My intro...finally jumping into the fray...

[Guinevere]

Hi everyone!

I was posting on the Nursing Mommas TTC when I got my BFP a couple of weeks ago, but it's taking me a little while to adjust to the news this time around, so I'm only just now venturing out into the Pregnancy Forum...

I'm 33 and currently a SAHM, DH is 38, and we're expecting baby #5 around May 27th (I think.) This baby was planned, so you'd think I'd be over the moon, yet I've been feeling surprisingly ambivalent about the pregnancy so far .

I think it's a combination of things -- for one thing, although I knew almost as soon as I gave birth to Charlie that I wanted another baby, DH really thought we were DONE after four! So it took the better part of a year to convince him that a fifth (and final, so he insists) baby was a good idea. As a result, I spent so much time talking up the positive aspects of adding one more child to our family that I never got the chance to express any doubts about it myself, because I thought that would only undermine my position, kwim? Ah, the intricacies of the marital dance! Therefore, ironically, I'm having all those doubts NOW (which, of course, is pointless, but what can you do?) Ugh.

The other thing that's made it hard is that my best girlfriend had a m/c only days before I found out I was pg. We were deliberately trying to be pg together this time around and were both so excited about sharing this journey together! Instead, I sat there with her while she lost her baby, holding her hand through the whole experience. It was so sad! Afterwards, I just silently prayed that we HADN'T conceived this month, so as not to cause her further pain. But of course it was too late....

She asked me point blank the day I tested, and I'm a terrible liar, so I confessed. She's very happy for me, but very sad that we won't get to be pg together (due to health reasons, she won't be able to TTC again for another four months.) The whole situation has just sort of thrown me completely; I want to be there to support her grieving process, but I'm currently really tired and nauseous and feel like I have to hide my symptoms from her so as to spare her feelings. It's complicated!

So, anyway, I thought joining in on some more normal "expecting baby" chatter would be really good for me and help pull me out this funk and better appreciate the miracle of this sweet baby-to-be...

I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better! I usually stick to the Diapering Board, but felt it was high time I ventured out to other forums! :LOL

Kind regards,
Guin

[NYCVeg]

Welcome, Guinevere! I'm sorry you're having to deal with these issues in the first few weeks of your pregnancy (I had an ectopic scare, so I know what it's like to not feel like you can get excited). I think it's pretty normal to have some doubts and concerns--but I'm sure they'll all go away once you hold your new little one for the first time!

[Naughty Dingo]

Hi Guin,

I totally hear you on the intricate marital dance. Even though there is nothing you can do about it now, there is still a lot of value in working out the issues in your head

I am sorry about your friend. I went through something similar during my last pregnancy when my close friend lost her baby half way through. It was a tough thing to be supportive without causing her more pain

I am glad you joined up here, I am looking forward to knowing you better.

ND

[Sydnee]

Welcome and congrats mama!!!!!!!! And you are not alone! I am pregnant with babe #3, and it was a total SURPRISE!! I am still trying to get used to this idea. The funny thing is that in April we decided to try one more time, and if we didn't get pregnant, than we felt totally comfortable in the fact of having 2. Well, the Man upstairs had other plans in mind. :LOL SO we can go through this experience together, at least I know me and my feelings are not alone!! :LOL

[mel~3jumpin beans]

Welcome and congrats!. This is # 5 for us also. Mine was way unplanned but I have adjusted. This is a great forum and you should get lots of support here.

[luckylady]

Welcome! I hope you grow to be excited about the pregnancy - but understandable why you are not - mixed feelings I am sure.

I love your children's names!

[mamacatsbaby]

: mama! Hugs to you and your friend. My sister's son passed at around the same time that one of my best friend's gave birth to her second child, a son. It must be so difficult to be in either position. Glad you're here though and happy venturing.

[starlein26]

i think it's understandable that your excitement should wane upon your friends unfortunate m/c. i'm sure you love her and feel very close to her so her pain is a part of you too.

although this hasn't happened to me, i hid my pregancy from a close friend of mine because she had been trying to conceive with slight difficulty. she is pregnant now (due in may!) and i had to clear up my 'lie' with her and confess that i too was pregnant! i felt terrible...women are very sensitive to each other, for good and bad i guess.