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Need to talk to ex in-laws, what to say (long)

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
My ex lives in Maryland, I live in Kansas, by all of our family, mine and his.

His parents (and teenage brother and sister) have been very helpful to me since the divorce and living as a single mom. When we lived only a few blocks from them they watched the kids once a week so I could study or take tests, they have helped me move, ect. His dad regularly sends me quick e-mails, just to keep in touch now that we live 2 hours away. Have been very supportive of my new husband, ect. I really want them to be a part of my children's lives.

My ex rarely makes an appearance. It has been two years and he makes it once a year to see the kids, never calls or writes letters, has very little contact. He also never calls or goes to see his family, even the couple of times he has come to see the boys.

He has said he is coming to visit around the holidays this year, but will not see his parents. I would rather the boys went to their grandparents, then to stay at a hotel on Christmas (sounds rather dissapointing). On the other hand, I already have to decide on if/when we go to my moms and my dads (they are divorced) and my husbands mom's and dad's (they are divorced too). Fitting my ex and his parents is probably not going to work.

So, to get to my question. I need to call my in-laws to talk about christmas.
How early should I call? Should I just tell them that if ex comes then it is his responsibility to get the kids there and I am sorry but they probably won't make it? Should I try to squeeze them in anyway, maybe let the kids stay there the weekend before or after? If I make plans with his parents, can I just tell ex that the kids will be there at this time and expect him to do that if he is here?

AGGGHHHHH! This is so hard.
post #2 of 4
I'd be tempted to take my kids and go have a holiday on our own on the other side of the continent! :LOL

What an extended family, and what a sense of obligation you've ended up with to 'share' the kids around to all - that sounds tough.

I guess if your ex only sees his kids once a year, this is 'it' for the year for them, so if I were you (and barring any big issues, like abuse or whatever, that you didn't mention) I'd probably try to facilitate that, within reason. He didn't give you dates yet, though? I think I'd just keep in mind that he'll be 'around' when making plans. Decide who you want to see and when, leave a few gaps here and there, and then when he gives you dates, you can say "Oh, well on the 23rd we'll be at my mom's (or wherever) in the evening, but the boys can see you in the morning if you like," or "We'll be at your folks on Christmas Day, so you can come by there, or if you don't want to do that, the 27th works for us." If you want to spend time/have the kids spend time with your ex-in laws, I definitely wouldn't scrap that just because he's coming.
post #3 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammastar2
"We'll be at your folks on Christmas Day, so you can come by there, or if you don't want to do that, the 27th works for us." If you want to spend time/have the kids spend time with your ex-in laws, I definitely wouldn't scrap that just because he's coming.
:
post #4 of 4
That is really an extended family. And some hard decision to make.
I think mammastar2 has a point.
Good luck...
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