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Financial healing - Page 2

post #21 of 35
Well, I am in this big boat with youall, too. It took me so long to see/accept that financial growth and spiritual growth could be linked. I do not have to be poor to be good--in fact, the more money I have the more good I can do with it. Now I am really getting it and I know good things are/will come of this revelation. I used to think I didn't deserve/wasn't meant to have money. Like it was my place to be in financial chaos. I thought my parents were helping me out, but there were just SO MANY complications to that. As soon as I decided I'd rather be homeless than take money from them ever again, things started looking up. One thing that has really helped is changing the way I talk about money--turning the many negatives into positives. Instead of saying, "I can't afford new clothes" I say, "I want new clothes." One is defeatist, the other is manifestist. Instead of saying "We need a second car" I say "I want a second car." Need controls me, but with "want" I am in control. It's simple but it makes a big difference, and it makes me aware of my attitudes. So much more I would like to say here, but I have many presents still to make! Thanks for this great, supportive, interesting thread!
post #22 of 35
Thread Starter 
yay susan61-what a great self-affirming thing to do. hope that account keeps growing and growing.

Zina-oh yeah! I went through major deprivation stuff. I liked how you put things.

MamaKoala--oh yes, lots of smoke and mirrors around money in my family's house, too.
post #23 of 35
This thread really got me thinking last night. It occured to me recently that everytime I have any kind of issue with my mother or brother, I start to bounce checks and forget to pay bills on time, etc. I just realized that this is because they are deeply invested in their image of me as irresponsible, flaky, incapable of financial stability.... And I slip into their definition because it is the only terms on which they will relate to me. I fear that by becoming empowered financially (and otherwise), I will lose them. No more doing that! I define myself from now on. As my wonderful aunt says, "If someone's going to get hurt, it doesn't have to be you."

On the positive side, I maintained great self control this Christmas! We made almost everything. I started stashing away a few dollars here and there in the fall and what cash we had, we used for the kids. But I made them a lot of the Santa stuff--a Troll and Fairy village, aprons, hats and mittens, dolls, a maze book, candy and goodies for their stockings. I made massage oil, baked goods, candle holders, scented eye pellows, homemade play dough, hot cocoa mix...... I have always wanted to do this at Christmas--go totally home made, old fashioned style--so it has been kind of a blessing not to have the money to go on a shopping bonanza, or to get in debt. And last night, at 1 am, as I hid the Christmas candy and washed away all signs of chocolate, and sat down to finish hemming my son's Christmas clothes, I felt exhausted but very proud! My children will have a lovely Christmas, oblivious to our tight budget. Money is not the only way to provide for a family!

As usual, I have more to say, but am out of time to write!
post #24 of 35
I am something of a compulsive spender.. the same way I am a compulsive eater.
I realise these problems come from the same place.. trying to fill the empty places inside with things and food. Pretty simplistic, really. But so hard to control.

My husband's business isn't bringing in any money right now. I am shouldering our financial burdens and I guess I resent it.
So I spend irresponsibly, telling myself I work hard and I deserve nice things. I have managed to get us into some nasty debt this way.

I realize we have to make a budget and stick to it and that I have to work on the emptiness isssues. And I have to deal with my feelings about my DH not making any money. He is a wonderful artist (furniture builder) and I WANT him to pursue his dream. I believe in his dream, too... I just feel overwhelmed with the pressure on me.

And I feel so much better, at least for a few minutes.. when I buy something beautiful (or eat some chocolate).

post #25 of 35

need a hug...


This was such a good time to start this thread and I am enjoying all the posts...

I am almost sick inside as I write this.
Like mamakoala I have made a decision for my business that is just putting so much strain on our family and I'm at a loss of how to control my feelings. I have a wellness business and am going to Cancun in Feb (I'm sure many of you have seen my other posts about it...)
At this point I cannot turn back...and I am sensing a deep regret. My dh keeps saying that "we are doing this as a family", but I am the only one that is going to be going and everythign has to be paid this month...X-MAS!!
Deep, deep down I know that going will be beneficial, and that if I keep thinking negative thoughts that I won't be able to get as much out of the seminar that I can...but as we struggle to make ends meet to next month (only to have to dish out other money for the trip) and realizing all the things we need this month...I am just at a loss of what feelings are ok to have and which ones aren't.

I really don't want to have a poverity mentality and I don't want to make this trip a negative thing, because it really isn't...it's going to be such a good thing for me professionally and personally...it's just so stressful right now I can barely breath.

I will take anything right now...quotes, advice, even a spanking! LOL (JUST KIDDING!!)

I suppose my question after all this rambling is: How do I not feel guilty for the things that we need and can not get due to this trip?
Or, should I feel guilty?

post #26 of 35

Re: need a hug...

Originally posted by oilsforever

I suppose my question after all this rambling is: How do I not feel guilty for the things that we need and can not get due to this trip?
Or, should I feel guilty?
Maybe try redefining need. Is the trip going to mean that your family goes without food or becomes homeless? Is it going to mean that your children go without neccesary medical care? Or are you going to sacrifice in ways that do not endanger the survival of your family, but rather the comfort level? (Not to dismiss the importance of comforts, but they are more easily delayed than true neccesities.) If you are jepordizing the health and safety of your family, then you've got something to keep you up at night, but I can't believe this is the case.

I am wondering if your deep regret is about irreversable financial commitments or other fears too? What would you say to yourself/do for yourself if you were your client? Just rambling a little here.....

I hope you will soon find clarity and peace around all of this!
post #27 of 35
Hi Everyone - another good thread, Lee.

I didn't think I should say anything, because I've so been there, but I'm not there now. I thought, at the time, that it was my lot in life to always struggle with it. And of course it sucked. But, I think I've got things pretty well sorted out now - me and dh. I know that feeling you're talking about at the ATM and I recalled feelings of dread at the store when I'd have this mantra, let there be funds. Because it was so embarassing that I had no money in my ATM card and no credit, either. And of course once you're in the 12 items or fewer line w/no checking writing, yarg.

Anyway, I thought that perhaps you wouldn't mind my encouragment and saying that it can be done. I don't think I have any advice that would be helpful, my story is pretty outlandish and not very typical. But, the bottom line was - deciding what we wanted in our lives and what we could live without and moving towards that end. Even when it seemed we were trapped into our lifestyle choices. We are both so happy with the way things are. And I'm not fretting over the economy as it is. I worry a little for dh and his job, but not much and not often.

If anyone wants to PM me, please do feel free to, but I don't think I'll subscribe to the thread because I don't think have more to contribute than the above. And I hope that's ok.

Best wishes for the holiday season

post #28 of 35
hi all, wanted to bump up this thread, as i've gotten alot out of just lurking here. lee, have i mentioned lately how interesting and conscious your life seems? wonderful, growth-provoking contribution again, as always...

the more i've thought about this topic, the more i realize that i have big financial issues as well, it's just that we've been very lucky and reasonably prudent thus far in our lives, so that our poverty fears are not a huge presence, but both my husband and i have a mild to moderate sense of always holding our breath, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under us. in addition, in my family of origin, my father was super controlling about money and my mother has consequently become a major shopper, wasting a ton of money by my reckoning. and i find myself with a bit of both their relationships with money -- wanting to be super frugal and also feeling deprived. i'm always squirreling away any windfalls we get while at the same feeling resentful that i can't splurge (but as soon as i think about what i really want, i realize i can't buy a full nights sleep or personal space when your kids are young, at least if you're trying to AP!)

i'm trying to imagine what it would be like to not feel a need for money in the bank and insurance of various sorts, to have faith that my needs will be met, in some manner or other. my husband resists this sort of talk because his first wife spent them into debt constantly and assured him that the universe would provide, but to my mind this is not the same thing.
i'd be interested in knowing more about the affirmations you are working with, lee.
i guess it all comes down to realizing that my thoughts about money, safety, abundance and lack are just thoughts, totally meaningless and unrelated to what's happening at this moment. but i don't even have a handle on what all my money thoughts are. i think there's alot more flitting through my head than i'm aware of. that's why this thread's been helpful. as i read others' posts, i get little moments of recognition and i know i've thought those same fears too.
so, thanks for your posts,
post #29 of 35

another lesson...

Hi to everyone, I hope you had good holidays.
I was thinking alot about this thread over the few days of holidays.
I learned a lesson that was helpful to me and wanted to share it with you.

I had to pay for my registration for my health seminar in Cancun. After the 1st it was going up $50. Well that wouldn't be a big deal if I were American, but I am Canadian, so with the exchange that is 80.00 or something...so instead of coming up with 700.00 for registration I would have to come up with almost 800.00 after the 1st...
Anxiety set in (that poverty mentality).

I called the cc on the 26th and to my surprise there was over 700.00 on it...when there should have only been 617.00 and 85.00 was coming out for our car insurance so really I only had 532.00 for my registration...
We got a 75.00 rebate cheque in the mail so I was under the impression that we had to come up with 100.00...and I wasn't seeing any resources for that to happen.
Upon hearing that there was actually 700.00 on the cc, I realized two things
1) I am suppose to go to Cancun (I have been having my doubts)
2) There is a greater power working in my life...that does not have a poverity mentaliy guiding the way (wow, I'm pretty happy about that!)

It was exciting to be able to pay for the reg. and have money to cover all our other expensences but what about the next three weeks..how will we get through those as we have just spent every cent we have. (There I am seeing myself returning ds gifts for refunds......ah yes that poverty mentality again)
At just the right moment we were given 100.00 in grocery certificates!!

I have been learning lessons this past year since we moved that are SLOWLY shaping my life.
I am slowly realizing that when you are responsible, even as hard as it might be, you are richly rewarded. This is very difficult to do when you have a mentalilty of poverty, as you live from one cent to the next...For instance there have been many months when I want to cancel our life insurance as we could really use the 65.00 for food or something I consider at the time more important...but a little voice always stops me and says "what will you do if something happens?"...and within a few days or hours, a gift will be given to us or we will get an unexpected surprise that will carry us through. I am always so thankful that I am moving forward and trying to move away from that kind of thinking.

When I allow myself to go into that poverity mentality, I allow negative energy to fill my days and thoughts.
There could be enough food for three more days, yet I am only focusing on the emptiness of my fridge and cupboards.
So instead of being able to appreciate all the goodness of each day which consists little of material things, I am consumed with anxiety, over a situation I am not in control of and for the moment can not change.

Today, I am broke, but do not feel poor or without. I feel like I have been given just enough till my next gift.
I was reading my new favorite book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and this line really jumped out at me
"The fact is, of course, that negativity does not work. Instead of dissolving an undesirable one, it keeps it in place."

I suppose this just a lot of rambling...and I just wanted to share another great gift and some of my thoughts going into the new year.
I am excited about this thread and promise I won't ramble so much next post...

post #30 of 35
I want to comment on something Zina said.

Have you ever read Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life? It is really my guidebook for healing from this and other kinds of junk. Soooooooooo good for those of us who don't know how to love ourselves.

Zina said, that she wants to believe that it is good to have money, not bad, because then she can do good with it.

Louise Hay writes eloquently about this kind of attitude (which I often share) as a subtle form of not loving yourself. As in, you are pushing away abundance for yourself but YOU deserve abundance yourself, and not just so you can give it away. YOU deserve abundance.

Although I still fantasize about giving buckets of money to my favorite causes....

Keep the thoughts coming...
post #31 of 35
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Momtwice
Louise Hay writes eloquently about this kind of attitude (which I often share) as a subtle form of not loving yourself. As in, you are pushing away abundance for yourself but YOU deserve abundance yourself, and not just so you can give it away. YOU deserve abundance.[QUOTE]

This is a good point. I will look up that book. I enjoy the abundance I have and am really working on opening myself up to much more abundance. What I am thinking is not so much that I would like to have lots of money to give way (though I would like that) but that the things I fantasize about doing with lots of money are good things--not selfless, just positive and contributive. I do have trouble accepting abundance for myself, though.

Most of the abundance I received before meeting my abundantly wonderful husband came with tremendous trade-offs. It has taken me time to see that I don't have to sell my soul to have financial stability, that I can prosper while maintaining integrity and self. I try to keep repeating, "I am deserving, I am deserving."
post #32 of 35
Great thread....
I find I kind of file money stuff in a 'less important' file in my head, as though it isn't linked to the really important stuff, the creative, spiritual, whatever. So I am really grateful for reminders to be conscious of money, to give it as much recognition as everything else in my life. It's all energy, isn't it? And a bit of consciousness always helps (nice new wink for a new year!)
Anyway, the storyline goes....I have always spent money only on freedom and travel, on buying time. I am very uneasy with putting money into things, houses or whatever, as I always think I could die tomorrow! On the other hand, I have just realised that i am jealous of friends of mine who have money in their families, they are in a similar situation as dh and I, one english one polish, but they each have the house of their dreams in their own countries. And I think, well if I had that, somewhere to go back to in my own country, everything would be OK!
At the moment I am financially dependent on dh which is really nasty, especially when I want to spend a little bit on enjoying myself and he gets angry as he works so hard for every penny (washing up in a restaurant on christmas eve etc!) I resent this as I am always aware of a lack of money (I'm used to it, never had any) and really spend little and feel he doesn't appreciate this, and know I have no ground to stand on as not a penny of the money we use is mine. We have no debts, no insurance, no nothing!! except a roof over our heads in Poland, and a car. And love!
I would love to be able to think ahead, pensions or something, it just feels impossible for me, and for dh too. Stuck in the moment...
post #33 of 35
Thread Starter 
How is everyone, in the new year? Definitely mindful of the attraction and ACCEPTANCE of abundance here in 2003. And I'm already experiencing some shifts-which is nice.
post #34 of 35


Can someone give me some words of wisdom on the fear of abundance...

I constantly have negative thoughts about situations that could be good. Some of you know that I have my own business and I do much of my work on the net. Almost everytime I send someone the link to my site (usually because they have asked) my thoughts immediately take residence in "oh, they aren't going to believe it, they will have heard of the this before,..." and on and on it goes.
I am realizing only now that I think I am afraid of abundance even though I want it so badly...

post #35 of 35

new years thoughts

i am back on this thread-hi all.

well, my family gave us some money for xmas. To most peple it would seem a HUGE amt of money, but in nyc it will probably last us about 2 months--and that is w/o servicing any of our large cc debt.

idon't know. on the one hand, i am grateful for the suddn and unexpected gift, without which we might lose our office space. on the other hand, i can't help but think that in two months we are STILL going to be broke again. nothing is changing in our businesses--in fact, i am getting FEWER patients than in the past. DH's business is also going slow slow. I am extremely depressed. I think I will go on anti-depressants, and maybe I will be able to see my situation more positively. We have a beautiful lovely healthy boy 6 mos old, and food on our table.

somehow i feel so overwhelmed by the financial position we alone have put ourselves in. I am reading a book called Beginning to Pray, and in it, the author says that only after you sense and absence of God can you really pray with any conviction. It is when you feel abandoned and hopeless that you really bring yourself to pray in a meaningful way.

Is life (and by extension, the financial picture) really best dealt with on a day-to-day basis? Should we not think abou the fututre?Today, things are fine--I can eat, I have heat, I have breastmilk for baby, I am healthy, I have health insurance. But tomorrow? Next week? -=---things don't look so good. But should one even THINK about that? Does it help to think about it? In the book I am reading, Anthony Bloom, the author, says that he no longer worries about outcome--he just tries in each moment to do the right thing, say the right thing, and leaves the outcome up to God.
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