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Anybody here have a nanny? (m) - Page 2

post #21 of 29
Oh not a truer word was spoken!!
It is so hard to ask for help, even when it is offered.
WHen my mom woudl come over she might fold a load of laundry. I would have in my head things I would LOVE for her to have done, but I never asked.
I think making a list of things that need to be done and posting it in a very obvious place is much better than having to direct everybody.
(my mom came over every single day for a few weeks after my twins were born, and sometimes I got a shower or she folded a load of laundry. But I would have LOVED it if she had scrubbed the bathroom or mopped the floor or started dinner. But I didnt know how to ask for those things.

Joline
post #22 of 29
Thread Starter 

Thank you thank you thank you everyone (m)

I think this thread has really helped me clarify my thinking on what sort of "help" I want when these babies are born. Something about having a nanny just doesn't seem right to me (not that it doesn't work for some, just not right for our family).

Knowing that DH is willing (and we are able) to spend the money it would cost to hire a full-time live-out nanny has really freed up my thinking. For a lot less money, we could have a mother's helper every afternoon for a few hours, as well as some weekend and evening hours so DH and I could spend some alone time together (hasn't happened much since DD was born 17 months ago!). We can also have our current cleaning lady (or someone else) come much more often than the every other Friday she comes now.

So my current thinking is to have the cleaning lady come twice a week, or at least once a week, and to hire a mother's helper before the babies are even here to come play with DD in the afternoons (I'm thinking a middle-school neighbor of ours would be perfect after school) so I can (a) relax; (b) run errands (her mom is home two doors down for emergencies); and (c) get some things done around the house that are bugging me that I haven't been able to get to because DD is always underfoot.

With this plan in place, I think things will be doable for us. I'm just not ready to cede child-rearing to a nanny for big chunks of time and I'm not willing to have someone in my house with me 8 hours a day -- I need my space!

Thanks to everyone for the ideas... it was very helpful to be able to see this from so many perspectives and put words to my misgivings!

Vicky
post #23 of 29
SInce you have the resources you could also start the routine with your help when you are about 8 months pregnant to see what works and what doesn't for you. Plus, you are going to be very, very slow at that point.



If you have your help in place prior to the twins arriving then once they do arrive everyone will already know how and where things go. You won't be trying to nurse the twins while you are explaining how you like the floor mopped.

Also, make a list of things you need and when people ask..How can I help? Look at your list and tell them.

Enjoy those babies and glad to have you here with us. Keep us posted with how YOU are doing, okay?
post #24 of 29
Just wanted to chime in because I nannied for twins for 5 years (two different families) prior to having DD. The last family I was with from week 3 of the girls' life until they were 2.5. They had a SAHM and we hit it off wonderfully. I was basically a touchstone for her, an adult to talk to (and to cry to) during the day when she was so sleep deprived she could hardly stand. I would cuddle one babe while she nursed another. She stayed home every day for the first few months and as she became more comfortable with me, I would stay with the girls while she ran a few errands, and so on. I cared for these girls up until the night I had DD and miss them greatly. We no longer live in the same state.

Certainly not every connection can be as great as this one, but if you find the right person it can be a blessing. She often says without my help those first years would have been a big blur. I didn't realize it at the time, but I now see all the great mother-isms I learned from her. We are still good friends.

BTW, I was a live-out with 2 years prior experience with twins and made $14/hour.
post #25 of 29
had to jump on this topic. we hire a nanny for the first 4 months of our babies lives..they take care of the other children so i (we) can focus on bonding with the new babies..i also hire a housekeeper for that time period. we spend roughly 2K on those services but it is totally worth it for us...we have when the twins were babies hired a baby nurse but only during my first 2 weeks home...i take a cue from the tribal socities and plant my butt in bed and nurse babies for the first 2 weeks. i do nothing but cuddle and nurse and it is the most wonderful thing in the world.
post #26 of 29
I would wait and see what kind of help you will need before finalizing any plans. But I really like the idea of the mother's helper!!! My older child is the hardest part of having twins!!

My boys are really laid back, but I could have really used help last month with growth spurts, teething, and colds messing with everyone's sleep!! Now I could use someone who could watch the kids a couple mornings a week (when the babies sleep best), so I could run errands, have lunch with dh, take a nap, etc.

My oldest was WAAAY more difficult because he just didn't sleep more than 1-2 hours in a row. I really could have used a regular sitter every after noon with him!! Even now, when I get help, they take him to the park and I deal with the house and babies.

You may need a regular helper if your kids have higher needs, or you may be just fine with a swing and an occasional sitter.
post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdahlgrd
My older child is the hardest part of having twins!!
:


Quote:
Originally Posted by cdahlgrd
Even now, when I get help, they take him to the park and I deal with the house and babies.
Me too. In the beginning -- I had a sitter take older DS to park to play 2 days a week from 11am to 2pm - return home and put him down for a nap. this let me spend that time focusing on the babies -- knowing he was having a blast at the park. On the other 3 week days - I took older DS out for fun activity during that time and sitter handled babes (this was tricky, but doable with pumping! - sometimes pumped "on the go" -- maybe we need a new acronym around here - "PAK")

Anway - that was our little routine to ensure that all kiddies got their share of exclusive mama time
post #28 of 29
I hired a nanny (live out) when the twins were 3 months old (or 1 month corrected age). I was sinking and was nearly beside myself with exhaustion and worried about not being able to continue to BF, etc. But my twins were born early (31 weeks) and had major nursing problems which left me with low supply and a need to pump around the clock (in addition to nursing them) just to make enough (barely enough) milk.

Back then she came 4 days a week. I stayed home until the twins were 1 and then I went back to work for three 6-hour days/week, and then her schedule was cut back to just cover me while I was at work b/c 1 year old twins are a breeze compared to newborns and I no longer needed the help when I was by myself.

She still works for us - currently 2 days a week. Even though I am home full time with baby #3 because I am returning to work in a few weeks -- we couldn't let her go or else we'd have lost her.

We get along great. She is very AP, pro-breastfeeding, anti-CIO, etc. and just a gentle, wonderful spirit.

I was probably very odd (from a mainstream perspective) because I was (and am) home ALL day, and with the kids, not out getting my hair and nails done or whatever while our nanny was home with the kids. The point of me having a nanny was not to avoid my kids but was 100% to be AP. There is no way I could have done it without a nanny. Because of her, my babies were held nonstop, fed on demand, soothed to sleep as long as it took (no CIO), breastfed or breastmilk fed, and perhaps most importantly of all, experienced a stress-free, gentle, happy and nutruring environment.
post #29 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaJ
I was basically a touchstone for her, an adult to talk to (and to cry to) during the day when she was so sleep deprived she could hardly stand. I would cuddle one babe while she nursed another. She stayed home every day for the first few months and as she became more comfortable with me, I would stay with the girls while she ran a few errands, and so on.


When my babies were about 4 weeks old, we hired a wonderful grandmotherly woman to work about 12 hours a week - three 4 hour days - and that connection with her made me stay sane! She would hold babies while I showered (and cried) and while I spent time with my older boy. She would remind me to nap with my babies, tidy up the kitchen and fold some laundry. When they were older, I would run out on very fast errands and once or twice had lunch by myself in a diner! I will never forget her.
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