Hi! I have a 16yr old daughter too and her dad is not her biological Father. He has raised her since she was 6 months old as well. We have 3 other children together. My 16yr old has always known he was not her birth father but has never once not considered him her daddy. Sure they fight and argure but it has nothing to do with his not being her "real Dad" he is her REAL DAD and she decided that on her own. They fight over normal teenage/parent issues. I know that my husband is worried that she will do the things he/we did when we where teenagers. Like all of us (parents) we do not want our children to make the same mistakes we did. However, we did not realize our mistakes till we where older. And sometimes Teens need to learn on their own, dispite our efforts. We are lucky, our daughter has learned and is not doing what we where at her age. We both had moved out of our parents homes and did drugs at her age. However, we both have degrees and made our way dispite our mistakes. We talk together all the time about this same issue. Sure, She fights with her younger brother (6yrs) and that drives me crazy, but who didn't fight with a sibbling. When she was little we raised her much differently than her sibblings, we had less money, rented homes, and where younger and less experenced. We where different parents back then. She sees the difference and the advantages that her sibblings have now that she did not then and sometimes that bothers her and causes fights and missunderstandings. And now, with 3 little ones our attention is spread and not only on her, just llike her dads, for 10 years she was Daddy's little girl, then she had to share. It's taken a few years to get over that, but the older she gets the better she understands.
My teenage daughter is moody, rude and needy just like I was when I was her age. My teenage daughter is drug/sex/tobacco and liquor free, just like I was not at her age. She's loud and challanges her parents.. wow, we have a normal teen who fights with her parents and pushes her limits and test our boundries. She knows how to push our buttons and plays a hard game. We just do not play back.
I hope that your daughter and husband find some peace. I know what it feels like to be in the middle of the Daddy/Daughter fight. It SUCKS!!! But be patient, talk with each one of them and don't push it. Also, driving lessons help us.
Please excuse spelling/grammer mistakes: Nursing with one hand, typing with the other!!!