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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Archives › Pregnancy and Birth Archives › Due Date Clubs 2004 - 2008  › May 2006 › *sigh* Would you like to hear what my family said when I told them?
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*sigh* Would you like to hear what my family said when I told them?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
Here's a few nuggets:

"Don't you feel like you are losing your identity?"

"That's not good."

"You know you're overburdening the planet."

"What?!?!"

I didn't even hear a congratulations from one set of parents.

Both my dad and stepdad are disgusted. I haven't spoken to either of them yet.

Woohoo.
post #2 of 30
Oh, Louise...

People are just...idiots.

I went to your blog and saw the pictures of your family--your kids are gorgeous! I think it's fantastic that you're adding another little one to the mix.
post #3 of 30
Oh I am so sorry they are being so unsupportive of this pg. I can only imagine how
you must feel....Some people just don't think before they speak or even think
of how it is going to make someone else feel....(((((((HUGS)))))))
post #4 of 30
post #5 of 30
I'm sorry, my mom was upset at me, too. She told me that I needed to get my tubes tied after this one was born, and that I really needed to stop having kids (this is my third, she's had four). It's so sad. Besides her, everyone said, "Congrats, I think?" which can also be a little hurtful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, too. At least you have a huge community that's happy for you!
post #6 of 30
Aw Louise Man, that is just plain wrong. I am so sorry that they couldn't express happiness at your news, regardless of what thier opinions may be. Not very caring or tactful.

Your family, and how big or small it is, is nobody's business but you and your DP's. Hello! You are giving them another grandchild. What is not to like about that? What is their problem.


I bet you are feeling pretty sad and angry about this. Do you think you are just going to back off and give yourself some space? Or do you think you may address it? How did your DP react? Mine would have been really angry had someone said something like that to me.

Whatever way you deal with this, know we support you and celebrate your newest addidion-to-be.

ND
post #7 of 30
what's going on here? what's wrong with our families. when i announced my pregnancy to my mom, she said "are you happy about that?" what does she expect, like, no mom i want an abortion! i made the mistake of telling her i was tired and she laughed and goes "too bad, you can't be tired now!"
i was *so* hurt...i'm still not totally over it 4 weeks later. dh and i were *so* happy to be pregnant and i feel like she put such a damper on it. we're trying to regain our excitement but it's very devastating to have those kinds of responses from your own family. it's like when it's not your first anymore, noone cares. i also got tons of 'questions/comments' regarding how our parenting style would support 2 children: like "where's ds going to sleep now?" and "is ds going to stop nursing finally!?" and "you need to detach him from you soon!"

i'm trying hard to continue being positive these days!
post #8 of 30
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
post #9 of 30
My family, and in-laws, are fortunately able to be happy - for me. But my cousin-in-law is also pregnant and (probably because she knew what kind of reaction she was going to get) has only just now announced - at 23 weeks! Everybody is flipping out. She is young, not married, has a 2 year old, and her partner is a jerk who will be going to jail for a few months in the near future.

Still, where do they get off deciding whether she's making the right choices for herself?!? Besides which, it's WAY too late for her to change this fact now, so what is the POINT of being upset about it? And they're all really anti-abortion, too.

I just don't get it. I'm not upset. I'm not thrilled to death that her life is a mess in many ways, but I don't really see how being pregnant makes it any worse - and maybe it'll make it better. I am not God to decide that. And neither are they!

Okay. I've been holding that in for a while since DH is too caught up in his family's freaking to listen to my opinions about it. Anyway.

Congratulations to you, Louise!
post #10 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shenjall
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

t h a n k s ! ! that's so sweet!!
post #11 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamabeakley
Still, where do they get off deciding whether she's making the right choices for herself?!? Besides which, it's WAY too late for her to change this fact now, so what is the POINT of being upset about it? And they're all really anti-abortion, too.
This bugs me... I'm Pro-Life or whatever you call it... so if you're against abortion what do you expect people to do when they get pregnant? Be happy for them. If you can help in any way- financially, mentally, physically- then do so. Hope and pray that they are good parents and that they are wonderfully blessed by their coming child! Duh.

Cicero'smom and Starlein- to you both, how awful! I just can't understand how people can be so stupid about it.

A BLESSING! We each are wonderfully blessed... so poo-poo on anyone who thinks otherwise!
post #12 of 30

Congratulations To All Of Us!!!!

I'm so relieved that someone brought this up!!!!
We have the right to be thrilled that we are pregnant, no matter the circumstance or the attitudes of those around us. I am divorced and pregnant with my fourth (unplanned), my boyfriends first. We were each others first love reunited after fifteen years...and I think its amazing that we're having a baby together, even if we didn't expect it. His mother is being awful. I work teaching nursery school with her, and had to quit this week, mostly due to extreme morning sickness, but also because I can't deal with her silent treatment. My own mom has also been telling me I can't complain about my morning sickness, because I did this to myself?!!!

I wrote a big blog reclaiming all the things that I want for this pregnancy...
including the right to be happy and unashamed, and the right to indulge in the same things other pregnant moms do...like talking about this baby as a blessing and being able to float in the tub and send happy thoughts to my kid!!!
post #13 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lavenderiot
but also because I can't deal with her silent treatment. My own mom has also been telling me I can't complain about my morning sickness, because I did this to myself?!!!
WOW. I cannot believe women treat other women this way. Especially family. That is dysfunctional and unforgivable. No wonder our daughters grow up with such a warped sense of self, no wonder they doubt themselves. That's just disgusting.

I really want to thank you all for the supportive replies. I would cry, but I'm not the crying type--although the attitude I'm getting from FAMILY makes me want to cry, but then again it makes me angry and that tends to overrule the sadness.

Anyway, it's not like we're asking for handouts, money, support or help in raising our children. This will have absolutely no impact on their lives at all (they all live over 2500 miles away from us, excepting my sister), so I'm not exactly sure why they are so unhappy. I'm not 18 for chrissakes, we own a home, have a very stable marriage and treat our kids pretty darn well. I have a hard time understanding the problem. Perhaps I never will.
post #14 of 30
I suspect that sometimes our mothers worry that we're going to be exhausted or overworked by having more children -- I think some of them had no choice in the matter and that's what happened. My mother is thrilled, but she does worry about me taking on too much all the time. I'm hoping that's part of why some of you have gotten "negative" responses.

If not, and it's just because *they* think your family is big enough, then they should keep that opinion to themselves!
post #15 of 30
let's be happy guys! this is another wonderful child after all!!

as far as the reason why, i don't get it either. dh and i spend a lot of time talking and we think that possibly it stems from jealousy. my family is all *very* unhappy and have made poor life choices. dh and i are really in love, we love our son to pieces and raise him with love and dignity and maybe they can't stand that. for my family i think this has a lot to do with it.
post #16 of 30
Oh, the words that could come out of my mouth right now, but I won't... : I'm with all of you, I don't understand why they take it upon themselves to decide what is best??? I'm fortunate to have wonderful family, on both sides, and everyone is thrilled. I can't imagine having those kind of reactions tho. Hugs to you mamas having to deal with such ignorant people.
post #17 of 30
Both of our Mom's said "hm". That was it for a minute, then one said "congratulations" and changed the subject, the other (mine) just changed the subject.

We all deserve what EVERY mother deserves, a loving welcome to the new life that will be joining the family! And would it hurt so bad to act happy, or even worse, BE HAPPY?
post #18 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydnee
Oh, the words that could come out of my mouth right now, but I won't... : I'm with all of you, I don't understand why they take it upon themselves to decide what is best??? I'm fortunate to have wonderful family, on both sides, and everyone is thrilled. I can't imagine having those kind of reactions tho. Hugs to you mamas having to deal with such ignorant people.
Ditto. Although when we told my mom that we were doing a birth center birth and using midwives for pre-natal care, we were greeted with...silence. Total, horrified silence. I have to say, I appreciated her not actually telling us we were insane (which is what she was thinking), but still...

Dh's parents, OTOH, are totally cool w/ it. Dh's mom had natural childbirth with both her kids (in a hospital, though).
post #19 of 30
Ugh, this is absolutely horrible. was how I first reacted when I started reading this. What is wrong with people? What makes them think they have the right to have no tact or sense of respect anyway? B/c they're family? Bullcrap, that should make a person even more loving. I'm so sorry about you mamas having to deal with this ignorance, from your families of all people. Many hugs to all of us!
post #20 of 30
amanda---are you using the mc? i gave birth to damien there...and then we moved to south carolina, yuck, for dh. i'm planning a homebirth with an awesome woman though...but i can't wait to get out of here (lived in d.c. for 15 years!) i wish both my babes could have been born in bethesda!
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