DH's cousin killed herself this morning - Page 2

[The Lucky One]

Oh my, I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.

[BabyOsMommy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for peace, light and strength for all of you.

[Luke'N'Mom24/7]

I'm so sorry. It's such a tragedy.

[mamaley]

I am so sorry about your loss. How devastating, especially for her daughter...your family is in my thoughts.

[Crunchier]

I'm so sorry. Please encourage the girls' guardian and parents to get hem to a grief center. There is no blame here. It is a myth that one person should be able to prevent someone else's suicide. It was her decision. Take your time to deal with your own life. Shoulds won't get anyone anywhere.

[rachelle-a-tron]

Sending all of your family love...

[DragonflyBlue]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. So very sorry...

I lost my 16 year old daughter to suicide on 1/27/03. It is a loss that never goes away.

Suicide survivors spend a lifetime playing the what if, if only, should have, could have game.

I't been a little over 2.5 years and in that time I have fiunf a few online and real life support systems. If there is anything at all I can do to help, please let me know. There is an EXCELLENT online support board for survivors that literally saved my sanity in those early days. I also know of an online grief chat that offers support and kindness, no matter what your loss is.

As for the girls, they will need long term counseling. Make sure they see a qualified grief counselor. Have someone trusted interview the therapist first as there are grief counselors who clam up and can't deal with suicide- I had one myself.

Reassure them that their mom did not leave because of them. She was ill, and her illness clouded her thinking. For whatever reason, at that final moment, something snapped. It was NOT them. Nothing they did, nothing they said or didn't say. Mom was ill.

If Kathleen was on meds, find out which ones. I hate to say this.. But I feel the need to. There are meds that cause suicidal thoughts and have been responsible for numerous suicides. Neurontin is one of them. If she was on meds, a report needs to be made to the FDA as they track "adverse" reactions and it helps them stay informed and make further decisions on medications. Some meds, like Neurontin also have class action law suits going on. My daughter was on Neurontin. Never should have been. It is lethal for those with bipolar.

Someone who can be somewhat clearheaded in this nightmare also needs to help make funeral arrangements. There are those in the business who will try to get a family to spend far more than they can afford and having someone who can deal with the finacial aspect is beneficial. It also takes pressure off of those who are in a state of shock.

See if you can get meals sent in. They won't eat much right now, but freezer meals will come in handy down the road. As will toilet paper, notepads for keeping track of everything (they will not be able to remember much of anything right now and lists will help) Paper plates, napkins, plastic utensils, cups etc also will be greatly appreciated.

See if they need bank deposits made. The last thing they need is returned checks. I know several families including my own that had this issue and having someone take over for a bit was a huge help.

A trust account could be set up to help pay for burial expenses or counseling for the girls. If Kathleen had life insurance, it may not pay out due to the cause of death. A minimal funeral can still run $10,000 after factoring in an obituary, flowers, etc.

If they were members of a church, call them and see what they can set up to help the family as far as meals, laundry, errands, etc.

I hope I'm not overwhelming you with information. I'm just trying to pass on the things that were helpful to us when we were trying to deal with the nightmare of our daughter's death.

Again, if I can do anything, please let me know. If the girls, your dh, yourself, anyone would like to talk, I'm here, day or night. I'll send you my number if you'd like.

My heart is aching for you all. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Janis

[Mizelenius]

I am so very, very sorry.