How to have a positive experience when delivering at a hospital?

[todzwife]

I had a HORRIFIC experience w/ DS's delivery, and I am already getting scared to go back to the hospital and deliver there again. I'm not brave enough to do it at home (ahd DH isn't really keen on the idea anyway). I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions as to what to say/do while at the hospital to have a positive experience. I plan to labor at home as long as possible, and I am going to do hypnobabies and hopefully avoid all the crap they gave me last time-including an epidural.

I have a very low pain tolerance and I don't really trust myself though.

[Eman'smom]

From another New Mexican

I had an ok hospital experience with ds. I had an amazing hospital experience with dd. For us it wasn't bad, our midwife knew what we wanted I don't know if she talked to the hospital staff or not, but it all went well. I was monitored for 5 minutes when I got in, no iv or anything, wore my own clothes, nurse came back about 2 hours later for a heartbeat check, she held the monitor to my belly through one contractions. We were left pretty much alone unless we asked someone to come in. It was really very nice.


We took hypnobirthing classes, and hired a doula. Also I think the biggest thing for us was since we already had one baby we knew what to expect so mentally it was a whole different game.

[JanetF]

Hugs to you, the system is very inforgiving. I think it's really important to address your fears regardless of where you birth. But it's also important to understand that hospital=safety is a false premise in our cultures since all the evidence shows that this is simply not the case. The medical model of care is not set up to care for birthing women in the way they need it so if you really feel you must use it, you need to be very well prepared and protected. Personally I don't do stuff I virtually need a bodyguard for and as you read and learn more you too may come to this decision. In the meantime, you must must must have an experienced doula, you must must must have a very strongly worded birth plan and make sure no one thinks they can get away with all the poorly evidenced crap that passes for care during labour - no EFM, no ARM, no induction, no cannula, no "just in case" measures because they only impede our capacity to birth. If you can take complete control of your space and have the lights down low, insist on no talking, no VEs, take support with you, and fluke supportive staff you will have a much better chance of achieving a birth that is good for you and your family. Don't hire an Ob or you'll only have something else to struggle against if you want a normal, physiological birth. All this is a lot of work when you could give birth at home with evidence based care, and a known caregiver. It's not the location so much, but the model of care and that's why the World Health Organisation recommends home over hospital for most women. Routine obstetric care has really poor outcomes. I'm happy to send you information and also happy to support you in planning your hospy birth but I find many women who plan for the hospital are not really as aware of how the system works as they need to be. "Birthing from Within" would be a great book for you and dh plus Penny Simkin's "The Birth Partner" and as I said, you absolutely have to have a doula to help protect you and allow you to do what you're designed for - birth a beautiful baby!

[ZeldasMom]

-had a doula

-labored at home a long time

-brought cookies for the nurses

-did birth prep that felt right/relaxing/empowering to me. For me this was reading Ina May Gaskin and Pam England and doing prenatal yoga. For my last birth I also had a weekly prenatal massage the last month of the pregnancy. Also, avoided overly prescriptive approaches to birth with lots of "shoulds" and negative birth imagery (e.g. cable birth shows and birth horror stories).

You can do it! Imo it's a myth that only some rare, super-human kind of high-pain tolerance amazon can birth a baby! :LOL Think about what things last time were bad for you/didn't work so you can build in some strategies/support that work better for you this time.

[gentlebirthmothr]

Originally Posted by JanetF

Hugs to you, the system is very inforgiving. I think it's really important to address your fears regardless of where you birth. But it's also important to understand that hospital=safety is a false premise in our cultures since all the evidence shows that this is simply not the case. The medical model of care is not set up to care for birthing women in the way they need it so if you really feel you must use it, you need to be very well prepared and protected. Personally I don't do stuff I virtually need a bodyguard for and as you read and learn more you too may come to this decision. In the meantime, you must must must have an experienced doula, you must must must have a very strongly worded birth plan and make sure no one thinks they can get away with all the poorly evidenced crap that passes for care during labour - no EFM, no ARM, no induction, no cannula, no "just in case" measures because they only impede our capacity to birth. If you can take complete control of your space and have the lights down low, insist on no talking, no VEs, take support with you, and fluke supportive staff you will have a much better chance of achieving a birth that is good for you and your family. Don't hire an Ob or you'll only have something else to struggle against if you want a normal, physiological birth. All this is a lot of work when you could give birth at home with evidence based care, and a known caregiver. It's not the location so much, but the model of care and that's why the World Health Organisation recommends home over hospital for most women. Routine obstetric care has really poor outcomes. I'm happy to send you information and also happy to support you in planning your hospy birth but I find many women who plan for the hospital are not really as aware of how the system works as they need to be. "Birthing from Within" would be a great book for you and dh plus Penny Simkin's "The Birth Partner" and as I said, you absolutely have to have a doula to help protect you and allow you to do what you're designed for - birth a beautiful baby!

Janet and Shandelle,

Same here. Since I started volunteering the maternity department at the local hospital by me. Don't see hospital birth the way I used before I started to volunteer or etc. Got Sheila Kitzingers new book Politics of Birth that I have to read yet, don't know when I will get to it.

Thank you.

[Fi.]

Get a very opinionated doula. That makes a world of difference. I went from having an ehhhh birth (with more interventions than I cared for) to a GREAT birth that I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING because of a doula.

My doula found me through an ad I posted here:
http://bellywomen.net/

I wanted one that was open to me using pain relief (I was found unable to go into labour on my own due to cervical problems and had to be induced with my first -- 40 hours of labour too, yeesh -- the second time I thought I'd end up that way as well, and I did end up needing Cervidil but after that my body was like HI I CAN DO IT!) in case I needed it and when my anesthesiologist refused to give me a high dose epi (she gave me LESS than the WALKING epi, the weakest you can get) and I decided to go it au natural instead of begging for more, my doula was the best thing I could have had.

She also helped me avoid the Vit K shot and eye goop and she made sure I could nurse him before ANYTHING else happened.

[todzwife]

Unfortunately I have to go to the ONLY clinic around here- it's a large practice that services the entire area and I don't get to choose a doctor. I am trying to see them all before I deliver, but they won't remember ME anyway. I feel like a number there, it's horrible. I wish I could convince tricare to cover the midwife that does homebirths to deliver at the hospital, because at least SHE would know my name w/out having to look at the chart. I'm hoping to invite a good friend of mine who just had a baby at home. I feel like she would probably be my best bet as far as someone to stick up for me.

Thanks for the ideas- keep em coming!

[Belle]

I had a pretty good hospital birth. I had no epidural, episiotomy, pit, or any drugs. Some things could have been better though.

We had a birth plan that we went over in advance with my regular OB. Unfortunately, we forgot our birth plan in the car so the doctor on call didn't get to read it. We told our nurses the gist of it so they got it, but the dr. didn't show up until the end.

Hire a doula. I wish that we had had one, my dh need a break beacause faints if his blood sugar gets low so he needed to get something to eat. My mom, bless her heart, was really worried about me and it showed on her face. She was not a calming influence. The OB wanted to do AROM because I got stuck at 9 1/2 cm and I wasn't in any position argue with her with my mom nodding in agreement. I needed somebody else other than my dh to advocate for me.

My nurses were angels. I loved all of them. ITA with getting them cookies or whatever you need to do to get on their good side. My sister had a male nurse that she hated and it made her experience not-so-great.

I was able to eat and drink whatever I wanted while in labor. This was great. Just a few pieces of fruit made all the difference in the world for me.

I was able to labor in a tub. Not all the rooms had tubs in them so this was really lucky for me.

I declined the IV for much of my labor. I had to sign an AMA to refuse it when the OB got there. I ended up getting a heparin lock while pushing, because of the OB. I only had it for about five minutes before she was out. A lot of good it did.

I also had a managed third phase. The OB was yanking on the cord to get it out and I ended up bleeding more than I should have. They gave me a shot of oxytocin before she started pulling on the cord to prevent blood loss. They should have just left it alone and let me BF.

[taralv]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I had both of my children in hospitals and had very good experiences. My dd was born in Albuquerque, NM and they have a birth center. I did not know what to expect, so I wasn't really prepared but my nurse was wonderful. My OB was not working that evening so the doctor on call delivered, but he was a very small part of the process. I delivered without anesthetic, and I believe that was largely due to a very supportive and helpful nursing staff, and the jacuzzi tub in the room. DS was born near Portland, OR and I hired a doula. My husband was there in the room with me, my mother flew out to be with dd during the intense part of labor and my doula helped me through labor. The birth center was very respectful of my birth plan, and I had a good experience. Just wanted to post a couple of positive hospital experiences, hope this helps.

Tara

[USAmma]

Hire a doula and have her help you to make a strong birth plan. Ask that the staff does not come into the room unless absolutely necessary. Basically just don't agree to anything that you don't want done. Your doula can watch for signs that they are about to do things such as episotomy water breaking or whatever.

[ksmommy]

-brought cookies for the nurses

did you do that for real? How did it work out? The nurses at my H are ok, but if I can get them on my side with cookies I am all about that.

[TCMoulton]

I had goodies for the nurses and they were very appreciative that I had thought of them! After my birth my daughter had to stay an extra day in the NICU and we brought Krispy Kremes when we picked her up and some of the nurses remembered me 2 years later when I gave birth again - they even gave me the most private room on the floor - a corner room with two beds and a private shower - a wonderful thing for a new Mama!

[charmedgirlies]

Our last birth was at a hospital very known for interventions though i had an openminded dr and lucked out he was on call that day ... i had brought copies of my birthplan until every dr in the practice had signed off on them i printed more out and brought them to the hospital with me and went over them with any nurse who came into my room after that a few wouldnt come back because they didn't agree with it, i also hung signs on the inside and outside of my door to remind people of a few key important points such as to enter without talking, i wanted my door kept closed, that i was NOT to be offered any pain meds, i still have them I'll have to look at them to remember what else i had on there.

My biggies were no vaginal checks unless requested, and intermitent monitoring and laboring/birthing in any position i felt was comfortable.

Oh and i went over all the points with my DH and helped him to understand why i was making some of the choices and that he was in agreement with me or that he would at least back me up.


Now we have gone from NO WAY to a home birth (with last pregnancy) to him still not liking it, to meeting with a HB midwife to him saying well do we really need her why not do that "unassisted thing" you wanted.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by charmedgirlies

Now we have gone from NO WAY to a home birth (with last pregnancy) to him still not liking it, to meeting with a HB midwife to him saying well do we really need her why not do that "unassisted thing" you wanted.

I'm in the same negotiation process with my dh.

[Helen White]

I had a horrible first birth in a hospital and a wonderful second. The difference? Aside from better preparation (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth was extremely helpful, and I got a prenatal yoga dvd that I tried to do every morning), the main difference was that birth #1 was an induction, while birth #2 we labored at home as long as possible. And I do mean as LONG as possible! This birth is actually the "had my baby on the floor by the elevator" story that got bumped up recently in brith stories. You probably wouldn't want to cut it quite that close :LOL, but laboring at home made all the difference for me. I was so happy with my experience. It's amazing how many interventions you can avoid by just showing up later in labor.

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by ksmommy

did you do that for real? How did it work out? The nurses at my H are ok, but if I can get them on my side with cookies I am all about that.

Yes I did--I really believe in the power of food as a way to make peace/get people to let their guard down!

I was giving birth in a hospital where natural childbrith was not a common occurrance so I was concerned about getting into an adversarial situation with the nurses. My concern was inspired by a friend who requested minimal visits from staff and had a nurse misunderstand and think she was turning down all medical interventions whatsoever and that she was doing things AMA (against medical advice). So the nurse came in her room and yelled at her that she was not acting in the best interests of her baby and my friend ended up crying and being really upset. And this was all really over nothing. My friend had a cesarean and was wiped out, so she just wanted to rest. She was actually not anti medical procedures at all. So there was a lot of drama where there hadn't needed to be.

I think you need to be willing to get adversarial if need be, but not in the beginning over something small or a misundertanding. My philopophy is to try the winning more flies with honey approach to start out, and then pulling out the big guns only if you need 'em. With the cookies I wanted to do a little something to let them know I appreciated their efforts and to send the message that I didn't think they were bad people just because they worked in a hospital/medical environment and I am not doing the medical stuff except for in an emergency.

So I brought 8 bags of peppridge farm cookies (mostly mint milanos). I wanted enough so there would be enough for everyone out at the nurse's station and also enough in case I was there for 2 shifts. I had thought about bringing krispy kremes but to me they need to be hot to be really good, and I didn't want to be stopping at the KK on the way to the hospital. :LOL

[burke-a-bee]

My first birth was at ahospital. I had an awesome childbirth educator who worked at the hospital previously. She told me all the ins and outs of what to expect and what I could refuse. I was amazed at what they present to you as a must when it can actually be refused. (From wearing the gown to drugs.) I highly reccommend you have someone in your corner to stand firm. I had to do it for myself so it is possible. But a doula might be a great go between.

[timneh_mom]

My experience would have been TONS better if I'd had good consistently good nursing care. I think if I'd had a midwife or doula, it would have helped tremendously. I love my doctor so I won't get a midwife the second time around, unless for some reason I can't have my doctor anymore. So I think I'm gonna wait until the very last minute so I only spend a couple of hours on that horrible unit!!