Waiting...

[danaan]

So I am at 41 w 3 days. Have done lots of cervical ripening, I'm probably dilated some -- get checked tomorrow, plus stress test, etc.

I'm thinking about how we (in our culture) focus so much on the EDD and how the induction (natural or medical) attempts get more and more furious as a woman cooks her baby longer past that date. How the first question should be "is there any danger right now?" before trying these things (it is, but it isn't). But it tends to be impatience and convention. Or it all gets mushed together, as in my case where dh wants to DO something, I am impatient and really looking forward to the birthing experience itself, and everyone and her cat is asking us "are you going to induce?"

My body keeps telling me it's not time. Every time dh and I make love, for instance, I get really uncomfortable cramps with some irregular ctx that go away after a while. When I feel into myself, the suggestions I get from my body and my allies says to drink nourishing teas and do what feels good - baths, walking for fun till I start to get tired, reading...

Anyway, I want to have a new conversation (within the birth world). How do you deal with -- or would you suggest someone else face -- the limbo of waiting? I feel like dh and the whole world and I have given this time so much WEIGHT, kwim? (The weight of waiting.....)

What if it were a time of nurturing? A long time ago women went into "confinement," which was sexist and stuffy, but maybe we need a modern version of that... at 38-39 weeks mom and dad check into a resort where they are pampered and loved and supported and given counseling until baby feels ready to emerge.... There would be great baby sitters, doulas, mw's, OB's... The community/family would cover their immediate expenses...

I may have to create that one day..... but for now, in the REAL world..... thoughts? I'm more looking for your reflections and experiences than any sort of advice. What say you???

[Autumn Breeze]

I spent my 'waiting' time just litening to my body & feeding myself.

And I spent time w. ds & dh, not talking about the baby.

A belly cast was fun & so were doing ,maternity photos

[mamabeth]

I need to think more about this but for right now...

I think it's wonderful that you have this self-awareness that a safe space needs to be created for you (and women who are also post-"EDD"). It does. When I went "overdue" with my dd three years ago it was one of the worst times in my life, because despite assuring us they were supportive of natural childbirth my midwives and the backup OB did not treat us as if it were natural. They scheduled appointments every other day and my blood pressure went up...of course it did, with that stress...which just made them more freaked out. Instead of it being the last few weeks I spent with my baby on the inside and with just my dh, it became a terrible, anxiety ridden time which led to a very medical, in the end, surgical, birth.

This time I know it's not realistic to go to a resort (although, wow, mama, that sounds wonderful!), so this is what I'm already doing as I approach 40 weeks:
--Meditation every night (from Natural Childbirth after Cesarean) about my body preparing for birth and that the baby knows the right time to be born
--Walking every evening with dd and dh
--"still" working part-time (this has been important to me to keep busy in some way so that life is normal, I'm just having a baby)
--Planning fun things at least every weekend, festivals, meals out, time with my family
--Talking to supportive people, my Bradley teacher and friend, my mom (who swears I was four weeks past my due date when I was born!), my midwife

Although it's still going to be hard, I know I am more prepared this time to go past my EDD without completely freaking out. I've been there before and I know that there's a baby on the other side.

Hope that's helpful. Let me know if you ever create that resort/retreat, I would come be a speaker/supporter of mamas!

[danaan]

mamabeth - thanks for your thoughts! I like the frame of creating a safe space. One of my doulas just said a very similar thing today. When I mentioned I was screening my calls because I was so tired of the yes-I'm-still-pregnant conversation, she affirmed that was a smart move to keep my space safe.

Meditation, walking, living normally, and being surrounded by people who support w/o freaking out is a great approach. My resort idea was kind of a dream of a perfect world.:LOL But it does get my thinking going about support groups. (On top of classes, LLL, etc....??) Or maybe we could write a book together....

Let's keep thinking.

[mamasoulsista]

Today is my EDD and I realized that we really should have invested in caller ID.

In theory I believe in sacred/divine waiting. I've waited for jobs while unemployed, waited for relationships to take off, waited for a marriage proposal, etc. But this is something so different that I'm having a difficult time just being present in the moment. My external environment is telling me to hurry, and just because the sentiment is there, I begin to believe it too from time to time.

My first birth, was induced at 4 days past my EDD. I hated the experience and made different choices regarding my pregnancy this time. So I'm waiting and living life and talking about my impatience with other mothers when I feel overwhelmed by the feelings.

This is such a wonderful topic. Thanks for starting this thread.

Joey

[ZeldasMom]

I think you have a really wonderful, healthy perspective--thank you for sharing it! I had both my babies at 39 weeks, but even so I was getting the "when are you having the baby?"..."haven't you had that baby yet?" questions the last few weeks. I think part of it is that our culture is so instant gratification oriented that it makes waiting even harder.

We tried to take the let's relax and have fun approach at the end too. DP and I arranged childcare and snuck in some dates before DD came. And we walked and talked every evening with DS in the stroller. I also had a prenatal massage every week the last 3 weeks of the pregnancy. A big investment, but it really helped me get into a relaxed mode. I was telling my message therapist that when I was pregnant with my first child I tried to do progressive relaxation out of a Bradley book. Wasn't my thing. It just made me stressed out! :LOL My message therapist said she thinks some pregnant women don't really know what it feels like to be relaxed and she thinks massage helps them get there and then have a visceral memory of what it feels like to be relaxed so when they're in labor it's easier to go there.

Something that has been really interesting to me is what a deep, existential experience pregnancy and birth can be. I feel like it has given me such an awesome opportunity to grow and learn more about myself. I wish pregnant women had more support to really get into this.

[liz217]

Thanks for posting this. My EDD is tomorrow, and i really needed to get some insight about the waiting thing. Prenatal massages, long walks, and resorts sound great right now .

[danaan]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

Something that has been really interesting to me is what a deep, existential experience pregnancy and birth can be. I feel like it has given me such an awesome opportunity to grow and learn more about myself. I wish pregnant women had more support to really get into this.

YES - this is key.

Thank you all for your thoughts everyone -- keep them coming! It is a struggle -- yet so simple, and so powerful... I am grateful to have you women to chat with.

Today I had my membranes stripped. I am at 3 cm, 70% effaced. I feel I could go into labor tonight, but I find myself being so distracted by the outside world. My mother is here, and she is not opposed to nat childbirth by any means, but she is not a meditator/deep experience kind of person either. My dh is, but he's got adrenaline going like crazy. He's reading Get Fuzzy comics.

I had to notice my habit of matching people where they are rather than being fully with my body and not babysitting anyone else. I am working on that right now.

That's what the massage/resort thing is about for me. Having the space to go inward, relax, be on Kairos time. Allowing myself to take that can be scary -- and I know I'm not the only woman who feels that way.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I am entering labor land...

[mamabeth]

I thought I would dig up this thread because there aren't that many of us still "waiting," right?

I hope danaan had a beautiful birth, haven't seen her online today!

Does anybody else feel like it goes minute-to-minute? Like one minute I am so okay with waiting and the next I just want to call and schedule a c-section, anything to be over this. Don't get me wrong, I *so* would not do that, but I just am sick of the roller-coaster already. I am trying to stay in the mindset that the baby will come when he is ready, but I'm so freaking sore and uncomfortable with ligament pain and just this huge belly. KWIM????

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by mamabeth

I am trying to stay in the mindset that the baby will come when he is ready, but I'm so freaking sore and uncomfortable with ligament pain and just this huge belly. KWIM????

[Katt2005]

Mamabeth, I hear ya!