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Some questions from a future father. - Page 5

post #81 of 156
That is such wonderful news!

By the way, have you checked out the gentle discipline and breastfeeding forums yet? Those are two of my favorites on here.
post #82 of 156

BBC board?

Could someone please PM me as to what B B C board (or whatever it is) is referring to?

And to the OP: Congratulations!!!! I'm glad that your wife changed her mind and ecstatic for your future child!
post #83 of 156
Thread Starter 
OK - today was the day. Can everyone guess what we're having?

It's a good thing I've been talking about this with my wife.

That's right, we're having a boy.
I had pretty much won the argument. Now she's starting to sound a little unsure again.
I'm pretty sure I'll win again.
post #84 of 156
Originally Posted by ericisbacchus
OK - today was the day. Can everyone guess what we're having?

It's a good thing I've been talking about this with my wife.

That's right, we're having a boy.
I had pretty much won the argument. Now she's starting to sound a little unsure again.
I'm pretty sure I'll win again.
Congratulations on your son!
post #85 of 156
Congratulations! You will love having an (intact) son! You must be so excited for the birth!
post #86 of 156

How's about you send your wife on over here for a little info and moral support that intact is the way to go?

We'll be gentle with her, I promise.
post #87 of 156

Is your wife committed to breastfeeding? I can post NOCIRC's position statement on how the pain, shock, and trauma of circumcision interferes with the likelihood of establishing a successful breastfeeding relationship. In addition to the risks of complications and death posed by circumcision, formula feeding increases a baby's risk of dying in its first year by 25% (and this is in the US - according to a study published in the Journal of Pediatrics). Then there's the lifelong increased risks of cancer, obesity, diabetes, and heart disease, not to mention ear infections, asthma, and diarrhea. As well as your wife's increased risks of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and rheumatoid arthritis if she doesn't breastfeed.

The stakes are really high here. There is nothing more important for your baby's health and normal development than establishing and maintaining breastfeeding. There is no vaccine that can give your baby as much protection from as many diseases for his entire lifetime as breastfeeding.

(Even if a baby is anesthetized for the circ, there is still going to be plenty of post-op pain as the baby pees and poops on an open wound in diapers. I have personally known people who decided to circ and had baby refuse to latch or nurse effectively afterwards. One gave up bf totally. The other succeeded but had to work like hell to get baby back to the breast.)

post #88 of 156
Congratulations, Eric!!!

Now that Junior has a gender, he will begin to feel even more like a "real" person - especially if you start calling him by name right away. I trust that your DW's mother tiger protective instincts will kick in, and she will be as committed as you are to making sure your precious baby doesn't suffer any needless pain.

When my twin sons were a week old, DH was cutting their fingernails - and he accidently cut a bit of James's thumb. I don't know who cried the most - me, James, or DH. If it had been anyone but DH (and if he hadn't been crying so hard), I would have attacked. I can't begin to imagine how I would have reacted if someone had hurt my babies intentionally (vaccinations were bad enough).
post #89 of 156
Congrats on the boy!! I LOVE mine!!
post #90 of 156
Thread Starter 
Oh - we'll be breast feeding. It's cheaper

Well, that is ONE plus. I've read of the other benefits as well.
post #91 of 156
Congatulations!!! Boys are awesome!!!!
post #92 of 156
CONGRATULATIONS ERIC! boys are awesome!

(please note: i only have one ds, can't speak on girls yet...)
post #93 of 156
Thread Starter 
Well everyone,

Bad news. My wife has changed her opinion...
I'm pretty depressed right now. We just got in another big argument about it. I thought I had won this whole circumcision thing. I'm pretty much all by myself when it comes to leaving our son intact...
I can think of only three people, out of ALL the people I know and we've talked to this about, that are on my side. A lady at work who left her son intact (he's 20 now), and my step-brother (who has a 5 year old intact son.) and one other friend of mine. Everyone else we know, family, friends, and even her OBGYN (to a degree) are in the pro-circ stance. Bummer.

I may lose this argument, if only to keep my pregnant wife from getting so worked up. I don't think that's probably good for our son. We'll see. I may still pull the "ordering the physicians to not do it" card.
The OBGYN did say written consent was needed, so I can't help but wonder if both of us have to sign it. We'll see. I'll keep you all posted. I'm hopeful that the Penn & Teller video will sway her opinion - if I can get her to watch it. During our argument I tried to get her to watch a video of a circ online, and she won't do it.
post #94 of 156
Congratulation on having a boy

Do send your DW here. It is a great place to get educated. She will most likely get a more complete picture about any of the "reasons" she has for wanting your DS to be circ'd
post #95 of 156
I agree. Send your dw here. Let her read what you've been reading. Especially have her read the "we circ'ed our son and regret it" thread and ask her, "Do you want us to be two of these parents?"
post #96 of 156
Please, please, do not let her emotions trump your son's right to an intact body. It is not her right to use emotional blackmail to decide to cut part of your son's body off. This is not her decision to make in the first place. This is not an equal argument where both of your opinions are equally valid. You are defending your unborn baby's perfect body, and she wants to do something nobody should have any right to do.

Please, please, don't give up and don't give in. Insist that at a minimum you wait to circ until he's 6 months old and can go under general anesthesia and have it done by a pediatric urologist. There is absolutely no reason to circ at birth and a whole lot of good reasons to wait: establish breastfeeding and bonding, get him true anesthesia, have it done by an expert. (Did you know that if he is cut in the hospital at birth it will probably be a resident who does it? Do you want a doctor in training practice on your baby?)

Odds are by the time the baby is 6 months old your wife will have fallen in love with him and see his body as normal and perfect. If not, well, you have more time to get her to see the truth.

If she will not at least watch a video, she cannot possibly expect you to agree to a circ anyway. If she can't watch it, why should your baby have to endure it?
post #97 of 156
What is her reason for wanting it done? Let us coach you! Let us provide the answers.

Or, another thought . . . Are you reluctant to send her here because of this thread? If so, I think we can convince Karen to pull this thread so she won't see it and won't know you've been conspiring with us.

post #98 of 156
Now that you know the gender I see two things that may have happened to change her mind:

A)She has mentioned the sex of your son to a friend / co-worker / relative and got another one of those “my cousin’s friend’s dance instructor had to get it done at 22 because of nasty infections…” , and this has again placed doubt in her mind. (See Canadian Pediatric Society stats at 1%/1%, previously posted)
B)She was still thinking in the abstract ‘might not be a boy’ sense and now that reality has set in, is once again afraid to go against the grain (society/family).

Although she may be pregnant, and might get worked up, that is not an excuse let her win every argument, especially one this important. If she really really really wanted to get smashed on tequila shots tonight, would you quietly give in so that she didn’t get worked up? I doubt it. This is the same. You would actively be giving into something that you know is detrimental to your son. This is not cloth diapers versus disposable, this is a permanent, body altering procedure FOR NO GOOD REASON. Stay strong.
post #99 of 156
I would also like to point out that your wife is pregnant, not ill. Pregnant women in general are a lot stronger and more resilient than people give them credit for IMO (I refused to be made to constantly sit down and "rest" all the time throughout mine, people drove me up the wall), and most pregnant women encourage this way of thinking to feel special and get cossetted for a few months. Unless she has been diagnosed as being at special risk, she isn't likely to come to any real harm through "being upset" over this. Your son is depending on you not to have a painful, unnecessary, sexual reduction operation inflicted on him, stay strong. MAKE her watch the video. (Put it on when she's in the house and turn the sound up full so she can't get away from the soundtrack even if she won't watch the pictures). She should not be forcing your son to go through this when she can't even bring herself to look at it.

Just IMO of course, I'm sure others probably think that's rather harsh.
post #100 of 156
Oh Eric, I'm sorry. Just when we all thought the arguments were over.

I agree with the others who ask WHY she wants it done. No matter what her reasoning, we can refute it.

She might be exoeriencing some "fear of the unknown" - I know DH and I did before our babies were born. Neither of us had seen an intact penis in real life, and the thought was kind of intimidating. Maybe if you confess to some of this fear, you can work through it together.

Perhaps you should ask her to convince YOU that's it's a good idea - that will help us address specific concerns she has.

Hang in there! We're here for you, and we'll help you get through it.
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