Originally Posted by johub
The advantage to the child who was made to do it anyway is that they have learned the skills to complete the task. SO that if they should later come to the voluntary conclusion that they do indeed want to do x y or z, they already know how because they have done so.
I might not have much to say in the outcome if my child is a slob or a clean person. Or if they pay their bills on time etc. . .
But by intstructing them how and having them go through the motions, they learn the necessary skills.
Whether or not they use those skills IS their choice. But whether or not they learn them is my job.
I see what you mean, but I can't think of very many things that one could not learn to do on their own, esp. wrt keeping house and paying bills, etc. My parents never showed me how to pay bills, I just figured it out, maybe someone at the bank gave me a primer when I got my first checking account, I don't remember, common sense would tell one that paying them on time would be the thing to do, and the statements usually tell about late charges.
Housework- my parents were really laid back about us doing housework, not TCS, just hands off. I learned that I liked my room clean as I got older, I watched my mom vacuum, do dishes and laundry, etc. And as I got older and my mom went back to college on top of working part time, I started doing the vast majority of the housework, no one asked me to, no one paid me to, I just loved my mom and wanted to help her out. I don't think anyone ever taught me to clean a toilet or wash dishes, I just knew from watching I guess.
I am not altogether using TCS either, but that is mainly b/c I married a man who had no idea what I would become.
He had no clue I would nurse a baby older than one, or refuse to vax, want to homeschool, etc. I have had to pick my battles with him. He is a good man, but he wanted to spank the kids on occasion, so just getting GD going was a challenge, he'd go off of the deep end if I expected him to use TCS theories all of the time.
It seems to me that TCS with one child, no partner (or a very much agreeing partner) and a really felxible job/career of your own would be easiest. And believe me, I thought this was all kinds of crazy when I first learned of it, made no sense at all, and I used all of the arguments being used on this thread. As it stands I do coerce, I am just trying to do it less and less, I am trying to trust my children more and more, and stop trying to control them so much. Ideally, I'd be unschooling my kids, dh would be all rosey with TCS philosophies and I'd go full-force, but that is not realistic right now, so- I am a "TCS-try-er" :LOL