Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
(I think there are folks who might say that my family is not really TCS because we don't have a problem with compromise. I think the TCS founders see compromise as an unacceptable solution. Either way, I think we are pretty TCS.) a close friend that I trusted to be kind and
For example, if Rain and I are trying to figure out where to go for dinner and she wants Indian food and I want Sweet Tomatoes, we might come to all sorts of resolutions. We might decide to go get Indian food because I know Rain has had a hard day and I want her to be happy and have a great dinner more than I want Sweet Tomatoes... or we might decide to go to and Inidian place that has a nice salad because I want for both of us to enjoy dinner more than I want Sweet Tomatoes...and while I'm not getting what I originally wanted, I don't consider it to be a compromise. I don't think it's TCS to agree to a plan even though it's really not what you want, but I do think wanting your family members to be happy and wanting a peaceful time together are legitimate wants, as well...
I don't think setting a timer and saying, "When it rings, we're going to the park" was TCS, at least in the way the OP described it. If the kids had known from pas experience that they could say, "Nope, don't want to go to the park" than it could be, like a parent might set a timer to let someone know when dinner time was, or when he should start cleaning up his activity so that he can leave the house in time for another activity... but in TCS-land, that assumes that the timer is a reminder, not a command, and the person can say no.
I don't think I want joyfulness for my child, no... but maybe it's a definitional issue. "Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness" is the defintion I got from dictionary.com, and it just doesn't sound very... fulfilling. I want my child to be fulfilled, to find meaning in her life and the things she's doing. I think happiness often comes with that, as does peace... but fulfillment seems to be the ultimate goal.
As far as the child at the zoo not wanting to get into his carseat, we'd try to find solutions... in my experience, a lot of carseats just aren't comfortable, and resolving that can go a long way. It really never was a problem for us, so I can't get into specifics. I had the kid in the carseat at 80 pounds and age 8, because she could see better and liked it.
Originally Posted by ChinaKat
I just found it interesting that when I pointed out an example of non-coercive parenting that *didn't* work out very well in the long run, it got the (negative) "hands off" label. When it really seemed no different (to me) than TCS.
|Now, you can interpret my situation as MY parents didn't do all the proper TCS things and give me a big song and dance about how I *ought* to save money and do chores. But if they never said I *had* to... why on earth would I have? And that's how I wound up without a *clue* as to how to be a grown up.|