What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? - Page 11

[MelissaEvans]

Ohmygosh... this has had me laughing and crying so much today! (It took me three naps to get through all of 'em =) ) It's so sad that people can be... less than informed; it's painful when they're hurtful, and worse when it's family. I'm so sorry for all that's been endured. I'm glad things seem to be getting better. =)

My favorites:
My 41 week prenatal visit, I mentioned I didn't want a VE (let 'em do one my first at 40 weeks and found it *very* uncomfortable) and the nurse chick was shocked... "What, you want a c-section?" As if more VE's = vaginal birth...? Ironically, after 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of serious pushing, the kid didn't move and I ended up with a c-section after all (much to my dismay).

That visit, the Dr did an U/S to check for the fluid and such. She informed me grimly that I had a Grade B placenta (or something like that) and tried to scare me into induction. I really wanted to make it through unmedicated, and knew if I started with meds, I'd end with 'em too. I declined induction... on my chart she wrote that it was "refused." I really was nice about it! And then I went home and looked up the placenta thing... whatever grade I was at was normal for 40 weeks... so being at 41 seemed to be a good thing to me...? Oopps... that makes sense. Heaven forbid. =)

Another nurse at the doctor's office told me not to read so much. I'm the oldest child and an engineer darn it, don't tell me not to be informed. "OK... I'll just blindly do whatever you tell me to do." I think they enjoy the power that knowledge gives them way too much.

A friend was talking to DS, "I bet your mommy picks you up whenever you squalk." So I responded for DS, "Of course my mommy does! She loves me!"

I find it amusing how people who formula feed their babies have a need to explain why they didn't bf. I understand that there are circumstances that make bf'ing undesirable, but my MIL was told by her doctor that she was too big and all she'd do is make milk all day. ? A clerk at some store said she tried, but her baby was always hungry so she gave up after a week. That would probably be about the same time that babies go through a growth spurt and nurse all day to increase your milk supply... it's amazing what education does for you. *sigh* I think people who have less than logical reasons like that have a need to "confess." I think they feel guilty and want to be told that they did the right thing. I don't like to lie, so I don't say anything supportive; but I don't condem them either. I think they were the victims.

Along the same lines, I was talking to my grandfather-in-law... kinda. I've never met him, but he's a great guy. He told me about how his daughter was so fussy at night and he spent hours rocking her to sleep. Then they found out the doctor (problem #1) told them the wrong amount (problem #2) of formula (problem #3) to give her. Like the doctor knows when a baby is hungry. *sigh* Goodness, I eat when I'm hungry... Whatever.

Maybe, someday, people will start to use that gray matter between their ears. =)
~Melissa

[whateverdidiwants]

Originally posted by MelissaEvans
. I declined induction... on my chart she wrote that it was "refused." I really was nice about it!

FWIW - "Refused" is just a medical term used when you decline something. It has nothing to do with how you decline or what your attitude was.

[MysticHealerMom]

That's true - but words still have power.

(Just thinking of Dr. Mendolsohn's words - he pointed out where the power was intended to be kept...)

[Eosine]

I just found out how "mainstream" my sil is...yesterday she had me babysit her school age kids and told me how "I need to supplement my dd with formula at 4 mos AND start her on solids"....

I kinda mentioned something about my allergies to milk and such and she dropped it at least

I talked to the nurse at the clinic and she reassured me bf babies get all they need from mommy-I was just whining about my sil to her, and was happy to get the reassurance.

My dd is on the 75 th percentile for weight and head circumference, and 50th for length

[MelissaEvans]

Oops, I failed to expain that I ended up allowing the VE (sort of a compromise on my part for refusing the induction). Maybe I could go back and sue the nurse. "You said if I had the exam I wouldn't have a c/s." =)

I've been lucky; all three of my moms are supportive of nursing. Though my birth-mom kept trying to get me to be more discreet when I was still in the hospital learning. Heck, I just went through hell and back, ask me if I cared that nurses and visitors (close friends and family members) saw what my baby ate! =) I've even "warned" my mil that I plan to nurse until ds is ready to stop, and if that means while I'm pg the next time and have another baby, so be it - and she's OK with that. =)

~Melissa

[Faith]

Anyone who has read this whole thread knows what a crazy family I have. I just got my email and there was a really nasty letter from a close aunt telling me how messed up I was for homeschooling, and I starting crying. I was so sad and dh is sleeping for the night...I came here and stumbled across this thread and was laughing in no time. Thanks, everybody!!

[captain optimism]

YOU are the mommy

Hey PerfectLove,

You're all right. Don't be sad.

If they didn't have homeschooling and breastfeeding and other stuff to pick on--
your relatives would criticize the color of your drapes. Or you know, something. Anything. Politics. Religion. Basically, anything that indicates how you are an independent adult!

I think you are a very accommodating niece to actually give your aunt something real to disagree about with you. : Not only that, but you sound like a great mom, too! Keep up the great work!

[Jish]

Do some research and find articles written about how all the top colleges in the country are fighting over the homeschooled kids because their educations are so top notch.

[dotcommama]

Can't believe I made it through reading this whole thread!

Had to add a few beauties that I've gotten:

When my dh told his boss that we were expecting our second child his boss said he was amazed we even ever had sex since our first son still slept in bed with us. Now I'm normally a very polite and rather quiet person, but this just was so rude and couldn't help respond - so I said to him, "We obviously have a better sex life than you since we're creative enough to have sex somewhere other than our bedroom." That pretty much shut him up.

My 2 yr old was hugging me and shying away from some relatives he had only met once before and my m-i-l says to me - he's such a mama's boy. I picked him up gave him a big hug and beamed a great big smile at her and said, "He sure is my boy!"

My oldest ds has curly blond hair and lovely blue eyes - so people always thought he was a girl. One clerk in the mall told me he was too beautiful to be a boy :

Ok - and now I just have to add some come backs I've been thinking of as I read the threads about people saying that bfing your child causes them to be homosexual:

I think if someone said this to me I'd look at them with total seriousness and say, "Gee, I've done a lot of research on bfing and I've read that it makes children healthier, smarter, less likely to be obese, (add the other 100 reasons to bf) etc. . .but I've never seen any link to bfing and homosexuality. Where is it that you read that research - I'd like to look into it." Now there are going to sit there and feel like a big old a$$hole b/c they realize that they have just spouted you complete nonsence with no intellectual basis what so ever.

or

I might say - hmmmmm. . . that doesn't really make sense now does it because 50 years ago there was no formula and everyone bf, right - so then what? all our ancestors were gay? If all our ancestors were gay then they wouldn't have been having heterosexual sex and creating us - the future generation - now would they have. However that's probably just a little too complex for any fool whose going to try to tell you bfing your child is going to make them gay.

[sadie_sabot]

I live in San Francisco, and most of my community is pro- queer (if not queer themselves), so i doubt I'm ever going to ge that comment about bf causing homosexuality. but if I do I know just what I'll say: Is it really that easy? Wow!

[Christy1980]

:LOL

i love this thread!

[Faith]

Captain Optimism & jbcjmom~

Thanks so much!! It is such a good change of pace to hear such nice things!!

[reilly's momma]

just stumbled onto this thread....

and coundn't stop...had to read all eleven pages. I wanted to laugh, cry, scream, beat sense into people, give lots of hugs to upset mommas... and a whole bunch of other emotions... :LOL I thought of so many comments I wanted to make, some I forgot along the way , others were already said for me. Anyway, here's what I do remember---

to the momma who has the run-in at the post office when pg & unable to lift more than 30lb I would have just smiled at him & said, "You're right, if women didn't allow ourselves to get this way, people like you would never be born."(originally had a different word than people in mind, but am trying to follow new rules )

to all the homosexual comments I would say as long as they are happy in whatever sexual preference they discover, then what's wrong with that. I already do that in a way, cause people are always making comments about ds & how he's gonna be a ladykiller, break the girls hearts, etc and I add, "But what if he likes boys?" I don't want society to decide for my son, I want him to know his options are open and any choice/discovery he makes about his own sexuality will be ok (at least with me and, hopefully one day, with the world)

The guy who didn't let his wife bf cause her boobs would sag--"Oh, so you're more concerned about the possibility of a cosmetic alteration than the health & well-being of your child, how thoughtful." :

I think so many people talk about why they did not bf for two main reasons 1) there was a legitimate reason they were unable to, and they need to express themselves about it because it was not their choice-wait a minute, I'm leading into my second reason 2)maybe deep down all of us know that bm is the best and women who have chosen or been pressured to do otherwise feel guilty. When they see us bfing, they are not trying to justify their choice to us, but to themselves, we just wind up as the sounding board.

Some of my own stories---

My sis, very uptight about sexuality, nudity, etc, freaks everytime I whip out the boob. She's not against bfing, we all were nursed, she just doesn't wanna see it. We went out to eat, she was across from me, & she was like, "can't you cover up or something, I'm eating." I said, "So is he, besides he'll just pull a recieving blaket off anyways."

p's mom, who is very supportive in general, said, "he has to spend time in his crib or he'll never learn to pull himself up, & that's how they start to walk. The second time she said this, I pointed out that they managed to learn to walk before there were cribs. She said, "You're right" & hasn't bugged me since, a good thing since I'd have to fold & put away all that clean laundry that calls that crib home.

And my favorite, p's aunt, who knows everything about anything, esp those things she has no experience with, like bfing (no kids at all). A few nuggets from her---she tells me it will hurt to nurse once ds gets teeth, I explained once the baby is latched on it doesn't hurt even with teeth, that if biting happens it is before or after nursing. So when ds chomps his toothless gums down on my breast cause he wants to play, not nurse, she says, "I told you so." ---had to stop eating dairy cause ds reacts, thinking about keeping it that way, I was vegan for 5yrs previously. Everytime we see her she badgers me about introducing dairy back at some point (she's a BIG dairy fan, drinks like 2gal of milk a week, plus cheese & butter & ice cream) so one time I tell her I'm thinking about not at all and she just rolls her eyes, to my face, in such a rude way i just want to It's one thing if she explains genuine concerns, but to show her total disregard for my (well-researched) thoughts is sooo agravating ok, I feel a little better, but I forgot to mention the ultimate irony, ds is almost 7 mos, has been in 18-24mo clothes for over a month, she's always telling me I must have the richest breastmilk in the world cause he's so big and healthy, how she reconciles it in her head I don't know.

She used to babysit a kid who's parents wanted him raised vegetarian. So when they weren't there she fed him jello & coldcuts everyday & talked trash about his parents in his hearing, she watched him til age 4 I think, then they moved cross-country. She just seems to have no respect for anything she doesn't agree with, & I know when ds is older she will try to feed him stuff behind my back & it makes me soo mad thinking about it I don't mind her not agreeing, I mind the utter lack of respect in her words, mannerisms & actions. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ok, better now, but I am going there in the morning for a family get-together, so I may be back with more.....

[Eosine]

LOL!!!!!

But yeah, will you ever let the aunt baby sit knowing what she did to the kid whose parents were vegan. I'm scared to let anyone babysit before my child is 2 yrs because they will give my kids lots of junk because I don't give it to them. They feel sorry for my under 2 because she won't have chocolate? My under 2 doesn't "know what she's missing"!! Why can't some people get that! She LIKES fruit! What's wrong with that!!! Aghghgh!!! Why is giving a baby a healthy diet seen as "depriving them" of treats!!! Wah! So my baby has healthy teeth and isn't over weight! Like that's a bad thing???

Ugh, okay, that made me feel better!

[reilly's momma]

No, we knew before ds was born that we NEVER want to leave him alone with her. She was very abusive to dp when he was a child, & we don't want that happening either. There are other reasons, too, but those are the main ones.

Had fun yesterday with the family get-toegether, surrounded by all the militantly pro-dairy folks. : Of course, the aunt insists on asking, AGAIN, whether I will try introducing dairy when he's older. I use the excuse (yet again) of my sister, who is allergic to dairy, saying he may never be able to eat it. At least now she's suggesting him trying dairy at age two, instead of in a couple months or at one year. Maybe I'm wearing her down (not).

Note: I'm not trying to insult any of you folks out there who do eat dairy products, I'm just frustrated with this particular situation where people are trying to badger me into making choices I do not agree with. I feel like I'm not telling them not to eat dairy, so they shouldn't be telling me to eat it, especially since ds reacts badly just from the small amounts that get into breastmilk.

[oatmeal]

When DD was six months old and I put her on the boob at a friend's house my step mother said, with a snort

"you're STILL doing THAT?"

Just today I was ending a perfectly nice play date with another mommy and her 1 year old when the subject of vaxing came up. She asked if DD had had all her shots and I said "No" she asked why, and I briefly told her. She went perfectly slient for three minutes while we were walking. Then she asked - what will you do about school?

I asked her if she thought it was bad that I hadn't vaxed and she told me a long story of how she suffered with chicken pox when she was 18.

This is hard for me, when other mothers think I am a bad mother for not vaxing, even though I will be giving DD a few chosen shots several months apart.

Just last night they had on the news about 300,000 military and health care workers getting the small pox shot and right there on prime time TV they said 50 people would have devastating reactions and up to 3 of them would die from it.

Those are adults people. Why can't the medical community ADMIT that babies die from vaccines?

Anyway - thanks for the thread. I was sad that our play friend's mommy thinks I suck... Oh well.

[Eosine]

Hey oatmeal, are you sure she thinks you "suck" ? I vax my kids and I don't think that at all. She probably just thinks it's a little different. Are you still going to have play dates. If she is still willing, I would go!

They said on that article that up to 3 could die, but they haven't yet, and may not. They're just quoting stats so far.

Any way, this isn't the place for this, I just wanted to make sure you haven't given up on that other mommy. Was she just telling you that story to share, or to try change your mind? If she's not trying to change your mind, then it should be fine, hey? Just explain you are choosing a few if it comes up again.

You're not a bad mom, I'm not sure if she was even thinking that, it's just different, and that can catch people off guard by not knowing what to say. Please don't write her off yet, if you have fun on the play dates, then this should just blow over as a minor difference unless she says something different. Will you let us know which way it goes?

Hang in there, people are learning, and I understand why my friend who isn't vaxing!

[April 2007]

ok...i just have to ask/vent this...

Why, when you have a child under the age of 1, does EVERYONE AND THEIR BROTHER/SISTER think it's THEIR child??????????????

I HATE, HATE, HATE it when people ask you if they can hold the baby AS they're reaching to grab your child. Or better yet, the people that don't even ask you, they just start reaching for the child, or they clap their hands as they're reaching for the babe, while saying "do you want to come see me? can I hold you?"

That's SOOOOOOOOOO annoying to me!! Especially with the people who continue to grab for your child even when you say "no, he's kinda tired" or "no, he's not feeling well" or "no, he just needs his mommy right now" etc, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.!!

Personally, I TRULY beleive that this is one of the reasons so many children are being lured into cars/houses, etc., by strangers. Because from birth so many people are practically thrusting their children into the arms of strangers, or ppl aren't just saying a firm "NO" and letting ppl take their kids from their arms all the time. Or like when an old friend comes to visit the parent and the parent keeps necouraging and urging the child to be "o.k." with this stranger.

YES, Aunt Mildred may be extrememly familiar to YOU, yes, your best friend from college may be your best friend, but we have to remember that our children look at them as strangers, and I personally am going to ENCOURAGE my child(ren) to go with their gut instincts. Even if I know my friend or relative would only do wonderful things with and for my child, if my son is not comfortable, then I will respect that completely, because if I just encourage him to shove aside his uncomfortable feelings of being around a stranger, then how am I supposed to expect him to act on those instincts when a REAL stranger tries to lure him somewhere????????


O.k...I'm getting off my soap box now...I hope I didn't offend anyone, but I really needed to vent this!

Thanks,

[Chi-Chi Mama]

oh Devin, I know exactly what you're talking about...

my family is the worst with that type of stuff. they've always expected dd to go to them/hug them just because they're family. Now she's used to them, but there was a time when she's see them every few weeks. and my dad I think actually said something like "oh you don't want to go to me? little stinker! be a good girl, come to grandpa" once.. I had a nice chat with them... now that she's 15 months, she'll let people know if they get too close. she'll babble at them with this look of "get out of my face!" and will push away if someone's trying to hug her and she doesn't want them to. She has actually hit my sister a few times when she still tried to hug her and I was across the room. My family sounds worse than they are...

anyway, I am mixed on how I feel about dd become more assertive of her boundaries. On one hand, I don't want to see her become more aggressive.. but on the other, it's great to see that she is able to first move away from someone's "advances" and then "tell" them if they don't stop and then physically assert herself if they still try to kiss/hug her and I am not right there to tell them to back off.

and to be honest, it's kind of cute to see her "tell" them off.

[DaryLLL]

Well, as an older mom, I can come from the other side and say, babies are lucious and people are instinctively drawn to them. Except for those that are repelled by/uncomfortable with them. Some people are like this, you know. Some think babies are too stinky/drooly/fragile/boring or whatever and avoid them like the plague. That's kind of insulting too, isn't it?

As an older mom (again) I just love babies, and I don't have any anymore, which is fine, as they are very tiring! but one of the reasons I can't stay away from LLL mtgs, is, I get to hold babies all the time! the moms trust me, the small babies usually don't mind, and I am acually being helpful--sometimes I get the baby to sleep, sometimes the mom wants to look thru the library or get a snack.

Of course, once the babies get to be a certain age, no more chances for me, unless it's someone I see every week or so! Then, I'm lucky if I can get a chance to tickle a toe while they sit in the safety of mommy's arms, after an hour or so of checking me out. I wish more people knew this about older babies.