Where did my patience go?

[GB's Mom]

Oh I'm feeling so guilty and not myself at all (probably pretty normal for being almost 36 wks pg.) I typically pride myself on having an abdunance of patience and understanding for my highly spirited 2 1/2 yo ds, but lately, I seem to be losing it. He is so energetic that I can barely manange him when we're out. But the biggest frustration is night time. He only nurses to sleep and after 2 years of it taking at least an hour to get him to sleep, we'd finally gotten down to about 15 - 20 minutes. But lately, he just doesn't want to go down and it ends up taking close to an hour again. He doesn't nap anymore, so by 7:30 - 8:00, I am very ready for him to go to bed! I just have no patience for laying there nursing my brains out, thinking he's going to sleep and then all of a sudden he pops up and starts talking. He is SO SWEET and although he is sleepy, he's just always had difficulty falling asleep. By the time he does go to sleep, I'm so tense and frustrated that I waste the rest of the evening trying to calm down. I'm sure he senses my tension when we're laying in bed, even though I'm singing to him and snuggling. I guess he knows things are going to change soon and he's just trying to hang on as long as he can????

I just wanted to vent, but if there are any other frustrated pg mamas out there, please share!

Tori

[Eman'smom]

Well I'm right here
Sorry I couldn't resist, after 27 years of "patience" jokes I feel the need.
Anyway I have no advice but this too will pass and get better.

[Eman'smom]

Sorry that isn't funny without my sig line which doens't seem to be posting.

My name is Patience

[Rollermommy]

At 33 wks. pregnant now, and have been asking myself the same question. I used to be soooo patient but lately everything my kids do get on my nerves and I'm generally in pissy mood all the time. I hate being that way!! As I was sitting outside taking a break today (so I would'nt pinch any little heads off), I was thinking about why I'm feeling like this and came up with a theory. I know there are a lot of hormones involved as well, but maybe this is natures way of preparing siblings for the new babies arrival. Kinda like we go through some sort of separation phase to prepare for the extra time and energy the baby will take up. Maybe that sounds silly but it makes me feel better than thinking I'm turning into a horrible mother.

[GB's Mom]

I don't think that sounds silly at all and I actually have a similar theory. Right now ds is my whole world - and he demands that much attention -- but it can't be like that when the baby comes. It really makes me sad, although I believe that it will be a good transition for him. He's just never had to share my attention.

I just came out of another frustrating hour bed time ritual . . . now he's sleeping so soundly and I just want to go snuggle him . . .

You're certainly not becoming a horrible mother. Not only is nature preparing our kids, it's preparing us too.

I'll hang in there if you do!

Tori

[LukesMum]

I could have written your post!! I'm 30 weeks and have been speaking to him...shall we say "firmly". He has started running from me and ignoring me which seems to infuriate me. Deep breathing helps, and luckily he does still nap. I am very open with him...he knows mommy is a bit cranky and even says "mommy is cranky, but shes ok." I try to just love and snuggle as much as I can...and I have told dh he needs to be the extra lovely daddy while I'm going thru this!! Hang in there

[geogirl]

I think that theory is right on. Tori, I have found that trying to get Mackenzie down for a nap (that I need more than him) is when my frustration (and even feelings of anger) come out the most). So I know what you mean about the bedtime thing. I think that it is these things where they require our attention so completely that make us frustrated, knowing that soon a new baby will be in the picture. I actually don't think that he really needs naps too much anymore but I'm so tired myself right now. I can't picture my life with my son and my newborn. We'll have to keep in touch to support each other.

Smiles to you, our time is drawing nearer.

[Rollermommy]

Glad to hear you guys didn't think I was crazy with my theory I think my biggest problem is I feel so stuck in this transition phase. I feel like we are all just sitting around waiting for our lives to change, and ready to get on with it. I know this baby is going to change how we do everything, I'm just ready to get adjusted and move on with life. I think dh and the boys are probably getting anxious too. (mabye that's the deal with all the short tempers in my house) We should all continue to support one another. Isn't it comforting though, to know this is happening to other pregnant moms, and we're not really turning into monsters

[zombiemommie]

I am 33 1/2 weeks preg and i had perhaps the worst parenting day EVER yesterday. I totally was the meanest mommy to my poor 2 1/2 year old and I mean I was MEAN. He was driving me crazy and I am in a demented nesting phase and the house is making me crazy (besides the hormones of course). He didn't nap, was just irritable, cranky, whiny, clingy, and needed his mommy who was just too busy for him, and he was getting hurt falling down because he was tired, nothing made him happy, and I finally actually yelled at him, actually screamed in his face to "leave me alone" while he was clinging to my leg crying "I need you mommy"... and it was like watching a movie because I knew I had to stop and just pick him up and cuddle and it was like I COULDN"T I was possessed. I felt terrible but out of control at the same time. I spent much time on our front porch as well so as to not to anything worse. I finally called it quits, gave him a bath and read like 10 books and he was sleeping by 5:30, and I in bed by 7. He was restless all night and kept coming in saying "I need mommy" and had to sleep with his face up against mine all night (extremely unusual for him) so now I feel even worse.

I believe the theory, but I also believe the more I am pushign him away, either consciously or not, he is trying desperately to get closer....anyway I so identify with everybody and I hate feeling this way. I hate being this type of mother. I am so glad he is little enough to not remember his screaming psycho mother and glad he is like a little puppy who wakes up happy again. I wish I could !!

(((hugs))) to all

[geogirl]

Oh Zombiemommie...

Please don't feel alone, because I have been going through days like that too with my son. It really shocks me the way I am so rough emotionally with him. I am so glad that they do wake up happy and they do seem to bounce back. It doesn't really make us feel better though does it.

Feel free to pm me. I'm right there with you.

Rebecca

[GB's Mom]

These pregnancy hormones are pretty powerful, huh? I'm right there with you both. I'm sorry you had such a rough day recently zombiemommie. Are things any better? I hope so, and I want to share a recent experience with you all -

Dh took ds out for a few hours on Friday and I cleaned the house like a mad woman. When they got home, all I could think of was that they were going to mess it up. On Saturday DH had to work all day until late evening and I just knew that if I tried to stay home and do anything with ds, we'd have a rough day, so out we went! We went to the museum, the playground, stopped by a friend's house and then to the 'dollar store' for a surprise toy (I wanted to make it a great, great day.) We were out of the house for like 6 hours doing all fun stuff -- no grocery shopping, errands, etc! It felt so great. By the time we got home, we were both tired, so we snuggled on the couch and nursed for a long time. Then, ds ate dinner while I made zucchini bread (Christmas gifts for friends). He helped stir and crack eggs, which he loves to do. He was tired, but it was still too early for bedtime, so he watched a video (or two), we read some books and off to bed he went!

I can't tell you how perfect it felt. The day was totally about him and me being together. I can RARELY relax enough to not feel like I 'have' to be doing something productive, but I realized that with such major change upon us, I needed to have a total play day with ds -- and he did too. He was a prefectly happy ANGEL all day.

I know it's not realistic to do this all the time, but let me tell you how it completely refreshed me. I know the fact that I'd been able to clean my house the day before helped a lot too! I was also surprised that I had the energy to do everything we did. I get so tired so quickly these days, but I didn't when I just let things go at ds' pace.

When I was putting ds to bed that night I was determined not to turn a great day into something icky by having him get upset, so I totally relaxed, let him nurse and roll around as he wanted. It still took him a little longer than usual, but it was okay and he went without a struggle.

I'm sending you all wishes of relaxation and comfort and hopes that you can find the time to indulge your little ones, which in turn will indulge your spirit too. This is a hard time, but like all things, it will pass. I know I started this post in a total meltdown of frustration, and now I'm happy to be feeling better. May you all do the same!

Tori

[zombiemommie]

Things are getting worse not better. Ds is I think reacting to some psychic hormones to latch onto his mommy, and he is become SO energetic (he is pretty active as is) he is just constantly screaming and running around all day long, and hanging on me. I mean hanging, on legs, arms shoulders whatever. Whenever I sit down. I can try and redirect him to sit next to me, and he will have to just hold my pants or something. He frequently IS walking behind me holding my pants. And his nightwaking is getting more intense. He wants me there constantly, he does not want to sleep in our bed, he wants his bead, and it is darn uncomfortable for me in there. If he is in my bed, he wants to hold on to my ELBOWS all night which drives me nuts. I am at the end of my rope. I know I need to take him out for hours each day and just run him crazy but I am so tired and SOOOO out of sorts. And then today he was up at like 6 am, I had DH get up with him and I slept in until 9. Then DH (who is never home during the week usually gets home very late after bedtime) was like hiding in the kitchen all mornign drinking coffee and reading the paper, while ds is hanging all over me and I am saying 10 times a minute "sit on the floor please" "not mommy's tummy", "careful", "okay, lets sit on the floor" as he is hanging on me and then DH says he'll make breakfast, and brings a plate of eggs for ds and leaves. I started bawling becuase I felt so frustrated, I went in the bathroom, then came out and told DH I was taking a shower and he needs to keep ds away from me for 1 hour, if he could manage. And I went and hid in the shower, crying my eyes out. I am so hormonal. I cannot take this. I am so frustrated, angry, antsy, and aggravated by everything in my house (the house is a mess, things are a mess, DH is a slob), etc etc. I want DH to take care of him when he is home, not hide in the kitchen avoiding us both, and I am so tired of being the nazi yelling and ordering around this extremely hyper but craving mamma's attention child. I need DH to clean up after himself and stop making messes. ( I am soooo NOT anal too usually) The house is a mess, DH is just annoying, and ds...well, he is suffering from this all. How the heck am I gonna take care of 2 ? Dh just took ds to the mall I think, so I didn't kill them both. They never do anything together (like errands), so he must realize I am about to crumple into a hysterical heap.

Just venting. I am only 35 weeks. I know it isn't *only* but I'm afraid I'm gonna get worse not better.

Happy new Year everybody BTW and thanks for listening.

[LukesMum]

I'm "just" 32 weeks and had a balling fit the other day--same thing, house was a mess, things need to get done, I'm tired and ds insists on holding my hands while we sleep!! He sleeps on a futon on our floor and if I sneak off into the big bed--he'll be there soon. I have to say my dh stepped up to the plate--he's been cooking , working on projects and took ds out for First Night last night just the 2 of them from 6-9. Today he drove me down to my best friends (about an hour away) and we all ordered chinese and just chilled -just what I needed. I hope your dh gets the message and helps you out now that he knows where you are at...I think it's tough for men to understand and sometimes takes some pretty direct talking for them to get it. Big hugs-hang in there!

[Rollermommy]

I think GB's mom had some pretty powerful advice. I think part of my problem is that I'm so wrapped up in "baby land" and making preparations, and cleaning that I feel like anyone, even my precious boys, who interupts what I'm trying to do is an intrudder. Does that make any sense? They feel me withdrawing and so they try to pull closer to me. I'm just doing what natural for a pregnant woman, and they are just doing whats natural for kids. I've been trying to make a little bit of time each day, totally putting aside everything I'm trying to accomplish, and give my boys my complete attention. They used to have my attention 24/7 so I know the transition of me pulling away has been hard on them.
I also made a very weepy, heartwrenching plea to my dh about needing him to help me more. Because it takes so much energy to make it through the day, with cleaning and the boys, I just couldn't do it all by myself like I normally do. Maybe you could talk to your dh. Keep in mind that there is no way for him to understand how your feeling, and try to give him examples of things you need him to do. Men don't do well with "I need help, so get up and help me".
Also don't worry about not being able to take care of 2 kids. Just as taking care of 1 comes naturally to you, so will taking care of 2. Ds #1 was only 2 1/2 mo. old when I got pregnant with Ds#2. I didn't know how I was going to manage. But I did and I did it alone. I was amazed at how much I was capable of doing. Kinda like, the more I HAD to do, the better I did. Granted my house looked like a cyclone had come through for about a year, but I got by and now I'm able to keep things clean and be a good mommy (most of the time ).
Things are really tough during this transition time. Try to keep in mind its just a phase. Soon our babes will be here and the family will settle into a wonderful groove. HTH, it helped me just writing it.

[GB's Mom]

zombiemommie - If I win the lottery tonight I'm going to send a maid, personal chef, massuse, and professional clown (to entertain ds) to your house so you can catch a break. This is such a hard time and it's not easy to remember that we won't always feel like we do right now. I know that I had forgotten how incredibly draining the last few weeks of pregnancy are. I can barely get one thing done a day lately -- and I mean little things. I've been trying to assemble our home birth kit, which is really just sheets, towels, etc., for weeks and I just can't get it together. Ds has done exactly as your ds has and increased his clingliness/neediness a million times over. I'm trying so hard not to get frustrated, but it doesn't always work. And I must admit that he's watched WAY TOO MANY videos in the past week or so.

Husbands can be a whole other story, right? There are certain things that they just don't get. How would he respond to a list of things that need to be done? Could you forego cooking and get some ready-made things for a while to make things easier? We're on a total paper plate, use as many disposable things as possible kick right now. It's still so hard. One of us cleans and the next day it's all a wreck again. Our situation is financially bad, as DH and I were both laid off a few months ago (we worked for the same company). Having him home has been such a help, but financially we're so stressed and there are no jobs in his field here right now. Well, I didn't mean to go off into that. Just wanted to wish you well and send you some loving patience. It WILL get better.


gaiamom- I'm so happy to hear you say how you surprised yourself by coping with two babies. I'm VERY worried about keeping it all together. But it sounds like you kept your priorities in order and now things are very smooth. Thanks for the good vibes!

Hang in there ladies. Our babes will be here soon and it WILL all work out.

Tori

[zombiemommie]

OMG thank you so much for just being there - it is so helpful to know that I have at least an outlet to come to of others who are experiencing what I am, and I know particularly that you ladies are in the same boat. Part of what got me upset today was the guilt of feeling so awful for treating ds (and DH) this way, I don't want to be acting this way. Last pg I worked until 36 weeks and I am/was a trauma nurse and basically vented my issues/hormones on my co-workers/med students (I was an evil witch last time - more so than this time) and I know it is normal etc, but I just don't WANT to be this way, especially toward ds who I love more than anything. I mean I have been so committed to parenting him gently etc etc and now I feel like I am throwing everything out the window, including the ways I find myself interacting with him, which I DO NOT LIKE. I am on my way to bed and just hoping and praying that tomorrow is another day, that I can deal with it better, and my only resolution for New Years is to try and keep it together for ds tomorrow. (((hugs))) and a million thanks !

[geogirl]

We will get through this, we will get through this. Our poor little people. Not much has changed around my house except that my energy level is diminishing by the minute. The last week I have just felt exhuasted. I'm a bit further along than some of you though, I'm 38 weeks 2 days !! It is good but I'm getting nervous about having a toddler and a newborn. It shall be a challenge! Well I hope my son survives until this baby comes will his thouroughly impatient mama. I don't have any more suggestions but it is nice to band together and see that we are not alone. Right now I have a toddler screaming come with me - and I am trying to calmly say I will when I am done this. But I am also feeling the pressure rise and this is the first conflict of the day. Ugh.....

[GB's Mom]

deep breaths everyone . . .

I'm trying to practice the patience that we're desperately trying to teach ds!

To add one more thing to our stress level, ds has croup and was up all night. He and I actually got out of bed from 2 - 4:30 a.m. and read books, watched a video and then he played in the birth tub, which we had set up for our "dry run." The warm water helped his breathing, but today I'm feeling oh, so sleepy. We went back to bed from 5 - 8:30, but that's not enough!!!

Okay, now he's squealing for me. Gotta run!

Tori

[zombiemommie]

Ack !! To add insult to injury, last night at 1 am ds woke screaming hysterically, much like a night terror, from the hallway, half stripped naked (thinking maybe if PJ's off it meant he could go play ?) that he must go downstairs and play with his toys. He was irrational, inconsolable, thrashing, SCREAMING, sobbing, choking, hiccuping, flailing mess. No way in the land to redirect him, he was kissing me on the face and saying that the sun WAS in fact up, that he must go, he just kept screaming bloody murder. DH and I kept up the "its dark out, its night-time, your toys are sleeping, we can play when the sun comes up" over and over and over. He just was more and more hysterical. If you held him, it made him mad. NOt holding him made him madder. He was like the tasmanian devil. Then he wouldn't let us put PJ's on him, he was shivering but the more we tried the more he freaked. He was soooo out of control. And somehow I feel like something *I'm* doing is making him like this - like the daytime stress... I know that is stupid because it is just his personality (he is VERY high strung and anal and I guess you could say spirited but I don't like the label) and too many new toys for xmas and not napping lately, but MAN that was exhausting and I was about to cry, again, because I was like "I cannot DO this every night" how would I do that with a newborn on my boob KWIM ? I finally convinced him to sleep in my bed (he doesn't like our bed anymore, wants me or DH to lay in his bed, NOT comfortable at 35 weeks preg) and he did at least sleep until 7 am but again was on me all night like a little monkey, which I was okay with because I knew he needed it. Somehow I have much more patience with things like that.

Anyway, today we were off to the children's museum, played there for 3 hours, then had pizza and are back home, napless but hoping for the best for the rest of the day.

Hugs to all, thought I'd share my dreadful night. Nothing today (well...) could be worse than that LOL

[LukesMum]

"(he is VERY high strung and anal and I guess you could say spirited but I don't like the label) "

I find it odd that you don't like "spirited" but you don't mind anal and high strung...my son is definatley spiritied! ( no offense intended!)

I'm sorry you are having such a time--I often feel the same about how can I do this and take care of a baby too!! I keep reminding myself that the energy will change all around when the baby arrives and I'm hoping it will be as it should be and fit together like a puzzle. Not sure we can really anticipate how it will be , ya know?? ANyway, hang in there and lets all stay in touch...it'll be interesting to see how we all feel in May!