Mothers Of Young Teens/Preteens - Page 2

[carrieglen]

I'm excited to see this too. My oldest DD is 11.5 and my youngest DD is 9.5.
Hard to believe in a year and a half I'm going to be the mom of a teenager! Yikes! : Scary and exciting at the same time!

[Luke'N'Mom24/7]

My DS is 13 and my DD is 10. They're both very emotional--it's really weird.

My DS wears size 13 shoes, and is 2 inches taller than me...it is so strange not having to lean down to give him a hug! And my DD wears the same size shoes as me...and as fast as they're growing, I'm glad they're not into the "I have to have the super expensive name-brand" clothes yet!

I look forward to the interesting conversations on this thread!!

[SagMom]

Ds is 14 1/2 and dd is almost 11. Both are going through puberty at the same time--THAT's something I hadn't realized was going to happen! :LOL But of course, they each have their own issues surrounding this.

Ds is as tall as I am and has been shopping in the men's department for clothes for about a year now, which is still weird to me. And his voice has deepened--I keep hearing "Was THAT your SON?" from friends when he answers the phone. Dd has begun developing and her moodiness is definately cyclic--I guess any time now...I'm just slightly : concerned about us both pmsing at the same time. THAT should be an adventure!

There hasn't been a stage of their childhoods that I DIDN'T like though, and I'm really enjoying seeing them grow.

[ErikaDP]

My 13yr old ds is very emotional too. He sometimes has such mixed emotions that I can't tell what he is going to do next. Luckily he is still very attached to us and when he is really feeling confused, he still comes to us for hugs and conversation.
Because he is the youngest of four, I have to remind myself not to discount that he is going through these feelings for the first time. And he has the added feelings of abandonment since his older brothers left for college a couple of years ago. But for the most part, I think he is enjoying being an "only child" for the first time in his life. And we are adjusting to being the parents of one child at home for the first time in 22 years.

Take Care,
Erika

[Jennymom33]

New

Hi, I'm new here. I have a ds 15, dd, 13 and twin brother and and sis at 8


My son and daughter are definitely teens now. I always see them get caught up in that silly teen drama. They are great kids tho

[applejuice]

welcome Jennymom33!

[applejuice]

Erika DP:

I have a son who is 13 and has three adult siblings...lets dish! My DS is so far a great child, and I am a widow raising him. Before DH died of his long illness, I promised him we would be a team and he promised me the same. We both promised DH many things, and we are working toward those goals each day!

:

[UnschoolnMa]

We are really enjoying the pre and teen years with our kids. It's been fun to see them mature We don't have much (any?) of the teen drama going on fortunately. Ds and his sister are planning to see Corpse Bride on Monday and they are pretty excited.

[2BMamaof3]

Hey all!

Woo HOO am I glad to see this thread! My eldest (boy) will be 11 at the End of November. He's been a pre-teen for a year with his attitude! But he also has this amazing ability to take responsibility for himself when I'm not looking

My other two kids are 4 and 1...quite a difference.

J, my eldest, is really a great boy, but I'm having a really hard time relating to him lately. I don't know if it is because I have 2 younger children with such different needs, or if this is just a hard age. He's into video games, comic books and maniacal wrestling games (not WWW but just general intense physical play that I never really experienced as a kid). He goes on and on and on about the intricacies of his video games and wants to tell me his new discoveries. I've always heard if I don't listen to them tell me about "nothing" (or what I'm not interested in) they won't ever tell me "something" So I listen. But just as quickly I'm "annoying" to him. The other day after a particularly frustrating morning he told me "every word you say makes me want to scream!" I remember my mom having that affect on me at times.

My biggest issue is letting go of the control of what he puts into his body and when as far as food goes. He loves to cook, he loves to eat, and mostly he'd prefer to eat what he chooses (fine). But he's not always making the best choices and this affects his mood and temperment and then the entire family must deal with a moody, ill-fed boy. Grrrr!

Oh and there are the phone calls from friends (he wants to call over and over and over to "see if they are home yet!", and the internet/MSN usage, and he wants to go to the skate park unacompanied with friends...these are other issues we're encountering.

We're a very unschooling type family...but there are times when we need cooperation and when we don't get it, and we (as parents) don't let go, that is when we have our struggles. But really....how much freedom can a nearly 11 year old have!!??

Anyway, that is where I am in a very rough nutshell. I hope to hear the wisdom of those who have btdt and from those in the midst.

Take care all and I look forward to hearing about what is going on with you and your pre-teens!

Abby

[nomadmom]

My oldest turned 14 last month. He rocks.

[rainbowmum]

My eldest dd turns 12 in 2 weeks! Yikes. I do NOT feel old enough to have a pre-teen (I had her when I was 20). She has changed a little over the past year. She gets real stroppy and screamy. She is the only one of my four who had/still has tantrums. Must be hard being the eldest
She hates sharing a room with her sister (9) though they are up their now playing pool together. She is a lovely kid though and I think not too old nor too young for her age. She likes gilry stuff : mags, music, make up. Not that keen on boys even as friends (which sometimes I try and encourage cos it can be nice to have freinds of both sexes). She loves babies/small kids, always has. She loves looking at the reborn dolls on e-bay (whilst I sit there thinking WTF! Why? Who buys them :LOL ).
New territory this pre-teen, teen stuff. I vowed when my kids were little I was gonna try real hard to talk to them and listen and not end up in screaming rows with each other. So far this has worked (helped also by the fact that I get myself out of the way of conflict should someone wish to pick a fight with me )
Hi to all Moms here

[Luke'N'Mom24/7]

2BMamaof3:

My DS, C, started with the phone calls like that at age 11. If the phone just rings on and no one answers he worries he called the wrong number, then if the machine picks up and he leaves a message, he worries that they heard it and forgot to tell their son, so he wants to call just to make sure they know that he called, and on and on it would go!! He is 13 now, and understands better now how annoying that is and we don't argue about it nearly as much as we used to.

He does want me to let him ride his bike around the neighborhood--no where in particular, and I just cannot allow that. Reason 1: There are about 14 registered sex offenders that live in and around our small city--a couple of them live within a few blocks of us. So as you can imagine, I watch my kids like a HAWK! Reason 2: We live where all the streets are pretty much 25 mph speed limits, but a lot of people speed, roll thru stop signs, and just generally don't watch out for kids and I worry a LOT about that! I do let him ride his bike to meet up with friends, and that's fine if he has a destination, but just to "ride around" the neighborhood--I just feel that's looking for trouble. I don't like not knowing where my kids are and I have to go with my gut on that issue. Don't get me wrong, I do let him and his sister ride together around the block or 2 a bit, but to just roam "wherever" I cannot allow.

Lately I've been letting him go to a local gaming center (where there are rows of computers, xbox consoles, etc. to play on--they're all connected so they can play against each other) to meet up with some of his friends. I was very nervous about it at first, but after I checked it out some, it seems to be a nice, fun place for teens to go "hang out" and not get into trouble. He knows that he can't go there if he's been misbehaving, so it's helped a little to keep him in line Plus he feels like he's got a little bit of "freedom" when he goes.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Luke'N'Mom24/7

.and as fast as they're growing, I'm glad they're not into the "I have to have the super expensive name-brand" clothes yet!

You might be suprised and find out they never really get into that. Mine never did. We happily shop Goodwill and other thrift at least as much as we do retail dept stores.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Joan

I'm just slightly : concerned about us both pmsing at the same time. THAT should be an adventure!

:LOL oh yes. Well I don't PMS so much as I have really severe (read messed up!) cycles, but they don't happen often enough to be an issue I guess. Dd started about 4 months ago, and so far so good. Just a day or two of "Everything is a huge problem to me right now even if its something small, and we already fixed it because today everything sucks" but nothing we can't get through.

I am with you on enjoying the ages and stages. What an amazing thing to watch these babies grow!

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

You might be suprised and find out they never really get into that. Mine never did. We happily shop Goodwill and other thrift at least as much as we do retail dept stores.

This has been our exp as well. The kids actually enjoy the hunt. They have things they might not have, too, if they had to buy new.

My kids also take a pride in our green and organic ways. My 16 yr old esp enjoys clueing others in on the hippie aspect of our lives. So far, no shame, all pride.

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by applejuice

Erika DP:

I have a son who is 13 and has three adult siblings...lets dish! My DS is so far a great child, and I am a widow raising him. Before DH died of his long illness, I promised him we would be a team and he promised me the same. We both promised DH many things, and we are working toward those goals each day!

:

Hi applejuice,

Sorry to hear about your loss. I am glad to hear that you and your son are working together on your goals as a team. You must be so proud of him(and he of you!).
How old are your adults? Mine are 20, almost 23 and 26. We are all very close, even though my daughter(the oldest) and older sons live very far from home.
The most interesting thing for me is that I was considered a young mother for the first 3 and a "older" mother for the last(not by today's standards).
So I never quite fit in. Many of my classmates are parents of toddlers and/or just starting out as parents. And most of my older kid's friend's parents are 10 to 15 years older than me. So sometimes we don't have a lot to talk about besides the kids.
My 13 yr old is different from his siblings. He is very attached to us(even more so than the others), he like to have pretty predictable routine and he doesn't seem to be as anxious to grow up as they were. Which is fine for us!
My biggest worry for him is that he is lonely not having the older ones around. He really misses them being around on a daily basis. And so do I.

Take Care,
Erika

[paganmommy]

Hey

I have two boys, the oldest is 12. He has always been a free spirit, open to others, outgoing, honest, moody too at times but I have to say that most people love his personality. My concern is that he has always been interested in girls, has always liked a girl, even at an early age. My other son, no way.
K has had a "girlfriend" since a early age. Some of these relationshiops obviously are very short, can even be hours, lol. But, he is always talking about this and now he is going out with a eighth grader who is well-developed and I am getting kind of freaked out. I don't discourage this at all, we talk honestly about sex, HIV, all the good and the bad. He is well-educated in this way. I just wanted to know if other people have boys or girls who are really into the relationship thing at this age and before puberty. I just need a little reasurrance. Thanks

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

We happily shop Goodwill and other thrift at least as much as we do retail dept stores.

Ditto for my family! My nickname is Bargain Betty! And my older kids love to call me to tell me about their thrift shop finds!

Take Care,
Erika

[ErikaDP]

Hi paganmommy,

I just have a few questions.
When you said that your son is "going out" with an 8th grader, what does that mean? When you are talking to your son about his girlfriend(s), have you asked him what that term means to him? When I asked my sons what girlfriend as a term meant to them at that age, it was quite a different meaning than what it meant to me.
My older sons went out with girls to movies and parties starting in their early teens, but it was usually with a group of friends and there were a couple of parental chaperones most times(I think that there were a few times when they went to the mall alone). If you haven't already, it might be helpful to play host to a double date to the mall or to the movies with your son and his girlfriend.
And speaking as the mother of both a daughter and sons, many girls(not all) mature faster than many boys do(not all), both physically and emotionally. His eighth grade friend maybe offering your son exposure to experiences(even if it is just language)that might be ahead of where he is developmentally. Just something to think about.

Take Care,
Erika

[UnschoolnMa]

Neither of my kids is dating yet, but we do talk a lot about people they find attractive. We've always talked very openly about sex, and the more complex in depth details of dating and relationships. (Like staying true to yourself, avoiding manipulation etc) I think these first relationships (like Paganmommy described above) can be fun and positive for young teens when parents are paying attention. (and it sounds like she is lol) I too would suggest having the 8th grade friend over for dinner, taking them bowling or whatever but but not being all up in their space etc.