & have enough sense to know they made a mistake when confronted with the truth. That must be terrible. What a wonderful woman to be that real. I have 2 intact boys & get no support (let alone apologies!) from my ignorant relatives. I would be so happy to hear that from my MIL.