Co-sleeping question

[curlyfry]

We've had three nights with Meilana so far and at the hospital I slept with her snuggled on top of me in the hospital bed. I was a little anxious about being able to hold onto her, but we got very comfortable and were able to get a few hours of sleep straight through. Last night (our first night home), I slept on the couch with her on top of me again because we haven't gotten our co-sleeper yet. Today, I'm going to send my mom to the store for me to get something so that we can put her in our bed without worrying. (I'd love to get the cosleeper but can't afford that right now) What do you think about the snuggle nest that goes between us? It looks nice and sturdy, but also comfortable, and we'd still be right there with her. Do you think she'll sleep in it after getting used to being held for the past few nights?

Just figuring things out as we go along, and would love suggestions. Thanks!

[Sagesgirl]

You are much safer sleeping in your bed with her on your chest than doing so on the couch. I understand from my mother that her chest was my usual perch when I was an infant, & both of our girls have slept on their Daddy's chest from a pretty young age. I personally have never felt the need for a nest of any sort, but if it will make you feel safer, go for it. I just always keep the baby in question between me & the edge of the bed, up by my face (I don't cover my own face, so no worries about accidentally covering hers) with the extra pillow behind me.

[Pinky Tuscadero]

My experience with cosleeping has been that the babies want to be on me or up against me so those cosleeping nest things never work out. Not all babies are the same-maybe yours won't mind it. It does seem to negate the benefits of sharing a bed if you can't snuggle up to each other, though!
DS3 (9 days old) sleeps longest if I lay him on my chest. He'll go about 4 hours, twice a night that way. If I lay him next to me we're lucky to get an hour. I think the skin to skin is what he finds most comforting.
HTH
Suzy

[mamabeth]

yep, when they're teeny like that they just want to be on you, touching you, or nursing of course. a snuggle nest (for my dd at least) would have been just as "bad" as the co-sleeper because if she wasn't touching me she would wake up a lot more even if she was in the bed too.

You could get a bedrail for peace of mind, and you will probably need it later anyway.

[Goldiemom]

Hmm... My experiences with cosleeping vary a wee bit from the others. We don't use a co-sleeper or anything either, but ds is the only baby that ever slept ON me. I used to sleep with him on my chest on the couch. I think it worked for us cause on the couch propped up by pillows we weren't flat. If I try to do that now, my boobs don't make such a great pillow anymore. Poor kiddos end up with their heads being lower than their butt, so I think all the blood flows to their head. lol So we sleep side by side. I have Allissa on a blanket next to me with a pillow on each side of us in case dd1 wants to climb into bed with us too. The blanket also allows me to easily slide Allissa over to one side or the other so I can nurse her laying down. I get more sleep that way. :LOL That is what works for us. She has her own blankie to lay on, and her own blankie for cover so there isn't an issue of her face being covered. We might have to rethink things as it starts getting colder and she starts rolling in her sleep, but for now it works.

If you would feel safer with the nest I would say go for it though. Everyone seems to have different things that work for them. I know that when I would sleep with ds in a bed, I would put him in the middle, and then I would sleep near the edge as I was terrified that I would roll over on him. So you really need to do whatever will allow you to have your sweet girl with you, and still ease your mind so you can get as much sleep as you can. HTH

[Galatea]

For us, both babies started sleeping on my chest. Miles still is, and he slept 7(!) hours last night that way. Then, when Maddox got to be a little older, I would wake up and he would have slid off onto my arm. I took that as a cue and started sleeping with him on my arm/shoulder. Then a little later, he slept next to me, but still completely touching along the length of his body. I think a snuggle nest would frustrate the baby and you. We got a rail once he was able to roll over, though since the baby always snuggles against you, it is unlikely they would roll off the edge. The bed is definitely safer than the couch, b/c they can get trapped between the cushions and the back.

I think the snuggle nest and cosleeper aren't very useful since the baby will want to be on you or pressed up against you.

[edamommy]

Why are you wanting/needing something to go IN the bed with you all? My ds weighed 4lbs and we coslept just fine (with an oxygen tank/tube too!!!). He slept on my chest until he was about 9lbs and then nestled in my arm-crook while I slept on my side. We NEVER had an instance where he was in danger from either of us (and my dh is a hard sleeper) as there's a second sense within parents that prevents us from just randomly squishing our babies in the nest!!

[curlyfry]

Thanks for all of the suggestions. To answer the pp question, I'm only wanting something because it's my first baby and I've never slept in bed with a baby before, so I was just looking for some peace of mind, that's all.

I actually felt like the couch was better because I could be propped up by pillows and hold her instead of lying flat. I guess it's how we slept in the hospital, so it felt familiar. I may just try one of those sleep positioners that has the soft wedge sides and put her right up next to me. That way if it doesn't work, I didn't spend all that $$. I just worry about me or dh rolling over even though I'm sure we have a second sense that won't let us do that.

We'll figure out something that works for us, I know...thanks again for the help.

[Shell_Ell]

My son is only a week old so I'm still learning, but he really likes to be up against my skin. We have a cosleeper, and he'll sleep a few hours in there. I have been bringing him into bed with me when my husband gets up and nursing him like that on and off for a few hours while dozing off. He lays on his side up against me, nurses, and conks out with his head on my boob. Even if I lay him 6 inches away from me, he still ends up right next to me!

I would be scared to sleep on the couch with the babe. Too much room for suffucation against the cushions, etc. I don't mean to scare you but I just couldn't do it. I like laying him in the bed with me.

[wendy1221]

This is my 3rd and all of mine have slept right next to me, no co-sleepers or anything. We've never had any problems. My 2nd had sleep apnea and dh would wake up before me sometimes, and jump up, landing on me, to shake the baby (not SHAKE--YKWIM.) So I don't believe all that about men not having the same instincts. Oh, and I've found that if you don't snuggle up to a newborn, they'll wiggle over until they're against you, so you might as well snuggle up yourself. nak oht

[Full Heart]

I've co slept with all 6 of my children. My own mother co slept with all 6 of her children. I actually co slept with my mother all throughout my childhood - even after I got married (dh would leave for work at 5 and I would go downstairs from my apartment and sleep with her lol). As I was the oldest there was always other kids in bed with my mother too and you know me or my brothers never rolled on anyone else. I just think its a rare case when someone does roll on someone else...thats why we hear about it. I like to use the example that a woman who is 9 mos pg can't really sleep on her stomach so I have a hard time beliving that a woman would roll over and sleep on her baby.

I have never used a co sleeper or anything else in the bed. I like to feel the baby up against me. I can feel the rythm of their breathing. I can tell when they want to nurse before they ever start to fuss. Even if I move the baby up by the head of the bed the baby will wiggle its way over to me, if I move away the baby moves closer to me still. Pretty soon I will be hanging off the bed!

Dh was worried about co sleeping when we had our first. He had never slept with anyone before me. His parents didn't co sleep. So he was worried that he would roll on the baby, I assured him he wouldn't. It didn't take him long to be comfortable with sleeping with the baby. Now he loves sleeping with his babies. When they get older and don't nurse as much at night he snuggles with them (actually makes me jealous - thats my job!).

I have a side sleeper I use the in bassinet and honestly, if I had that in my bed with the baby sleeping in it it probably would be no different than just having the baby snuggled up against you. It might be a good way to start out and then ditch it when you feel comfortable just sleeping with the baby snuggled up against you.

Michelle

[wendy1221]

I'm w/ you Michelle. My parents and IL's all co-sleot (w/ a total of 9 kids between them) and no one ever got hurt. *I* was worried about dh at first b/c of all the articles and whatnot out there, pro-cosleeping ones!--that say men don't have the same instincts so be careful till the baby's older. That's not true. My dh said it was fine, he wasn't goingto squish the abby and he was absolutely right. He loves having our kids sleep w/ us. In fact, he is the one who suggested turning our room into one big family bed when we moved to our new apartment a few months ago instead of wasting space in the "playroom" w/ ds1's twin bed. LOL!

[curlyfry]

O.k...we're going to try sleeping in bed with her tonight with the little soft sleep positioner between us, just to make me feel better. I'm sure she'll wind up right next to me anyway. Just one more question (chalk it up to inexperience...bear with me, ok?!)...I know there's this whole "back to sleep" thing. That only applies when she's sleeping by herself, right? Because of SIDS? There's no harm in her laying on her side or tummy while she's right next to me or on top of me, right?

I really love this site...I have lots of mama friends closeby, but it's so nice to be able to ask my ??'s here and get answers from you guys!

[wendy1221]

I wouldn' put er on her tummy next to you, but that's just me. ON you, that's fine, IMO. All 3 of my boys have slept on their sides.

[Autumn Breeze]

Another idea for bed sharing is just a bed rail and having her sleep next to you, instead of inthe middle.

My dh is a HEAVY sleeper, and doesn't notice when he rolls over on me. He's got the sense when the baby is in the bed with us, that he doesn't move while he is asleep and therefore isn't sleeping well, which does me no good when I need him to do stuff for me after he gets home from work lol. Our compromise is that we'll be sidecaring the crib eventually. DD will sleep for about 1.5-2 hours in the bassinett...hopefully it will continue.

She and I are currently sleeping on the sofa (recliner) and I use the TV for light during nursing sessions and to keep me awake (she likes to slide off the nipple)

Oh, and for the 'back to sleep' neither me or my kids are back sleepers. Right now kate is laying on her back on the boppy right up next to me, that's as much back sleeping as she's comfortable with. She sleeps on her tummy really well in the bassinet and on my chest. She turns and can pick up her head very well. I didn't lay ds on his tummy until he was about 4 wks old, that's when I finally felt he could move his head enough in his sleep to prevent him getting face down. Oh ya, and if we're sleeping in the bed, she's either on my chest or laying on her side facing away from me.

[weliveintheforest]

Originally Posted by Sagesgirl

I just always keep the baby in question between me & the edge of the bed, up by my face (I don't cover my own face, so no worries about accidentally covering hers)

That makes so much sense! I will have to tell my DH that, he is terrified that DD is going to be smothered by blankets and pillows in the night. We were thinking of buying a co-sleeper which I now feel would be a waste of money because I wouldn't use it. It's funny, he can nap with her no problem, but at night he wakes up every 15 minutes to make sure there are no blankets in her face. Better safe than sorry I guess, at least he's aware of her!

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by curlyfry

O.k...we're going to try sleeping in bed with her tonight with the little soft sleep positioner between us, just to make me feel better. I'm sure she'll wind up right next to me anyway. Just one more question (chalk it up to inexperience...bear with me, ok?!)...I know there's this whole "back to sleep" thing. That only applies when she's sleeping by herself, right? Because of SIDS? There's no harm in her laying on her side or tummy while she's right next to me or on top of me, right?

I really love this site...I have lots of mama friends closeby, but it's so nice to be able to ask my ??'s here and get answers from you guys!

Ahhh this whole back to sleep thing.. I tell you when I had my first baby in 91 .. there was NO back to sleep campaign.. the nurses in the hopsital still put babes on their tummies!
well call me oldschool but I have always slept ALL my kids on their stomachs.. makes alot more sense to me ( yes I co sleep) but after a few weeks the baby is just asleep beside me kwim? and my kids hate the back position.. I ran this by my very cool alternative family doc.. and he said " you know.. I know the new trend.. but I have to say if a baby is term and healthy and has good neck control I cannot see an issue.) he basically echoed my feelings on it.. mind you my kids have all been 9 plus pounds and a few weeks late.. so they are not itty bitty weak newborns they act more like a month old after a week or so....

Anyhow... just wanted to toss that out there for you

[Galatea]

Re "back to sleep" - the issue is not so much that they would suffocate b/c of not being able to turn their face away from the mattress, but that stomach sleeping is much deeper and sounder b/c they can't flail around (why parents and babies like it!) SIDS may happen b/c babies get into a deep sleep, and have an episode of apnea (they stop breathing), but b/c they are so deeply asleep, and their nervous systems are not mature, they do not wake themselves up and start breathing again. BUT the benefit of cosleeping is that the mom's breathing stimulates the baby's breathing and their biorhythms are in sync all night, thus the reduced risk of SIDS. So, if you are using a crib, you should not put baby on his tummy, but if he is in bed next to you, it shouldn't matter.

[curlyfry]

Originally Posted by Galatea

Re "back to sleep" - the issue is not so much that they would suffocate b/c of not being able to turn their face away from the mattress, but that stomach sleeping is much deeper and sounder b/c they can't flail around (why parents and babies like it!) SIDS may happen b/c babies get into a deep sleep, and have an episode of apnea (they stop breathing), but b/c they are so deeply asleep, and their nervous systems are not mature, they do not wake themselves up and start breathing again. BUT the benefit of cosleeping is that the mom's breathing stimulates the baby's breathing and their biorhythms are in sync all night, thus the reduced risk of SIDS. So, if you are using a crib, you should not put baby on his tummy, but if he is in bed next to you, it shouldn't matter.

Thanks...that's what I've heard too...it's the deep sleep that's a problem. Well 1 week later and me and Meilana are still sleeping on the couch together. She doesn't like the bed! I think it's the fact that we're flatter in bed and propped up on the couch. Also, I have a tv in the living room, so that makes those middle of the night feedings a little easier for me. Will dh and I ever get to sleep together again??? Maybee I'll hook a tv up in the bedroom, and try to prop myself up in there...we'll see...at this point we're doing what works.