Could you 'define' ap to me?

[bluewillow]

Obviously a newbie here...

Are you ap only if you refuse vaccinations, co-sleep, practice gd, use slings, homeschool, ect?? Do you all follow ALL of those principles or are you gleaning whats right for yourselves and your particular situations? TIA for taking the time to explain...

[MsMoMpls]

I would check out AP International at http://www.attachmentparenting.org/


These are the 8 Ideals for Infants
Preparation for Childbirth
Emotional Responsiveness
Breastfeed your Baby
Baby Wearing
Shared sleep
Avoid frequent and prolonged separations from your baby
Positive Discipline
Maintain balance in your family life

The Vax issue is more of a natural family living issue but there is a lot of overlap, especially here. And everyone creates their own sense of AP due to what is important for you and your family, what your baby needs. Mostly AP is about making sure that we are putting the need for our baby to attach strongly as a major priority, rather than baby training, independence focus.

[Patchfire]

I would say that most people wouldn't consider refusing vax to be part of AP, but more NFL (natural family living). Similiarly, I don't think homeschooling would be considered a part of AP.

As far as gd, slinging, and co-sleeping, yeah, those would all be considered 'AP,' but the important part of attachment parenting, IMO, is doing what's right for you and your child(ren). So if your baby sleeps better in, say, a crib in your room rather than in your bed, then that's still AP, because you're meeting your baby's needs. Same with babywearing - I have a baby now that wants to be down on the floor moving around as much as possible. It'd be a bit cruel of me to insist that he let me carry him around all the time! But if he needed more in-arms time, it wouldn't be very 'AP' of me to make him roll around on the floor instead.

HTH!

[USAmma]

I just wanted to add that while the "ideals" are good goals to reach for, it does not define Attachment Parenting. AP is about listening to your baby, creating a strong bond, following cues and intuition, lots of physical closeness, and creating a gentle world for your child so they will go on to be a consciencious person.

My first child was pretty AP according to the ideas, except bfing did not happen. Second child broke most of the AP ideals due to health problems and her own personality, but she is still very much an AP baby, and very attached to mommy.

[bluewillow]

That helps very much, thank you! I've always parented ap and just recently found there was a name for it, LOL. I'm looking forward to learning more! Thanks again! :

[phathui5]

I think gentle discipline is probably the one thing in there that you can't be AP without. There's no way that spanking and AP can work together. All the other stuff is important, but if you're going to hurt them, I don't think it matters that you let them sleep with you.

Other than that, I pretty much define it as:
- breastfeeding
- responding to your baby's cues
- nighttime parenting (not just sticking them in another room until daytime, even if they cry. Though I don't see anything wrong with the baby sleeping apart from parents if they're happy doing so, but them being happy doing it is the key point here)
- gentle discipline
- baby wearing

[RedWine]

I would say there would only be two "rules" or guidelines for AP --

breastfeed if you can
respond to day and nighttime cries (no CIO!)

Since Ap is mainly about responding to your baby and fostering a healthy attachment, I'd say the above two "guidelines" cover everything.

Of course, if you can't breastfeed for whatever reasons, you can still be AP -- the thing is to try to breastfeed.

[Crunchier]

Form what I've read, and experienced, ap is about doing things in the way nature intended. Many of our mainstream western practices are designed to put distance between a parent and child. Ap is about preventing that distance.


There is a big checklist that a lot of apers use, especially here (this is actually an NFL site, not an ap site), that really imo is not ap.

Cosleeping is good, but not required.

Slings are good but not required.

Both of these things help to maintain closeness.

Strollers are not evil, however excessive and/or forced use is bad.

Cloth diapers are not more ap then sposies in and of themselves, but keeping your child clean and dry is more AP than keeping him or her in the same soggy pants for hours. At a certain large non ap diapering website there are many threads discussing the best ways to get the most absorbancy into a cloth diaper-often 12 hours in the goal. Not necessarily better.

Vaccinating has nothing to do with ap. I vaccinate my child because my reseach has proven to me that it is the best way to protect him from horrific childhood diseases. I nursed him before and after each vaccine, and held him during. I am not less ap because I did what i believe is right for my child. If he needed medical treatment or surgery I would not deny him that either.

circ is not ap or non ap, imo. I did circ my son, and sorely regret it. I believe it was harmful and unnecessary. However, if it had gone well and I still believed as I did at the time that it was the best thing for my child, that would not make me less AP.

[stafl]

Originally Posted by RedWine

I would say there would only be two "rules" or guidelines for AP --

breastfeed if you can
respond to day and nighttime cries (no CIO!)

Since Ap is mainly about responding to your baby and fostering a healthy attachment, I'd say the above two "guidelines" cover everything.

Of course, if you can't breastfeed for whatever reasons, you can still be AP -- the thing is to try to breastfeed.

Attachment parenting goes way beyond the short period of time the child is an infant. Attachment parenting means listening to your instincts instead of what some expert or other parents tell you to do. It means following your child's lead, which for many, does include all those things the previous posters have listed. Attachment parenting is child-respectful parenting, and for me means treating my children the way I want them to treat people. It means raising a child who is self-confident and secure enough to be "attached" to his/her parents. When you respect your childrens' needs, they learn to respect you. The problem with most "mainstream" parenting advice is that it does not take into account that children are people too, and deserve to be respected, and their needs are not unreasonable demands on the parents, but real needs that parents should strive to meet no matter what.

[RedWine]

Stafl, ITA. Since I my oldest is not yet 3, I focused on the infant/toddler aspect of AP in my previous post. Sorry for the narrow focus. :